Warring Hearts
by Rocks-my-socks
Summary: AU. As war and the birth of a new heir comes to Downton, life is set to alter. With a sudden sense of urgency about life, the staff and Crawley family alike are determined to live life to the full. But there are somethings not even a war change.
1. Musings of a Father

**Disclaimer:** Downton Abbey is not mine, nor are the characters.

**Author note:** This was my second project for Nano last year – finally getting round to posting it! I hope you like it! This is an AU story with the main change being Cora didn't lose the baby.

**Revised:** Saturday 30th July 2011

**Warring Hearts**

_Chapter One: Musings of a Father_

Downtown Abbey was a place of complete respectability. It was an ancient home going back generations within the Crawley family. Normally, it was also a place of complete calm thanks to the good sense of Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson. Their precise planning was always spot on the eyes of their master and mistress.

But on that day, there was far too much going on for it to be calm. The war had only just been announced and soon there was to be the pitter patter of tiny feet in the Abbey. There was to be a new heir with any luck and so with the combination of the two, the Earl of Grantham had to admit he had not even expected peace.

The announcement of the war, as you would have expected it too, had rather put a downer of the garden party but asides that, it had all gone off rather well, he thought. But there were so many questions he had to ask himself now for the future of the Abbey, as well as for the future of his family.

_His daughters._

He did love them and he did not think he could possible it be prouder of them.

But they did cause a lot of trouble for themselves and he had had high hopes for them all lately, only for it all to go wrong at the last moment.…

He had so thought that Mary was going to do the right thing and say yes to Mathew. He was a good man and he did not think she was going to get a better offer. He had been so right for her as well, her father had seen it. In spite of the fact he had not been willing to fight the entail, that did not go to say he did not want her to have Downton when it was time for him to hand it over. But he could rewrite history or the law. He knew he was not going to last forever and he did not think he could have been happier than knowing when he _was_ gone, that the two of them were going to take over the house from him. Mary and Mathew would have been a fierce team...

But all that might be changed now. If he and Cora had got lucky this time then she might very well be carrying his real heir as sat there. A baby boy after all this time...

He remembered how when they had had Mary; the two of them had not been so worried. Yes, if they had a boy then it was going to be wonderful, duty and job done. But he had a suspicion Cora had known from the off that Mary was indeed Mary for she had often called her bump 'she' or 'her'.

And he had been delighted when they had had a girl – his only requirement for his first child was they had been healthy and Mary had been a robust child. They were so young and to him she had been so perfect. Everything a baby girl should be, though she had had a demanding streak from the beginning and she had never let him forget it. She had gone into his office when she had been a child at all times of the day and she had never let her governess tell her what to do; for she had been imperious and self assured from the start. His mother had often said she had got that from her and she was right. Mary might not like it but the truth was she was very much like her grandmother indeed.

And then they had had Edith. The pair of them had been delighted by their first daughter but the second had arrived with a tinge of disappointed. He knew his mother had not made things easier for his wife by going on about the _need_ for a boy.

He did wonder if it had had an impact on his middle daughter. Edith was so different to her sisters. She could see devil may care attitude which both the elder and the younger seemed to personify. He knew neither Mary now Sybil cared much for tradition.

But Edith did. She seemed to live in both their shadows just waiting for the day when she made good.

He had so hoped for her sake that her luck had changed when she had met Sir Anthony. She had seemed so contented when the two of them had begun courting. He had not cared for the man much till then but he had made her so happy. He had seen a different side of the man as well. He had gone up in his estimation.

Robert did want the best for her and he did worry that he and Cora were unfair on her. She had always been such a good girl – the problem was that meant they did not have worry about her and she was slightly needy because of that lack of attention...

Finally, they had had Sybil and if the disappointment she had brought caused Edith trouble, then it had caused none at all for Sybil. Even more than Mary, she did not care for tradition. She was her own person as she had proved that year when she had got involved with politics regardless of what he had thought.

She had been a delightful baby and a bright toddler. With her high spirited antics, she had soon made him forget he had ever wanted her to be of the opposite sex.

Of course, her romantic prospects were brilliant. She had delighted him when she had turned into one of the most popular debutantes of the London season. When she had had her coming out ball, he had barely been able to move for all the people there and yet she had handled it all with such grace. She had danced the whole night under Cora and Mary's watchful eyes.

He had hoped she was going to chose a worthy suited but there had been no one there he had seen who **was **_worthy_ of his youngest. Whoever took her on they were going to have to be a brave man indeed and he was going to have to be a liberal, as well. As much as he wanted to see her married and settled, he did not want her spirit crushed. He could not bear that. His high spirited Sybil was indeed the apple of his eye.

Sybil had been out but one season – if he was honest, he hoped she was going to be at home for a while yet. And he might get that wish what with the war on. He did not think there was going to be much of a season next year. But then they were saying it was going to be over by Christmas were they not?

He hoped that was so true... he had served in the Boer war and he knew what it was like to serve. He had been proud of what he had done when he had served his king and his country. But he did not want other young men to go through what he had. It had been horrific... but, then it was character building war, wasn't it?

And he would not have missed _his_ chance to serve. He would have gone ten times over. But that was because he had been able to go home at the end of it to his wife and his three lovely daughters. He remembered the day he had got home with such great joy.

He did not want young men like Matthew hurt... with any luck all the boys was going to come home safe... No, war was a game for young men and he was not going to go and leave Downton once more – not unless he had too.

"God speed," he said to himself as much as it was to all those soldiers who were going to war.

A knock on the door was well timed. He had nearly finished his port and he knew who it was going to be. In all the mayhem that was going on, Carson worked on Carson time and he had no doubt even in war, he and Mrs. Hughes were going to keep Downton on track as they did in peace time.

He had no doubt in their ability.

"Enter."

"My lord, everyone has gone up," he said to him as he discharged himself from duty for the night.

"Thank you Carson. And well done for the garden party today, please do let Mrs. Hughes and the rest of the staff know just how proud you all did Lady Grantham and myself today. A shadow came over though, didn't it?" he sighed.

"Yes, sir it did. But it was not thoroughly unexpected." The newspapers had been predicting war for weeks – the strife in Europe had been a topic of conversation downstairs over meals.

If the war had done one thing right for Downton then it was getting Thomas away from it, Carson thought grimly. But he knew if William had to go away then the below stairs staff would be quite downcast by the development. He was a good lad who would be missed.

"No – I don't suppose it was. How are things downstairs?"

He had no doubt they were not going to be in uproar for he and Hughes would never allow it but he had seen it in their faces, just how worried they were. And who wasn't?

"Maybe a little tense, my lord," Carson said with his brow furrowed, "but no cause for concern. Is there anything else I can do before I go down, my lord?"

"No, Carson that will be all for tonight," he said with a nod and he got up. He wanted to go up and be with his wife.

His wife. He thought so much on the girls that night that he had not thought enough on his dear heart, who much like their Sybil, to him was a constant surprise. He was so glad they were having a new baby now he had got the chance to get used to the idea. If it was a boy then a lot of troubles were going to be solved for them.

And yet if it was a girl, which seemed to him likely (as they seemed rather good at making baby girls), then he was too old to be disappointed by it now. No, he would take that beautiful girl in his arms and tell her she was just loved as the others.

Once Bates had helped him change into his night clothes, he walked through the side room where the bed he was meant to sleep in was, into his wife's room who was already tucked up waiting for him but unlike usual she did not look as_ if_ she was waiting up for him. On the contra, she had already lain down and shut her eyes.

He was reminded of the fact that she was a lot older than when she had been having Sybil and it was wearing her out... but he did not think he ever had loved her as much as he did then.

To think he had married her for money... he loved her so much he would have married her without a penny if he had known what he did right then, the life which they had enjoyed together.

Crawling under the covers to be by her side, he took her in his arms as she turned into them and kissed her forehead. No matter what, the two of them were going to face the war and the new baby together.

They would settle the three daughters they already had and make sure they were happy no matter what.

The Crawley family would stay together as they always had - he would make sure of it.

XXX

Even though night had fallen a long time ago, Edith did not think she could face going to bed. She did not think she was ever going to sleep well again. He had left her. He had said he was going to propose and he had left her. She had been so pleased when he had seen her over and in spite of Mary's shadow. He had been so kind and sweet and gentle...

And now he was gone.

He had given her no reason but he had not had too. Mary had said something to him, she must have, Edith saw it in her so called 'sisters' eyes. She was trying to get back at her for what she had done with the letter.

Oh, but Mary had deserved what she had got but she had done nothing wrong. She had committed no sin. He had meant to be the one who saved her from the Downton. She had enjoyed her childhood for some of it, when Mary had been away, but she did not love Downton as any of the others did. It was a prison for her that she feared she was never going to leave it.

And it was not as if it had done anything for her, she knew even Sybil adored for the old house more than she did, for all her sister's love of modernity.

But she swore this… before she left it; she was going to make Mary pay for what she had done when she had robbed her of her happiness with Sir Anthony.

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	2. The Heartbreak of Sisters

**Revised:** Saturday 30th July 2011

_Chapter 2: The Heartbreak of Sisters _

There was a quiet and tense atmosphere downstairs the next morning and Carson could not say he cared for it much. He knew they were all nervous about the war but it was not as if their nervousness was helping them get on with their jobs or helping one another put things to the back of their minds.

Charles Carson did consider himself a professional man but he was not going to say he did not hold a deep affection for many of the members of staff he worked with when he did. He did not show it much but it did not mean that he did not feel it.

He had watched some of them, such as Anna and Daisy, grow up since they had come to Downton. Only a monster would not get involved with them and while he knew they all dreaded a dressing down from him when they had done something wrong, he did not think any of them really feared him – he hoped they did not.

It was when they all sat down for breakfast that he knew he had to take the opportunity to remind them that while things were going to change inevitability, they had to keep going with the job they had been given. Standards were not going to slip on his watch.

"A moment before you all go," he said as everyone begun to talk about going off to do their duties. It was ten thirty and the cleaning had to be done – Mrs. Patmore had yet to prepare lunch and there was plenty of work to be done upstairs. "I will not keep you long, as ever, we all have plenty to do – however, I do feel the need to quickly reinforce the fact that for now even though the war has been declared, matters here are not to alter. I expect you all to go about your daily lives as usual and carry out your work with dignity. I want no panicking until we know more, so I expect no foolishness from any of you," He said with raised eye brows and he got nods in reply.

He had, over his years as butler, got used to the fact when something spooked the staff things did tend to go wrong but if he could head it off, then that was just what he was going to do.

Mrs Hughes looked at him approvingly as the others went on their way to do their work.

"It was well said," She said to him as the others past them, gently patting his arm.

"Well, I felt as if could not let them go without having said something. I can't help but think that change is going to come no matter what any of us do."

She looked at him with sympathy. She did not think she had ever met someone who disliked change as much as poor Mr Carson did and she had a very good idea if he could scrap the concept of change all together then he would. In a transforming world, she had the feeling he was going to be stuck in the past. Though she had not been delighted by the thought, she knew she had not dreaded the thought of a telephone being installed at Downton as he had. And before that they had had the business of the electricity, which she knew he had hardly revelled in. But the biggest change of all (which had been the hardest for him to try and accept) had been when Mr. Mathew had come to Downton.

For the most past it was unsaid but she knew he had adored his little lady Mary since she had been a child and she had been the nearest thing he had ever got to a child of his own. She wondered if the girl had ever realised just how much the butler cared for her or how lucky she was he had watched over her for all this years.

"I dare say it is going to come but right now Downton is not going to change, not in the immediate future any way, which is why we both need to get on, as do you both," she said as she saw John Bates standing in the corridor with Anna.

"Yes Mrs. Hughes," said Anna and the two of them headed up the stairs continuing the conversation they had been having, leaving the housekeeper and butler downstairs.

"You aren't going to go away, are you, Mr Bates?" she knew it was the hardly time to be saying such things, for they both had to get upstairs and get on as Carson and Hughes had said to them but she had to have her mind put at rest.

"I do not think it is likely, Anna." He replied softly. With his bad leg, he was not going to go back to the army, though there might be some behind the lines service he could do. After the Boer war though, he was not going to rush out to join up.

It had been a long time since he had found such peace as he did at Downton – and now with Thomas going, it looked as if his happiness there was going to be completed. O'Brien could not do much on her own. It would be mad for him to go. And he knew against every instinct he had, he was falling for the housemaid beside him rapidly now.

He had not realised the strength of his feelings for her until he had been talking to Mosley at the garden party and he had asked if she had had someone special in her life as if to say that if she did not then he was going to try and court her. And the thought of her in another man's arms had made him feel sick.

It had been at that moment when he had known he was going to give up fighting his emotions for the best part and let her into his life.

Or at least he would have if it were not for... But, no he was not going to go away to the war. He had done his bit last time and he had too much to lose where he was right then.

Why on earth would he leave it? Anna meant too much to him...

"I am glad," she smiled at him. Ever since she had said that she loved him, she had had a devil may care attitude to what she said to him. It was not as if she was going to be able to shock him anymore than she had already and he was so good that she felt he had to be honest about him.

"And I am glad you are glad," he said as the two of them got to the top of the stair case. Knowing that they were going to go their own ways to get on with the day's work, they each gave the other an almost secret smile and walked away safe in the knowledge that even though they were at war, for now at least, they were both going to be together.

As long as they were together Anna did not think she was going to be too scared of anything to come.

Wondering the way up the stairs she arrived at Lady Sybil's room first. She had to make the bed, put the fresh clothes back, change the flowers.

She had been so emerged in her own thoughts of the work she had to do and, of course, what she and Mr Bates had just said to one another, that she was already in the room before she even realised that both Lady Sybil and Lady Mary were in there together.

"Oh my ladies, I am so sorry," she said as she went to leave, not wishing to disturb them. She had not meant to intrude on their privacy.

"Oh that is quite alright, Anna," said Sybil with her usual smile, the one she gave to both family and staff alike. "I am glad you are here actually. Can you make sure my purple ball gown is ready for use on Thursday night please?"

"A ball out of season my lady?" she said with a curious smile.

"It is only a small one up at the Tavistocks. I don't even really want to go but Granny is insisting that in spite of everything else going on in the world, that I forget it all and go and dance the night away. It is ridiculous," she said as she rolled her eyes but they all knew she was going to have to do it.

What the Dowager Countess wanted, the Dowager Countess got.

"Why is she not taking Edith? She has done for the past two years," Mary's question was said lightly for she knew her youngest sister did her best to avoid the tension she shared with the other. Sybil did not normally go down to their level and she did not take sides for which she was grateful.

She did not know what she would do if she lost her little sister. The two of the were friends, as well as siblings. Unlike her and Edith, they were how sisters were meant to be.

"Mama says she does not want her to go because Sir Anthony is going to be in attendance. After all that has past between them and then when he did not propose, as he said he was going to, she did not think it would be a good idea for them to be in the same room for too long. Mary, Edith is quite broken hearted over him."

Mary smirked. She could not imagine any one being broken hearted over dull, plain Sir Anthony. Matthew, yes... but not Sir Anthony.

"Don't be cruel Mary," said Sybil from her moral high ground as she saw her elder sister smirk. She had no idea what had passed between her and Edith and if she had her way then that was going to be the way it stayed. She knew she would be horrified if she knew what they had done to one another. Poisoning the relationships that potentially could have ruled the rest of the lives...

But Mary did not regret what she had done. Edith had had to be taught a lesson that you only ever reaped what you sew... just as she had when she had lost Matthew... she wished... she wished she had said yes at the coming out ball. Before she had known about the baby...

As her thoughts softened to him, she knew her face had as well because before she knew it, Sybil was at her side suddenly and she was holding her had gently. "You know, if you went down to the house it might not be too late to stop him going yet. He doesn't leave for Manchester until tomorrow." She said hopefully.

Sybil, she knew, had always championed Matthew from the start for she had no reason to dislike him especially. The entail had had nothing to do with her. Mary was grateful when Anna had enough sense to leave the room so once more the two of them were alone and she shook her head.

"He is not going to have me now I did not accept him. If mother has a boy then the estate is safe for us," She said to her. That was why Matthew had come there. For the estate, not for her and she felt as if it had got far too confused. She had to remember that.

Sybil looked at her with pity for she knew she was far too stubborn for her own good and she was going to let him go back without having said how she felt for him.

It was such a shame, Sybil thought, when she knew the two of them would have had a real chance of making one another happy. And she did want to see Mary happy. She wanted to see both her sisters happy. She knew that was not going to happen for Edith until she was wed but even if Mary married now, if it was to someone who was not Matthew, it was not going to be enough and they both knew it.

It had to be him for her. For Mary, Matthew was all.

"And?" Sybil had been about to ask if her heart would be safe but she knew that was not the kind of comment that Mary would take kindly to so she let it lie and went over to her vanity.

"And now, sister dear, I get on with my life as if he never came," she sighed with a shrug.

It was not what she wanted but it was the ways things had to be she guessed. There was no point in complaining that the world had gone against her because she had asked for it when she had not sent Pamuk back to his own room _that_ night.

God, that night, had cursed her life. She was sure of it.

If only she could go back... it was not as if he had been a wonderful lover – not really, she did not think, not that she had anyone to compare him to. If only she could go back so Matthew was the first.

"Sister, what I need is a good cheering up. I don't suppose any political rallies are coming up are they?" Mary teased though she knew it was no laughing matter for Sybil. Truly, Mary was so proud that she stood up for what she believed in.

"No, but I do think that with everything going on I should get involved with some sort of war work," she said and Mary knew by the look on her face she was being serious.

"Good lord Sybil, are you determined to make a nervous wreck of poor papa?" she said and before they knew it the two of them were laughing.

Sybil had a fight on her hands if she did want to go in for it but Mary knew she had the heart for it. The two of them had always had spirit. Both of them liked arguments.

And they always would.

"You are quite the eccentric my dear!"

"I am an Englishwomen."

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	3. Hopes and Hurts

_**Revised:** Monday 1__st__ August 2011_

_Chapter 3: Hopes and Hurts_

"So it is to be Miss Burrows?"asked Mr. Carson, as he looked through the applications, with Mrs. Hughes sitting opposite on the other side of his desk.

"Well, she does seem to be the best for the job," she replied. "And His Lordship was very impressed by her. It is just a pity Dorothy can't return; she was so loved by the girls."

"And staff too," he said as he remembered the warm Irish nurse who had looked after the three young ladies of the house when they had been baby's – but she had babies of her own to look after. "A new member of staff never seems to go down well; I can't say I am looking forward to her arrival. Especially not at a time such as this," he said to her, knowing she would take his meaning.

"Well, if we are to have a new baby then we are going to need a nurse. It cannot be helped," she said to him gently.

"I know but... it _really_ is awkward timing with everything else..."

"Yes, it is," but in the eyes of the butler it was just one more change he did not need.

"Well, when is she due?"

"Not till next week." She breathed a sigh.

"And the new housemaid? Any luck with the applications for that post? And we had better put out a new advertisement for another footman as well now that we will not have Thomas about," he said wishing Gwen had not got the job. He would much rather she remained with them at the house. She fitted in so well with the rest of the staff and she was a good worker. As for Thomas, he was going to open the door for him just to make sure he really did go.

His replacement would be harder to find though – especially with the war on.

"No luck so far but we are going to get someone, don't you worry."

"But I do."

She had known that for a long time. More than she perhaps, he was devoted to the Crawley family and she had learned of late that their woes were his woes. If something was wrong at Downton then it was going to be on his mind till it was put right.

"Well, I had best get on," Elsie said as she left the office. She gave him a parting smile, hoping it would boast his apparently low spirits.

Carson followed suit. "William, I trust the papers are all ready," he said as he headed up to the breakfast room so that he might be there to greet the family when they got there.

"Yes, Mr Carson. I'll bring them now!"

As he went up the stairs, Daisy came down them fresh from doing the fires. She was a good girl deep down. Walking through to the breakfast room he saw the windows were letting the last of the summer sun in.

Within in two minutes of him getting there, Lord Grantham walked in. "Good morning, my lord," he said to him.

"Good morning, Carson. Lovely day, isn't it?" it was hard to believe it was so lovely when a war was going on, when his life was so hectic; but that morning struck Robert as particularly beautiful.

"Indeed it is."

"What is on the agenda for today then Carson?" He asked.

"Nothing to strenuous; a few letters have arrived that need your attention though, my lord, but that's all," he told him.

"Good. Just as long as Downton is peaceful while the rest of the world is going mad, I think I am going to be able to cope," he told him. Carson knew Lord Grantham was just as conservative as he was when it came to change. And with the new baby of the way, it was hardly surprising he was so eager to keep the house calm.

"Good morning," Lord Grantham said as one by one his daughters trailed into the room.

"Morning papa," said Mary quietly. A heartier greeting was given to him by Sybil but Edith remained sullen. He knew she had been hurt when Sir Anthony had left her but he had not thought it was going to be such an issue for her to recover from. He was hardly a big catch, was he? He was most likely being unkind though – as he worried he and Cora often were to their second born.

"Papa, are you going down to see Cousin Mathew before he goes today?" Mary asked as she picked up her tea cup.

Sybil looked at her and they shared a sad smile. "We should have asked him to dinner last night papa, to say goodbye," Sybil chipped in. It would have been a last ditch attempt to get them back together.

There was a silence in the room and they all knew that would have been a good and a bad idea all at the same time. If Mary or Mathew could have only got past what the way they were feeling then there would have been hope.

"As it is, I think that maybe that would have made Cousin Mathew feel a little awkward, my darling," her father said to her. He gave Mary a sad, comforting smile before sighing. "If the circumstances were different... but they are not. As it is, we are going to have to cut back on entertaining. We cannot go on as we were now there is a war on. I said my goodbyes to him yesterday, anyhow."

Edith felt her heart skink. If they were not entertaining or going to London how was she ever going to find a husband or get away from her sister? What chance was there of her ever getting to seeing Sir Anthony?

"Papa, I was thinking now there is a war going on do you not think we should do something for it?"

The Earl looked at his youngest and was glad to see he knew her as well as he thought he did. With a war on, his politically minded daughter was never going to be willing to sit back and do nothing. He had been expecting her to say something a little sooner in fact.

But the fact she had been silent for so long had allowed him to hope that for once she might do nothing and give him a little peace – no such luck. She had lulled him into a false sense of security, as usual. Deep down he was glad she had such a social conscience. It told him he had brought her up right, that she had a well developed character. But it did not stop him worrying himself half to death over what she was going to do next.

"What were you thinking?"

"Maybe train to be a nurse..."

He was surprised. Of all the things he had thought she was going to say, that was not it. He had been getting ready for something much worse – what he wasn't sure. After she had disobeyed him and gone to Ripon for the count, he had got used to getting ready for her to do and say things out of the blue.

"I think that is very reasonable, and responsible too, Sybil. The hospital is going to be expanding and they are going to need young ladies to help with the sick and injured when they return from the front. Yes, Sybil I think that's a_ very_ good idea."

"Papa, I did not mean..." she fell silent. Maybe it was not the time with the baby on the way still... she did not wish to worry her mama and she had got him to say yes to her being trained. For now that baby step was going to suffice. Depending on how long the war lasted she might then... "Thank you papa. I will go and see Doctor Jenkins today."

He had a idea of what she had been about to say before she had stopped herself and he was glad she had because no matter how hard she begged he was not going to let her go to the front to tend the wounded. No – if he had had a son of age then that was different, but his job was what it had always been; to do his best for his girls and protect them.

He was not going to let them go to the front of a war ground.

No way – **never**.

Carson and he exchanged glances. He knew for all the fact the butler tried to be profession twenty four hours a day, somewhere in the time he worked at Downton, he had come to have a true affection for all of them and he knew them a lot better than the girls would ever give him credit for.

And if Carson had thought the same thing then he knew his thoughts were right.

Oh god... he almost hoped something large happened in the political world that was going to make her stay in the country (though how anything larger than a war could happen he didn't know). But then he didn't need that really. If he said no, then she wasn't going.

Having finished his breakfast he made his way up to his wife's room, passing O'Brien as he went in, glad that she was done bringing up her ladyship's breakfast. He had never liked her and if it was up to him then she would have been out of the house long ago.

"Good morning, my darling," he said as she shut the door. Crossing to the bed they had shared for over twenty years, he smiled. He did not think he liked any other part of the day so much as when they were alone in the morning (unless it was when they were alone at night). As she looked up him he could not help but not that she was so beautiful – even more so when she was carrying one of their children than when she was not. It had been when she had been large with Mary he had first known that he was in love with her.

And now she was giving him another... his lovely wife. As she sat there in her cotton nightgown, the sun beaming in on her face, he wanted nothing more than to kiss and hold her and tell her how adored she was by him... She was always going to be adored by him.

There was not a women in the world like his Cora; he did know that much.

"Good morning to you too," she said as she laughed softly. Being pregnant did have its upside and she knew she was milking it just a little, but Robert didn't mind. He was always attentive to her, but that was doubly so when she was having a child.

She knew her husband had a good nature as a well as a caring soul. He was going to have her under no strain and had tried to shield her a little from the goings on in the house since she had told him he was too be a father again. She knew he was trying to deal with the girls rather than let them come to her with all their worries.

But she was no fool and she never had been. She knew that whether she was pregnant or not there was always going to be a little trouble in the house when they had three strong willed and minded girls in the house as well as some rather jittery servants. But they knew as much about the war as they did.…

The fact they were at war was all she wanted to know; she desired no details. She knew she might have to face up to it in more real ways eventually, but just like her husband and Carson, she had got to an age in her life when she was ready to truly settle down and she did not want the disturbance in their lives.

No, as it was, her life at that moment revolved about the bump in her belly.

"How do you feel today?" he said as he sat on her side of the bed and put his hand over her stomach to be greeted by a kick. He could not keep from smiling. The two of them had not thought to have a child now they had been wed so long. Especially as they were rather older than they had been when they had had their girls. But now they were, he believed it was the greatest thing that could have happened to them.

"Much better now you here," she said softly. Though it had not been as horrific as it could have been by any shot, she felt a lot more tired than she had when she had been carrying previously. "Robert?"

"Yes, my darling," he said as she stroked the bump back and forth affectionately, dreaming of holding his brand new child. One who would not at least for the first ten years fall in love with a dullard, try to go and nurse at the front lines of a war or reject the only man in the world he thought could handle her.

"If it is a girl, are you going to very disappointed?" She had to know. It was playing on her mind. He was loving and affectionate; but very human, susceptible to hopes and wishes. There was so much pressure to her it seemed no matter how much he tried to shield her from it. She knew his mother had been longing for her to produce a grandson for her since the day she had got to Downton. And the Dowager Countess _would_ be disappointed if she was to present her with another granddaughter, she did know that much.

Shaking his head he cupped face and caressed her cheek with his thumb. "If we have a daughter, she will be as treasured as her sisters and her beloved mother. I couldn't be disappointed in you if I tried," he said as he kissed her forehead and soothed her.

"Are you sure?"

She knew she was being needy but she just had to know if they had a girl he was not going to be upset. She knew even if they could, neither of them would change a single – well not many – hairs on Sybil's head now, even if he had been hurt when she had not been the son he needed. The same went for Edith.

The trouble with Robert was as devoted he was to her and the girls, she knew the house was so much more than bricks and water to him. It was his life's work and he would do anything for it. And yet the fact was only she out of the two of they could give it an heir. Of course it had been a joint effort ... but the suspense was killing her. She just wanted to know either way.

"Yes, Cora, I am. Nothing is more important or dear to my heart as you are, you know that, or at least you should by now. I did not feel what I should have for you at the start, true, but I have been trying to make up for that ever since. You are everything to me you lovely women, as are our four children, no matter their gender. As long as our new child is healthy, and you're well, I couldn't care less about what the baby's sex is," He promised passionately sealing his speech with a gentle kiss on her lips.

She remembered when she had met him. It was a cliché but she had not needed to know his name to know she wanted to be with him forever. She had just known he was meant to be **her** Robert. She had often told people who had asked her it was his kind face that had drawn her to him and that was the truth. He had been kind and he had been gentle. Even before he had fallen for her.

She recalled some of her friends from New York who had also come to Britain, just as she had to wed into the aristocracy, only to be made a fool of again and again by their spouse. They had been told because they were American they had been too stupid to get involved with the education of their children and they were to sit back and take what was given to them. Their husbands had taken mistress after mistress.

But she could thank the lord she had not had to put up with any of that. The fact that she might have to had never even crossed her mind. Robert was a gentleman in every sense of the word and even had he not fallen in love with her, then she knew he would have done his duty to her as her husband and not taken a mistress.

He had his precious morals and nothing would take them from him just as nothing was going to take him from her.

She knew there were men his age that were going to have to go to war but he was not going to be one of them, she was determined of that. His duty was to be at Downton with her when the baby came. And he could not leave the girls when they were all going through a tricky stage for one reason or another.

He had to stay because she loved him too much to let him go.

"Stay and hold me a while," she said gently to him with the doe eyes she knew he could not refuse. Soon, she had scooted over the bed and his shoes sat by the edge of it as he climbed on and took her in his arms as she had asked him too.

Loving his tender touch and his affectionate caress as he rubbed her aching back, she suddenly felt sleepy even though she was yet to get up. "I should get unexpectedly pregnant more often."

He chuckled as her hand sort his and their fingers intertwined. "I quite agree, my darling."

XXX

Mary did not know why she had gone to the village just to see his car drive away from her but she had. For all the things she was, she did not think she had ever been a masochist till now. She was ready and willing to admit she had been a fool and Edith, she knew, was right – she was a slut. What she had done with Kamal had lost her everything – yet if only she could take it back then she would. In heart beat.

But she knew in all good faith that she could not have wed Matthew when he did not know what she had done – when he did not know that she was a foolish girl with little will power. And yet he had been _so_ good. He had been a lot like her father who for all her quarrels with she idolised. She and Sybil, for the trouble they caused him, had always and she had an idea, would always, be their fathers little girls.

And she knew him finding out what she had done was the only thing that could hurt her more than Matthew knowing. She did not think she could take the way he would look at her if he knew she was not virtuous.

As Matthew drove past her, he did not look up though she knew he must have known she was there. She felt just as he had when they had been at the garden party and she let the tears she felt well in her eyes fall on to her cheeks, no longer caring if the whole world knew how much she was hurting and would continue to hurt for Matthew. She had been so unkind to him when he had first come and now he was leaving and there was _nothing _she was ever going to be able to do to take back what she had said and done. That helpless of the situation hurt the most.

She felt a pair of eyes on her and she turned to see Mathew's mother was there. She wondered what she thought of it all but she knew Mary could not face her just then. No, she would go back to the house and she would find Sybil and hope all will be well.

For there was nothing else left for her to do.

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	4. Hearts Revealed

**Chapter 4**

It was with jealous eyes that Edith watched Sybil get ready for the ball. She had gone the year before, as well as the year before that, and she had heard her mother and grandmother say what they had not wanted her to hear. That _her_ Anthony was going to be there. And she was going to see him.

Oh, she could kill the whole lot of them for taking him away from her away.

"How is everything below stairs Anna?" said Mary as she came into the room, eager to see Sybil in her gown. She had been such a beautiful Deb when they had been in London; she knew had she not been her sister then she knew she would have hated her for her beauty and her spirit. "It must be a sad day for you all what with Thomas leaving to begin his course."

"Oh yes," Sybil agreed as she turned about. "I should not think it will be long until he goes to France," she said, with a rather dreamy quality in her voice that confirmed to Mary that she saw the war as a bit of an adventure. And was there ever a time that Sybil wasn't looking for one of them?

"I think Miss O'Brien was sad to see him go," said Anna but not offering up her own feelings, which she had to say were of complete relief now he was gone. There were going to be no more threats against John now.

Which was and could only be a good thing. He had to be allowed to get on with his job in peace.

"Is anyone else thinking of going to the war, Anna?" asked Mary.

"I think there is a good chance William is thinking of it," she said unhappily. Thomas she did not mind seeing going but William, she knew, for all the staff below stairs was a different case entirely.

Ever since he had come to Downton, he had been a kind and thoughtful presence in the servants quarters and now he had been given the chance to step out of Thomas's shadow, the chances were his popularity would have increased – but the war had come.

She knew he was going to be very missed from every one from Carson to Daisy – and perhaps _especially _missed by Daisy, she thought actually. Ever since the garden party the two of them had been getting closer and it had not escaped any ones attention that when Daisy served them dinner, after she had given the best looking piece to Mr. Carson, she gave the rest of the lion's share to William.

No one had said anything as they knew it was one of the only ways Daisy could show her favour to him and they were such ditherers, it was a good thing that their actions spoke a lot louder than their words to one another or they would never hear anything.

But if he did go to war then she knew the poor kitchen maid would be left worried and heartbroken.

She hoped she had broken the news gently, since William had confided in her that it had been Lady Mary would had arranged his trip home to spend his mothers last few days with her. She had had a hunch that Lady Mary had especial a fondness for him.

She would be sad to see him go.

"Well, we must hope that it will not come to that as we will have no staff left here," she said, trying to hide her sadness.

"Yes, what with Gwen going too. Oh, I will miss her," said Sybil as Anna fastened her corset.

"As will I, my lady, as will I," the head housemaid sighed.

Sybil remembered when they had been going to the first interview all those months before Gwen had said to her that she and Anna were like sisters.

She had not thought how hard on her Gwen's leaving was...

After dinner, William went to the kitchen for he felt he had too. Daisy and he had been getting on so well so he did not know why he had made this most likely fool hardy decision. He had waited so long for her to know he was alive and now she so obviously did, so obvious even he could see it, he was going to go and leave her.

But he had to go to the army and he had to do Downton proud. And it was only fair she knew first. The others suspected of course... but she had to be the first to _know._

"Can I borrow Daisy please, Mrs. Patmore?" he said as he went into the kitchen.

When the fiery red headed cook nodded, the little brunette went to his side and it was not long till they were out in the yard with a great tension between them, the like of which there had never been.

He did not have to say much for her to know what was being said and what the he had to say to her. She had known as soon as he had come to the kitchen.

Night had fallen over the estate as they sat on the bench illuminated by the moonlit. Both of them had lumps in their throats and neither of them wanted him to say what he had too to her.

Not knowing how else to begin he reached over and took her thin, rough hand in his own. Years of cooking and service meant she had the hands of a much older woman but they were wonderful to him. They were beautiful, just as she was.

So beautiful...

Lifting her plan to his mouth he kissed it and her fingers brushed his cheek gently.

"Oh William..." she said as a tear fell from her eye. How had she let Thomas blind her to this wonderful man?

"I have to go," he said before she had the chance to dissuade him. If she asked him to stay, he did not think he was going to be able to leave her. But he knew he had too. He was a young man and it was to him and young men just like him this war would belong too. All honour and was going to come to him and he would be a hero. He would be her hero.

"I know – and I won't argue against it. I just ask one thing, just one, William," she said to him.

He nodded. "Anything Daisy."

"You come home – and when you do, I mean you come home to _me_. You come to Downton, and then we can leave if you like or we can stay – but we – wherever _we_ end up after this war, we end up _there_ **together.** Do you understand me? You come home to me William," she said as she shook. Tears streamed down her cheeks as he nodded and took her in his arms.

"There could never be any one else for me Daisy, only you!" He said gently. "My entire life will be yours."

She froze, a wondrous look on her face.

"Is that a proposal?" she whispered to him gently and at one he drew back to look at her and he saw the hope in her eyes. He had not thought of it like that but yes – yes, it was!

"Yeah – yeah, Daisy it is. And you'll say yes," he said as he stood up. "I wanna do it proper like," he said as he knelt down before her. "Miss Daisy, will you marry me? Make us the happiest and luckiest man in the world all at once?" he asked and she could only nod, too emotional to speak.

Bringing her hand to his lips he kissed it once more, knowing no matter how bad the war got, he had the most important thing in the world to return home for.

XXX

"Goodnight granny!" sighed Sybil as she saw her butler open the door to let her into Crawley house. She loved her grandmother dearly but she could not say she was not sorry the night was at an end. She felt exasperated and exhilarated all at once. The talk at the dinner had been nothing but the war for which she had to say she was grateful. She had listened a lot more than she had been able to talk, but she felt she had picked up on a lot, so the night had not been a complete waste of time, apart from the dancing of course.

"Homeward bound, my lady?" said Branson with his cheeky smile he reserved for her and with a nod as her reply they were off. "Did you have a good time at the party?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "It was a night of two halves I must admit," she said to him. She had felt a little uncomfortable when she had got there and she realised Sir Anthony had been placed _next _to her. Asides from when she had been listening to the conversation, she had wanted nothing more than to turn about and ask him why he had been as cruel to her sister as to build every hope she had up and then just knock her down.

Under her grandmother's watchful eye, she had not been able to say anything though and by the end of the night they had managed to break the ice between them. He had actually been quite a help to her, for if she had not understood something, she had asked him and he had been good enough to explain it.

She had thought him to be a kind man till he had been so cruel to Edith. Just as she had been about to go he had had the nerve to ask how her sister was though. How he had the cheek too, she did not know but he had seemed so shy over it, painfully so. She wondered if there was more to the story than she knew.

But soon it was not going to matter, for he too was soon to be off to France by the sounds of it. She was going to have to tell her sister the next day for she did not want her to hear it second hand.

"Well, it clearly gave tyou food for thought my lady," said Branson from the front of the car bringing her back from her thoughts.

"That it did," she said with a slight laugh for that to her was an understatement. But then suddenly she had a thought and she turned serious once more. She did not know why the thought had hurt so much but now the question was in her mind. "Branson, you are not going to go away are you?"

She did not want him too. She felt as if he was her only friend outside of her sisters, Anna and Gwen sometimes. She knew the other debs she had met had thought her to be an odd ball. That much had been clear when she had tried to talk to them apart from frocks and shows. She did not look down on them for she knew what she was and she knew she loved to get a new frock as much as the night girl.

But she did need someone there who did not think it was ridiculous that she should want wider interest than her sisters and he had always been so kind and open with her. Even though she was grown, she knew even Mary still saw her as a baby at times and that was not going to change any time soon.

But he saw her as an adult. He saw the world the same as she did and it would kill her if he were to go away. The boredom would drive her insane...

"You do not want me to then, my lady?" he said his Irish accent caressing her ears as he spook to her. She detected the hint of teasing in his voice but she let it go as she always did because he was not only her chauffer but he was her friend, much the way Gwen had been and she hoped Anna was, Anna was a bit like Carson in the respect that she knew the boundaries with the family and she had no real desire to cross them; but in a way, they were family to her...

"No," she said in a much smaller voice that said much more than that one word to him ever could. "No, I do not want you to go." She knew she had let her guard down and somehow the pair of them had crossed a line at that moment. With that singular word she had been more outspoken than she had ever been before in her life. Than she was ever meant to be...

Looking in the mirror at her his eyes were smilingly at her. All his hopes...

"I am a socialist and I oppose this war of old men and imperialism. I am going no where... especially not now I have a second, much better reason than the first to stay, my lady."

He watched with affectionate amusement as the colour rushed to her cheeks and though at first she did not appear to make a reply, he could have sworn as he drove on he could hear her kind voice say "Yes you do Branson, yes you do."

And if the dinner and the ball had been a little bit disappointing for Sybil, then the drive home was not.

"Did you have a good night my lady?" Asked Anna as she brushed out Lady Sybil's hair ready for bed. the youngest Crawley daughter nodded.

"It was one of the very best evenings of my life, Anna." She said with a mysterious smile before she laughed knowing it was dangerous to say any more but wanting to shout it from the roof tops.

Branson was staying. He'd be safe.

And all the injustice and the cruelty in the world faded for one moment because of it. And she did not care for her sister's woes because she had never known such joy as she felt at that moment.

Her Branson would remain out her danger... _hers_...

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	5. Revelations

_Chapter Five: Revelations_

Cora held her daughter's hand as she sat by her side. Mary seemed too calm for a girl who had lost the only man she had ever really considered marrying. But what people didn't seem to understand about her was the storm was always inside with her eldest daughter.

"It cannot have been easy for you, my darling, to see him leave. I wish I could have been there for you a little more. The sooner I am up and about, the better as far as I am concerned. The three of you might be growing up but no matter what you say, I know you need me still," she said as she stroked her hands.

Since she had had to wake her due to the death of Mr Pamuk, Mary felt oddly enough, closer to her mother. It was the only good thing about the whole sorry situation, she thought.

"You don't need to tell me that I need you. I know it."

"I wish I could have delayed getting pregnant with this just a little longer this baby, for you and –"

"Mama, Matthew is gone and there is nothing in the world which is going to bring him back to me right now. So we do need to focus on you and the baby, who you could not have delayed," Mary cut in. What her mother wished was not going to change the facts. She sighed. "I wish to god Cousin Patrick had never got on that ship. I wish he was here and we had wed."

"No, you don't."

"But don't you see mama? My life would have been sorted by now and I would be at peace and everything that happened to me – what I did – well, if I had been a married woman, I would not have done it." Quite asides everything, she knew she would have not got the chance.

"If that had been the case then you would have been bored to death by now and thoroughly unhappy."

"What am I now if I am not unhappy?" she said as she sat on the edge off the bed and allowed her mother to cuddle her close. Everything she had said was true. She was still her little girl even if she was nearly grown. "I wish I had said yes the moment he had asked me! I wish I had had the courage! Mama, I wish..."

Cora could only hold her daughter as she sobbed her heart out over Matthew.

XXX

"Can I come in?" said Sybil as she knocked on the door of Edith's room and when she called out yes she went in.

"What is it?"

Sybil sighed. She had had an idea it was not going to be easy telling her that Anthony was going to war but now she was there to do it, she felt as if she was not saying that he was going to war but he was going to die, which he might very well. As if she was there just to hurt her sister... and Edith had been so sad since he had been gone from her life.

She thought about saying it was nothing and going out of the room but it was something... she had to do as a sister...

"I found out something last night I think you should know," she sighed as she crossed to her window and looked out of it, anything to just not look at her when she said it.

"What is it?"

Had it been Mary who had come into her room and said so, then Edith knew she would have reacted very differently. But she trusted Sybil and she knew she had her best interests at heart. If only Mary had not been born, then they might be a very happy family she thought to herself.

"When I was at the party last night I saw Sir Anthony," Sybil explained and Edith wished she had not come to her if she was only going to rub in the fact she had seen him and she had not. She knew what they all thought of him. That he was dull and stupid and she had only fallen for him because no one else better was going to come for her. But when he had looked at her... that night the two of them had had at the concert.

She had been called Lady Edith all her life but it was only that first night out with him that she had ever_ felt_ like a lady. He had made her more than she had ever been. And he had been hers, hers alone, something she did not have to share or give up. And he had picked her over Mary. He had _picked_ **her**.

But Sybil was not Mary – she had come not to humiliate her – but for a reason.

"Did – did he asked after me?" she said as she looked out of her window on to the grounds, standing by Sybil.

"He did."

For the first time in days she felt as if she was warm, and there was a fire in her heart. She knew it was stupid but, lord, she missed him more than she dare tell even Sybil.

"What did he say?" she asked, breathless at the mere thought that he did still care. Maybe she had read him all wrong during and after the garden party. Did she dare to dream and hope as she had done when she had been at his side? Did they still have a future?

"He said that he hoped you were well and that I was to pass on his regards." She said and she knew it was better than to tell her straight than to just skirt around it. "Edith, he is going to the front." She sighed.

The pain on her sister's face as she turn to face her was painful for her.

Not knowing what else to do she wrapped her arms around Edith but her sister did not respond. It was as if she was shattered from what she had just heard.

XXX

Carson watched as William came into the kitchen for his meal. He had heard the rumours and after the talk the two of them had had the day before, he know knew they were true and they were soon to lose William.

He had been glad to see the back of Thomas but that was not the case with the remaining footman who he was going to have trouble replacing. Thomas not so; but William's shoes were going to be hard to fill due to the popularity he had got with his colleagues.

They were all silent as he came into the room and he knew they were all waiting for an answer to the same question. How much longer were they going to have him for? And the unasked question in Daisy's eyes. Did he _really_ have to go?

Well, he had answered that on the night he had asked her to marry him.

"Next week. Monday, I am going to go into training. Soon after I am going to be at the front." He sighed. But he knew he was doing right. He was doing this for his country as well as the Empire. And he wanted to do it for Daisy as well. He wanted her to know how brave he was and if he had to go in to colours to show her that then that was going to be what he did.

Bates saw all this in the young mans eyes and he could not help thinking that William was a fool. He was enough for Daisy right there and then. She did not want him to off and leave her there on her own; any one could see it. The little kitchen maid did not care for bravery...

But he was a young man – and there came a point in every young mans life when he had to go and do what he had to do. And they were all going to support him in that. A round of applause was going about the table soon enough and both William and Daisy felt as proud of punch he was having such an effect. Their eyes met...

A tender smile was shared.

But there was the nagging feeling in her stomach that he was not going to come home and it scared her half way to death.

She wiped the tear away that slipped on to her cheek but before she had done he had seen it and a tear dropped on to his cheek to match it. They all knew their feelings for one another had grown since Thomas was out of the way so it was hardly surprising the young pair were going to miss one another more than they had ever missed anyone else in their lives before.

But Daisy had not thought she was going to feel as if she was losing part of herself when he went away.

"You know when you do go to war, you are going to be the pride of Downton, my lad," Said Mrs. Hughes. She had always had a fondness for the boy for he had always been so good and diligent and he had always done what he had meant to. Never caused any fuss. He was the sort of person that you did not just work with; you enjoyed working with them.

"And you are not to worry. When you get back from the war you are still going to have a job here, we will make sure of it." Carson told him as he swallowed and cough, getting rid of the tickle in his throat.

The war and the effects of it were beginning to hit home and it was all too real for all of their liking at that moment. They were going to have to say good bye to one of their own. And it was not as if he was from upstairs. He had lived by their sides.

He looked about the table and he saw they were all friendly faces. Even Miss O'Brien looked as if she was sad to see him go and she had had a hard time since Thomas had gone. He had been her only real friend in the house and he knew she was the only one who had it in her to miss him.

It was unlike Carson but even by the time he got upstairs to help with the meal, he was still down in the mouth over what was going on. He had said to the staff they were not to be got down by everything that was going on and yet he could not help be so himself...

How was he meant to order them and except them to do what he said of he could not do so himself.

Thankfully and, as he feared what was going to soon be as normal, it was only the earl, countess and three girls for dinner that night and there was a sombre feeling to the meal. Lady Edith looked sad he noted and Mary had been off her food for days since Mr. Matthew had left. Sybil was cheery but then she had had a happy disposition ever since she had been a baby. He expected nothing else of her.

But it was good to see a happy face in the midst of the misery.

And, of course, his lordship and her ladyship were still excited and every day more so about the baby. And he was as well. When the baby came, the mood in the house was going to be different he thought to himself. The girls were the nearest things he had ever had to daughters and so would this child be – well, one of his own. And they needed a new life in the house to lift the feeling of death.

"Are you quite alright Carson?" asked the earl as his daughters and his wife left the room as his butler poured him some port.

"Quite alright, sir , though I do apologize if I was a little down in the mouth over dinner. It is just I have got the news today that we are soon going to lose William to the front lines and he is going to be rather irreplaceable to everyone below stairs," he sighed gently.

Realising, he should not be burdening the earl with his own troubles; he plastered a smile on to his face. "Her ladyship looks very well at the moment, my lord."

"Yes, she doesn't she just," he said happily, always pleased to have the excuse to discuss Cora. He had not felt so – infatuated by her for a long time. Of course, there romance went much deeper than that – but it did make him feel _youthful_ once more. He knew Carson well enough to know he did not want him to go back to the subject but he did feel as if he put on Carson sometimes, even more than he should. He wanted to acknowledge what he had been told. "William is a good man. He is going to be missed up as well as downstairs, please makes sure he knows that."

"I will sir, but if I am honest I rather think he is going to be missed by one of us more than the rest. He and Daisy have been good companions of late and she looked quite broken heated when he said he was too leave us soon," he said softly.

"Yes... it is hard to be that age and in love I should think." He sighed.

He was not blind to what went on down stairs and though he did not see a lot of them, he had been made aware by gossip going about the house that the two of them were rather fond of each other.

He was going to be very sad to see him go. He was a good lad. It seemed as if they were losing all their staff at that moment.

"Daisy is a good child and she will cope in all of this."

Daisy was good at coping.

XXX

"It is going to be very hard on her to see him go, isn't it?" said Anna as she looked into the kitchen where William and Daisy sat holding hands across the table. After the announcement, the others had left them to it and they all knew Mrs. Hughes was turning a blind eye to the affection they were showing one another. It seemed the very least they could do when he was going to war.

"It is," said Mr. Bates from where he stood behind her.

After the emotions of the day, he felt he was at last unable to hide the way he too was feeling and snaked one of his hands about her waste to turn her into him.

"I am glad we at least do not have to say goodbye. And I am too selfish to say I wish we could take their place because I don't, Anna, I don't. You must know that in spite of all my - my brooding, I do care very deeply for you indeed. And I am glad I have you in all of this."

He had said he had her.

Anna smiled. She had not imagined everything that had passed between them after all them.

Unable to stop herself, she placed her hand on top of his, as they walked up the stairs together that would lead them to the their bedrooms, leaving William and Daisy as the last ones up. The two of them would stay up late in to the night and no one had the heart to go and catch them and tell them off for being alone so late at night.

That night at least was to belong to them.

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	6. William Goes To War

_Chapter 6: William Goes To War_

Monday begun with a rain storm over Downton yet staff and the family alike made their way out to the front of the house to say goodbye to William. He had not thought there was going to be such a big send off for him and he had to say he was touched.

He certainly had not thought her ladyship was going to come and say goodbye to him in person when she was in her condition, but she leant gently on her husband's arm as she stood by his side and she had a sad but friendly, warm smile on her face for him.

He had not realised till then that what they said was right. There were a lot of people who felt a great deal for him at Downton and to see them all from the Earl himself to his dear Daisy standing out to say good bye to him meant more than he was ever going to be able to say.

"William," said the Earl as he came forward to greet him first. "I want you to know we are all very proud of you her at Downton." He said as she shook his hand. He did not think he had ever seen the lad as so much of an equal to him. He was going off to fight for king and country. It was a noble thing to do.

"Thank you, my lord," he said with a nod and smile glad that his employer knew he was alive, not that he had ever been made to feel small by them.

He liked to think they all knew how lucky they were to live in a house like Downton. The dowager countess could be harsh, as could any of them, but at the end of the day he knew they were a lot better treated than some houses staffs.

"All of us are already looking forward to your return with great anticipation," he promised with a smile and the countess nodded in agreement.

"Stay safe dear William, we want our footman back in one peace when this horrible business is at an end." Her ladyships told him. Her hand gripped her husband's. It may just be her hormones but she felt more emotional than she had thought she was going to be saying goodbye to him.

He was a servant but he was a good man as well and they all knew it.

"Thank you my lady, I can't wait to get back as well. You've always been very kind to me, both of you. I'll miss Downton and the family," he said as he turned to the girls. Sybil looked as if she wanted to throw her arms about him she was that emotional. She did not know if it was just the emotion of the day running high, but everyone seemed on the edge of tears.

While Edith only offered a more formal farewell, it was Mary who he felt the parting from most of the upstairs Downton family. She had been so kind to him.

"Thank you my lady for everything. For telling me about my mother. I owe them days to you and I will not be forgetting it," He said as he took her gloved hand and kissed it.

"How gallant you are, William," she said softly. "I feel sure we are going too met again," She said to him quietly, for she had to believe he was going to come back. "And as my father said we all look forward to your return," she said with a nod.

"I'll be back," he said as he kissed her hand once more before letting it go and steeling himself for the goodbyes he knew were really going to hurt.

"Mr Carson," he said to the Butler who swallowed as soon as he saw the boy and offered his hand.

"Good luck and god speed," The butler told him with a wink before he moved down the line to Mrs. Hughes who was so emotional she could not speak but threw her arms about the boy in such a manner that for a moment if William shut his eyes, he felt he could be back with his dear mother.

He also hugged Mr Bates, tearfully said farewell to Anna, though formality returned when he got to Miss O'brien. And then he arrived at the end of the line – and felt his heart sink for any composure he had about himself was going to crumble and he knew it.

Mrs Patmore had been by Daisy's side, tearful herself. She had been holding her maids hand to give her support but moved away when the soon to be soldier came before his beloved.

"Now, it is not much and it isn't a ring – I couldn't find the perfect one, so I didn't get one," he said as he reached in to his pocket to draw out a silver locket. "It has to be perfect when I get it for you which I will - but I wanted you to have something to remember me when I'm, away like." He said as he gave it to her.

"I don't need anything to remember you William. You're in every part of me. I'd have to forget who I am to forget you which I know Mrs. Patmore wouldn't put past me some days but William – there isn't going to be a moment when you're away that you're not in thoughts or me heart." She said as she looked at the necklace in her hands. "It's so beautiful. I ain't never have something so beautiful in all me life," She said as she looked at it.

"Neither have I," he replied as he looked at her.

"Oh William," she said as she gave back it to him. "Put it on," she said as she turned about and he fastened the clasp so it was about her neck.

"As long as you're wearing it then I am going to be ok right?" he said as fastened the silver clasp. She turned back round and moved close letting him take her in arms before them all. It weren't ladylike and she knew it wasn't proper – but she didn't care about etiquette or status at that moment.

"Ok and you remember your promise... You're already the husband of my heart, but we are going to have to take them vows make it legal and right so you come home, husband," she said tearfully.

Knowing he was going to break down and not be able to leave her in a minute if he did not go then, he pushed his lips to her forehead. "I love you, Daisy. I love you more than anyone's ever been loved before."

And with those words he turned and headed towards Branson and the car. Jumping in to it, he did not turn back.

"Take me to the station – please just drive." He said to the chuffer. Her words rang in his ears; _the husband of my heart..._

"I love you an all," whispered Daisy feeling broken as she saw the car go down the drive. She had been so scared in her life – of everything. She was the sort of person who was afraid of her own shadow. Every time Mrs. Patmore shouted at her the fear of the devil was in her heart. But she did not think she had ever been as scared as she was when she saw the far take William from her.

They had put a brave face on it of course but her greatest fear was what everyone had been trying to combat. That there was a chance he was not going to come back from this god awful war.

A paternal hand on her shoulder made her turn and she saw Mr Carson there looking at her with sympathy and determination.

"He will be back."

"But what if he aint?" she said. "What if I've seen him for the last time?" She asked, rubbing her arm where he had touched her last, wishing his fingers could have lingered there a little longer.

"Then you saw him off bravely with a smile," He reassured her as he put his arm about her. "Come on Daisy, we should go inside and get you some hot sweet tea." He muttered.

He had had no idea that things had progressed between the young couple so far that they had spoke about marriage and he knew that had been the most upsetting part for all of them about his leaving - seeing the pair so in love but forced apart.

As he passed Mrs. Hughes he saw her face was dripping with tears still as was Anna's. Mary and Sybil were both as red eyed as their mother while the earl just looked heartbroken for all of them.

Daisy's hand clasped about her locket as they walked in to the house; it suddenly felt like the only reminder she had that the time her William had shared had been real; the only proof she had not dreamt him up.

XXX

Lady Mary Crawley unsurprisingly felt the need to go for a lie down later that day. She wondered what sort of goodbye Matthew would have given to her if they were married and he had to go to war.

_The husband of my heart..._

A tear fell on to her face for him and she wondered when she had become such a cry baby. She had been many things but never one of them. She wasn't one for tears normally. She had been about to try and read the book she had on her dressing table – _Emma_ by Jane Austen – having wiped her eyes, when a knock came on her door.

"Come in," she called and she was shocked to see Sybil there in floods still herself.

"I want to go and bring William back for Daisy myself," she shrugged. She knew it was silly, but it was the way she felt.

"Oh darling," said Mary as she opened her arms and the two of them embraced.

After a moment of silence, Sybil drew back. "Mary – what it is to be in love? How does it feel?"

"I think little Daisy might be able to answer that better than I can," said the eldest of the three Crawley girls but she saw the stubborn determined streak in her sister's eye that they shared. She had to answer Sybil's question.

"Well, I don't know – I suppose you just know it. You can try to question it and pretend it isn't happening to you but when it has there is nothing you can do."

"Mary, you make it sound like a disease!" laughed Sybil as her eyes at last begun to dry as her cynical sister tried to be there for her.

"Well, isn't it? It makes people's minds deranged that for sure. I think it makes us takes leave of our senses as well."

"I think you are right on that account," Sybil nodded as her mind wondered to Branson. She had taken leave her sense when she had fallen for him but now she had...

"Sybil, have you met someone?"

"Well – I don't know – I think so – papa would never approve but- oh Mary, I can't stop thinking about him!"...

Whatever she had thought Sybil had come to her to say that was not it. They had been back from London for so long that if her sister had had a beau then she would have known by now... he would have been writing... but then she had said there father would not approve.

"Can you tell me who it is?" she asked. "Do you want to?"

They were two questions Sybil had no answer too. She did not want to get Branson in to trouble and she was not sure of the reaction she was going to get from her big sister if she told her. If he was sent away she couldn't bare it.

May was not as conservative, as Edith was, but she knew neither was she as radical as she herself was. Yet she was her big sister and her best friend...

"I don't know... maybe in time... but I just had to talk to someone I could trust," she said to her gently to her as they held hands.

After the drive back he had dominated her thoughts. And if she had been in Daisy's position that morning she did not know how she would have coped. She did not think she was as strong as she appeared a lot of the time. In fact she knew she was not.

She would have crumbled.

And if he did go – which he had said he wouldn't – how was she to say goodbye? She could not cry on the drive way for him...

"Sybil, if you can't tell me then you just have to promise me you are going to be careful. And no matter what you do then if you are unsure you come and you talk to me first," she did not think her sister was as foolish as she and she did not think she would take a lover. But if she was considering it. "Do not spoil yourself dear sister."

If she did then she was going to be there for her as their mother had been for her. Their mother was going to be so preoccupied by the coming of the new child if Sybil did get into trouble then she was not going to be able to help her.

It would have to be there father. And that was a no go zone and they both knew it. As much as they were growing up, they were not going to take away from Robert the idea that they were his blue eyed girls.

No, she was going to be there for Sybil as she had been since they were tiny girls.

XXX

Robert Crawley sat in the library with Labrador at this side, a forgotten book in his hands. It had been quite a day for them all and not even thoughts of the new baby were able to cheer him at that moment. He had had it in his head he was going to make a start on his letters when he had gone into the library, but his mind kept on going back outside to the scene he had witnessed.

He understood that whether a man was a lord or a servant was really of no great importance - he was still a man and as he watched that poor girl and boy torn apart by war, he had felt an overwhelming sadness by it all and he knew he was not going to forget it in a hurry.

Pharaoh, knowing there was something bothering his master, put his head on his lap so Robert could stroke him gently as he considered what was in his thoughts.

He did not know why but when he had seen William go off to serve he had begun to feel guilty. When he had heard about the war, he had thought he had done his service, so he was going to be left in peace at Downton with his girls and his mother, his wife and the new baby when it came. But it seemed it was not to be, he saw that now.

If he knew his conscience at all then he knew he was going to have to satisfy it to get any peace out of his life. And it looked like to get that he was going to have to leave his family. His entirely beloved family.

And if he knew his wife at all he knew she was never going to forgive him for going at a time when he knew she needed him as well.

But he had made up his mind and he was going to go and serve once more. He had to do it.

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	7. Preparations

_Chapter 7: Preparations_

Although she admitted to herself freely serving at the hospital in Downton had not been what Sybil had wanted when she had first thought of becoming a nurse for the duration of the war. Now that she was there, she did at least feel as if she was doing something useful with her time which was more than what she could say to herself _before_ the war though.

She was going to be kept too busy there to even think about going overseas.

Besides if her family and Tom were at Downton, then what would be the point of her going away? Everyone she loved was there.

She wanted to be with them. And it was not just Tom. He was a good reason to stay but there were more, the new baby and her mother being one of them. She also had to keep her sisters from fighting like cat and dog.

Her mother was going to come to full term any day now. They were just waiting for the day to come really. She had to have her peace.

Yet the house was so full of excitement. Only that morning her father had taken her and her sisters to the nursery to show them it was at last ready for the child they all knew he hoped would be there baby _brother_.

The nearer it got to the child's birth; it seemed to her, the more on edge her father became which was not like him. But then she guessed they were all a little scared. Not so much for the child who they had been reassured growing healthy but for her mother who was already it seemed, to her, exhausted.

She was not as young as she had been.

So, all in all, she had to say she was glad when the end of the day came and she could go back to Downton. And there was another reason she liked to go home so much and that **was **the drive back. Ever since she had been working there her father had insisted she take the car down and Branson pick her up. She did not know why as she had told him she was more than capable of walking but she was certainly not going to protest _too _much when it meant she got some time with Tom.

And as she came out of the hospital as ever he was waiting for her. It was a drisly day – she would normally make straight for car. The only problem was cousin Isobel was with her. Not that she minded. She liked her.

"How is Cousin Matthew? We have heard so little of him since he has left..." she asked her.

In spite of her infatuation with Tom, she did think of Matthew still, though she had never seen him that way. If there had been those who had disliked him when he had first come to Downton, she had not been one of them. She had found him rather fascinating. She had had no reason to dislike him. the entail had been nothing to do with her after all.

And she had continued too. Due to his middle class roots, she had found he was able to tell her a lot more about the real world than those about her at the big house could and she did miss him now he was not about.

"I got a letter this morning," she said with the sad soft smile of a mother who was missing her only child. "He is quite well back in Manchester. He has been asked to stay on at his practise, which is a blessing."

"So he is not going to be going to the front," she said, glad of the fact. That was going to be comfort to all at the house stead. Even though he had left Downton and he was still the heir; she knew there were a lot of people there who still had a lot of time for him and missed Matthew.

"Well, not any time soon and with any luck the war will not go on long enough for him to get there at all."

She did not want her son to be in the fire line; what mother did?

"When you write to him please send my regards and let him know we do miss him." she said.

"Very well Sybil, though I do think maybe it would mean more coming from your own pen than mine," Isobel suggested as she went off to Crawley house, preferring to eat their most nights now rather than have to be faced with a night with Violet and Mary.

Sometimes Sybil knew how she felt.

"Good afternoon my lady," said Branson as she got closer to him and he gave her a grin. The more he drove her, the closer they were getting and even for her who had been brought up, in part, at least, by a very rigid grandmother could not see any more where the line between the two of them should fall. Even if she did not feel that she was feeling for him, she should still liked to think the informality that was between them would exist as their friendship developed.

But they both knew it was more than that now.

"Good afternoon Branson," she said as he opened the door for her and let jump up in to the car.

"Satisfactory day, my lady?" he asked as he clambered in to the front of the car and begun the engine.

"It was thank you," she said to him with a smile. "How was yours?"

"Well, it is much better now," he said flirtatiously and he watched in the mirror as she sat back with a smile on her face, as she tried to decide how to take it and what to say in response. He had a deep respect for her father and he did believe he was a kind employer, but that did not mean he was not going to pursue Sybil.

What with his socialist beliefs, he had managed to convince himself that pursing her was not going to be such an issue; though he did not think Hughes or Carson would see it that way if he told him so. In fact, he thought Carson was so loyal to his lord that he might very well just knock him into next week if he knew.

But they were just two people; class should not even be a factor.

"Well, I am glad," she said finally settling on flirting back with him. He did not know why she still had to think about it. They both knew they were going to be together, deep down– it was a question of when now, not if.

But he knew he was going to have to let it happen when she saw that it could. She did have a lot on her mind with her training and the arrival of the baby, who they were preparing for as if it was going to be a Prince of Wales.

God, he knew he shouldn't – but part of him prayed it was a girl.

The cycle had to end didn't it? And if his lord only got girls then he was going to have to give it to Matthew - and then if he only had girls...

Well, it had to end some where did it not?

As the pulled into the drive, he sighed. This was the part of driving her he hated. Letting her go out of the car and back into the house where formality was to keep them apart. He_ did _feel as if he was betraying the trust of those he worked with as well as the Earl. He did feel guilty over the way he felt, even though he knew he wasn't doing anything wrong; but when she was so incredibly passionate, intelligent and beautiful, who on the world would blame him for relishing the time the two of them got to spend together?

He was a red blooded man after, all wasn't he?

"I have to go," she said to him as she read his thoughts. She wished she had the courage to push things on between them but she knew one days soon she was going to have that strength and then there was going to be no stopping the two of them what so ever. But it wasn't yet.

"Have a good night, and I will see you tomorrow," He said to her gently and she nodded to him with a smile.

Getting out the car, her feet crunched against the gravel and she run towards the house so that she did not look back at him. She did not want too. Her feelings and her emotions were too much for her; she did not quite understand them. She was nearly nineteen and she was passionate and not only about politics; but she had never...

Before she got to the door, as usual it was opened and it was Mrs. Hughes who greeted her as she went in that day.

"Good evening, Lady Sybil," she said to her as she came in.

"And to you to, Mrs Hughes," she said as she took off her coat and gave it to Anna who was also there. "Evening Anna, is papa in the library?" she asked.

"Yes Lady Sybil," she said to her and she was soon walking towards that way. Sybil was glad to be home in the warm. It was not going to be long until winter really did set in. She had been able to see her breathe come out of the house that morning.

She knocked on the door and walked in. "Oh papa," she said as she realised she had been so trapped in her own thoughts she had not waited for him to say to go in to the room. He was not alone. "Sorry Carson, papa, I'll come back later," she said as she made to close the door.

"Was it anything important, darling?" her father inquired.

"No, I was just going to say I am home and to see how your day went. I'll go and check on mama." she said as she left the room and the two men to it.

After nodding to his daughter, the earl turned back to his butler. "Please go on, Carson," said the earl as he sat back in his chair and waited for the butler to say what he had come to.

"It is just to say that the new nurse has arrived this morning in anticipation of the arrival of the new baby," he said with a soft smile. The closer it got to it the more he and no one else in the house could wait for the arrival. It had to be any day now.

He knew Mrs. Hughes was looking forward to it more than she would admit too. Daisy was knitting booting and cardigans even as they spoke for the little one. Poor girl, she had to be entertained every waking moment since...

"I am glad," He said quietly. "Carson..." he knew he should be asking a lot more about the person who was going to be taking care of his child but he had to tell Carson what he had done. What he had decided.

Carson had been at Downton as long as he could remember. He was a decade older than he was and while they had been formal with one another since he had been a teen, when he had been a child he had seen him as a bit of a big brother.

"My Lord," he asked.

"Why don't you sit down? I need to tell you something," he admitted.

Carson did as he was told and sat on the sofa. But he did not need to be told. He knew what was going to happen. He knew what he was going to say.

"I have written to the Home Office – I am soon going to be leading my old battalion once more."

Carson took a sharp intake of breath in and sighed. As much as he had seen it coming, he had not wanted to hear it. "Well, I am sorry to hear it sir but I –" his concern for him was growing even if his lord was not in the field of action yet. If Robert had given his life over to Downton then Carson had given his to his lord.

"You knew I was going to go?" he nodded.

"Yes I did my lord, I think I did. I take it her ladyship is as of yet unaware of this fact?" he questioned.

"Yes, she is and I want Cora to remain in her blissful ignorance until after she has had the baby, I am not going to have her under any strain," he said with authority even though he knew he did not have to say this so strongly to Carson. He was not going to betray him – in all the years they had been living together, Carson he did not think had ever put a foot wrong. Not really. "I am going to have to start getting ready – you and Bates are the only ones to know for now. I would tell the girls so that they were able to get ready for it, but as it is, I don't know if it would be the right thing to do. They would be too tempted to their mother and so for now it is only going to be us," He said with a sigh.

He did not want to leave his family but he _had _to do this.

"Very well, my lord. If there is anything I can do for you then all you have to do is ask."

"Thank you, Carson. As ever, I know I can count on you. It means a lot," he said as the butler realised he was about to be dismissed. The two of them looked at one another and Robert tried to find the right words for the moment.

He did not think he could go as far to call Carson his friends for the walls between them were to great and he knew Carson would not even want him to try and knock them down. They were the rules he had lived his life by. But he had to say something...

"Carson, when I do go, Cora will be here as mistress here, of course, but she will have so much on her mind with the little one, I don't think she would mind me saying that really, I leave Downton in your care. That way I know I don't even have to worry about the house, not even a little."

The thick lump in Carson's throat bloated as they looked at one another and he merely nodded. There was nothing else he could do. On one level they were complete equals. Charles Carson might not be a Crawley by name but he was at heart and Robert knew he cared for the house and the family just as much as he did.

"I trust you will also keep an eye on the girls."

"Two sir, at all times."

The two of them understood that the moment was at an end and Carson had been about to go – and it soon became apparent that Robert was going to have to as well as Anna came into the room, without so much as knocking.

"My Lord, I am so sorry for bursting it but her ladyship's waters have burst – the baby is coming!"

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	8. The Waiting Game

**Chapter 8**

"Oh my Lord, Robert," said Cora as she lay back on the bed her latest contraction passed. Her three daughters stood on the other side of the bed to their father as he came rushing into the room. She knew he was not going to stay for the duration because she would not allow him to - she never had in spite of him asking when they had been young. He had had the good sense to not ask that time. The last thing she needed was for him to stay and see her in the state she was soon going to be in. But she had wanted to see him before it got too bad.

She had to see his face.

The three girls knew they were in love they knew but the two of them were always careful not to be too affectionate about them. They had never wanted the girls to learn about 'life' from the two of them.

But at that moment, Robert did not care who was in the room asides himself and his wife.

"Darling," he said as he dropped to his knees by his side taking her hand and kissing it as he did so.

Her uneven breathing suggested to him she had been in labour quite some time, implying the servants and the girls to keep it from him so he would not worry his mother who would then not have time to get there. Violet had not been Cora's first choice of birthing companion when she had been big with Mary but she had had to accept her. By the time Sybil was on her way, Cora had made sure things were very different.

Her hand reached for his cheek as his own brushed away the sweaty hair that covered her cheeks. "It's ok; it's all going to be well, my darling." He said as he kissed her treasuring everything about his sweet Cora. His lovely wife...

"Robert, I want you to know how very much I love you – but I swear if you ever get me pregnant a fifth time that is viable to change!" she said to him giggling hysterically.

She didn't remember it hurting so much.

As she felt next contraction she had to bit her tongue to keep her girls from hearing her from cursing. She could not wait for them and Robert to remove themselves so she might be as potty mouthed as she liked.

He smiled knowing he had better take his cue to leave soon if he did not want any more stress on her shoulders.

He bent over her one last time to push his lips to her forehead. There had never been another women in the world for him and there never could be. There was **only** his Cora.

"Come girls," he said as he went to his daughters, who all looked as if the last thing in the world they wanted to do was to leave there beloved mother but each of them knew much better than to argue with their father when he took that tone of voice with them.

He barely saw them though so focused was he on his wife in those last few seconds as he headed towards the door. And then they were out of the room and the waiting game begun.

"Miss Burrows, perhaps it is best that you go and wait outside her ladyships room ready for when the baby comes," suggested Mrs. Hughes as she went into the kitchen to see she was still there, which she had to say she was rather shocked at. She hoped they had done the right thing when they had taken her on. There would be no slackers at Downton whilst she was housekeeper.

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes," the young women nodded.

At twenty five years of age Alice Burrows had already been nurse to two other children making this her third position; but she would happily admit that she had never worked at a house such as Downton before. She had been working her way up and now she felt as if she had made it. She was not going to mess to up.

She knew from experience it was going to take her a little time to settle into the house and the servants quarter. She was an outsider as far as they were concerned. That was fine as long as she felt she was integrated in slowly.

Her black hair was put up in a bun and her jade green eyes were cast down as she made her way out of the kitchen. Her figure was hardly slender and she was hardly graceful; but she prided herself on her hard work and with any luck, she _was_ going to be able to settle in, though she had no idea how long she was going to be there – there were no certainty's any more.

"She seems a tad dozy for my liking," said Mrs. Hughes as she walked into see Anna and Bates sitting at the table with Daisy. With the food all prepared and none of the young ladies or the lord of the manor wanting to change the three of them had found themselves at a loose end.

"She is alright or at least, will be once she has found her feet," Anna gave her opinion with a smile. She was always likely to see the best in people though, thought Mrs. Hughes.

"Well, all the same I don't know if I am too happy with her, not when she is going to be in charge of the little one. We are going to have to wait and see how she does I guess though," she said with an unhappy shrug. She would voice her concerns to Carson at a later date to if the persisted.

The two of them shared a smile knowing once she had settled in Mrs. Hughes was going to take to her just fine as she did every one else.

"So what happens now?" asked Mr. Bates from where he sat.

"We do the only thing we can. We wait."

Mary and Sybil much to Edith's annoyance took the seats on the sofa next to there father when they got to the library. She had hoped she was going to be able to support him when the baby came but no – as usual, it seemed as if her dear sisters were intent on pushing her out and as a result she sat on the opposite sofa with only Pharaoh for company.

Sybil and Mary each held one of their fathers hands as they sat at his side and Robert relished the attention the girls gave him; he recalled how he had thought he wouldn't change a hair on their heads. Come what may, he knew his girls were going to be at his side. And he was going to miss them so much when he had to leave them...

"No matter what comes, I want the three of you to know," he said as he looked across at Edith to make sure he knew he was talking to her as well as his eldest and youngest. "That even if I do not tell you as much as I should, I love you all very much, all three of you girls. You may be grown, but you remain as lovely and young to me as you were as when you were eight, six and four, running about playing hide and seek."

That was how he saw the three of them when he thought of them. He knew it was silly for they were a lot bigger now and they had not played such games since they had been very small. But he was their father and he could not help it if he had adored them.

Sybil giggled at the memory as she brought her head down to rest on his shoulder. "You are my baby daughter, no matter what," he said as he kissed his forehead. "And Edith you are my bright star – and Mary – _darling_ Mary, you are my first born angel."

"Papa, are you quite sure you have not had too much port tonight?" asked Edith.

"Yes my darling I am," It broke his heart he was going to have to leave them so soon. But when he left he was going to take with him the picture of three remarkable young women. "Nothing can or will change the way I feel about you girls, you must know that." He told them.

"Papa?" asked Mary. It was beginning to feel like too much of a goodbye for her liking and she knew there was something he was not owning up too. He was holding something back and she could not stand that feeling.

She had been about to ask when the door flew open and Carson came in. They all stood up to greet him.

"Well, Carson?" he asked.

For the first time ever, Carson let his employer see him shed a silent tear. He did not know if it was happy or sad – happy for the estate, but sad for his poor Lady Mary. "My Lord, the honour has fallen to me to tell you with delight that Downton, at last, has an heir. Her ladyship has delivered a son. Of perfectly healthy son."

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**Author Note:** sorry if Robert went a bit out of character in that end scene with the girls. It just made sense in my mind he would be mega emotional at that point, loving the girls and Cora as he does, waiting for the birth of his baby and knowing that he was leaving them all.

Can I also say a massive THANK YOU to the person/people who put me up for the Highclere awards? I've now been writing FF for seven years and this is the first time I've been nominated for something so thank you very much indeed – it made my day!


	9. Matters of Life and Death

_Chapter 9: Matters of Life and Death_

The Countess of Grantham lay back in her bed and breathed a sigh of relief but her eyes did not wonder from the buddle in her arms. Wrapped in the blankets was her son.

Her baby boy.

It seemed miraculous that when she had given up all hope of ever having a son, she should at last deliver a boy. But she had - _she had_! She had done her duty and she had given the estate an heir. Robert's blood line would continue. She was sure there were going to be those who rather she had not. But she did not care for them. There were at that moment only five people in the world she really cared for at that moment, the four who she had given birth too, the fifth was of course their father. Now she and the child had been cleaned up, it was Robert who her eyes desired. Only for him would she take her eyes off her son.

"You have a rival for my heart," she told her husband as he crawled on to the bed and their daughters gathered about her.

"Oh, he can take it," said Robert as he looked at his sons face for the very first time.

"Mama, he's perfect." Said Sybil as she felt happy tears well into her eyes. She had never revelled in her status as the baby of the family and she was only too happy to pass it on to the already treasured little boy.

They had a boy and it was going to change everything. Cora looked at Mary and she saw that she knew now everything for Matthew was over. He had no reason to be there as long as there was an heir and now there was.

So it was done with. The provincial lawyer would not call this home because Downton and everything in it was going to go to the baby in the blankets.

And yet Mary did feel some joy. The baby's life was not yet entirely political and he was her little brother. She could take some happiness from his birth could she not?

Her mother had nothing to be sorry for. She was glad. Even in her exhaustion, Cora noted her daughters courageous smile.

"Here Robert," she said as she passed the child over to him. "Hold your son... and your namesake."

The two of them had not spoken about names. She had been too concerned the child should be healthy first and then they could get into rows about names when it came and when they knew the sex. But as soon as she had seen him, he had been the image of his father in miniature for her and she knew she had to call him Robert, she had too! Besides she had never met a better man in the world than her husband. It was only right their baby should bear his name.

He looked at her as if he was going to protest that he should not be a little Robert but then he shook his head, knowing that he was not going to win at that moment.

Besides he knew they were going to be arguing soon... he wanted to put it off as long as he could.

As he kissed the child he looked across the room at Carson, the only man in the room who truly understood what was going on and he felt his heart sink.

He could not believe he was going to leave all of this – he only knew he was.

"So at last it is settled," said Edith as she sat with her sisters in the library once more, having deduced it was best to give the parents some time alone with the new child. "The estate will go to Robert."

"Yes, none of us needed you to point it out," Mary said as she tried to keep a cap on the fact that she wanted nothing more than to be rather rude to her sister at that moment. She did not know how Edith aroused this violent feeling in her just by walking into a room.

"And Mathew will not inherit."

"And Anthony might have breathed his last – I hear France is not particularly nice this time of year, especially with a war on."

Well, keeping her cool had failed and she knew from the look on her darling Sybil's face she did not approve of what she had said to Edith. But like most things, she had had it coming to her. Edith needed taking down a peg or two – and it often seemed she was the only women about to do it. It was no wonder she didn't like her much.

"Can the two of you stop it? Just for tonight for pities sake!" said Sybil to them, taking on the role of the elder sister if neither of them were going to be bothered to do it themselves. "Our baby brother has only just come in to the world," she said to them.

"It is not as if the child is here now," Edith said cuttingly, meaning that naturally Mary was going to side with Sybil, even if she herself did not like the tone her youngest sister had taken with them both. Mary was a lioness when it came to her youngest sister.

"But father and mama need us to be there for the two of them now instead of thinking of ourselves," Mary snapped back as Carson walked into the room, having knocked.

She had to say she was glad to see him. Even more than her parents, ever since she had been a tiny girl, he had been the one to champion her above her sisters; not because she was the eldest, but because she was herself. He was the only one who had never made her feel as if she had to be anything other than herself and for that, even if he did not know it, he had her devotion.

"My ladies, your father has told me to come to you and tell you that he is going to settle in for the night with your brother and mother for the night. He bids you goodnight."

"The boy has been here but five minutes and father can only be bothered to speak to us through the butler. Wonderful," sighed Edith. Sick of her sister and still feeling a slight annoyance with Sybil for being so – well very, _Sybil_ like, she stormed out of the room without bidding any of them good night.

"It's no wonder Sir Anthony changed his mind," murmured Mary as she smiled. She did not regret what she had done when he had put him off of his sister. As far as she was concerned she had done the poor man a favour when she had realised him from any arrangement he might have foolishly put himself in with Edith.

Both Sybil and Carson looked as if they were trying to muster some sort of defence for Edith out of duty.

But just then, neither of them could do it. As far as Sybil was concerned, they could be vile as they liked to one another, but she knew she was always going to have a lot more in common with Mary. The two of them had always stuck by one another as far back as they were able to remember. When they had been small girls and they had done wrong and been called before there granny for an ear bashing; only one of them had placed the blame. The other two has stuck together and taken the punishment.

It was not hard to figure out which girls had been which.

"I think I am going to follow her up," said Sybil. "I have another day at the hospital tomorrow and I want to be my best for. Mary," she said as she gave her sister a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight darling Sybil."

"Good night Carson," she said as she passed him and gave him a smile which he warmly returned. A Butler did have his favourites after all, and she was second in his affections only to the eldest Lady Crawley. At that moment.

"Well, Carson, we have an heir at last." She said to him with a sigh.

"Yes," he said as he wondered how she had really taken it. When they had been up in her ladyship's room he had thought she had seemed wonderfully composed. But he fancied he knew her well enough to know what you saw was rarely what you got with her.

"My Lady, what I said that night in the guest room has not been altered and nor will it ever be," he told her.

He knew it was not a butlers place to reassure a young lady of her position in his own heart but he did not think a lot of butlers had been with their families as long as he had been with the Crowley's. Nor did he think there were a lot of Lady Mary's in the world.

He had been there for her since she had been a child more like a doting uncle than a Butler at times. She was glad even if they had to worry about every other man in Britain going to war, then they did not have to worry about him going.

He wouldn't leave Downton even if it was a sailing ship that was going down.

He had given his life over to them.

"Quite right too," she said with a grateful smile that told him how glad she was she could depend on him, even if she did not tell him so in so many words. "I think I am going to go to bed as well. No doubt with the new arrival we are all going to be needed all the sleep we can get," She pointed out as she headed for the door, pausing only to lay her hand on his and kiss his cheek goodnight in a rare display of affection. "Goodnight, and thank you Carson," she said gently and he nodded. "Thank you for everything."

As long as he knew she was ok, then so was he.

Excitement as well as nerves kept Robert up that night – as well as guilt.

He had lain in bed with Cora until she was asleep which had not been long, as the poor thing was so exhausted from the events of the day, and then he crept out.

He had never been much of a night time person but he knew he was going to get no sleep that night and so he did not see the point in even trying.

Every time he shut his eyes he saw his baby son. He had a baby son. Robert.

He did not think he had ever done his forefathers so proud. He had been so frustrated when he had not been able to do the simple task of given his estate an heir. He hoped Cora had not noticed because he would hate to think she had and that she blamed herself. No, he had been the one who had been born with Downton... he had to be the one, with aid, to secure the succession.

And now, together, they had. Part of him was more relaxed about going to the war now. He wanted nothing more than to stay home and watch his son grow tall. But if he could not do that, then at least he was going to have the comfort of knowing his successor was ready to stand in his stead.

If the battle went ill, Lord Robert Crawley would still rule at Downton, or he would do in a few years.

And with Cora and Carson to guide him then the child was going to do just fine. If he did not return to his family they would be fine.

He had made his way down to the library to find even Pharaoh was sleep so he was shocked when he heard the door crept open after him.

"Darling, you should be in bed," he said as he rushed to Cora's side. She was the last person he had expected to see. It was so late, she had to rest...

"No Robert," she said seriously. She was not protesting against going back to bed.

He saw it in her eyes that she knew what he was going to do. He had thought he had kept it from her well but apparently not. The thing was they had lived together too long and they knew one another's character _too_ well. His heart and mind could hold no secrets from her.

"Robert, you are not going to do this, you will not do it to _me_," She said as the tears well in her eyes and fall on to her cheeks. When she had been on the way down, she had been praying he was not going to know what she was on about and then he would protect he was doing nothing. But he was too honest for it.

She had known as soon as she had woken to find he was not at her side. It was his conscience that kept him up, only ever his conscience. Other than that he had slept like a stone every night since they had been wed.

A tear trickled down her face as she mounted her protest in the face of what he was going to do. She did not believe she had worked it out in** this** moment. It was meant to be the happiest moment of her life when she had, at last, triumphed.

"Robert, you cannot rob me of my happiness."

"I must do as my conscience tells me."

"Then I damn your conscience to hell! Robert, go to the nursery and look in the crib. There is a boy a few hours old who _needs_ his father's guidance's. And then you go to three rooms on the second floor of this house and you tell me those girls – yes girls, none of them are women yet – and you tell me they do not need your paternal love, and then you tell me what your consciences orders you to do. And then if none of that has persuaded you to stay, then you look at me. Me, Robert! I need you in a way I never have before," she said as her anger increased. She was being so pathetic and she was loathe to let him see her this way. But she was tired and emotional and she could not bear the thought of being separated from him for anything in the world at that moment, let alone a war!

It had to be the day for tears he thought because what she said drove him to them. "I do not want to leave you or the children," he shook his head as he took her in his arm to be met by a stiff response. In spite of the fact she had just had their fourth child and was in floods of tears, she was not going to fall in to his arms. "But if England calls, then I must answer."

"And what of my call Robert? You are my best friend, you are my husband and yes – you are my lover. You're everything to me and so I beg you once more do not rob me of my life's joy. Not when it is just completed. Do not rob me of yourself."

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	10. The Reality Of War

_Chapter 10: The Reality Of War_

The war became real at Downton it seemed to Mrs. Hughes the day when the first list of the dead came. A couple of the lads in the village who had signed up had already lost their lives. But as they poured over the list of the dead, they were overjoyed to realise Williams name was not there. For then it was ok. He was alive.

But she knew from that day on Daisy was going to feel sick until she had checked the paper. It was always going to be the worst part of her day. As well as the best, if god willed it.

She did not think she was overly religious but she found herself praying to the lord more and more of late to keep William alive.

He had to make it home.

Yet, she thought, if they needed any other proof that Downton was in favour of late with him then she need go no further than the nursery.

The baby had come at the right time there was no debate about it. They had needed the ray of hope and the child still would have been that if little Robert had been a girl. It had been too long since there had been a child in the house and she thought that as one who was able to clearly remember little baby Lady Mary crawling about on the floor on her father's study.

She had always believed the Earl of Grantham to be a good father and she knew the three girls were proud to call him theirs. But for how much longer?

The rumour mill at Downton was in full swing – his lordship was the next to be going away to war.

She did not think she had ever heard such nonsense in all of her life. His lordship had fought in the last war – there was no need she could see for him to do so this time. He had to be at Downton with his baby, his daughters, his wife and his mother. She did not like to think how the three girls would react if he went away.

And so she went around her duties telling anyone who asked her if it was true that it was rubbish. That was why when Carson confided the truth in her latter that night; she was so surprised to hear it was the truth.

The three young ladies of the house were as shocked as anyone else when they found out the news, yet they were also the most terrified. As Cora knew and the servants did too, Robert was sure the girls had an idea as to what was going on and he wanted them to hear it from him – and then he would go and tell the dowager countess.

Hewas not looking forward to any of it.

He sat the three girls down on the sofa opposite him and stood before them. He pondered maybe it would have been best to wait till that night, to give them one more day off peace. Yet he had to get to them before anyone else could. He had called Sybil back from the hospital to tell her with her sisters he was going to be leaving them and now they were before him. Sybil looked so grown up in her uniform.

When his daughter had answered the call to uniform so quickly, how could he not?

She held both her sisters hands as they sat there, Edith having forgotten her annoyance with her now something so serious was so clearly afoot.

"Now, I think the three of you know why I have called you here today – but before I start, I want to say, I want no tears from any of you. We are at war girls, and I am afraid that means you are all going to have to grow up a lot quicker than I intended you too," he said with a deep sigh. They all nodded bravely it seemed to him but he knew they were not going to get through the interview without weeping, despite what he had said. How could they?

"Now, I am going to go to France, having heard back from the Home Secretary who passed my letter on to Kitchener. It seems by this time next week I will have left you," he admitted, his face turned to the window. "I know you girls are going to be alright in my absent. You are good, wonderful, brave girls and I trust in that goodness, as well as your virtue." Mary felt as if her father had kicked her in the stomach.

"But what I really want to ask is that the three of you be a comfort not only to one another but also to darling Mama. She is quite distressed by my decision as I am sure you have realised and she is going to need all the help you can give her right now, with the house, as well as your brother.

"I will be behind the lines a lot of the time. There will be no account to worry for me."

"Papa, you're going to a war zone," Said Mary with a shake of her head. "How can we not worry for you?"

He had seen that question coming and he did not know how he was meant to answer it. He had always hoped he was going to be able to answer his girl's questions no matter what they were but it seemed the war had already robbed him of that.

"I don't know. I don't know."

He turned to see all of them had silent tears rolling down their cheeks. But the real surprise was when he realised his own cheeks were wet as well.

John Bates had been among the first to hear his lord was going back to war and for a moment he wondered if he should go back with him. No one had ever been so good to him as the Earl of Grantham had been unless it was the head housemaid at his establishment.

But he knew with his dishonourable discharge and his injury, he was going to be no good to man or beast in France. No, the best thing for him was to stay there and help Carson and the ladies.

He knew his limits and he was not going to fool himself by trying to over reach himself.

Besides, he had said to Anna he was not going to leave her and he was not going to break his word – not to her. She who had become so important to him.

As he sat on his break in the kitchen, she came in and gave him a soft smile. The two of them were closer than they had been so far and both of them could feel it. It was no good trying to deny it. And so instead of sitting on the opposite side of the table to him, she went to his side and gently took his hand.

And he had let her - he was done with fighting his feelings. As long as it stayed honourable. "I did not think his lordship was going to go back to war," she said to him.

"Neither did I. But it does seem he feels as if he has to. I think it was seeing William go off that did it to him," he analysed softly. They had all found it hard when he had gone but to know you could go and not, when you had seen such an emotional good bye... when you had seen how honourable and brave he had been.

Well, he knew if he could, then perhaps, if he had not given his word to Anna, he would be following. But he couldn't and he was glad of it and he was too much of a fool to say otherwise to himself.

"Anna, I have been thinking a lot on William and Daisy's good bye as well," He sighed. It was an inevitably that they all should. "And I think it is time I found ,my wife," he told her.

She felt as if he had twisted a knife into her gut. She had thought the two of them were getting a lot closer – so for him to say...

"Mr Bates, I don't understand – I know you have had your reservation over the two of us, but-" Anna fumbled but he shook his head.

"You misunderstand me. I am not looking for her to seek a reconciliation but so that I can seek a divorce. Anna, I know I have never been as open as I should have been with you or told you just how much affection I feel for you, but if the truth is known, and I feel it must be now –" he said he squeezed her hand with one and brushed the other up against her cheek, "but – Anna, I adored you. And I want to be free so I can be with you – make an honest women out of you as you deserve to be – _if _you'll have me..." he trailed off...

"Mrs Bates, don't play with me," she said as a single crystallized tear feel from her eye.

"I am not. Anna, from the day I met you – you are the apple of my eye. And I want to make you my wife."

"Yes! Yes..." she said as she laughed through her tears. And in a most unlady fashion, she jumped off of her chair and into his arms and at last, they kissed...

They kissed for a long time.

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	11. Duty Bound

_Chapter 11: Duty Bound_

_My darling Daisy,_

_I am so sorry about my lack of letters. I meant to write to you a lot sooner, but I have not had the chance nor opportunity to post them. It is only a quick note to say that I love you, and I miss you. I am safe and well, but I long for Downton and for your arms._

_Stay there, stay safe._

_I remain,_

_Your William. _

* * *

><p>The more she tried to tell herself it had not happened, the more it became real to her that it had. As Cora sat in her room with her baby boy in her arms, she sighed. She had been so, so happy when she had him. She had had everything she had ever dreamt of, if only for a few moments.<p>

Why was Robert doing it to her? _Why_?

The thing was she was not as scared for the husband as she was for the friend she had in him. He was the one she went to when she needed advice or she needed to talk and she had so been looking forward to growing old with him as they watched their boy grow.

It had seemed everything was going to plan...

She had thought if only she had been able to settle the girls then it was going to be ok, all would be well. But she had known for a long time one trouble did not come alone and it never world.

But she was not one to wallow, she reminded herself. And as much as Robert had a duty to his country, she had a duty to her husband. And that duty was to do what she had always done. She had to stand at his side and tell him how loved he was.

And just as that poor little kitchen girl had, when she saw her love drive away, she had to say goodbye with a smile.

"O'Brian," she called her maid who seemed to be at her side constantly now Thomas was gone. She had to say, she was grateful for it though. She knew a lot people did not like her but she did and she always had.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Can you please call Mrs. Hughes to me? If his lordship is to leave us, then we must make sure he goes with everything he is going to need when he is away," She said with a brave smile.

She knew she had to lead from the front and Robert was going to expect them all to brave in his absence. And as much as she had an actual baby to deal with, she had three other babies' as well who needed her just as much as her son did. Now she had him, she was not going to just forget about her beautiful baby girls who had been her entire life for the past twenty years. She knew they were going to want to know she was there for her.

"Miss Burrows," she said as her sons nurse came into the room. She kissed the sleeping form of her darling boy. He was at least going to be a comfort to her, no matter what. "If he wakes, please bring him back to me right away."

It was time for her to get a grip and do what he needed her too. "Yes, my lady," said the young girl as she took her boy from the room.

A knock soon told her the housekeeper was there.

"Dear Mrs Hughes, I was wondering if we might go over the things his lordship is going to need to take with him when he goes to the front line. It might be best if we call for Mr Bates as well to lead a hand," She said.

And that was the moment the war became real for Lady Cora Crawley.

* * *

><p>Sybil was quiet through-out the drive and that was how Tom Branson knew there was something wrong. His lively lady usually spoke to him about something political or something to do with the day when they were driving but she was so quiet and pale.<p>

"Is everything ok?" he had thought she would tell him why she had been called home from the hospital the day before as soon as she had got in the car, but that was not to be. He had seen them as a lot closer than they were apparently.

"No," Sybil said and she offered no more. She had not thought he was going to go. When she had thrown herself into war work - when she had thought she was going to go to the front, that had been fine. But she could not bear the thought of losing her precious papa to the war.

It couldn't happen. It just couldn't.

Not when baby Robert had just joined there family, it wasn't fair. She did not want him to go.

As soon as Branson saw her lip wobble, he stopped the car where they were.

She was not entirely shocked by the way he acted. She knew him well enough to know he did genuinely care for her and that he had her best interest at heart, just as she had his. She had proved that to him when she had fought for his job.

"Right," he said as he got out of the front and into the back trying desperately to break down the class barriers which had been keeping him from her for too long because he had to say he was sick to the back teeth of them. He could not stand the thought that they were so far away from one another when they were so close.

If she had been a farmer's daughter, then he knew he would have made her his by then. But as it was, she was a lady. Yet, he was so sick of treating her as this.

"We are going nowhere until you tell me what is going on," he explained gently, glad that the car was hidden amongst the trees that lead to Downton on the deserted road. No one would see the two of them there.

She had been about to order him to stop acting as he was for it was inappropriate but - she did not have the strength to reject him anymore because she did not want him too. She wanted him.

Instead of telling him what had happened, she did the thing she had been longing to for so long. She threw his arms about him.

She did not think she had ever been so glad he was a socialist and so not going to war. She needed him to be there for her.

"He is going to be going to war. Papa is leaving us."

As soon as he had seen the state she had got herself into, he had known deep down it was going to be something to do with the war but he had not thought to hear the news his lord was going to be going.

"Oh, I am so sorry," he said as he held Sybil. Just like everyone about, he knew how much the Earl meant to his daughters. He had thought he was going to sit out the war at Downton with his family just as he had been planning too. But it seemed not.

"I cannot bear to think of him in France," she realised and she suddenly knew what she might have been asking him when she had thought to go. It was not a game anymore. Men were dying when they got there... they were not coming home...

She knew there were thousands of people all over the country in the position she was in but she did not want to be there...

She just did not want too.

She loved her father so much. And she was only just figuring it out, just how much he meant to her, right then.

* * *

><p>The Earl had been planning to go to his mother but his mother came to him. Somehow, whatever was going on in Downton she knew about it before he had a chance to get to her. He had been spending a moment with his son before he had been planning to go to her when she strolled in. If he could count on one woman alone in his life not to mince her words, it was his loving mother.<p>

"Mama," he greeted her as he cradled the sleeping baby, keeping his voice soft. He wanted to remember all about this little boy when he went away from him.

He traced his little nose with his finger and smiled. Children were so magical at this age.

"Tell me what they are saying is not true. Tell me you are not going to France," she said as her nostrils flared telling him that she was not happy about this and she was not going to be no matter how he tried to dress it up. He had not skirted about it with the girls so he was not going to cover it from him mother, though. Ever since he had been a very small boy he had been unable to lie to her. She had always figured him out.

"I wish I could but I can't," he sighed as he stroked his little son's hand. He was so, so beautiful and precious. And all the hopes he had for the future were invested in him now. Robert and his wonderful sisters.

"You can't be this foolish, Robert," Violet whispered. She was_ so_ angry with him. When he had gone to serve it had been different. He had been so young and... "Not even you."

How dare he do it to them? To her...

He could not think to leave the family... at this moment in time; it was not fair on any of them.

And yet she felt a fierce pride in the boy as well for what he was going to do. It showed she had brought him up right. He knew she felt she had to protest over what he was doing but he was going. He** was** going.

She did not think she had ever felt so much pride or loss as she saw her two lovely Roberts together. She had so wanted a grandson. But she never wished to feel the pain of a loss of her own baby.

Why was he doing this to her?

"I do love you," She said quietly, averting her eyes.

"I know mama, and I love you. And I love Cora, and this child, and my three beautiful girls. But I am an Englishman and I love my country as well. I have to go..."

* * *

><p>Sybil lay in Tom's arms. His arm was wrapped about her, his hand on her hip. The two of them had never been so close and they knew if they had ever tried to fight what they were feeling then they were not going to be doing so any more.<p>

The daughter of an Earl and the revolutionary chauffeur were going to be fighting this war together, come what may. And as long as that was the case then they were going to get through it.

"You know, my lady, we can ever go back from today," he said as he kissed her forehead and she nodded.

"I adore that fact. But... I am only 'my lady' when we are with others now," she said with a smile. "Asides that, when we are alone – I am Sybil. I am your Sybil." She said knowing that they were going to be missing her at the hospital if they did not going soon.

"Then I really have got you, haven't I?" he said with a grin.

"Heart, mind and soul."

Of the three, it was her mind he treasured the most at that moment. And yet it was going to be her heart he swore to protect.

"We had better get to the hospital," he said with a sigh. Kissing her nose he unwrapped his arm from her and as soon as he did, he longed for the intimacy they had just shared. It had been such a wonderful moment. There would be many more he promised himself.

"Very well."

Just before he got back into the front he leaned back into the back to steal once last kiss from the women who had been his mistress just minutes before hand. But the only part of him she was mistress of now was his heart.

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	12. Another Goodbye

_Chapter 12: Another Goodbye_

Anna, Bates, Mrs Hughes, Carson, Alice sat down with Mrs Patmore and Daisy for lunch. In an hour, they were going to have to go out and say goodbye to their lord as they had done with William. There had been far too many goodbyes of late.

Daisy's meal went untouched in front of her Mrs. Patmore noticed; she had not been eating well since she had had say goodbye to William and it was even harder for her when that day's events were going to be so reminiscent of the day she had seen her William off to war.

"You should try and have something, my girl," said Mrs. Hughes to her gently but she shook her head. If she so much as tried to eat then it was going to get stuck in her throat and she knew it.

"I don't think I could touch it today," she said. She had tried but – no.

"If William is going to find you anything but bones when he gets back, you are going to have to try and eat something," Anna urged.

But she knew it was easy for her to say. She and John were facing the war together and she was not going to have to be without him – and when they found Vera and the divorce was through, then they were going to wed as well.

In spite of the war, she was a hairs breathe away from her happily ever after.

Daisy knew they were all only trying to be kind but none of them knew what she was feeling. Not really.

"I think I am gong it make a start on cleaning those dirty dishes," she said eager to get away from them looking at her.

She knew it was because they were worried about her and because they were her friends. But she wished for the love of her, that they would just leave her be. It was not as if any of them could do anything to bring him back... and she was beginning to figure out for herself that when she was in the mood she was just then, she was no good to man or beast.

A part of her wished she did not have to go out with the others to see the lord of the manor off. She knew it was going to bring back far too many memories that she would rather forget just them.

But when she had seen William off to the war, the upstairs family had been there for her. And so she had to be there for them.

She'd get her strength from William, she thought, as she touched the necklace he had given to her. The most precious thing she had ever owned...

XXX

"Your favourite jumper, I don't know if I packed it!" Cora knew she had been over and over everything her husband was going to need when he was gone. She knew she had packed it for she had supervised every part of his getting ready to go but she was still unhappy with the work she had done.

She was sure he was going to get to France and find there was something missing. And she could not bear that.

"I can write home for it, but I know just as well as you do that it is packed," he said calmly to his wife.

The two of them were alone in their bedroom. He had thought to say goodbye to her at the front with the others but she had pulled her into their room one last time and they both knew why. How were they meant to say a real goodbye to one another when the girls and the servants were watching them?

They could not. And if he had thought she was going to send him off without really saying goodbye, then he had been very wrong indeed.

As she moved towards him he was struck by how beautiful his wonderful wife was and how loving she had been to him over the years. Even when he had made a bad calls or done something wrong, she had always been by his side telling him caution and patience were his friends.

He had been a young man when they two of them had met and he his knew his character had not been fully formed when they had married. And he would not be half the man he was if it was not for her.

Even as he stood before her, he felt as if he was only half the mad she rightfully deserved.

"Write to me," she bid him as he held her. "I want letters, Robert. Letters every day of the week. I want news of what you're doing and your precious health. And in return I will write of myself, and I will write what the girls are doing... the stuff they are going to leave out of their own letters when they are naughty, as you know they are going to be," she said making him gently laugh. "And I will write reams to you about the baby," she promised. "I'll tell you all about him, all of the time."

She was going to tell him all about the firsts and how he was growing.

"It will not be for long Cora, no more than six months and I'll be home once more. It will not be so bad."

"I thought they were saying in London it was going to be over by Christmas?"

"I think that might be a tad optimistic, but it will not be too much longer after that I don't think," he said as he silenced her with a kiss.

She had been so tender since she had had their son she had been unable to allow him his marital rights one last time before he had left her. And it hurt. For all that he was quite a prude, when he had shut the door at night, he had been a passionate lover to her and she missed his touch already. And she missed him even as he kissed her goodbye.

As they drew apart, he let go of her knowing if he did not then he was never going to and he sighed. Once more, he was crying. When had he began allowing himself to cry so much?

"Letters. Lots of letters."

XXX

As soon as he got out to the drive, Robert felt that he had to be strong if he was going to get through this good bye. His four children standing with the butler as their mother had in the end chosen to stay out of the cold. And he had said his goodbye to her; it was the children he had to focus on just then.

"My babies together," he said as he saw Robert in Sybil's arm as he went to them. "You'll help mama and Miss Burrows look after him, yes?" he said to Sybil who nodded as she swallowed.

"I'll miss you," she said to him gently. Cupping her cheeks, he pushed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you papa."

"As I love you, child," he nodded as he stroked her cheek. He then turned his attention to his really little one. "And you, Robert. Your father loves you very dearly young man." He said as he kissed him, rubbing his check gently with his thumb.

Turning to Edith and Mary, he embraced them both at the same time. "Take care of each other, don't squabble over nonsense. The others will need you in my absence, both of you," he said, hoping their sense of duty to the estate and the family would dominate them.

"We will, papa." Said Edith as she held on to him.

"I wish – ohm father," said Mary as she put her head on his shoulder. He who's praised meant most in the world to her. And he was going away.

"You'll be fine, my Mary," He said as he gave her an extra kiss and tapped her nose as he drew away as he had done when she was a little girl. His first born held a very special place in his heart – he did not want her ever to forget it.

"Carson, I leave the four of them in your care."

"Then you will find them well protected and unaltered on your return, my lord," the butler promised as Robert shock his hand.

"Thank you, Charles, for everything."

The two of them shared a meaningful look.

Moving along the line he sigh. "In turn you all must look after Carson, especially you Mrs. Hughes. None of us are as strong as we think we are."

That phrase and how it applied to him scared him momentarily and he looked back to his children. He also wondered how he applied to Mary in particular.

"Bates," he said as he turned back to John as he shook his hand. "Take care of the ladies, with Carson."

"I will. Good luck." He said to him as the lord winked at him.

"Mrs Hughes."

"God bless you," the Scots women replied as she took Anna and Daisy's hands who nodded as a way of seeing him off. Mrs. Patmore curtsied a little as did Alice.

"Take care of my son," he said to the girl gently before walking towards the car only to turn and look at the house one last time.

"Sir, I think you are going to be very much missed," said the chaffer as he got into the car. As much as (selfishly) part of him was glad that his lordship was going, meaning things should be lot easier for him to spend a bit of time with Sybil, he wished he did not have to go to war to do so. If only he was going to the safety of London for as few weeks, then Tom Branson would really be pleased.

He genuinely believed that in spite of the privileged life he had lead, that Robert Crawley was a good man, a fair as well as a kind man. He knew he had the respect of the entire village as well as a family, who without, fail adored him.

"Well, I am going to miss Downton," he said in a quietly reply as the chuffer drove him out of his grounds. Yet, his heart and his mind remained there with the wife, daughters and son he had just left for the first time in over a decade.

He was a simple man if he was honest with himself and that meant he loved the simplest things in life. He liked getting up to have his breakfast with the girls, he liked going into see Cora when she was still sitting in bed reading, he liked discussing estate business with Carson and planning with the farmers what new crops they were going to try out that year.

He knew none of it was very exciting and some people saw him as dull. But it had all been part of the life he had loved for so long that he did not know how he was going to do without.

As soon as he had got in the car and was driven away, he felt the need to do what his wife had asked of him and write home. She had to know how sorry was he had to leave her when they had just had their happiness completed. And he did not mean to take it away from her.

But if they were rich then they were not special. They were an English family and they were going to have to fight for the nation... between himself and Sybil, he thought, perhaps the Crawley's were just about doing their bit.

XXX

It seemed to everyone at the hospital and especially Mrs. Isobel Crawley that once his lordship had gone off to do his bit for the war, his daughter threw herself into the war effort and learning even more so than she had done when he had been at home.

Sybil seemed to get there first in the mornings and be among the last of the young ladies to leave since Robert had gone.

"Now, you must be exhausting yourself," said her cousin's mother with kindness as she walked over to the girl to see that she was indeed red eyes from exhaustion.

She shook her head. "I am going to be just fine," she said as she looked a patient's notes trying to make sense of them. She did like Doctor Jenkins but she had to say he had the most appalling little hand writing. Before she was able to help any of his patients, she had to spend half her time deciphering what he meant.

That seemed unfair to her because if she did not have to waste the time, then she could be of much greater assistance much sooner.

"I do not know how poor Matthew has ever dealt with having job," she sighed almost absent mindedly. "Seems to me, it is all very frustrating."

"Yes, I think it is," she said with a smile and raised eye brows. Of all the girls when she and Matthew had got to the village, Sybil had been the most interested in them and the life they had lead. She had asked various questions about their life together and she had for a time thought she might be a rather good partner in crime for her son with her liberal ideas and her bubbly personality.

She could admit now that of all the Crawley girls, she had thought that Sybil might be the one to attract him - but then there had been Mary and to her even then, it seemed the two of them were made for one another. She had something about her which challenged Matthew. And she knew her son did need challenging. He was like her in that respect.

"How is everything up at the house?" she said not wanting to beat around the bush. There were some people that the softly, softly approach worked with but she had never found that to be the case with any of the three girls. The responded the best when people took the direct approach.

"If I am honest with you, I don't know really. I try and stay out of the way. Papa might not have been a big man, but he filled the house when he was there. Now it is all just so quiet and still all of the time. It is as we are in mourning but we don't quite know what for."

It was the 'in mourning' part that scared her the most for what if they did have to go into mourning for real?

What if...

She did not think she could bare it if he did not come home to all of them. It would not be right.

"And how is your mother?"

"Mama is coping the only way she knows. To put on her best clothes and smile as if nothing has happened. And yet for the first time... does it not seem ridiculous to you that we should all dress for dinner?" Sybil asked with a sigh. "My papa is away at war, as is poor William – and men are dying every day. But we still ring down for Anna to come and dress us for dinner. It_ is _ridiculous, isn't it?"

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	13. The Passing Of Time

_Chapter 13: The Passing of Time_

The only measure of time Carson allowed at Downton, it seemed, was the weather. And if it was not for that, Mary would not know how much time has changed since her father had left. Yet when the first snow fell and he was not there to see them in with them, something did feel as if it was wrong. As it did for every girl in the land whose father was away.

She knew they should not complain for they were all going through it, England as a whole. But Mary could not help but think she would be able to bear it a little more stoically if Matthew was there to help her do so.

She sat at her desk and looked at the latest draft of the letter she wanted so much to send him so that she might tell him how she was feeling. She knew it was silly, as she had hardly ever confided in him when he was there to for her to do so, but she could not help but resent the fact he wasn't with her. She felt as if the only one who was there for her at that moment was dear Carson.

Sybil had been hit just as hard as she had by the fact that their father had gone and as a result she had barely spent a moment with her since he had left. She was always running back and too from the hospital.

And in spite of the fact he had bid the pair of them look out for one another, she and Edith had hardly looked at one another since their father had left, let alone spoken. She knew it was this feeling of loneliness he had been trying to prevent when he had said the two of them were too look after one another.

And yet, she knew herself and Edith well enough to know they were never going to turn to one another. They couldn't, they had cost one another too much.

And so the one person she could turn to, or would have been able to turn to if he had been, was Matthew. But he had left her and it was her own fault. And it was that feeling of blame on her own part she could not take.

Why was she sick at heart for that man? _Why?_

XXX

_Sir Anthony,_

_I know you may not be pleased to get this letter, but at the same time, I beg you at least read it. I deliberated endlessly whether it would be the right thing to do; to send it to you after my sister, Sybil, said you were going to the front lines. You are there even as I write this – I hope it finds you._

_The basic massage I am trying to convey is that I hope you are well and I wish you good luck and safe passage through this god awful war._

_And yet something else plagues my mind and I feel I must release it to recover some part of myself that I lost at the garden party. My dear sir, I am at a loss to think how I offended you. I have been over and over it in my mind and I cannot think what I did. _

_If I did hurt you then please tell me so I can makes amends my behaviour and make it up to you. _

_The truth is Sir Anthony; I am so very lonely for you. Your friendship meant so very much to me. I keep recalling the concert we went to and the drives we took side by side and it is only then I feel like myself. _

_Please write to me if you need anything sent to France. I beg a reply if it is only to tell me my hopes are in vain, though I beg to know if you are well. _

_I miss you and whether you believe it or not,_

_I remain,_

_Your Edith _

XXX

"So where do we even begin to look for her?"

It was wrong, wasn't it? Wrong that she should feel such joy when the rest of the world about her was so sad... fathers, husbands, son and lovers had go off to war – but her best friend, the man who was to be her husband was with her. Really with her, at last.

And that was the only thing Anna had the heart to care about really.

Of course, she was going to be there for her the girls and she was sad for Daisy. But since Mr. Bates had asked her to be his wife, it was the only thing she really cared about – the fact they were going to make be another so happy.

"Well, I do have a few past addresses for Vera we can try and if not then we are going to have to go on a bit of a ghost hunt for her – but I swear to you Anna, we will find her," said John to her as they walked back from the village. Taking her hand, he kissed it before tucking it under his arm. They had had various jobs each to do in the village, their roles having become somewhat blurred since the staff had become so reduced.

He had said they were going to wed and so they were going to be wed. And besides, he really did love her and he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life.

Since he had got his act together, his life and turned around for the better and he was not going to allow the mistakes of his past to influence to unbounded joy he could see in his future with his lively Anna.

He knew he was acting like a teenager – like William over his Daisy. But he did not care. She had to know all he felt for her and he did feel so much – she was so... there were no words for him.

Except perfect... and funny... and bright... and spirited, but he always came back to perfect. And forgiving. As well as resilient and stubborn. And open minded...

And yet none of them did her justice. _She_ had changed his life and for that he was never going to be able to be thankfully enough.

"I don't deserve you, Anna Smith, you know that, don't you?"

She shook her head. "You're wrong."

It was a slow walk back due to the combination of his leg and the snow – but to her, it was just lovely.

XXX

Carson had to say to himself spirits were down in the house and there was no denying it any more. He had been _trying_ toignore it since his lordship had left them but as he sat down on his own in the servants quarters, he really felt the emptiness.

The thing was as much as they had all wanted to keep things normal, things weren't...

"My, my, you do look down in the dumps," said Mrs. Hughes as she came into the room followed by O'Brien who looked as if she had not slept in a week.

But then she had been the one who had had to look after Cora full time, and when Hughes and Carson were not there, she had seen no trouble in making sure the others servants knew what she was going through.

"Well, none of us are jumping for joy at the moment are we?" she said as a reply for him earning herself a scowl. "Oh, I am going to go for a smoke."

"I think she has been even more viscous since she has been split from Thomas," sighed the house keeper as she sat down by the butler.

The two of them could be as professional as they liked most of the time but he was the nearest thing she had ever had to a – well, she was not sure. But there was a special friendship between them and they both knew it.

He looked at her with sad eyes. With the girls so isolated from one another, he had found it harder to get through to them. He knew he could not replace their father and it was not his place too but – when he had left his lord had charged him with the welfare of the young ladies and he felt as if he was letting them down.

It did not help that young lord Robert was turning out to be a lot more of a crier than any of his big sisters had been when they had been babies. He cried all the time when he was parted from his mama and he knew it was stressing poor Miss Burrows out and pushing her nerves to the limit.

He had a hunch she had never had to deal with such a loud baby before. But at least he had a good set of lungs on him – they were going to come in handy for something, surely.

"No doubt she is missing him. As vile as he was he was her friend," she said as she tried to understand.

But then there was no one person in the house who was not missing someone. They had all had to say goodbye and then they had to get on with life as the best they could.

Yet when a man such as Carson had to do it she knew it was going to be difficult. He had been at Downton since he had been a child and so to have to see it so changed did break his heart. If he had ever had a true love then it had been the house itself and she understood that. A lot of people did not but she had chosen to give her life to the house as well and so she did understand what he was going through... completely. It seemed mad at times that they had given their lives to a family and a house rather than have their own.

But, at that moment ,she knew why she had done it. Because she felt the Crawley's really did need them right there. They needed them to look after them.

"Mrs. Hughes, I am sorry if I am wallowing a little – I do not mean too," he told her gently.

"Mr. Carson, I do not think any less of you for doing so – I think this is the only time I have seen you 'wallow', as you call, it, in god only knows how many years of friendship. And I think we all need to feel sorry for ourselves at one point in our lives or another," she said to him gently.

He had never been one to feel sorry for himself and so it was easy to forgive. And he was glad she was there for him.

"It was just a few months ago things were so normal," he said to her with a sigh. It was clear he did not understand how they had got to that moment in time.

"I know. It does not seem as if it was so long ago," she said to him, gently confirming it was not only he who felt that way about the time which had so quickly gone by.

"I don't think it was... but everything which has gone on since just makes it seemed as if it was further ago."

He did not think he had ever wanted to crawl back into his past so much as he did at that moment. He just wanted to wake up to find that her ladyship was with child, the girls were finding husbands and his lordship was there. And then when the day of the garden party came, he wanted it to past without the news the war had come to Britain.

But he knew that was not going to happen. And so they were just going to have to get on with it – or at least in a few minutes time. For that moment they were there together, and for him, that was enough.

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	14. Musings of a Mother

_Chapter 14: Musings of A Mother_

The only time Sybil felt as if she was herself was when she was Tom, she found in the months after her father's departure. It was odd considering the fact he was taking her so far away from who she had been before, when her father had been at home, yet that was the way it was.

When she had been young and when she had not yet begun to think for herself, she had thought she was going to take the root her mother had and marry for a reason which did not necessarily involve love. But the elder she got, the more she begun to understand she could not dispose of herself with such ease and if it was a chauffeur she was in love with, then he was the man she was going to marry.

The more that he drove her and the more time they spent together, the more she had to accept the fact that whether she was an aristocrat or not, she _was _in love with him and she had no say in that. And if she was honest with herself then she knew she did not want a say in it any more.

She only wanted him and the more she thought like that, the more he managed to fill every corner of her heart.

On days when she did not push herself to work so long at the hospital, (it was generally at his insistence that she did give herself a bit of a break) the two of them still set off at the same time and came back _as if _she had been at the hospital. The time that she had made, they would spend together.

They had even had a trip it to Ripon together since her father had been away. The only blight on the day had been when he had been given a white feather.

"I do not care what they think of me and my beliefs," he had told her as they drove back to Downton side by side. She would slip back into the back when they were a mile or two from the house. "It is you and what you think of me that I care about," he had explained gently.

"Well, you know the way I feel about you and what I think of you," she replied as they drove along with her head on his shoulder. She felt so natural when she was with him. The girl who had been dressed for dinner and presented in London; she did not think that was who she was. Not any more

"Well, actually you have not said how you do," he said as he kissed her forehead. Such displays of affection were common between the two of them now they spent so much time alone.

Sometimes, he had wondered if he should have paid a bit more attention to what the housekeeper had said to him when he had been at the garden party... And then he looked at Sybil and he knew she was the only thing he was ever going to want no matter what came to the two of them. If he had to fight to be with her then he was going to fight to be with her and there were no two ways about it.

"Well, you must know it even if I am yet to say it... but if you want me to, then I will say it you know. I love you, Tom Branson. And I am proud of the fact you have the courage to say you are against this war and not follow the crowds into it. I don't want you to compromise your political principles," she said to him. "And I don't want your life in danger."

She knew every girl she knew would be so proud to think that there sweetheart had gone to war but it was the other way round with her. She did not think she had ever been so proud of him as the day when he had turned to her and said he had the courage to stay home with her.

And she did not care what anyone said; it _did _take courage to go against the grain and show you were not afraid of what they thought of you.

"And you know I love you, as well, don't you, Sybil?" he said as he wrapped an arm about her to bring her closer to him still and she nodded.

She had known that for a long time and she had not had to question it.

She was never going to either.

"Do the two of us have to go home yet?" she said to him as she looked up in to the cloudless sky that had come over Downton that night. There was not a cloud in it and there was not going to be either.

She did not think she had ever wanted to do anything as much as she wanted to stay out that evening and watch the night sky. She wanted to do it because of him. When he was with her, he put a new dimension on everything. And just for a little bit the pain and the strife left her and she could simply enjoy being with him; which was what she wanted to do every hour of the day.

She wished the two of them could go into another world just for a moment where they could be together all the time and they could...

She bit her lip. For all the fact she knew they were in love, she knew she was not very experience at being in love and she did not know what they were meant to do.

Go to dances? Or to the tavern or go into London for the day and stroll about hand in hand. She liked that idea; they would be anonymous and together.

He was what she wanted from life at that moment. Yet, it was a selfish desire she knew. If her family ever knew... when they were already under such pressure...

"If I do not get you back, then they are going to know something is going on and you know as much as we want to tell the world what is going on here, we cannot. If they ever found out, Sybil..." he said as he touched her cheek.

They were going to have to find a way about it eventually but until then... he knew if Carson discovered what they two of them were doing then he would be out of Downton quicker than someone could say 'bring the car around' and he was not going to risk it; he could not lose her.

Not now she was the best friend he had ever had as well as his love.

XXX

Cora sat with her son and sighed. Roberts's latest letter was in her hand and she recalled the way she had handled the South African war. She could not help but think she had done it better than she had handled this one so far. She knew she had been ratty with the servants since he had been gone – but then it was not as if she had been that kind to her girls. It seemed the baby was the only one who could pacify her longings for him.

And she had been right when she had said it was the friend she was going to miss the most. She did. Oh, how she missed him.

She wanted to talk to him over whether she had been right to let Edith send that letter to Sir Anthony. She wanted to know how she was meant to handle Mary and Matthew for it was obvious she was not going to be getting over him any time soon.

And Sybil was becoming a law on to herself.

And yet the odd thing was, when she looked back over the way she had behaved of the years, she knew she would not take any of those troubles to her husband's door if he was home, for she would not want to trouble him. She would have seen that she was able to deal with the girls.

But when the luxury of going to him with the troubles she was having was removed from her, it was the only thing she wanted to do in the world.

She felt as if he would know what to do when she did not.

Her one comfort in it all was that she knew the words her husband wrote to her were straight from her heart from his. She wondered how many sweet hearts there were trying to get through the war on empty 'I love you's.'

She had seen poor Daisy see her own sweetheart off to war and she did not doubt that she and William _did _love one another deeply and have every intention of spending their life with one another when it was all over...

But at the same time, she knew there were going to be young men and girls all over the country who had said good bye and their first 'I love you' at the same time. When people were young, war was so romantic. It was a time to fight for all that was true in the world and to wait for a conquering hero to return on a white steed.

But she knew there were other couples in the world who were set apart from them and they were the couples such as herself and Robert.

Those who were truly in love and had proved it by weathering many storms together. Those who had been married for so, long they did not remember what pre married life was and knew even if they did remember, it they would find absolutely no value in it.

She wondered which categories her daughters fitted into. Of course, if they were asked then Edith and Mary were not going to say that they were in love even if they felt differently. But then young girls who thought they were in love were a bad judge of everything, were they not? She knew she had made some very bad shouts in her early days with Robert when she had been in love and yet he was still a little more reserved with her.

She found it a lot easier to believe that Mary was in love than Edith was though. She had spent so much more time with Matthew than her sister had Sir Anthony and they had a lot in common. Mary and Matthew were both foolish and they were both pigheaded. They had proved that when they had rejected one another in the knowledge that they were the only people in the world who could make the other truly happy.

And Cora did believe that. She had seen a change in her daughter when she had fallen for Matthew. She had grown up so suddenly, she had hardy been able to believe it but she had been a different girl to the one he had met when he had left.

It had been a change for the better and Cora knew she was right to credit him with it.

She had matured when she had been with him. He had given her some sort of tutorage in what one might call 'real life' and for the first time, it seemed Mary had really developed in a way that would have been impossible before his arrival.

She knew even if he had not said so, Robert had been thrilled when Mary had begun to take a bit more of an interest in the estate, such as the cottages. It had been so easy to look into the future and think of what would be...

_His Lordship, Matthew Crawley, Earl of Grantham, and his beloved wife... Mary, Countess of Grantham. _

He had changed her when she had not wanted him too. He had had a back bone and he had been able to handle Mary, which could not be said of a lot men. If her daughter married the wrong man then she knew she was going to be able to walk over him and that was not what Mary needed.

No, she was going to need to marry someone who was going to challenge her and who was going to _keep_ challenging her every day of her life so that she did not grow bored and she knew Mathew _could_ be that man. She required someone to steady her down. He could do that too.

If only she had taken him when she had had the chance.

The same could not be said of Edith. Oh, she had worried about her when she had been young and she still did to that day. She did not love her girls differently. She did not have favourites but when Edith had been born, wedged between two pretty, talented to girls, she had had to face challenges every day of her own life.

Mary had been right; she did have fewer advantages than her, and she had less than Sybil too.

What she needed someone who was going to praise and look after her and act as if her sisters did not exist and she _knew_ Anthony could do that for her. He would make her feel adored, cherished and special. Every woman she should feel that at least once in her life.

But she did not think the two of them were in love as she was with Robert or Mary with Mathew.

The difference between love and like was something no one had the answer to. She knew it was a cliché but when it happened to you, you just _knew_ it had and you had no idea how to stop it she thought to herself.

And when it did happen, you had no choice but to trust it. If you did not, then that love might very well pass you by.

She could not risk that happening to Mary and Matthew. She would never forgive herself... She_ so _wanted to see Mary happy and settled after everything she had been through.

She begun to get the feeling she was going to be able to settle Robert before his sisters followed...

No, after her own happy experience she did not think she was able to rate the system of marriage highly enough; she would see none of her girls become spinsters if she had anything to do with it.

But she knew she had to focus on the two older girls before she looked to Sybil and she just thank god she knew she could trust her to wait her turn and be sensible. Even if she was on track to become the next Florence Nightingale...

XXX

As Sybil and Tom walked through the village together and both of them knew they were beginning to be far too reckless about their romance but they were too passionate stop. Weeks had passed since that day in Ripon when they had been so anxious...

Without her father there to worry about and with Carson as the dominate male authority in the house, Sybil knew she was doing things she might as otherwise not have. It was not that the pair of them did not respect Carson for she knew they both did; she had always liked the butler. But for her, he had never commanded the same respect as her father had. She knew that was different for Mary who had a strong affection for him. But god only knew, she was not Mary and Mary was not her. Her sister would not be as foolish with her heart as she had been since she had fallen for Tom. But now that she had, she did not think she could stand the thought they were not always going to be as they were then.

And so as they got to one of the side roads in the village she let him turned so her back was against the wall... and then, the two of them kissed.

The pair of them had been very careful when they had begun their romance but that was not the case anymore. The deeper the pair fell in love, the less careful they were about who they were seen by.

But Sybil did not think she cared who saw her at that moment for she knew she was proud to be on his arm and that was where she wanted to be.

Let the world see as far as she was concerned! She did not wish to lose him and that was not something she was willing to do. She just loathed hiding how she felt for him... she was not ashamed of loving him, nor would she ever be.

"What if we are seen?" she giggled.

"Then I am going to get my wrists slapped, aren't I?" he said as he kissed her deeply. As long as she wanted him then she was going to have him, he thought.

"You will get more than that. We both know you will."

It was only later that night when she got to the house that she realised she _had_ been seen.

Dinner was ever a small event. It was only herself, her mother, her grandmother and her sisters and the longer it seemed to go on that way, the less they had to talk about. She disliked those meals so much because they brought back to her how much she was missing her father. His chair in the middle of the table was left empty as a mark of respect, yet it felt morbid to her...

He had filled the house when he had been there, even if they had not known it at the time. She had known she would miss him dreadfully. But Sybil hadn't thought it would hurt so much...

The only time she was did not feel the dull ache was she was with Tom.

"I think I am going to go up," she said as she finished her meal.

"Oh darling, not yet, I have hardly seen you lately," her mother. She did miss her despite her pride in the fact she was taking on her role in the war effort with such vigour.

Sybil, of all the girls, was doing Robert proud when he was away.

"Mama, I will stay up for a while at the weekend," she protested. Her mother rolled her eyes at the use of the word which until recently been unknown to them. They had only used since they had met Matthew but she gave her a smile as she did not want to turn it into a row when she was working so very hard.

"Very well, my darling, make sure that you do. I want to talk to you, know exactly what you are doing with your days down at the hospital."

When she had first begun there, she had always run into tell her at the end of the day what she had been learning for she had found it all so fascinating. Either she was not learning so much or she had begun to lose her enthusiasm.

"I think I am going to go up to bed as well," said Mary as she slid off of the chair she had been sitting on as Sybil rose from her own chair. And she gave her sister a look to tell her this was no coincidence that she was getting up as well.

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	15. Confrontations and Invitations

_Chapter 15: Confrontations and Invitations_

The two girls walked up the stairs together.

"Mary?" asked Sybil. Her sister had an unreadable look on her face.

"Let's get to your room first, shall we?"

Mary did not know if she was angry or not with her sister. Sybil and Branson? She did not know what she was meant to think.

Was it love or was it fooling around? She was not entirely sure she wanted to know.

"What is it sister?" asked an oblivious Sybil as she sat down on her bed.

"Today, I was in the village... I saw something... Sybil, you can't be serious... not about Branson."

The thought that the two of them might have been seen in the village had been present in her mind ... but she had not given it any thought to be honest. The longer it had gone on the less likely it had seemed and... Well, she had thought when they were together they were invisible for that was how it felt. As if they were the only people who had had ever been in love and if they were the only people in the whole world. It shocked her to her soul to think that was not the case and...

"You are not going to tell mama on me are you?"

"Is my name Edith?" sighed Mary with a roll of her eyes that made it clear to her sister she had no intention of going to her mother with what she had seen. But she had feared her little sister was going to need her to be there for her while their father had been away and now that fear had come true. "Quite asides from the fact that she is exhausted, it would break her heart. She could not deal with this... not without papa."

She knew her sister had always been a liberal little madam but to fall for a servant was to go even further than she had thought she was going to.

_A great deal further._

She could not think of what her father would say if he were there or what it was going to do to the honour of Downton. She did know he would be furious though... if it ever got out... she knew it was foolish to consider such a thing when there was a war on but the fact was it matter still. The implications and the consequences for Sybil would be terrible! Socially, she would be ruined...

"This is madness, Sybil," she said to her gently.

"I did think that but – Mary, you don't know how precious he has become to me. His friendship is so dear to me."

"My darling, I think it I just a bit more than friendship between the two of you now, if what I saw was not wrong and I do not think my eyes are deceiving me!" Mary said to her.

She still did not know whether to angry with her or not. She did not think she was going to achieve her objective of making her see sense... not through yelling and she wasn't sure reason was going to work either. "I admit it. Thomas and I have grown closer than we were before of late," Mary noted Sybil could not meet her eyes.

"And does nothing about that strike you as a little wrong?" asked her elder sister.

"No, not at all. Why should it?"

"Because he is a member of our staff and you – you are the daughter of an earl, if you have forgotten that fact," she said as she put her head in her hands. She did not wish to sound as if she was a snob... but she was. The three of them had been brought up to know they were different from those who served them.

She knew she was not as formal as she always ought to be with Carson but it was completely different to what Sybil was doing. Carson was an old friend and her protector. He had never criticized her as her parents had and he was always such a comfort to her. The truth was Mary was dreadfully fond of him. She did not wish to be like Edith, who did see the servants as servants all of the time, for the little informalities between them was what made them who they were but...

Sybil was going against everything there parents had ever taught them and she knew it.

Not even she, Mary, would rebel in such a way! It was stupid and selfish and idiotic... terms she had never applied to her little sister before.

"Of course, I have not forgotten that fact! How can I when for over half the day the only thing I _can_ think of is our papa, the earl, and what he is going through and how much I miss him!" she said as she felt the tears well up in her eyes. The longer he was gone, the harder it got for her to talk about him. The harder it got for them to all talk about him.

"Then why are you doing this? You know just what he would say if he was here and I bet if he was here then you would not be doing this."

"I am doing it because the only part of the day when I feel even _nearly_ normal is when I am with him... which, yes, I know is insane because what the two of us are doing is not nearly normal but there we are!"

She had been dreading the moment when she had had to talk to someone in her family over what she was doing. She knew she should only be only grateful it was Mary who had confronted her first because in spite of the fact she was horrified, she thought, with time, Mary was the one most likely to get her head round it.

"Was Branson the one you were thinking about when you came to me? The day William left?"

She nodded.

"Sybil, I know how you feel, you know I do. But, darling, I just don't see how this can work out happily and I do not want to see you have your heart broken. You are my darling girl and to see you with your heart broken would break_ my _heart."

"Maybe if I spoke to papa when he came home," she begun but Mary shook her head shattering any illusions she might have fooled herself in to thinking. Their father was a good man and she thought a fair employer but he knew the dignity of his rank, all too well, and he was never going to give the hand of his beloved daughter to a chauffeur.

He was a man of the past as much as he looked forward to the future and he was going to want to see her settled in a good home with a man with prospects when the time came.

"I am not going to give him up, Mary. I will not ...for I cannot."

"Then I fear you are going to have a fight on your hands."

She was not going to lie to her and tell her she was going to have a fairy tale ending with her Branson when she did not know if she was going to. Somehow, Mary doubted it.

When Matthew had asked her to marry him she had known it felt right to her. He was such a good man and he had been so right for her. his social rank, his intelligence, his personality... he was just so meant to be with her... had she known what was going to happen in the months that had followed she would have said yes to him at Sybil's coming out ball and had done with it.

That was the course of action she should have taken.

But, as usual, she had got it wrong and as a result of the fact, she had not been as strong as Sybil to say she was going to fight for him... and so she had lost him.

Mary could see it in her eyes that her sister knew she was in a far from perfect situation but the fact she knew that and was still willing to fight on for him, told Mary, Sybil had a strength of character not even she had been aware of. One she never had.

"I will not lie to you, Sybil. I think this is going to end in tears. And I do not see how it is going to end well. But if you need me to be there for you, then I am going to be."

She was jealous of her sister's courage she was not going to deny it. But if people thought she was going to encourage Sybil to make the same mistake she had when she had given up her chance to marry Matthew, then they really did have another thing coming all together.

Sybil did not know what to say and so instead she through her arms about her sister in a warm embrace

"You really are going to have to _fight _for him."

"Then I will."

XXX

_Cousin Matthew,_

_I hope you do not think it is impertinent for me to write but as the holiday season grows nearer to us. I feel as if I am compelled to do so. Thank you so much for the lovely letter you wrote to me just after baby Roberts's birth. He is growing in to a wonderfully healthy little boy and I am very proud of him as is your cousin Robert. The girls, I think are finding it a trial to have the baby in the house but they do love their little brother I am sure of it. _

_I am not going to lie and say we are not missing you at Downton, as we truly are. The house has been quieter and quieter of late since we have lost most of the male population to the war and our household is going to be greatly reduced this Christmas. _

_And that is why I am writing to you. I am hoping you will be kind enough to come and spend the holidays with us. I know it would bring much joy to your mother who misses you just like us, more than she can say._

_And I know I am not wrong when I say there is another lady here who misses you more than she can say. She is a head strong, fool hardy girl; but perhaps that's why she inspires affection in the end. _

_Written with hope, _

_Affectionately, _

_Your Cousin Cora. _

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	16. Home

_Chapter 16: Home _

As soon as he had been told that Mary knew what they were doing, he had thought Sybil was going to say it was time to call it a day between them but as he sat in the servants kitchens with a smoke, Tom Branson could only thank whatever god there was that he had fallen for such a spirited girl. She was fearless, he was sure of it. Lady Mary's knowledge of their love was not going to stop them being together. The lord only knew what he had done to deserve her.

She was a ball of surprises and one came after the other.

And he did not want them to ever stop coming. As long as he had her then this – this life he was leading was going to work out for him. He was going to make sure of it. He had to make a success of it if he was ever going to be worthy of her and if he was going to support her.

Oh, he knew there was a good chance if they ever left then she was not going to mind working but he did not want her to have too. She had grown up in a world of luxury and he had a good idea that she romanticised a lot of things - maybe too many things. And maybe the way the two of them had been carrying on together had lead her to do that more and more but he could not help the way he felt about her and he knew he could not put her off it now.

It was too late and too much had passed.

But they did have to be careful. He had always known it but they had got far too confident in the way he had been with her and especially when they were close to the house.

Lady Mary had said she was not going to betray the two of them to the countess and no matter how much he had reservations about her knowing, Sybil seemed to trust her and so he would trust her judgement. But they could not be discovered again...

It was not easy. What Mrs. Hughes had said had been right. He was putting his job on the line to be with Sybil. As well as his heart...

But he was only doing so because he knew she was hundred percent worth it and he did not even want to be there at Downton if he could not be with her...

XXX

The more soldiers that were brought back to the hospital from the front, the more the war became a reality to both Isobel and Sybil. The two of them had been working on the same ward for quite some time as her cousin's mother had been the one to give the youngest lady of the manor the earliest bits of her training.

Isobel noticed even though Sybil was a good nurse, she found it harder when it was the elder soldiers who came home. And if they had children, then it was even harder. It seemed to Isobel that Sybil saw every father as a man who had aided Robert, or fought for him.

When three soldiers were brought in, one having lost a limb as December drew in, Sybil had to take a break for five minutes; it was not long until Isobel followed her out of the ward once she had made the poor man as comfortable as she could.

"I am so sorry," Sybil said to her. Her eyes were glassy with tears.

"You do not have to be. I know you want to be strong all of the time but none of us are. And if you don't mind me saying so, my dear, you are still a young girl. What you're seeing, dealing with every day..."

Isobel wished she had come to Downton sooner since she had met the girls. She and her husband would have loved to have a little girl but they had never been so blessed. She had enjoyed getting to know the Sybil, enormously. She was brave and passionate. There was a lot about the girl she admired. Sybil was no snob. It meant the two of them had found much to bond over, especially when she had been training her up.

"Cousin Isobel, it is just so hard because when I see the elder men, I – I just see me father... and it breaks my heart."

She knew he had not seen a lot of service from his letters and he said he was fine but she did not know if she should believe him or not. He was probably just trying to protect her.

"He is going to be ok," she said as she rubbed the girl's arms gently. She found since Matthew had left, she had only really had Sybil to be maternal over. She had never been close to Edith and Mary seemed to avoid her as if she was the plague.

It was all Mary had to say though. The fact that she was avoiding her said it all.

She wished she _could_ talk to Mary though. More than her sister, she was going to know what it was to miss Matthew and the lord above knew she did that.

She knew she had no right to, or at least she felt as if her right to miss her boy had been minimised when there were lads off at war and he was at Manchester but – well, she did not remember the last time they had been apart for so long and he had always been her little boy.

Her only child...

She had never wanted to not live with him. She had accepted when he married she was going to have to have her own establishment as she was not going to want to step on the toes of her daughter in law, or at least not all of them all of the time, for she did not want to be like her own mother in law or worst, like cousin Violet!

But she had always thought they were going to have one another until he was married and now he had robbed himself of her, she had to say she was as bereft of him as poor Sybil was over her father.

"I know he is but I don't think I am going to really believe it until he comes home."

She knew her fathers return was going to cause a lot of troubles for her and her love, but by god, she would have those troubles tomorrow if only it meant he was out of the firing line.

XXX

_Lady Edith_

_Can I begin by thanking you for your letter a begging apology for taking so long to write back? It is rather hard to get letters back from where I am and is quite an unpredictable postal service, both ways._

_I cannot tell you I do not think in words how much your dear letter touched me. I have heard from my sister since I have been in France but very few others, so it was nice to feel there was someone at home who remembers me – I am afraid I was feeling quite neglected, so once again I must thank you I think for making an old man feel a little younger._

_Thank you for your luck and your lovely words. My heart was warmed as I read them._

_As for the manner of my leaving at the garden party, I can only say I got some unsettling news that rather made me feel a little off colour. Perhaps when I return home I can open my mind to you over what happened. Perhaps we might even take a drive together, as we did last summer. _

_Until that day, I can only thank you, once more, than you for your friendship, my dear. As ever, you make me smiled._

_Affectionately,_

_Anthony. _

Edith did not think she had been so happy in so long as when she got the letter. She sat on her bed, with silent tears streaking down her cheeks.

Maybe it was not over. Maybe there was hope for them yet...

XXX

"He is on his way home or he will be soon," said Cora as she walked into the drawing room to see her daughter was there on her own.

Mary had been so down in the dumps that she had to hope this was going to be the thing to cheer her up once more.

"Papa is going to be coming back?" she said as she jumped up. She did not think she had ever missed him as much as she did at that moment. She had been told she had missed him awfully when he had been in the Boer war, but she had been so young then that she had hardly known it.

It was different this time. He had been a friend to her in the past year. He knew her character so well. She missed talking to him...

"Oh... no, sorry, Mary!" said Cora. She had not thought her mind would jump to her father. She had been so excited when she had got the reply she had just had to tell her. Her daughter looked crest fallen it was not her father she was referring to in that moment. "I meant well – Cousin Matthew is going to be part of our party here for Christmas."

Mary did not know if it was the best or the worst news she had heard for months.

It was all she had wanted to hear if she was honest with herself, but she had never been very good at being honest with anyone. She knew her mother who knew her better than even her father did after everything she had done.

Cora had done the right thing when she had invited and both of them knew it, not that she was going to say it.

"Do you never know when it is the time let something lie mama?" she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Yes I do, but I do not think it is time to stop trying for the two of you yet and if you will not fight for him yourself then I am going to have to do it for you aren't I, my darling?" she said to her with a smile.

"Well - the least that can be said for this is at least it proves you have not forgotten you and papa have girls as well as a son – " she said with her eye brows raised.

"As if I could ever forget about my girls – I know I am by no means a perfect mother, but I do love all of you children – and just because there is a little boy in this house now, does not mean I am going to forget about my little girls." She said to her.

"And so to show me how much you love me, you are bringing Matthew back in my life," she said as she rolled her eyes making it clear to her mother she thought it was a foolish way it do it. Mary sat down, feigning exasperation.

"Exactly, my darling. I can't think of anything you want more than him this Yule tide. Please, do tell me if I am mistaken," she said with a smile as she walked out of the room leaving her daughter with plenty of food for thought.

Mary did not call after her or follow her... her mother was right.

She desired nothing more than Matthew.

XXX

Matthew Crawley still did no for the life of him why he had said he would go back to Downton for the holiday. Ever since he had left there, he had been trying to get it out of his system and yet when he had had the chance to go back, he had jumped at the chance…

He wondered what that said about him. But the thing he knew for sure was he had loved Downton - and he didn't know how to live as he had done before he'd been there. The more he thought about it the more he remembered and - and the more he thought of Mary... and the more he wanted to nothing else but to go to Downton – to go home, really – and hold her.

But that was not going to happen – _or was it_?

His was going back and there was always a possibility. He had been too rash, he knew that now. He'd had been a prig at the garden party.

There were other reasons he wished to return home. He did want to go and met the new heir – the boy who was going to live the life he had thought was his for a time.

Did he wish the child had been a girl? A little perhaps. Even though he had kicked up a fuss when he had got there, he had got used to the idea that he was going to be Robert's heir.

Though he had worked a lot of the time, he felt he had got an understanding of estate and what running it was going to be like. He did not enjoy the feeling that the task he had thought was going to be his would not be performed by another man, even if he was a baby at that moment. But they were family and he was still going to be about Downton as he got older. He had been given Crawley house for life and he planned on spending plenty of time there as he got older.

He may have been brought up in the city but it had not taken him long to turn in to a country bumpkin type been in Downton and he longed for the little sleepy villages there.

The city to him... well, it did not mean so much. Not anymore. And as much as he was loath to admit it, he did miss his mother.

Perhaps he could find a position in the village to help with the war effort. Perhaps he could even train as a doctor. How very proud his father would be of that... He was no coward, but he did not wish to go to the front.

He had too much to live for and a huge part of that was – and he really did hate to admit it - Mary.

_Everything_ came back to Mary for him.

He recalled how forlorn she had looked when she had come to see him drive away (how he wished she hadn't done that) and he knew he had to go back to and for her.

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	17. A Welcomed Return

_Chapter 17: A Welcomed Return_

_My dear darlings, Mary, Edith, Sybil and Robert,_

_This is the first Christmas when we would have been all together the six of us and it makes my heart sore that this is not going to be the case due to my absence from home, a home which I long for a little more every day. But more than the house I long for you, all of you, in equal measures, and of course, for your dear Mama._

_I want to know what you all have been doing in your Yule tide letters to me and I want lots of details from you girls who make me so proud to be your father._

_I have applied for my leave and if I am lucky the time when I can begin to count down to when I will see you all again will not be too long. I pray this is so nightly. _

_I hope you are all the best of health and that granny is as well. As ever I charge you with the care of your wonderful mother. _

_Enjoy the holidays, my darling daughters and beloved son. I miss you all terribly. _

_Lots of love,_

_Papa. _

XXX

"It is hard to think he is not going to be here when we all wake up," said Sybil as she and Tom walked about Ripon, where they had gone for the afternoon. It was one of the rare days she took off and she had convinced her mother to let her go and get a new frock made for Christmas. It had not been too hard. She knew how proud her mother was of her work at the hospital she had done – she wanted to treat her.

She had known that when the holiday period came her mother was going to want her to be at home by her side a lot more, so she had had to take the chance to be with Tom when she could and as shallow as it was, she was looking forward to getting as new gown made.

It was one of the few pleasures she felt as if she had still.

"I know you must get sick about me going on about how much I miss papa – sorry," she said to him but as soon as she had said so, he shook his head.

Holding her hands he slowed her down and turned her into him.

"Have you not learnt your lessons from when Mary saw us?" she playfully but it soon became apparent he had not for almost as soon as she had said it, he was pushing her mouth against his and she could not stop smiling through there kiss. She did not think a lad had ever been as tender with his lass and he was with her.

"You never have to be sorry for missing your father, ok?" he said to her cupping her face. "I know how hard it has been on you since he has been gone and I do not want you to feel you have to hide it from me – not ever."

She nodded and she held him on to him, more grateful by the mili-second that they were doing what they were. She felt that in her heart, in her very soul.

He was a good man and he was a kind man and most importantly he was _her_ man.

"I wanna know what makes you sad, Sybil_. _I wanna know what makes you happy. Whatever you're feeling I want to know so I can smile when you are happy and cheer you up when you are sad. And I think having a father at war is a pretty good excuse to be sad."

She was glad he was a socialist and she was glad he was political. She was so proud of that. His beliefs meant he was never going to approve of the wealthy and the position they had been, but she at the same time so glad he was not so overly radical himself that he could not see the human emotions behind the classes. Even if she knew he liked to do nothing better than read radical texts.

It meant he was able to look through the class barriers just as she was and love her for what she was and understand enough to be sympathetic to a good man, such as her father, even if he was a land owner.

She did not think she was ever going to be able to support the destruction of her own but she was also clear sighted enough to see where he was coming from on the issues he believed in. The fact they seemed to complement one another so well was a source of joy to her and if they went on the way they were, she knew that was not going change any time soon.

XXX

"So we have not had a lot of luck yet but we are going to," said John as he and Anna walked out of the house to the snow covered ground.

"I know but -" she had known it was going to take a bit of time for them to track down Vera but she had so hoped that they would have done it by the time Yule had come.

Oh, it was not that she was complaining. Anna knew she was a lucky woman to have John and she was one of the only people – one of the _only _women - in the house who was going to be celebrating Christmas with the man she loved and that meant the world to her.

Of course, they had spent the season together before but it had never been like this. They were going to be wed and when things got bad it was the only thought she had to think to make her world ok again. No, she just had to _look_ at him and she felt so secure in their love she knew she was going to be fine.

And they were always going to be together. She had not been like the other girls about the village. She had never had a sweetheart and so he was her sweetheart as well as her fiancée all at once. And since Gwen was gone he had become her best friend as well and she was glad of that because she wanted them to have that relationship.

She wanted them to be friends as well as... but she had loved him for a long time and there were other things she wanted them to be. And as much as she loved being with him as they were she knew she was longing for them to be closer still. She wanted them to be...

Her face blushed.

Linking her hand through his arm, she smiled as they wondered down to the village, and was especially glad they had got the nights off to fall on the same day so they could go to the tavern for their supper. As much as she loved the make shift family she lived with, the two of them did need to get away from it.

Their time alone was so precious and relaxing and it was then she could see what the two of them were going to be like when they did leave service.

Oh, she knew it was not going to be for some time yet – they had to get enough money. But she did not want to be like Mrs. Hughes. If they were going to be married then she wanted to give him children and she did not want it to be just the two of them alone when they got older, not that the prospect broke her heart or anything. It was only she knew he would make such a wonderful father.

She had seen the way he had been with William when Thomas had been cruel to him and she had thought he was just lovely.

And she had been right. So, so right.

XXX

Knowing that Robert might get leave soon lifted Cora's spirits as she Christmas neared. It had been a long time since she had been so content. It had been since she had had her son – in the minutes before she had learnt that she was to lose her husband to the war. She had been ecstatic. But then all good things came to an end and if you were going too relieved with one hand, she had long since learnt you had to take a new worry with the other.

She had had her son and so she had to give up her husband. Not something she was ever going to be willing to do again.

This was the last war he was going to see service in; of that, she was determined.

She was too old to be on her own for so long and the two of them were always at their best when they were side by side. So she knew she had been making plenty of mistakes about the house and indeed she had.

She had been sorting out the menus for various nights with her dear Mrs. Hughes and then she had been sending off something all together different to Mrs. Patmore, confusing the poor pair no end and she thought they had even had a row over who was telling the truth over what she had said once. She had got them to saddle her horse once and then she had forgotten to go out, not that she should be riding yet any way, not when she had only just had her baby two months before.

And then there were some days when she just had to get out of the house and she would do anything to do so. She did not think she had been so much of a walker as she had been lately for a long time.

But when she had got word she was going to be seeing Robort again and Matthew was going to come back as well...

Well, her heart had flown as it had not done since before the war had begun.

She knew it was not going to be as it had been, for she was beginning to doubt that even when the war came to its end, things were going to be as they had been before it. But they were going to be at her side, as they had been, if for only a little bit.

And she was going to see her little Robert in her big Robert's arms and she did not think she could wait for that sight. It would melt her soul. As much as the girls needed more being at the age that they were, she did believe that a boy of his age needed his father as well. It was so important for them to bond. She knew when her little brother had been young he had needed the attention of this father.

It was character building was it not, for a boy to love his papa dearly? And she did so want her boy to have a strong character.

Oh, she was not blaming Robert - she could not for the children were constantly in his thoughts as was she – the letters she was getting were confirming that. He was a good, dutiful man; she had known that when she said she was indeed willing to become his countess.

Yet he had never liked to talk about the war when he had been away last time and she knew it was a lot worse this time around. He seemed to refuse point blank to say anything about what he was seeing when he was out there. She had no idea how it was affecting him because he would not tell her.

Of course, he did his best to fob her off with promises about how well he was getting on lads and how on sunny days the climate did him the world of good, but there were so many blanks in his letters. And he was in a war zone! How could that be good for his health! She was a woman; she wasn't stupid.

Had he forgotten that?

She loathed the gaps in his letters because it was as if they were keeping huge parts of himself away from her and he was changing into someone she was not too sure of.

She wondered if she even knew the man she was excepting home but she did not think it was going to be the same Robert she had seen off all those months before.

When she got up in the mornings the first thing she did was check all the headlines about the war and she did not doubt what was going on in France was getting to him. How could it not when he was in the middle of it all?

Oh her poor, _poor_ darling. She did not know why he could not be like the other men in his class and just let the lower classes and the younger sons go off to fight for England – Robert and his damn conscience.

She knew she should not think like that, for it made him the man she loved... but she wanted him to be there with her and the children – not what seemed half way around the world.

XXX

As Matthew caught sight of Crawley house, he felt himself relax and tense up all at the same time. He had not felt as if he had gone home when he had gone back to Manchester. But now he did.

This was where he belonged. He just had not known it.

But he did now – and there was so much he wanted to do when he was in Downton and it was not only with the family. He wanted to go about the Estate and see everyone he had got to know when he had been there. He wanted to go to the tavern and see the friends he had made. He wanted to be as he had been for only for a time once more.

"Oh my darling," he heard a cry and he saw his mother had been waiting for him - and as soon as he had seen him she had come out of the house to greet him.

He did not think he had ever been so glad to see her. She had been a good friend as well as mother to him over the years. It had been a long time since they had been together, far too long.

"I missed you," she said as she hugged him, not giving him time to breath.

"Well, I am glad to hear it," he said as he put his arms about her.

It was so, so good to be home and he did not know how to put it into words. As she pulled back and cupped his face as he continued to beam at her. "Oh, as if I would not have missed you my darling Matthew."

"Mother," sighed Matthew happily as he put his arm about her wrist and lead her towards the house. "I missed you too. How are you?"

"All the better for seeing you," she said to him. A gentle silence feel between them only for a moment."

"I want to know everything that has been going on in my absence and no skimping on details."

"As if I would dare," she said as they were greeted by Mosley at the door.

"It is good to have you back, sir," he said with a nod and a smile to him.

"Not as good as it is to be back," Matthew replied as they shook his hand.

"Can I get you some tea perhaps sir?"

"I think that would be very agreeable."

Another shock to the system he had had to face when he had got back to the city was how to live without as many staff as he had been when he had been living with his mother near the family. As much as he had said it was not going to change him it had - and there was no good in denying it.

_If you didn't change, you'd die_, he had told his cousin. And he had been right.

"Well, get talking mother," he said cheekily as he sat down by the fire, having removed his over coat and given it to Mosley. The December wind had been rather chilly when he had been out.

"I suppose you are going to want the news from the big house first and foremost – I told you a lot of it in my letter but the big news remains Cousins Roberts absence. The poor girls are missing him something chronic," she said with sympathy.

"I can imagine," he sighed. He missed his father and he had done ever since he had lost him but at least he had had a chance to say his goodbyes. He was keenly aware of the fact that if his cousin died at the war that was going to be no comfort for any of the Crawley women.

"The house seems so big without him, but then you are going find that out for yourself tonight over dinner," she explained not meeting his eye.

She knew she had been wrong to say they would go to dinner that night before she had asked him. It was more than likely the case that he had been looking forward to a night at home just the two of them. He would want time to get ready to see Mary again but then what if he backed out of it completely?

No, it was best to keep things moving. She had done the right thing when she had said they were going to go. He knew how much they had missed him as well - only second to their papa.

"Mother!"

"What was I meant to say to Cousin Cora? That we would not go? She has been so kind to me since I have been here on my own."

He knew that was not the reason – they both did. She was taking him there that night so that he and Mary might be thrown in one another's way.

But the problem was he did not object any more.

He wanted to be thrown...

**Please review!**

**Author Note: Even though I was the only nominee for the category, can I just say how thrilled I was to win the Highclere award for Robert/Cora? They are one of my favourite Downton pairings and it really made my day, so can I just say a HUGE thank you again for the nomination! I'm one happy girl :) **


	18. The Reunion

_Chapter 18: The Reunion_

Mary did not think she had ever been so nervous when she dressed for dinner as she was that night and for the first time in days, she found something other than her sister's romance with the chauffeur filled her mind.

Her own romance.

Having chosen a blue dress for the occasion, now that she had put it on, she did not think that it did her justice. Nor was she entirely sure it hang right even though it was new. She just wanted to look so perfect to him when he saw her again.

And she wanted them to talk about what had gone on and she did not want them to be angry about the past any more. She wanted to take back everything she had said and done to him. If she could have her time with him over again, then she knew she would have done things very differently.

"Do you think I look alright?" she asked as Sybil came into the room. Since she had learnt her secret, the two of them were closer than they had ever been before.

It was not just that she had kept her secret; it was that she had understood the way she had been feeling at that moment and time.

"I think you are beautiful and I think that Matthew is going to think the same thing."

"Well, I don't know about that!"

"Well, I do!" she said as she came up behind her with a smile. "He has come back Mary and I do not think he only came back for Christmas – he is here for you as well."

"Don't be so ridiculous," she said as she shook her head. She did not want to think it if it was not the truth.

The two of them had had deep feelings for one another when he had been there and she did not think they were the types of feelings that simply went away with time. Yet...

People said time was a great healer. What if Matthew no longer felt what he had once?

But what happened when it did not work. What about when nothing made what you were feeling go away? She did not think she was ever going to fall out of love.

She was not like Edith who had loved Patrick so much and then who had been so passionately in love with her Sir Anthony...

As if her insipid little sister could be passionate about anything.

"My lady, I don't know if it is going to count for a lot but I think you look beautiful," said Anna softly from the door what having seen her mistress looking in the mirror worriedly. She understood what she was going through.

She had felt it when she had got back from London and she had had to tell John she had been to see his mother, having not asked if he would mind. She had had to know the truth - and when she had returned he had been almost glad she had done it. And so she felt it was going to be fine for Master Matthew and Lady Mary. She felt it in her bones. There had been so much bad luck for so many people at Downton of late that there had to be some good things happening as well.

"It does, Anna," she said knowing that she did not have time to change - not now.

And with Matthew, it had never been what people looked like on the outside that had mattered to him. It was what was within. Well, she did not believe she was a very nice person when you looked inside but she had to trust to the hopes that _he_ did.

Not that hope was a very solid thing to pin your hopes on but she had nothing else. It was the only thing she had left when it came to the two of them.

It felt very precious – and too breakable for her liking.

"Let's go," she said as she turned to Sybil. She knew all eyes were going to be on the two of them as it was. She did not need to be late to dinner to heighten the mood any further.

If it got any higher then it was going to be touching the sky.

XXX

The Dowager Countess walked into the grand old house where she had lived for so long with nerves in her stomach for her eldest grandchild.

She had been so glad when she had heard Matthew was going to be back for she knew knew Mary and he could then do what they should have so many months ago. When she and Mrs. Crawley had agreed that the two of them should be together, she knew how serious the situation had got – the two of them, after all, never agreed on anything.

She got to the stair case just as the two girls came down it and she had to catch her breath in her throat for a moment. She knew she never had given the girls enough praise for the good they did. But that evening, Mary looked radiant.

She did not think she had ever seen her granddaughter look so beautiful.

"Oh my dear."

That was when Mary knew she had done well. Sybil, as dear as she was to her, was too prone to exaggerate especially when she knew she wanted to hear some thing. Her grandmother was not.

"I am going to do for the grand reunion then," she tried to joke but none of them laughed. The three of them all knew how important this was for her.

She did not want to get it wrong and for all her training, it showed in her eyes as she looked towards the door that was going to take her to the drawing room. She was nervous.

"I think you are going to do very well," her grandmother said to her with a small smile. It was the first one she had given any of the girls since they had seen there father go off to France.

She so missed her own son, even if she did have her grandson to entrain her.

But there was nothing quite like seeing the young ladies she had watched grown up turn into beautiful women. And this was one of those moments when she had to remind herself they were not girls any more.

"Well, then the three of us had better go in. I don't want to keep Matthew waiting for me do I?" she said gently.

She was so done playing games with him she did not think she could put it into words. She had to be honest and true now – she had never been very good at being either of those things. But regardless she was going to give it a go.

As she walked into the room, she saw her grandmother, Sybil and herself were indeed the last ones to arrive.

She paused to look at Matthew. "You look well," she said as a way of greeting to him,

He took a deep intake of breath in as he saw her and she knew she had made a good impression; which was just what she had wanted to do.

"As do you," he replied gently. The months in which they had not seen one another – he did not think his memory of her had faded. But he had been wrong.

It had. For she was so much...more beautiful in the flesh.

And then after that neither of the new quite what to say. The moment when they were going to be together again, she knew had been a long time coming for them both and yet now it had come, they were both tongue tide.

She did not think she had ever been lost for words in her life but she was then.

She wanted nothing more right there and then to fall into his arms and tell him how much she had missed and how desperately she loved him. But it was never going to happen because one, they were surrounded by so many people and two, because she would never let herself behave in such a way. Ever. It was just not her. She had told herself for so long that she did not need him to save her as she was not a princess in a tower for so long, that she had almost begun to believe the lie herself.

"How are you dear cousin Matthew?" said her mother saving her from the embarrassment the silence had begun to cause.

"I am very glad to be home," he said as a response for it was the only truthful one he was able to give as he looked about at the room. Even though he knew it was not the most comfortable situation in the world, he did not think he would like to be anywhere else that evening.

"And we are glad to have you back," said Sybil. In all the excitement which had been going on, she had still had time to miss him.

"Indeed," concurred Edith.

"I trust Manchester did not change too much in your absence," said Cora with a soft smile.

"No – Manchester was not what changed at all," he shook his head as he fought to keep his eyes from wondering back to Mary.

Another pregnant paused flooded into the room as they all had a chance to mull over what he had said before Cora lead them in to dinner.

It was one of many little changes that proved how different Downton was to how it had been when he had first arrived. Robert had always led them into dinner. He wished when he left a place, he could pause it, so he could return to it to find it exactly as it had been when he left.

"I was very much concerned when I heard about Cousin Robert," he said to them all with sympathy.

"He is bearing up well and he is due to return for a few days in the next few weeks," said Cora trying to focus on the positive about the situation they were in, as she had always been prone too.

"Well, then I hope I will be here as well on his return," he said to them with a smile. They had not been the only ones who had been writing to him since he had left home.

"I can think of nothing that would delight him more," Cora replied.

"Unless the opportunity to be here with his family right now," Edith muttered under her breath to her two sisters on either side of her.

"Yes, Robert was always a family minded man, since he was a small boy." Said Violet knowing what she had said had not quite made sense but hoping the point she was trying to make got over to her family any way and indeed, it did seem to as they all nodded appreciatively of what she had said.

"Well, talking of small boys I am yet to meet my newest cousin, Cora," said Matthew with a smile.

"Oh yes, when we are done here you are going to have to come up to the nursery!" she told him.

"Mama spends half her days in there now; it is no wonder we are not eating there," Edith rolled her eyes.

"Whereas Sybil spends all of her days at the hospital," Isobel teased.

"Yes, I cannot say I was surprised when I heard you had gone in to uniform so quickly," he said to the youngest of the three girls.

"Well, it was too much of an opportunity to miss – I wanted to feel as if I was doing something for my country," she explained with a shrug.

"Sybil makes us all very proud." Cora praised her.

"Just as Robert does," Violet added.

"Whereas Mary and I do nothing productive with our time," Edith stated as she sipped her wine.

She knew she was coming over too strong that night but she was sick to the back teeth over her mother saying how proud they were of her saintly younger sister.

"Oh no one is saying that, Edith," Mary taunted. "I do good work with my charities for the war." She had not meant to let herself be provoked but there were something's that did not change whether there was a war on or not.

"As does your sister," Cora jumped in, before any of the girls had a chance to carry on sniping. She knew they did it but why they had to carry on in front of the guests now they were young women, she did not know.

"But I am sure more than any of the girls work, we would all like to hear more about Matthew, it feels such a long time since you have been with us. No doubt the practice is very busy at a time like this," Cora said as she took a sip of her own wine giving the girls a pointed look as she did so.

If Robert had been there then they would never have behaved in such a way.

XXX

"He is a lovely baby," said Matthew later than night as he cradled the little heir in his arms.

He had been glad when the meal came to an end he had never enjoyed watching the girls wind one another up, even if he had got used to it when he had been living side by side with them.

He had tried to not take a side by when he had fallen for Mary that had been become harder and harder. He saw the way Edith got under her skin and he knew Mary had a short fuse when it came to her. He did not know if he blamed her for the ways she spoke to her sister for she knew she could not tolerate her on the best of days, so to ask her to do so when he flattered himself she was nervous, was hardly fair.

"Yes, he is," said Mary.

Cora conveniently had pressing business with Violet and his mother when he had said he would like to go and see the child for the first time, so Mary had said she would take him up.

They had been putting on a show for the others all night he felt, so it was nice to have five minutes with her when he could be himself. And for all that the child was going to give them away, they might as well have been on there own.

As he cuddled the boy, he looked up at Robert's eldest sister with so many questions in his eyes she did not know what to say in response.

Even now they were on their own she did not think she had the courage to say how much she had missed him, which she knew was stupid because she did not want him to leave that night without knowing. The last thing she wanted him to think that he might have well as just stayed in the city for the season.

"I am glad to see you have returned," she told him trying to get to what she really wanted to say without succeeding. It wasn't enough...

He had an amused look on his face and she knew he had managed to decipher what she had really told him successfully.

"So am I," he said as the child gurgled, as if he was amused by the exchange as well.

"I love that boy, Matthew, but I wish he had come just a little later than he had," she told him. She regretted the way she had handled his proposal not least because it had ended with them not married.

"I want you to know I if could go back and do things different to the way I did, then I would bite my own arm for the opportunity," she explained as she looked away from him.

"I appreciate you saying so," he nodded, understanding how hard it was for her to say she had been wrong. She was so proud – he did not think Mr. Darcy had ever had anything on her.

"I think we both had a hand in it going so wrong," he sighed knowing it was not fair to put it all on her. If she has been like Mr. Darcy ,then he had been an Elizabeth with his prejudice against her wealth and her back ground.

And to think because of a baby it had all gone so wrong for them.

He really was a lovely boy though and he knew he was going to do his family proud – he was so glad he had met his but it did hurt just a little. He had got used to thinking he was going to inherit and he had got too comfortable with that fact.

"Matthew – " she knew if she had been a farmer's daughter or a maid she might be able to say what she had too. But she was a lady as she had been brought up to be and she was no Sybil in regards to how liberal she could be.

"I know, Mary," The way she had said his name had told him everything she needed to and he was not going to watch her suffer in torment of how to get her feelings across anymore. As much as they had both enjoyed watching one another squirm since they had met, he was not going to let her when they had got to a point in their relationship when he knew it had to be make or break.

That was half the reason he had come back – because he knew if he did not find a way for the two of them to accept each other as they were soon, then they were not going to and that was not a thought he even wanted to entertain. Not when they had been so close in the past and when he wanted them to be so close in the future.

"Then perhaps we can..." once more, she trailed off.

"Maybe, Mary. Maybe."

_Please review!_


	19. Confessions of the Heart

_Revised: 2__nd__ February 2013 _

_Chapter 19: Confessions of the Heart_

"Now that your cousin is here, does that mean that Lady Mary is going to be a little more preoccupied," Tom Branson asked his lady as he drove her home from the last shift from the hospital before Christmas.

"I think that might be the case," she said as she kissed his cheek, sitting side by side with him once more.

"I am glad – I want us to have a bit more time together over Christmas."

He knew when things were normal, Sybil had to follow her schedule, the rules that she lived by. Everyone knew where she was meant to be at any specific time but with any luck over Christmas, with more people in the house, things were going to be a bit more hectic and she was going to be able to sneak out a bit more to be with him.

He wished the two of them did not have to be so Romeo and Juliet over what they were doing. He wanted to do nothing more than to shout to the world that they were together. He was so proud of the fact that she had picked him and he wanted everyone to know it.

But then if the world knew they were together, then the world would make it their objective to tear them apart.

But neither of them were so stupid that they thought they were going to be able to keep it a secret for long. Sooner or later it was going to have to come out in the wash because they were not always going to be as young as they were then.

He had his dreams and he was not going to achieve them when he was driving Lady Cora to Ripon or the dowager back and forth from the house. So, he was going to have to go to London. And when he went, he wanted her to go with him. He did not want them to be apart for he knew there was never going to be someone as right for him as she was.

In the world he wanted them to be living in, this would not be an issue. No, in the world he imagined, this would be nothing they had to hide.

"Yes," she said to him. That was what she wanted as well. She wanted nothing more for them to be like normal young sweethearts and to go on sleigh rides and have snow ball fights that holiday season.

But it was not going to be the case, she thought. But then was not the time for sadness.

She kissed him again, never happier to have been at his side.

XXX

Daisy sat in the kitchen. What with the Christmas tide coming up, she knew she had plenty to do and if Mr Carson, Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore caught her then she was going to be for it. She was meant to be hard at work but that day she found she could not stop thinking about her William.

She had her good days and her bad days, but that had been a bad day and everything got worse as she got closer to Christmas.

His letters were sparse and as the weeks went by, she tried to keep her spirits up but it was hard to do so when he seems so far away from her. They had had so little time together before he had left her and –

When she thought of the day they had said goodbye she could not do it without crying. She just wanted him close. She wished she had more memories of him.

She tried not to let it diminish the joy she took in others thought. She knew Mr. Bates and Anna tried to hide what they felt for one another from her but she saw it and she was glad of it. She had known for a long time they were in love. It was surprising what a little kitchen maid saw when she went about the big house but see it she did. She had eyes.

And she knew about Mister Matthew and Lady Mary as well. Ever since she had got there, she had always thought how nice it would be if she saw one of the Crawley girls get married. Then they would have a big wedding and they would all go and celebrate it together...

And the bride would be so gorgeous. But the fact was the only wedding she was really worried about was her own. She wondered if it was really going to happen.

Every day she feared that the list of the dead was getting longer and longer.

And she was so scared when she woke up one day she was going to find _his_ name on it.

And now when they were meant to be together enjoying the snowfall, they were so far apart. She knew he was in France but she knew no more and it did hurt her when they were _meant_ to be to together.

She knew that now.

"He is going to be ok," said Anna as she came in knowing what was going on her mind. She had come into see her worried more than enough times of late to know what she was thinking. But she thanked the lord she did not feel how she was feeling. She knew if it was her than she would have gone out her mind long before now.

John had keep his promise and he had stayed by his side. She knew what a gift that was.

"I know but I just feel as if he is getting further and further away from me," She explained.

Anna pulled out a chair, scraping it across the floor as she did so. She got the feeling Daisy needed a friend at that moment more than she ever had before.

Her concern was growing by the day.

"I just want him home."

"I know you did and he is going to be soon. It can't go on for long now," she tried to soothe her.

"But what if it does, Anna? To begin with everyone was saying the war was going to be over by Christmas but here we are William is not home. It is just... I hate to think of him out in the trenches. I have knitted him scarves and socks but I can't help thinking he is going to be cold... I hate the thought of William getting cold at night. And I just want ..." she knew she was repeating herself and so she feel quiet.

And she had to stay focused if she did not want to fall apart. "I should get back to work."

"You should take five minutes for yourself, that is what you should do, Daisy," Anna told her sternly.

But it was no good. She was not a housemaid. She was under Mrs. Patmore's jurisdiction and she knew it. If she caught her skiving she was not going to be best pleased with her no matter how much she was missing William. Because Mrs Patmore knew he would want her to keep going for him too. When he had lost his mother, the only thing that had kept him going was work and so she had to do the same for him now. She had to be the strong one.

It really was the only way she was going to get through this without him.

XXX

Sometimes it seemed to Edith the only good thing about her life was the fact Sir Anthony wrote to her. She knew if she confided this in anyone they would say she was being foolish which was why she kept such thoughts to herself.

But it was true and she was beginning to live for the day she was going to see him again. He was the first one since Patrick who had made her feel - anything. And she knew if they were only together as they had once been, she was going to be able to make him see whatever he thought he knew was very wrong indeed.

But why did she have to wait when her sister got what she wanted on a plate for doing nothing. Even then as she watched Matthew and Mary walk in the gardens together she resented what Mary had.

Why was it she did not have to do anything to get what she wanted when she had to wait for everything to come to her?

Yet Edith could not be further from Mary's thoughts as she tucked he hand under Matthew's arm. It felt to her as if it had been to long since they had had a chance to be together as they wanted to be and yet even then she could hear both their minds going on over drive.

They both had so much they wanted to say and ask.

But everything was so inadequate – except those three little words she had never said. Before he had left her he had asked if she loved him enough to spend the rest of her life with him and she now knew she did. She had had to go a months without him and she felt as if they had driven her mad, not that she was going to be saying that to him.

"Mary," he said as he drew her out of her thoughts not for the first time that day. She knew she was not being easy for him as usual and she knew he did find her a lot of hard work. But it did not seem to her he was ready to give up yet and she was so glad of it. "I know it is hard for you but I would have you open your heart to me; you know as well as I do that it was not Christmas I really returned for."

They were the words she had been longing to hear since she had stepped through the door and back in to her life.

But he was right – it was a hard thing for her to do because she had not been raised to do so. It was not that her mother and father had not wanted to hear if she had been troubled, yet her grandmother had always been very stoic it seemed to her; she knew she expected her and her sisters to be the same. Their grandmother and her imperious manners had always been a great influence on Mary. More so that her mama would have like her to be at times, she thought. But she had had to put up with her since she had first got to Britain.

"Do you know how long I have had to wait to hear you say that?" she said as she sat down on the bench when they got to it.

"As long as I have been waiting for you to say that," he teased her as he took her hand.

"Mathew – I do love you. I love you dearly as a cousin and as more than that... But when you asked me to be your wife, I was very confused over what I wanted and I was getting advice from so many different corners, I did not know who was speaking wisdom and whose advice I should have discarded.…"

She did not practice caution as much as she should and she had been told so many times over the years, but she had always been careful about her heart. It was not that she had been hurt but she had seen others hurt by love. Even her mother. In spite of the fact she did not seriously think there was another earl in England who was in love with their wife as much as her father was her mother, she also... she knew how rare that was.

And who ever she was with for the rest of her life had to be able to love her like that, for she was not going to be second best to a mistress. And she was not going to be able to sit quietly like a good little wife if her husband sought one.

That sort of life was not for her and that was part of the reason she had fallen for Matthew. Because she knew if she was with him that was not something she was ever going to have to worry about. Whoever he did marry would never have to worry about that.

She so wanted to be that whoever.

She knew if they were together than he was not going to want for another, for they were going to be more than content winding one another up for the rest of their lives. She had no illusions over them. They were not going to be the perfect pair and no doubt they were going to hurt one another because so far since they had known one another, she had figured that was all they had done. They had been carless and foolish with one another's heart.

And yet even though when he had first arrived he had seemed to her so full of himself and straight forward, she now knew if they were married then he was going to be able to succeed in challenging her every day; that was what she needed.

"But I think now as I look back on those foolish mistakes I made, I know the advice I should have been following was my own for – Matthew, I do not think the two of us have had a very ordinary romance if you do not mind me saying so."

He shook his head for he knew she spoke nothing but the truth and it was refreshing to hear. "I think you are right," he told her as he squeezed her hand which gave her the courage to do what she had to do next.

"Matthew," she begun, enjoying being able to call him by his name once more, enjoying their closeness... "the reason I delayed in giving you my answer last time – the real reason I did not say yes as soon as you asked me which I did want to was - I did something very foolish just a short time after you arrived in Downton and I felt if I was not honest with you then I would have cheated you even as we went down the aisle... and I was not going to do that to you then – and I am not going to now either," she said as she sighed.

She could see it in his eyes he was not sure if he wanted to hear what she had to say next to him.

She just had to hope he could see through it to her – because if not then she would have just lost the best thing that had ever happened to her for a second time.

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	20. Christmas Morning

_Chapter 20: Christmas Morning_

Matthew did not know what to think or say as he got back to Crawley house and shut the door. When she had said she had something she had to tell him he had not known what she was going to come out with, for he rarely did when it came too Mary, but he wished to god she had said nothing.

He did not know why it bothered him so much but it did. She had lain in another man's arms - it was not as if they had even liked one another when she had done it – but the fact she had felt the need to degrade herself in such a way did make him feel ill.

Yet, even then, part of him respected her for coming out with and telling him she had done wrong and saying how much she regretted it. He knew it would have been only too easy for her to say nothing and walk down that aisle with him.

And yet she had done the right thing and she had come clean.

To say she was not a completely different person to him now was a lie. She had always said she was not the rebel her mother and her father had made her out to be but after she had told him_ that_, how could she not be?

She had lain with a man who had not been her husband. Who was not himself...

He knew he was not perfect but he had always had his morals and they meant something to him; he was not going to change that to suit her. But he had come back with every intention once more of making her his wife.

And there was a big part of him that still wished to do so. Yet what she had done to herself broke his heart.

He did not know why she had done it and he did not think he wanted to understand why she had either...

For all the fact he loved to play the martyr, he knew his cousin adored all three of his daughter even if they did not behave in a way that he wanted them to at times. He would be there to fight for them over the important things, when he felt he could win. He had _only not _challenged the entail because there had been no point in even trying.

And Matthew knew Mary had been put under pressure to marry since he had got there and most likely before. But it was not as if she was the only women in the world who had been told to marry.

And she had not been _forced_ into a marriage either. When she had said no it had been a no. And her mother and father had backed off and continued the search for her spouse in another direction...

So why she had felt...

Tears rushed into his eyes for her and he did not know why. It had not been as if she had been forced in to it the way she had told it.

But she was right; it had changed everything.

XXXX

For all that it might yet cost her; Mary Crawley knew she had done the right thing when she had told Matthew what she had done. If he could not respect her for being so honest perhaps he was not the man she had thought he had been.

And then maybe if he did not accept her it was just as well. But she_ prayed _he did.

When they had been walking together before she had told him the truth it was the most natural she had felt in weeks.

For all their arguing, he made her feel something she never had before and she did not know what to call it or how to describe it but – she simply knew something was so right between the two of them.

And it was always going to be enough to be together when she was with him for her.

But the question was, was it enough for him?

XXX

Just as they thought they were going to, Tom Branson and Sybil found they had a lot more time together as Christmas progressed so much so that on the final day they were meant to be shopping in Ripon, they made enough time to go for a meal together.

The tavern was not the sort of place she was used to but it was indeed an experience. With the comfort that the other car had broken down a few days before hand, they knew there was no chance of any one from Downton being there – not from the big house, any way.

So happy was he that they were not going to be caught when they were so far from home, they held hands and kissed.

As if they were a real couple.

As if...

_**Christmas day **_

Cora had known when she had woke up that Christmas, she was going to do so with her husband absent but that did not mean she enjoyed it. Quite the opposite.

The day had always been spent together at home as a family and it was not going to be the same without him for any of them, no matter what way they looked at it.

But it _was_ going to be her first Christmas with her little boy.

That was a thought that made her smile and rather than wait for O'Brian to come to her with her breakfast, she walked down the hall to the nursery.

Miss Burrows was there already and Cora had to say she had been so far been delighted with the girl. She seemed very competent in comparison to some of the others governess and nurses they had had when the girls were little.

She had a rather short fuse with a few of the governesses she had got in when the girls were small. It was bad enough when any member of staff was not up to a job they said they could do; but when that job was looking after her babies...

Robert had had to calm her down on more than one occasion when she had thought there girls were being neglected.

But that had not yet been the case here. No, when she went into see her son in the mornings he seemed to her a sunny child, always washed and changed, clean and happy. Though he had been a big crier at the start when she had left him, he had seemed to have calmed down the more attached he had become to his nurse and she was very pleased with her, over all.

"Merry Christmas," she said as she came into the room, still in her nightgown with her hair down. "I hope you do not mind me interrupting your morning routine Miss Burrows," she said with a smile.

"Not at all, your ladyship. I was just going to bring him down to you to say Merry Christmas," she said as she beamed.

"Oh, well I came to him," she said as she lifted her son into her arms and held him, wishing as she did, so she could do that with all her children. It was not as if the girls let her comfort them anymore – not unless they came to her anyway.

But this little man was a comfort to her in his father's absence and he had earned a special place in the heart for that.

Sybil was still her baby but so was this little boy.

"Merry Christmas, my little angel!" she cooed as she kissed him, wishing that at any moment she could feel Robert wrap his strong arms about the pair of them and kiss her.

Oh god, she prayed he was comfortable that day. She had sent knew clothes and his favourite foods but she had no idea if they were going to get to him in time.

She could only hope. And so that was what she did.

She had been standing with him or a moment when footsteps behind her told her she was not alone and though she knew it was not Robert, the thought that he was going to surprise her did cross her mind – but, no... it was Edith.

"I was just coming to do that," she said as she saw her baby brother in their mother's arms and stepping into the room, she walked over to them and smoothed back the child's hair as she looked about him. At coming up to four months he was a very sturdy little lad, she was glad to say. It was clear he delighted their mother's heart.

If there was any justice in the world then every mother should be able to begin there Christmas day as she had. But it seemed the world was not big on just any more.

"Merry Christmas dear," she said as she daughter lay her head on her shoulder as well, Edith's arm about her waist as they cuddled.

XXX

Isobel did not think she had ever been so glad to be able to start the day with her son. When the war had begun, she had thought she was going to be one of those poor mothers who had to wake up with out there children but there he was, even if he did have a long face.

He had had one for a couple of days and she knew whatever it was it had to have something to do with Mary; for when he looked like that, it always did.

But in spite of the fact he was plainly troubled – more so than she had seen him in a long time, he had as of yet made no plans to go back to the city. He had been doing a lot of thinking to do it seemed to her.

"You know when it comes to the two of you, it is always going to come back to the other for you don't you?" she said knowingly as she raised her eye brow.

They had said they were going to go the house for luncheon which meant the two of them had the morning together. He had to sort whatever was going on in his head out by then.

He could not say he was surprised when she put her six pence in on the situation – he had thought she had as of yet been rather restrained in what she had said since he had got back from that day.

"Yes, I think you are right," he said with some confidence; more than she had thought he had just then.

He had figured it out for himself when, in spite of the fact she had done so much harm to him, and most unforgivably, herself, he still wanted her to be his so much he could not say.

He still didn't understand why she had let Pamuk into her bed. He recalled when they had been at the flower show and he had told her she saw him as a dull boy and he wondered absently if that had been her motivation – for a bit of excitement.

He knew she felt as if she was shut in a gilded cage some times... but when she was allowed to fly she was beautiful – and that was why he knew he was going to overcome it – the turmoil was at an end.

He had been angry, yes, when he had learned the truth. But she had done the right thing and she had not tricked him to go up the idle with her. She had been honest and in some ways truer than she had ever been to either of them before.

He had fallen in love with her and he was sick of letting what had gone on before and since them get in the way of it. He only wanted them to be together because he knew just as well as she did how happy they could make one another.

They had proved it when they had been in London. He did not think he had ever had such a good time as when he had gone up to the city for the season.

He remembered what a fuss he had made about going when he had been invited. He had told his cousin just because he had come round to the ideal of being lord of the estate when it was his turn, he had not forgotten where he had come from and he was not going to and so the thought of the London season did not fill him with joy as it did the current Earl.

Robert forgot, it seemed to him, that he had not been born into the life he had begun to enjoy living.

But he had pressed on telling him to go with him if only for a while. He had said he would appreciate a male companion, rather than just been surrounded by his squabbling, if utterly beloved daughters, for the entire season.

And as he looked back, he realised Robert had done it so he and Mary might get a little more time together too – yes, that had been one of his motives.

And yet when he had got there he had found it so exciting against everything he had said. Even though he had been brought up in the city, it had not been a city such as London and in part he thought it had put Manchester to shame.

To him the more glamorous parts of London were a pleasure city with everything he enjoyed in one place. He loved the culture and he had been able to drink it in.

Every day he had gone to an art gallery or a play and he had seen so much. And then at night it had been ball after ball. And while he did not usually take to such things, when he had had the opportunity to see Mary in beautiful gown after beautiful gown, he had had to through his hands up and accept the inevitable – just as cousin Robert said, _when in Rome_...

With her dignity and her ease, it appeared to him Mary had not been born in Downton but St James's itself. She had been a cut above every other woman there and indeed she had had to dress down some days at the order of her mother so as not to out shine her sisters too much...

He had loved it all...

And it was time to tell her so...

XXX

Mary sat by the tree with her sisters, mother and brother as Carson and Hughes came into get their gifts. She gave the butler a small smile but could not do a lot more. Since she had told Matthew what she had done she had had no room for thoughts of anything else.

Just as she had known he was going to be, he was horrified by the thought of what she had done. She had tried to warn him it was going to change the way he thought of but she did not think he had really understood how much until she had said.

She had no regrets. But she knew if he did not come back for her then she _was _going to regret it.

It was a testament to how worried she was that she had not even yet had her morning spar with Edith.

And when her sister and her had exchanged gifts they had been uncommonly civil to one another – another Christmas miracle, their mother had cracked.

Well, she was right. The two of them had hardly had a civil word between them since she had got back from London and she had found out who had written the letter to the Turkish embassy. And she did not care what Edith said. She knew she was not a slut.

The party broke up once they had all got their presents and too their delight the mail arrived with letters aplenty from friends and family but most importantly from their father. In spite of the fact he had sent them all a collective letter it seemed he had not considered it enough and so he had written again.

Well, he was going to get no complaints. As far as they were concerned the more he wrote to them the better it was.

But better than that, Edith got a letter from Anthony to wish her a merry Christmas and to tell her, just like her father, he was soon to get some leave and he would be grateful if he could call on her. If she could got to London so that their hearts might be revealed to one another – that was what she hoped.

They had to get it all out in the open or the two of them were never going to be recoiled and after she had lost Patrick... she couldn't face losing a second love...

Two holidays' seasons had elapsed since he had been taken but there was not a day when she did not remember her dear cousin and wish things had been so different...

She wondered if he had lived, if Mary and he would have married or if _they_ would have. Had he picked her then she knew she might be in her own establishment with a baby by that Christmas.

That was the way she had wanted thing to be… she had so wanted them to be together and happy but if she could not be with him then she knew Sir Anthony would make her just as happy.

He was not second best... she had never thought of him as that.

He was not a Matthew and he was not going to be the sort of man she knew her sisters aimed for but he was very respectable and kind and he would raised her up from where she was there. She just had to hope whatever was in his mind was not going to prevent the two of them from becoming as close as they had been before...

XXX

Matthew walked determinedly as he went to the house. Now he had made up his mind he was not going to change it and he wanted to tell Mary before they sat down. That was why he had come ahead of his mother.

With the ring he had chosen for her in his pocket, he took deep breathes as he knocked on the door. The Christmas they were about to enjoy was going to be rather memorable in the best way, if he had his way.

He just did not want her to get cold feet again.

The door opened.

"Merry Christmas to you, Carson," he said with a smile.

"And to you too, sir. I am sorry we are not quite ready. We were not expecting you for another half an hour yet, sir," he said to him.

"No, I am afraid I have an alternative motive in coming to the house so early," he said. "I don't suppose you know where Lady Mary is do you?"

Carson could not say he was surprised. He had seen the way the two of them had looked at one another and he had heard what the others about the house had been saying to about them but for just a moment, he wanted to lie and protect Mary. She had been so down since he had left her before and the butler did not want to see his poor lady upset so again.

But from the look on his face he had not come to upset her and it did not take Carson long to figure out_ why _he had come.

"Why don't you go thought to the library, sir. I will find her right now."

XXX

"Lady Mary, Mr. Crawley is here and he is waiting for you in the library," Said Carson once he had been called into his lady's room.

He knew he should have sent Anna to tell her really, but it was only fair to give her the head ups.

"Matthew is here?" she said as she jumped up. He seemed to be turning up early for everything of late. "But he is not due yet."

"No, milady, he is not, but if you do not mind me saying so, I do not think it is Christmas he has come for right now."

Understanding what he said, she nodded. "Did he seem upset?"

"Not in the slightest. He seemed in the best of spirits, in fact," he told her.

A meaningful glance between the two of them told him this meant the world to her and he was glad he was with her when the moment she had been waiting for so long, finally was so glad he had been the one there to share it with her. She was not his daughter, nor was she his flesh and blood. But it did not stop him loving her as if she was.

"Then I had better go down to him, hadn't I?"

But she did not move. He saw in her eyes the same fear she had had in them when she had been a small girl and she knew she had to go down to her father to be told off, when she did not know how to correct what she had done.

It was the sort of fear someone felt when they knew they had down to a make or break moment.

"Then I had better go down to him hadn't it?"

"May I walk you down there my lady?" he said as he offered her his arm, knowing how she felt.

"I think you had better," she nodded not so sure she would get there under the own steam when she had such a massive life choice ahead of her.

She trusted Carson and he read situations well – so this was it.

The moment had come...

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	21. The News

**Author Note (added 31st October):** No Updates till December now guys as I am crazy enough to do Nano once more. Have a good November all!

_Chapter 21: The News_

Matthew looked at Mary with apprehension. It had not been so long since there had been tension between the two of them but she did not think there had been this nervous energy between them since they had been at her sisters coming out ball. She _liked _it being between them.

"I am sorry I have been so quiet over the past couple of days but you gave me a lot to think over," he begun in the way that he did not want too, cursing himself. He had so wanted this to be about the future and not the past.

He had dwelt to long on it already and he did not want to give her the wrong idea – he wanted them to start over. "But I am done now and I find I am not altered. I love you still."

A tear dribbled on to her cheek as he revealed himself to her for the first time. She had felt she had been a lot more honest about the way she was feeling than he had been.

But she knew she had hurt him. But then they had both done that...

"You do?"

"Mary, you are a difficult woman. You are hard to read and you are contrary. I don't know who you are from one day to the next at times. But when you walk into the room... Mary," he said as he moved closer to her, knowing that sweet nothings really were nothing at all to her and that was not and had never been the way to her heart.

Bending down to kiss her he let a small smile play on his lips. He had wanted to do this for so long...

"If I had known what was going to come then, you have to know, I would have waited forever," she whispered, as she shook her head, "there has not been a day since I did what I did that I have not regretted it. Matthew, it meant nothing whereas we mean – we mean everything me, you do," she said and he did not need to hear any more.

"I want you, you want me. So marry me and be done with it."

Knowing right then she would live with him if he lived in the smallest hovel in the world; she leant in and kissed him.

"Does this mean that we are engaged?" he asked her and he held her body close.

"Yes please."

XXX

As soon as they left the room, Sybil and her mother were the people she knew she had to tell first. She run through the house with Matthew hand in hand for she did not want to lose the connection the two of them had at that moment – the moment she was going to look back in later life as the moment she and Matthews life together begun.

"Mama!" she called as they went up the stairs knowing, she was going to be in Robert's room. Rather than make Miss Burrows work all day she had said she was going to watch her son for a lot of the day, though the nurse stood in the corner tidying the young master clothes away. It was not as if she was yet enough part of the servants family to enjoy the day with them truly.

Yet Cora had wanted the young master close during his first Christmas.

"What is it Mary, don't-" she had been about to tell her not to shout as to wake her baby brother but when she saw the two of them were hand in hand, she knew everything had changed and she did not have the heart to scold her.

She had had no idea her husband's cousin was coming up to see them so early and she knew there could only be one reason why he had when she saw her daughters face.

"Oh my darling!" she said as she saw her and they embraced.

"Mama!"

"Matthew?"

"Cousin Cora, I know I should have really come to you," he said as he watched his fiancée in her mother's arms... "But..." he had no explanation. He had not wanted to go to her. He had only cared for Mary when he had struck up the courage.

And from what Mary had told him, her mother knew what had gone on so no doubt she would be more than happy for the two of them to be together. She knew what a long road they had trod.

"Oh, don't be silly!" she said as she held on to her child. "Does this what I think it means?"

Producing the ring he had given on her, which was already on her finger, Mary could barely contain the joy she was feeling.

"You're going to be married!"

"Yes, we are!"

It had been everything Cora had wanted to hear for so long. She had longed for her daughter to be settled. And not only because she had feared for her reputation – but she did not think she had ever wanted someone to be so happy. Mary deserved it after everything.

"Oh, I am so, so happy for you my darlings!" she said as she cried.

It was the best news she had got for what felt years.

Throwing her arms about Matthew once she had realised her daughter, she felt tears run down her face as she laughed. She had so needed good news that day.

The past few months had been so tiresome and lonely. And yet for the news her first born was to marry she felt just a little less alone.

"Your dear father is going to be so pleased when he returns – you must try and ring him, get him on the telephone."

She so, so wanted him to be there at that moment – "this is going to lift his spirits no end."

Her mind went in to over drive as she wondered if the two of them should wait until the war came to an end to the war to wed.

Of course, if the two of them were to wait then the ceremony could be a lot grander, as befitted the heir to an estate such as Downton. And she knew when the war did come to a close, there were going to be a lot of people who were looking for an excuse to have a celebration.

The marriage of a an Earls daughter was going to be a wonderful reason to do that thought Cora, but then she felt stupid. The ending of a war (and one as brutal as the one they had see) was going to give the people all the reason they needed.

Of course, if she were to say such a thing out loud when she knew she was going to be told that the two of them did not want to take the day away from the soldiers. They were the ones who really had the right to celebrate when all this came to an end.

When the day came when they could go back to their mothers and their wife's and their sweethearts.

Anyway, the truth was all none of that mattered that Christmas day.

The only thing in the world that did matter was the fact the two of them had at last come to understanding.

They were going to be wed. When her title passed on it was going to go to her daughter. Her money was going to go to her daughter and better than all of that, her daughter was going to be an aromatically fulfilled woman.

What mother could ask for more?

XXX

Edith had been in the library with Sybil when she had heard the laughter coming from the hall. It had been a very long time since either of them had heard such a sound in their house. In fact, the last time they had heard it their father had been there for it their mother who was laughing.

"What's going on?" asked Sybil, as the two of them went out in to the reception room. Not only had they heard the laughter but there had also been a knock at the door.

Turning, Sybil saw that Isobel had been the one who had arrived.

She looked as if she was as jittery as a deb at her first ball. When she had come here she had been expected news – that much was clear, and as soon as the two youngest Crawley girls looked at their sister and their mother they knew what the news was.

And so Edith had to admit at last she had lost – and yet it did not hurt as much as she had thought it was going to – for she had the letters from Anthony and a promise of a future with him.

It was Christmas day – it was a time to forgive – and so she was going to be gracious. The day when her turn came was not going to be too far away now.

"Congratulations," smiled Edith with a smile and she felt all eyes turn on her. It had been the last thing they had thought he was going to say to her.

"Thank you Edith." Her sister nodded and she could tell that appreciated what had said.

"If only your father was here then he would be so proud of the two of you today – of the three of you – four of you," said Cora as she looked from her eldest girls to her youngest and then to Matthew.

From where she stood opposite her, she saw Isobel was in tears. The two of them with their mothers intuition had known for a long me there children were right for one another.

And with that all of them went into the drawing room for tea before dinner.

"All we have to do is wait for granny to get here and the whole party is here!" said Cora – a sentence she knew would have been too painful to say had it not been for the good news she had got.

XXX

"Are those roast potato's out of the oven yet, Daisy?" said Mrs. Patmore as she charged around the kitchen in her stride. To have a nice big meal to cook was a relief. It felt a little more like the days before the war.

"Yes Mrs. Patmore!" said Daisy as she run about the kitchen, having also got the meat out of the oven.

The meal that day had gone well considering how long it had been since the two of them had cooked such a sumptuous meal together - Daisy too found that she was enjoying the process.

It seemed to her that at any moment as if her William could walk through the door looking so handsome in his livery as he prepared to wait at table that night.

She did not think she had ever longed for those days so much as she did at that moment.

But, at least she had a busy kitchen to keep her mind of things.

"It has been that long since I saw you with a smile on your face that I forgot how it looked!" laughed the red headed cook.

"Well, I think it is the rule that we have to be happy on Christmas day, isn't it? And I saw Mr. Bates and Anna out this morning – the two of them look so happy together," she explained.

"Oh, yes, loves young dream is going swimmingly whole the rest of us suffer in this god forsaken war," said Miss O'Brien as she came into the kitchen to hear what the two of them were talking about.

"Loves young dream may at last be going well indeed," said Miss Burrows as she followed in. "you'll never guess who came into the nursery looking as if they were going to burst with happiness while I was in there with young master Robert," she said and looked at them all for answers. The lot of them just looked at her as if she had toffee for brains.

She had come to terms with the fact she had so far been somewhat of an outsider only just having arrived when the war begun but she hoped the news she had for them was going to change all that at last.

"Who was that then?" urged mars Patmore – she was getting impatient needless to say. She had a million and one things to do without playing silly beggers with a nurse maid who seemed to have the day off unlike the rest of them.

"Lady Mary and Mister Matthew!"

That was more than enough to get the rest of them to stop.

"Did the two of them – are the two of them – has it all been settled at last?" asked Mrs. Patmore with a smile on her lips. News like that would be very welcome to the staff at Downton at a time such as that.

It had been so long since the lot of them had had any good news.

"Indeed, it has though none of you are meant to know that yet," said Mr. Carson as he came in to the kitchen with Mrs. Hughes behind him looking as if - well, all her Christmases had come at once. She may not be as devoted to the family as Mr. Carson was but, well, she had seen Lady Mary grow up and she was eager to see the girl happy.

"When you are told by her ladyship late on I trust you will all be very surprised. But yes – at last, it does seem, Lady Mary will be Mister Matthews wife!"

All of the others looked at them with a loving gaze, their eyes misted over. This news had been two years coming after all.

"But even if the two of them are going to be married at a letter date, they do have to eat today so please, please can we get back to work?" said the butler with a raised eye brow.

But as the house keeper looked at him, she knew the only thing he really wanted to do was declare a public holiday.

"A proud father indeed," she said as she followed him in to the office with a smile on her face.

He turned to retort her, he was not Lady Mary's father and he had no right to claim to be, but as he opened his mother deny what she had said he found he could not.

He had sired no children. But yes – that day he was a very proud father indeed.

"Tonight, will you join me in raising a glass to my lady's happiness? Once the duties for the day have been done?" he said to her with hope in her eyes.

It was not as if the two of them did not often have a little tipple together at the end of holidays – but that day had a real importance to him.

"I will be glad too – and congratulations to you too, Mr Carson," she said as she bowed out of the office.

She turned to go down the corridor when she heard her name being called by one of the under house maids.

"What is it?"

"Mr Mason, mam – he is here to see Daisy."

Mr Hughes felt the blood drain from her face.

There would only be one reason for that.

XXX

"Will you ask Susan' Flintshore's girls to be bridesmaids? I think if you do then you should put them behind Edith and Sybil – they will look so very frumpy," Violet Crawley stated as she took tea after her Christmas dinner.

"Granny, I do think I should tell papa I am to be married before I start planning the dresses of the bridesmaid," Mary sighed in response as she sat next to her – her fiancée.

"Quite right – and he is going to be over the moon when he does find out," said Cora – for the hundredth time that day.

"That is unless he with holds his permission," chuckled Isobel – they all knew how unlikely that was.

"Have we any more news on when cousin Robert is to return to us?" Matthew asked.

Now that everything was settled, he did not think he could say how eager he was to see him.

He was more than a cousin to him – he was a father as well as a mentor. And he had to see him to tell him the goods news – this was all any of them had wanted for so long.

But he just – well, he supposed what he really wanted to do was to look him in the eye and tell him how happy he was – and how happy he was going to make sure Mary was.

There was going to be no more Pamuk's, no more mistakes.

Just the two of them; soon to be man and wife.

"He said he is going to be back soon but he has given me no date yet – I have no doubt this news is going to bring him home quicker than he might have come otherwise though." she said with a bright smile.

He could see she hoped that was going to be the case. He had not thought to see Cousin Cora so – halfed.

He had always known the two of them were close, but he could see it on her face as she spoke about him how hard she was finding it to be apart from him.

"Well, we all hope that."

They had all been sitting there when the door opened. It was Carson – and yet the look he had on his face changed the mood in the room immediately.

He had not wanted to say anything until the next evening but he did not feel it was right to keep the family in the dark, even on this of all days.

It would be a discredit to William... to William's memory.

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	22. The Aftermath

**Chapter 22**

Mrs Patmore held on to Daisy's hand as the two of them sat at the kitchen table. As soon as Mr Mason had come it had seemed the little maid had been frozen. The farmer had not stayed long, desperate as the poor man was to be left alone with his own grief. It spoke well of him that his first thought had been for the young women who in another life would have been his own daughter.

"Have some tea," the cook urged as she tried to put the strong, sweet cup in to the shaking hands of the distraught maid, but she shook her head.

Instead her hands reached for the necklace that she had not taken off since the day her solider had gone off to war.

"No, thank you, Mrs Patmore." Daisy said respectfully. As she shook her head, a singular tear run down her cheek. It spoke volumes of her heartbreak.

Anna and Alice too sat in the kitchen, Alice stiffly as she tried to think of a way to comfort her and Anna in floods of tears. She felt terribly to openly weep in front of Daisy but as removed as she was from the situation she felt as if she could cry for William. His fiancée had not yet reached that stage.

As for Anna herself, she felt as if she had lost a little brother.

"It's Christmas Day," Daisy muttered. "I thought only good things happened at Christmas."

"I don't think we can apply that during a time of war," sighed Mrs. Patmore.

"He said as long as I wore his necklace he was going to be safe."

"I know he did, my love."

"I do not think that he lied to me though." She shook her head.

The way he had been when he had left – he had been so desperate to return to her. The last moments they had had together –

They had been so real.

"If only I had noticed how good he was before, when I liked Thomas. The two of us could have had so long together."

"Daisy, you can't think like that," Anna told her firmly. But it was ok for her wasn't it? She was going to live the rest of her life as Mrs Bates.

And the kitchen maid was never going to get to be Daisy Mason no mattered how much she wanted to be. Not now.

"It's not right."

"War isn't right."

XXX

That such absolutely joy had been turn to absolute horror in such a small space of time did not seem real to Mary Crowley. For the first time since the war had been declared, she had felt hope. Hope that things were going to be well.

And of course they were still going to be for her and Matthew.

"Are you going to go down and see Daisy?" she asked her mother across a hushed sitting room. Cora nodded. As countess, it was her duty.

"But not tonight though. The poor girl needs-"

Needs her fiancée back.

"Needs time to come to term with what has happened without any intrusions."

Mary agreed. She did not think she would want Daisy coming up to her room if it was the other way round and she had lost Matthew. No doubt her friends were going to be able to give her more comfort than her employers ever could.

Once that she was satisfied Daisy was in the best hands she could be, Mary gave way only slightly to her own grief. While she was not sure she had ever seen William as family, he had been one of their own and she had cared for him.

Seeing her distress, Matthew moved to put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

She grasped it. She did not think she had ever been so happy he had returned as she was in that moment. She needed him.

"It's barbaric," Mary expressed her belief. The war had stripped so many people of so much already. Of time especially.

Edith, for once nodded in agreement. "He was so young. His whole life."

"It is very hard to bear."

No one muttered comforting saying such as he died a hero. Later that night once she had bid goodnight to Matthew and rung for Anna to come up Mary wondered if they should have, but –

She did not see the point. It was not going to pep up her spirits.

And it did not matter – the manner in which he had had died. It was not going to change the fact he had.

As Anna tied her hair for bed, neither mistress of servant spoke. There red rimmed eyes met in the mirror from time to time in moments of understanding.

It was just all too sad for words.

Anna gave a nod goodnight and left the room. It was only nine o'clock on Christmas night – but there were very few Downton residents who did not long for the wretched day to end.

But one who felt she was not able to go to bed yet was Lady Sybil Crawley. Her sisters had both gone to bed not so long after Matthew and Isobel had left.

Her mother had had to go and nurse her brother, and their grandmother had too returned to the dowager house.

But just because all of those wanted to go and be alone did not mean that she did.

And so she headed down to the garages.

XXX

"I am going to go to bed," Mrs Patmore said at last. She was so tired. Enough. She was going to have a dinner to make the next day and she was going to be doing it on her own. For all the fact that she could be cruel to the girl, she did love Daisy as if she was her own. As such she was going to make sure she had all the time she needed to recover from the shock of the last few days.

But if she was going to have energy for the child, then she was going to have to make sure she did her own grieving in private and she knew she was going to mourn him. The very same way that she had mourned Archie actually.

It made her so angry that the two of them were not going to grow old. It made her angry that she and poor Mrs. Mason were going to have to live with the pain they felt until the very end of their lives.

"Night to you both," she said and she moved from the door way into Mr. Carson office where he sat with Mrs. Hughes.

The two of them were having a brandy at the end of the day together. That in itself was not odd – especially at the end of the Christmas holiday. But of course everything was different.

"At least he will be back with his mother."

She said as she tried to comfort the two of them.

But when William had been so young it was no comfort at all.

The only women in the world he should be with was Daisy.

Carson, breaking all protocol, reached out and took her hand. The two of them had always been friends and were always going to be. His hand was so warm that she did not want to drop his hand but squeeze it back.

"When he went we were all so proud of him."

"I know."

"I do not feel pride now. I just feel so desperately sad."

She had been the one to see how home sick he had been when he had come to work with them initially. She had been the one who had checked in on him when he had been grieving for his mother.

And Mr. Carson had been the one who had watched over his work. He knew that being a footman was never William's dream and always his mothers but from the moment he had got to Downton he had applied himself to be the best he could. He had been so determined he was going to do them all proud.

He had taken so little back for himself. The one thing he had had in the end was the love of Daisy Robinson.

And that, in the eyes of William Mason, had been the greatest of all rewards for his hard work.

Once the two of them had had two glasses together, Mrs. Hughes followed suit with the rest of the house and went to bed. Yet Mr Carson felt an unreasonable restlessness. Whereas grief and lead the rest of the household to find comfort in sleep, he felt the need to walk the grounds of his beloved home and work through the sadness of the day that way.

XXX

Tom put his arms about Sybil. When he had heard about William, he had retreated there. It was not as if the two of them had been close but it – he just did not see what he could do by staying in the big house. He had almost felt as if he had been intruding when he had gone into the servants hall only to find Mrs Patmore rocking a sobbing Daisy.

No ,t had been best for him to stay out of there and give the kitchen maid a little privacy.

He had been sorting out the oil in both the cars when he suddenly became aware he was no longer on his own. Before he had even turned around, he knew who it was.

Sybil and Tom just looked at one another for a moment before she rushed into his arms.

"I knew the house was bound to lose someone – but I did not think it was going to be so soon." And she had prayed against fate that it was not going to happen at all.

She had not been close to William – but she had cared.

Pulling back, she suddenly became aware that this was more about Tom than her. He had lost a colleague as well as a friend.

"How are you?"

He did not know what to say. He was alright. Saddened beyond belief as was the rest of the house. And he was angry as well though. This was not about his politics – but at the same time it was. If the imperialist war had not begun then he was sure William would still have his life.

"I am not sure that I feel anything... It is going to be a very different morning tomorrow to the one it was today."

She nodded. They had all known that since they had got the news. The only thing that was going to help the situation was time.

"We are going to go to church in the morning." She was not sure if she believed that praying for Williams's soul was going to be a worthwhile exercise. He had been so pure from what she had heard that he was going to go straight to heaven. She hoped he would go with all his other comrades who had died for their country.

"Then you had better get up to the house. It is getting late. And there is enough going on without you being in trouble!" He said as he crossed the garage and put his hands on her shoulders. He was so very glad she had come to him. But they both knew it was going to be wrong to indulge their love any further that night. Enough had gone on during the day.

Leaning forwards, her forehead kissed his.

"I love you Tom."

For the first time since the news about the footman had arrived, Tom felt a real smile appear on his faced. They were four words he was never going to tire of hearing.

"I love you too."

Placing a chaste kiss on her lips, he pulled her close and embraced her passionately, burying his face in her shoulder, unaware that once more a pair of unwanted eyes were on them.

But they were not as forgiving as Lady Mary's.

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Author Note: Sorry it has been so long since I updated guys! And sorry for the first chapter back being such a sad one! In anticipation for September, I am to get going and hopefully finish this fic so more updates should be on the way soon!


	23. Decision Time

**Chapter 23**

If he was able to go back and turn back the clock, the Charles Carson would do it in a heartbeat. His loyalty to Downton was what defined him and he had always been so proud to serve it. He had had his troubles as any butler did. But he had always done his best to avoid any major moral dilemmas.

Equally, he had always tried to think well of the family who he worked for. Oh, he was no fool. He knew the Crawleys were not gods. They were aristocrats; they were not infallible. But the first time, he begun to think they were not that clever either.

The image of his Lady Sybil in the arms of a chauffeur was going to be burned in his mind for the rest of his life.

If he was a different man or a different butler then he knew he would be able to forget it, to turn a blind. But he had been steadfast in the defence of Downton since he had taken up his post there, more years ago than he cared to remember. He had said that he was going to take care of the house in the absence of his lordship. Now he had to defend the reputation of his young mistress.

He was not going to allow her to make the biggest mistake of her life without at least trying to stop her. He was incapable of that.

For the first time in many, many years, he went a whole night without sleep, going over his actions and his choices. He did not know why he had not gone straight into the garage and confront the two of them right then. He could put it down to the fact he had already had a grief filled day. Or he could put it down to the sheer shock of seeing the servant and the lady together.

No, what he had to think of now was what to do next.

But he did not have to think about that.

And there was only one thing to do – to get Branson out of Downton. He would take great pleasure in doing that.

He was sure he was going to be washed and dressed before Daisy was up – but then he did not much expect her to be up at all. Thus, his surprise doubled then when he went down to his office to see she was indeed awake and dressed, even earlier than usual.

"I'll do the fire in a minute, Mr Carson," she said to him as she washed the pots and pans for the god only knew how many time that night.

"You need not."

"It is best to keep busy. Please don't make me stop. I don't want to think."

For all that he wanted her to rest, he did not see the good stopping her was going to do. He had no words of comfort.

And so he went into his office to take tea and steady himself for a moment, before he went to the chauffeurs cottage.

XXX

A frosty morning had fallen over Downton abbey as Boxing Day dawned and Tom Branson rose even earlier than he used to with a sweet smile on his face. As down as he felt over William, he could not stop hearing the words Sybil said to him. She loved him.

Once he had dressed quickly, he was left his bedroom, whistling a little tune as he did so.

Boiling himself an egg once he had water for his tea, he stayed in the kitchen for heat. In spite of the fact he had lit a fire, it took a while for his little cottage to warm into morning.

He knew he was going to be needed that day. He was going to have to get up to the Dowager House early to get her ladyship to church. And then he was no doubt going to be running up to Crawley house a couple of times as well.

It might be Christmas but there was no rest for the wicked. No matter – it was a light day's work really, for it was not as if there were going to be any trips to Ripon.

And of course it was not going to be a lot like Christmas. There was going to be no mourning of the passing season when it did go. He had an idea there were going to be very few people who were not longing for spring already.

He had been about to begin making some toast when there was a knock on the door. That was strange at any given time, someone coming to him – but especially before eight in the morning.

"Mr. Carson, what can I do for you at this-"

"This is to be your last day of employment here. You will see out the day and then you will take what is owing to you and get off his lordships land before I call the police."

Tom was so taken aback for a moment: he did not know what to say or do, and as stupid as it was, he did not know what he had done wrong.

And then he remembered the previous night. They must have been seen. It did not much matter if it was by Carson himself or one of his young spy who had told him... but he knew.

Turning away, Tom ran a hand down his face.

"So you have the guts not to deny it." Carson growled.

"Why on earth would I deny the love of a good woman?" he shrugged.

He was not scared of Carson and the last thing in the world he was going to was go running.

"Have you no shame?"

"Not when it comes to Sybil."

And there was another corporal sin. Had he wanted to placate Carson then he would have called her Lady Sybil. But that would feel foreign to his tongue now.

She was his Sybil. And he was not going to lose her.

"You are to take the family to church, you are to do whatever else is required and then leave tonight to see your sick mother in Ireland. I am not going to trouble her ladyship with this nonsense."

"I do not think Sybil sees it as nonsense."

"I will not tolerate this. It is puppy love and she will recover her heart and marry someone worthy of her."

That stung and if he was a lesser man,_ that _would have sent Branson running. But he was not. And he knew his own self worth.

"She loves me."

He did not believe she was as weak to believe that she would just get over him.

"One day, Branson. If you are not off of the land within twenty four hours, then I swear to you I _will_ call the police."

XXX

Mary and Matthew walked side by side as they went into church. Along with Sybil and Edith, they had chosen to walk down from the Abbey rather than go in a car. Sybil would have loved too – but it did not seem a good idea to go to near Tom. It was getting harder and harder for the two of them to deny what they felt for one another, and she was sure it was going to show.

Besides her grandmother had been in the car with their mother, Robert and Miss Burrows. It had been too squashed for her to go in as well and in spite of the cold, it was a nice enough morning for a stroll.

Arriving outside the, they saw the car parked up with Branson waiting inside for them to be done. From the way Sybil saw him looking at her, he needed to speak to her. She only hoped her siblings didn't notice.

"Edith, I need some air. I have a headache. Go on ahead," Sybil told to her elder sister. Once that Edith had nodded and gone on in, Sybil walked over to the car.

"What it is? Why do you look as if someone has died?" she asked.

Jumping out of the car, he took her hands. She tried to pull away – but it was far too late now and she was about to know it.

"When we were in the garage last night – I do not know if he saw us himself, or if he was told, but Mr. Carson – Sybil, he knows." Tom Branson would do anything to change that fact but he knew he could do nothing.

"Oh my lord," she said as she took a deep breath. "He can't."

"He does."

As much as he was not one of the family, she knew he was as good as and as conservative as her father, if not more so. And he had authority. He was her father's right hand man. If he told the countess then...

"Is he going to tell my mother?"

"He does not wish to trouble her ladyship – but he has dismissed me already, " he said to her and she understood why he had taken her hands.

This was it.

In spite of the fact she had pulled her hands away he moved even closer to her. This time she did not pull away. "Sybil, I have no time. I have to be out of Downton by the morning. Come with me, come away with me and I swear to you I will look after you. Bet on me."

From the first time their lips had met, she had known such a day between the two of them was inevitable. How could it not be?

There boundaries between the two of them had always been so wide. It was never going to be pretty at the end between the two of them. But she did not want it to be the end.

She was about to suggest that she spoke to the butler but she knew it was not going to make a blind bit of difference.

Taking a deep breath, she shook her head.

"I need time to consider," she said to him.

Could she really throw it all up? Could she really leave her mother the way she was with her father gone? Leave Mary, Edith and Robert? Her friends and her work... her position...

It was all too much to think about in a split second.

"There is no time," He told her firmly.

"I have to go in to church." Her mother and her siblings were going to be waiting for her.

"You have to give me an answer when you come out. I don't know when I am going to get to see you again today and I have to get going."

Sybil could see that.

"Ok."

An hour had never seemed so long for Thomas Branson – but the bob of Lady Sybil Crawley's head when she came out of church made it all worthwhile.

That night, under the cover of darkness they would leave Downton. Perhaps they would go to London; perhaps they would go to Dublin. But wherever they would go, they go it together.

XXX

"Poor Daisy looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her up," Edith sighed to her mother once they had all left church.

"It is going to take her some time to get over."

Just as she had taken her time to get over Patrick.

But there was going to be hope for Daisy in the end. Maybe one day she was going to get to met her own Anthony.

One day very soon, Edith expected was going to get a summons to London. And the two of them were going to get a chance to roll back the clock, she thought to herself.

Yet that was as yet no consolation for the housemaid who seemed quite frozen throughout the service.

"We have to get back to do the dinner," Daisy said to Mrs Patmore as she rushed back towards the house.

There was going to be no pity for her. Daisy was not going to have it. All she wanted was to get through the next few horrible months.

Her colleagues followed her up in drips and drabs. No matter what Carson was going to wish it was inevitable that the upset downstairs affected the way that they worked.

But if only they knew the entire truth, they would probably release Carson was too pre occupied to care.

XXX

"How do you feel?"

"Surprisingly rested. Perhaps, even a little grateful."

With William so freshly in their mind, it felt wrong to Mary to admit that she was in any way happy – and yet in spite of her variable belief in god, to have gone to church with her husband to be by her side made Mary feel something she could not yet put into words...

Well, that was a reason to be smile and be grateful all at once wasn't it?

Holding on to Matthews arms, she walked in pace with him. The two of them were not going slowly, but there was no rush to return to the house. They took the opportunity to do something which they had been denied for so long; to just enjoy being in one another's company.

Her mother, his and Violet had stayed behind to exchange pleasantries with the villagers. She had not felt obliged to stay. Without a chaperone, they could say as much or as little as they pleased. It was enough to just be themselves.

"I know what you mean – I feel sad, but impossibly happy at the same time."

"No regrets about returning?"

"Never – not when it has meant the beginning of my life."

Squeezing her arm affectionately as the two of them once more fell into a companionable silence once more, Matthew relaxed. But Mary's head was buzzing. As a daughter of an earl she knew she should have a big wedding. Matthew, although no longer heir, was still very much a favourite with her father. The date, the venue, the number of guests... they had to decide it all. Mary would take pleasure in doing so.

"Are you alright now?" Edith asked Sybil as they walked along behind the happy couple.

"Yes – no. I don't quite know. It has been a strange Christmas, and I have this headache and..."

"You have worked so very hard lately. It is time you had a rest."

"I fear that it was the rest that is doing it to me," she said. "Edith, you are Mary are getting on better of late aren't you?"

"Yes."

"And you'll always be there for Robert?"

"Sybil, what is this about?"

But just as the younger of the two sisters was about to open there mouth to try and give her answer, the motor car came behind them, announcing the arrival home of the two countesses and the heir, having finished their duty.

"Cousin Isobel, have you come for luncheon?" Sybil changed the subject.

"Yes I have," She said as she got out of the back of the car, Tom having opened the door for her and the countesses. Miss Burrows had had to ride in the front with Branson while her little charge had remained in his mother's arms.

The youngest Crawley lady diverted her eyes from him.

Sybil felt as if her mother was going to find her out just by the two of them breathing the same air.

"Well, you will have to excuse me."

"Edith said you were not feeling well," Cora said concerned as she gave her son to his nurse and crossed to her daughter. Putting her hand on Sybil's check, she sighed. "I hope you have not picked up anything from the hospital."

"I'm sure I would feel better if I could just lie down for a moment." She said as she turned towards the house and went indoors.

She had been about to go straight up the stairs when she heard crying from the study. Only it was not a human cry.

"That's Isis," She released, turning confused to her sisters and Matthew.

The lawyer took the helm and pushed open the already slightly open door.

"Isis, girl, what is – oh my word."

The absolute joy with which Matthew spoke those last three words inspired confidence in all of the Crawley women to follow him into the library. They all got the shock of their lives when they went in.

Isis was bouncing around, whimpering with joy at the feet of her master, who had clearly been making quite a fuss of her, but who now turned to make a fuss of his family.

"Merry Christmas my darlings." The Earl of Grantham smiled.

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	24. Boxing Day

**Chapter 24**

"Robert."

Cora was not the first to arrive at her husband's side (it was surely a tie between there three girls) but she was the first one to burst in to tears. At times, she wondered how on earth she was not yet more English but as it was, she was still a very American woman it seemed.

"I wanted it to be a nice surprise for you," he told her once he had held each of his daughters for a spell. The three of them looked just as shocked as their mother that he had arrived home in their absence.

"It is, it is, it's just – I can't believe you are here. Robert." If she had her way then she would kiss him right there and then. But they were surrounded by the family. She was going to have to control herself until the two of them were on their own. But she did not think she was going to be able to put it into words how much she had missed and wanted him.

Crossing the room, he wrapped his arms about her.

"You're so thin," she realised. There had been more of him to hold before the war. He had not said how much weight he had lost in his letters home.

"Not so much as I did last time," he said recalling the shape he had been when he had arrived home from South Africa.

He had had to learn to be uncomfortable once more. In some ways it had been a relief. And in other ways it had been more painful than anything else he had had to do before in his life.

The discomfort of war was about far more than not having a soft pillow to put his head on at night. He also appreciated that as a senior member of the army he did not know the half of it. But it was still bad enough.

Kissing his wife's forehead he gave her a smile and stroked her cheek but he knew her character. It was going to take her a little time to get over the surprise. She was going to need a lie down sometime between then and dinner.

Looking over at the door, he felt his heart melt.

"Milady, I know I was too take Robert upstairs," Miss Burrows begun. "But I did not know if his father wanted to see him."

"Of course I do," Robert released his wife as he stretched out his arms to take his son in his arms. "You have got so big." He sighed. When he had left home his boy had been very little more than a new born. And now he was four months old. "How is my boy, Miss Burrows?"

"Thriving your lordship. Stronger by the day."

"Good." The earl smiled, kissing his son cheeks.

Having returned to the Abbey when his family had been out, he had got his man servant to help him change into his civilian clothes once more. Now he was home and in a suit, he could allow himself believe his ten days leave had come at last. Kissing his little one again, he walked over to the arm chair and sat down. "Perhaps we could take tea in here. I want to know all the news." He said to Matthew and his daughters.

"And such news they have for you," Cora gathered herself as she rung the bell.

If her dear wanted tea in the library, then that was what he was going to have.

Raising his eye brows as his attention was for the first time diverted from the boy in his arms, he looked to his three – four, really – other children.

"What's this?"

Mary looked to Matthew. She was for a moment not sure which on of them was to actually give her father the news and the Matthew took the lead. And she was grateful.

Coming to stand by the side of the sofa where she was sitting, he put her hand on shoulder.

"Since I have returned to Downton... Cousin Robert, we have got on very well, Mary and I."

"I'll say," murmured Cora.

"I proposed and well, Mary accepted."

"Papa, we are too be married," Mary explained plainly. She did not know why Matthew had seemed so nervous.

Her father was never going to disapprove. That was only too clear as soon as Robert heard the news and his face broke into a wide grin.

"Oh – oh my darling, this is fabulous news – the very best news!" Robert enthused as he passed his baby son to Isobel as he got up.

Embracing Mary, he kissed his daughter on the cheek, continuing to hold her as he shook hands with Matthew.

"This is such news – and I am so glad I got to hear it face to face. When did this happen?"

"Yesterday morning."

Mary released he was still to get a piece of worst news. But for just a while she wanted to enjoy her father's approval. There was a time when she had not felt it often – and so to be the golden girl over Sybil for just one day...

Turning to Sybil, she saw she had a smile on her face as well.

"Do you feel better now my darling?" Cora asked her, noticing the look between her daughters.

The truth was Sybil did not know what to feel. All she did know was that half an hour ago she had been willing to throw up everything. And now she was sitting in a warm library, surrounded by her entire family and had her father home safely. Just the previous night she had wondered how he was. Now she could tell for herself.

"I have had the best tonic," she reassured her mother.

Robert turned just in time to see Robert be passed to Edith and for his second born to cuddle her brother affectionately.

His four babies – one ready to be married, one maturing into a fine young lady, another doing her bit for her country and finally one whose only job was to grow bigger, stronger and healthier by the day.

"I do not think I have ever been so happy to be here. Or prouder, of any of you."

XXX

"I know it is going to be no consolation for you, and I know no words can be a comfort to you... but I am so dreadfully sorry."

In the court yard, the master of the house and the kitchen maid stood together. Robert's undiluted joy had turned to sorrow when he had been told about the fate of his second footman.

Daisy looked at him and nodded dried eyed. She knew it was very good of his lordship to come down to her when he only had a limited amount of time at Downton Abbey. No doubt, if he had had his way, then he would spend it all in the company of his wife and daughters and his son.

But he had come to her. When she had joined the household she had been told he was a good employer. And he was.

"Thank you your lordship. It means a lot," she said to him with a nod.

"Is there anything her ladyship and I can do for you?" Robert asked.

"Nothing. Just keep eating, so I keep cooking and washing please," Daisy told him. She did not think she had ever needed to work as much as she did then.

Appreciating what she was saying, he nodded.

Knowing there was little else the two of them could say to one another, Robert lead Daisy back in. The two of them said goodbye to one another in the kitchen, with his lordship going to the butler's pantry.

If there was one person in the household who wished Robert had given them warning of his return, it was Charles Carson.

If it had been any other day then Carson would have been as happy as the rest of the household was to see his lordship returned to the place where he did belong. And he was happy; he was happy for his lordship, and her ladyship, for Lady Mary, Lady Edith, the little viscount and Mister Matthew. For all his anger he supposed he felt towards her, he was too happy for Lady Sybil, as foolish as she had been.

But for himself, he was just lost. There were so few things he had been able to keep from his lordship over the years, and when he had kept things from him it had rarely finished well.

It did not make him comfortable to hold his tongue, especially when his lordship had put such trust in him before he had gone to war. But he had no idea how he was meant to tell Robert Crawley about his youngest daughter exploits when he only had a little time at home. He did not wish to be responsible for wrecking this special time he had with the family.

"I hope you don't mind me surprising you too much," Robert said once he had knocked on the door.

He had considered writing ahead to the butler to let him know but that had seemed to rather wreck the idea of his home coming being a surprised.

"Not at all, not at all, mi lord. It is just what the house needed after yesterday – and such a treat for the young ladies."

Robert did not know if it was just his ego being sore, or if he was imagining it. But he was sure his butler was not as pleased to see him as he had thought he was going to be.

"Is there something the matter, Carson?"

If he was going to tell him then it had to be now. He was not going to get a better opportunity.

But it was Christmas. And there was enough up set in the house. And he had dealt with it.

"No, my lord, nothing."

Not wanting to put any more pressure of the staff than he already had, he went back upstairs where he was more at home. Heading into the library, he saw that the only two people who were still there after tea was Matthew and Mary.

After all they had been through; he did not think he wanted to interfere with that.

"We can go if you wish for some privacy, papa." Mary offered but he shook his head.

"No, I am going to go upstairs, stay where you are," he said gently as he looked upon the two of them. The sight of them as they were then warmed his heart.

He exited the room as swiftly as he had come into it.

He had wanted to go up to see his youngest daughter. From what he had been able to gather since he had been back in Downton was that she had not spent a lot of time with her mother since he had been gone. Not only that but even though she had said she was fine when they had been together, he was aware she had been acting out of character.

Walking down the corridor, he knocked on her door.

"Who is it?" the muffled voice of his daughter asked.

"Me. May I come in?" Yet when he tried to open the door he found it was locked.

Why on earth would she?

"Sybil?"

"One moment."

Giving her the moment she had asked for, his brow furrowed. He did not understand.

"Come in papa," She told him at last as she opened the door.

"Why did you lock the door?"

"I wanted to go to sleep and didn't want to be disturbed," she said as she headed over to the vanity where she sat down.

He sat on her bed. "Then I am sorry that I did."

"Don't be, papa. I still can't believe your here."

"It does seem rather odd to be home – lovely of course, to see mother and your brother so well. I just wanted to make sure my girls are as well. I have no concern on Mary's part anymore: I have promised Edith to walk her around the gardens this afternoon... but I wanted to check in on you. Sybil, is everything ok?"

"Fine..." she said as she took a deep breath. She had been a fool. Her parents both knew her better than she was ever going to be willing to give them credit for.

"My darling, you seem distant. Mama says she has barely seen you for an entire hour once since I left. The hospital aren't working you too hard are they?"

"No," she said run a hand over her hair. "I just – I have a headache today, and I am sad and happy and yes – I suppose, tired all at once."

"Mama and I must seem awfully old and stiff at times. But if you are troubled, you can come to me," shutting her eyes, she attempted to keep her face straight.

If only he knew of what he spoke. He would not have her talk about Branson to him. And he would not even try to understand. Not really.

"I am fine. I will be, at least, after a lie down. Papa, I – I do love you. Both you and Mama, very much indeed."

Understanding, he rose to leave the room. It was the last thing in the world she wanted him to do in her heart of hearts. He had been away so long. The two of them had never been apart for such a stretch, not in her memory.

Getting up, she threw her arms about him, acting on impulse. For a moment he was surprised, before he locked her in his embrace. She had been so afraid she was never going to see him again. And now she was the one who would leave him.

After they drew apart, Robert cupped his daughters face, kissed her forehead and left her with a smile on her face.

Once she knew he was out of ear shot, Sybil locked the door again. Pulling the small bag out from the bed where she had stowed it after hearing her father knock, she bit her lip. She had a change of clothes and nightgown. She had what little money she had in her possession, as well as some trinkets she could sell if things got really bad. She would slide her hair brush in once Anna had dressed her for her final dinner with the family.

She had thought it through. As much as she loved her father, dearly – she did not love him above her mother and her siblings. Just three hours before had she had made up her mind she was willing to leave not only her mother, but Mary, Edith and baby Robert as well for a time if she really had too. Which she did.

It was not as if she was never going to get to see them again. She was just going to have to give them time to calm down.

She did not know how her leaving was not going to do it, but she only prayed it would not wreck her father's leave. Asides a miracle however, there was nothing else she could do prevent that.

It was a price she was going to have to pay to be with Tom.

XXX

"Darling, thank you so much for going out with Edith this afternoon. I think she really appreciated it," said Cora as she changed for dinner. When Robert had come through ready, it was as if no time at all had passed. As if the past four months hadn't happened.

"There is no need to thank me. I enjoyed being with her. I missed all the children," Robert told her sitting down on the chair. Suddenly he wasn't thinking about any of his children though as he saw the way her dress clung to her.

She had lost her baby weight when he had been gone he noted. And suddenly he was so very glad they were alone.

That O'Brien was not with them. And it was not Mary, Edith, Sybil or Robert who was in the front of his mind.

Walking up to Cora, he wrapped his arms about her from behind and looked into the mirror. "Have you any idea how much I missed you?" he asked kissing her check.

Turning, she nodded and brought her lips to his. "You can show me tonight."

"Is that a promise?"

"An order."

XXX

That evening, it seemed as if time had frozen in Downton Abbey – indeed, as if the clock had been turned back.

The three Crawley daughters, their parents, grandmother, Cousin Matthew and Isobel sat down about the table.

William was the elephant in the room. He was not far from any of their thoughts – but when they were all together, it was far too much to ask of them not to enjoy one another.

"How do you feel now, darling?" Cora said to Sybil as they sat down. "You seem brighter."

"I do feel a lot better," She said with a nod. It was the truth. She had made a decision – and she had made her peace with it.

And if it was the last thing she did, she was going to enjoy the meal.

That was the spirit of the entire family it seemed. Everyone laughed. Mary and Edith were incredibly civil to one another, good will to all men and (women) spilling out of Christmas day in to the run up to New Year.

Speculation about the date of Mary and Matthews wedding was the hottest topic of conversation, but Sybil did not think it was coincidence her father made a point of saying Anthony Strallan was due to have his own leave in the early new year. As for her, her parents had no idea she had a man in her life. Yet both her parents told her how proud they were if her, of the work she was doing.

They were just one big happy family... enjoying a meal. Having no idea there world was soon to be smashed apart.

XXX

At the end of the drive way, Tom Branson lurked. As far as Mr Carson was concerned, he had darkened the doorway of Downton Abbey for the last time. He had watched from the shadows as the butler had gone down to the little cottage he had lived in for the past two years and returned satisfied that it was now vacant. No doubt he had also gone to the garage to see everything was ship shape there as well.

In the back of his mind, he wondered what Carson had told his lordship. But what did it matter. Doubling back on his self, he walked back through the darkness to the garage and looked up the passage which would take him to the big house.

The only light which was on was the scullery one – Daisy, no doubt, thought Tom, wondering if the shock had worn off for her yet. Probably not.

But that single light was enough to illuminated Sybil Crawley, bag over her shoulder and hair tied back.

"How are we going to get in to the garage? Didn't Carson make you give the keys back?" she said as she saw the weak spot in their own plan.

The Irishman nodded. "It's just a bit of luck that he didn't realise I had a copy made in the village today." He said as he pulled a bunch out of his pocket.

"Are you ready, love?" She nodded and reached out for his hand. "I am."

"Right then; let's go. And we had better be quick about it."

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	25. All Is Broken

**Chapter 25**

Once that she had soothed her son into dreams, the lady of the house passed the baby to her husband. After the much enjoyed family meal, the family had actually pealed off rather quickly. With the dowager countess going home, Sybil going to bed, and Matthew and Mary going for a walk, Edith had had little to stay downstairs for and Cousin Isobel had excused herself too.

Not that either Robert or Cora minded.

In fact, a chance for the two of them to just be parents of a new baby together for once was a welcomed opportunity.

"I miss this age," Robert released as he remembered his girls childhoods. "Lord, watching the girls develop was one of my favourite parts of a new child coming in to the house – and so it is again. I am just sorry not to be here for you both more, Cora."

"I know your views on this subject and you know mine. Let's not argue, darling, not tonight."

He nodded. She was right; the two of them should not get into to it.

Kissing his son, Robert looked down on the boy the softest expression his wife had ever seen him wear. Part of him was in disbelief this dream of his had come true.

"Goodnight, darling boy," he sighed as he put the little one back in his crib.

"Now, let us get mama to bed shall we?"

A smirk passed between man and wife and they left their sleeping son, peaceful in his dreams. If there was any luck, they would not sleep at all that night.

"Yes."

Dismissing O'Brien and Bates, the two of them agreed silently to serve one another that night.

Cora had to be honest with herself. O'Brien was a lot more careful and gentle with her than Robert was – but to feel his passionate hands all over her was a welcomed relief as they shut the door to their private world and instantly became lost in one another.

She loved being a lady and there was not a lot in the world that made her happier than her children. She was a mother first. But it was nights such as these which made her recall the very real need in her to be a woman too. And when she was in that mood there was only one person on the entire planet who could satisfy her.

And that was the Earl of Grantham.

She thought if the revolution ever did come then he was going to be ok. She was quite the valet judging by the speed she got Robert's clothes of.

XXX

"Oh blast it," Anna sighed as she got to the servants hall.

"What is it?" asked John from where he sat, two mugs of tea by him. He was so very thoughtful, she thought.

"I forgot to ask what time Lady Sybil wanted to be woken for her shift tomorrow. I had better go back up."

John shook his head. "I thought that Lady Mary was still out walking with Mister Matthew."

"She is."

"Well go into see Lady Sybil then. You know what she is like, she is bound to be up reading for a while."

"Still, I shouldn't like to give her time to go to sleep and then disturb her. I won't be a minute John."

"Give your legs a rest woman," he sighed.

Anna smirked. "How masterful."

As if to end the debate the bell board rang. "Lady Mary is back."

He gave a defeated smile as she turned to climb the stairs she had just me down.

The house maid climbed the stairs quickly, deciding to knock on the room of the younger Crawley sister before she went to tend to the needs of the elder.

"Lady Sybil," Anna called gently as she opened the door, sorry to see her young mistress had blown her out her candle already.

She was even more sorry when she heard there was no answer from the bed. The last thing in the world that she wanted to do was to wake Lady Sybil when she knew she had a hard day at the hospital tomorrow.

But it could not be helped.

Yet, as Anna crept closer to the bed, she realised the reason she had not got a reply was not because Lady Sybil was asleep already. It was because she wasn't there.

The lump in the middle of the bed was just that – a lump. A bunch of pillows brought together, and deliberately straightened to give the appearance of someone asleep.

"Lady Sybil?" called Anna almost as if she was going to jump out of her from a hiding place. Yet, she was suddenly very aware that she was the only living being in the room.

So her first job now was not to tent he needs of Lady Mary as she had thought it was but to locate the Lady Sybil. With any luck though, she hoped she was going to be able to kill two birds with one stone, if Lady Sybil was in Lady Mary's room.

But she had a bad feeling about that.

"Milady," Anna said as she entered the elders sisters room having knocked on the door.

For a moment, she wished she did not have to worry her. Lady Mary had made mistakes in her time. Anna Smith knew that to be the truth, better than anyone. But from them she had gained her respect, as strange as it was.

And so it was sad Lady Sybil was so clearly not there. Anna wanted to coyly ask how things had gone with Master Matthew more than anything else. But she had her duty to do.

"My lady, do you know where Lady Sybil is?" Anna asked.

"As far as I know she came up before I did, Anna. She has been a little off colour all day, poor darling."

"I know, she said as much when I helped her get ready for bed."

"Well – " Mary was completely confused. Anna knew where she was. Surely? "Then in that case she is in her room I imagine?"

"I checked," Anna shook her head. "Lady Mary, she's gone." For the first time that day, the mind of the eldest daughter of the earl of Grantham begun to race.

Until now, she had been so very relaxed.

"Anna, where is Branson?"

"He is no longer here, my lady. His mother is sick in Ireland, so he has gone to see her. But I do not know what that – oh, my lady," Anna's eyes went wide with understanding.

It was a sign of how much Mary trusted Anna that she begun to nod. "Go and get one of the male servants to check the garage. Now Anna."

It was late – but it had to be done.

XXX

Cora cuddled into Robert and could not quite believe in the perfect moment she had been allowed to share with him.

She did not know the date in between the South African war and the present one as to when she had once more simply become accustomed to having her husband at her side at night and when she had stopped appreciating it.

She swore there and then as she kissed him that she was not going to make the same mistake again.

No more taking him for granted when he came home for good.

"I could not love you more. Not even had we been a love match from the start could I love you more than I do right now," she said as she kissed him.

He nodded as he run his hand over her back. "I feel just the same, my dearest, dearest Cora."

XXX

"Mr Carson, the car is not in the garage and we have no idea where Lady Sybil is."

After Lady Mary and Anna had had no luck finding Sybil in Edith's room, they had had to plan their next move. The two of them had accepted they had to go to a higher authority, but Mary had not wanted to go to the Earl of Grantham. If she could save her sister in the eyes of their father then she was going too. She was also going to try to shield the first peace her father had since he had gone to the front.

And so it had made a lot of sense to her to go to the butler.

Once that some of the halls boys he trusted had been sent to search the grounds, he sent Anna to get Mrs Hughes from her sitting room.

Lady Mary and Carson were thus, alone in his pantry. As much as she didn't wish to tell her sisters secret to the entire house, she knew she could do a lot worse than tell the truth to the man who had been as a second father to her.

She could trust him with her life if she had too.

"Carson, I do not want you to think badly of me but for some time now I have been in possession of some information about my sister that I can see now I should have told someone else," she said as she sat down.

He held his hand up. He knew what she was going to say. How could it be anything else?

"Is this about Branson?" he asked with a knowing look.

"When did you find out?"

"Last night," he admitted to her.

"So there is no sick mother in Ireland?" she guessed and he shook his head.

"I sent him away as soon if learnt the truth. I did not want him to be here, or to disgrace Lady Sybil any more than he already had."

"As much as I do agree with that of course, I think it is the two of them who are to blame."

"Lady Sybil is a young girl who has been influenced by a –" he did not know – but it felt to him like something evil. He knew in his heart Branson was not that but he felt as if the two of them had certainly been very misguided – and they had to put a stop to this.

If his lordship had stayed at home, he was sure all this none of this would be going on.

But it was.

XXX

Tom Branson was not sure if he believed this was happening to him and Lady Sybil. After all they had gone through and all the time he had waited for the two of them to do this... they were twenty minutes n down.

"What are we to do? Can you mend it?" asked Sybil.

As he looked around, he wasn't sure. Apart from the torch they had had the foresight to pack, it was pitch black. He had also thought to pack a can of petrol – but the fact was until he could fix the car there was not a lot of good that was going to so.

"It will get the two of us as far as Ripon, but we are not going to be able to cover the ground that we had hoped to tonight," he said as he turned to see her and saw the fear in her eyes. "it is going to be a slow journey even there."

This was the boldest thing she had ever done and he had always known he was going to have to support her through it.

"Love it is all going to be ok," he laughed as he kissed her forehead and was glad to see he could still put a smile on her face.

"I know it is - I just so hoped we were going to have a better beginning than we have had so far," she said as she shook her head.

"Darling, we could go back instead of on," Tom did not want to say it but he felt as if he was obliged too. He did not want to force her into it and he was not going to kidnap a young girl who was not as sure of herself as she should be.

The only way the two of them were going to work and go on with this was if they were agreed.

A light came into her eyes that told him they were onwards. Leaning up, she kissed his lips.

"Ripon it is," as he got into the car. "Are you sure it is going to be able to get us that far?"

"No, but we can't just abandon it. Where can we stay were we get there?"

"We do not want to pay too much - we have to preserve the money that we have," she said as she bit her lip and then he was relieved to see her face light up. "I know just where we can stay for the night."

XXX

"She is not in the grounds and the car is gone. Lady Sybil cannot drive so there is only one conclusion we can draw," Carson said to Mrs Hughes, Anna and Lady Mary.

"She is with Mr Branson."

"Until it can be proved otherwise that is the theory we have to run on. Lady Mary, I know this is not what you want but I have no choice. I am going to have to ring the police," Carson sighed.

She nodded. As soon as they had come back with out there sister she had known he was going to.

"We will have to tell Mama and Papa first," she shook her head as Carson nodded gravely. "I so don't want to destroy the little peace he has had since he has been home. This time should be happy."

Suddenly, she felt very angry at the sister she had always, always been closest to. If Edith had done something like this to disturb their father in a very funny way she would find it easier to accept. But Sybil?

The little love sick fool... she was as angry with her as much as she pitied her.

"My lady, I know. But we can no longer protect your mother and father."

Lady Mary nodded.

"Mrs Hughes, why don't you go and get Miss O'Brien. She must go into his lordship and her ladyship. Unless you would like to tell them yourself, Lady Mary," but she shook her head.

"I do so wish I had that courage. But I don't."

XXX

Cora had been asleep, holding on to her husband when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "My lady? My lady?" a soft voice said to her.

"O'Brien?" she asked as she was instantly awake. She did not have to be told some thing was very, very wrong if she was being awoken in the middle of the night. "Is it Lord Robert?" she panicked.

"No – no, milady, its Lady Sybil."

The earl of the Grantham sat up, being careful to make sure he and his wife were covered by the quilt. "Lady Sybil? What's wrong?"

XXX

The young secretary rolled over in her sleep warmed bed and gave a little moan. What was that infernal tapping? She had always worked a long day and it had seemed if anything even longer since the war had begun. She was a girl who needed her sleep.

Everyone was so eager to get a telephone these days – there was no currency like news since the past few months.

Shutting her eyes as she settled back into the bed, she yawned. The bed she was in then was the most comfortable she had ever slept in. The small flat she had been renting ever since she left service was the one place she had been every really able to call home.

She had been drifting off when there was more knocking.

It couldn't be the door... not this late at night... and yet it was.

Getting up, she wrapped a shawl around herself and walked out to her small living room nervously... "Hello," she called as she reached the door, not opening the door. Nor would she until she knew who it was.

"Gwen!"

"Oh my word, Lady Sybil," she said as she instantly opened the door now she knew who it was to get an even bigger shock. "Branson!"

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	26. Sheltered and Shattered

**Chapter 26**

For the life of her Gwen Dawson did not know what Lady Sybil Crawley could want from her at half twelve on Boxing Day night. And especially not when she had Branson with her.

But as she made a pot of tea for the three of them to share, she was pretty sure she was not going to have to wait long to find out.

If the truth was known, she had missed Lady Sybil since she had left Downton. She did not care what anyone said – the two of them had become true friends, and it was only really up to Lady Sybil that she had got where she was. True she had been the one to take the typing course in the first place, but she did not know if she would have taken rejection after rejection. And she certainly would not have got her place with Mr Brommage who was a very kind and considerate employer.

She had been getting up to speed when they had first begun and as any one did in a new place she had made her fair share of mistakes. But he had patience with her, and she was efficient enough now.

"This is a lovely place you have Gwen," said Sybil looking around the flat to her wondering if this was the sort of place she and Tom were going to share when they got to where ever they were going.

"Well, of course it is a bit smaller than Downton Abbey but it suits oall my needs and I pay the rent on it. I'm proud of it," she said as she got two mugs and a cup and saucer out.

Sybil saw this and gave a smile. She could only guess old habits died very hard.

"It is lovely," she said as she looked round. "You do not have any regrets do you?"

"Over leaving? Forgive me, my lady, but I do not."

"There is nothing to forgive – and please stop calling my 'my lady'," Sybil said but even though Gwen did not know what she was not saying, she knew her well enough to know that there was something.

"My L – I do not mean to speak out of turn, but why are you here? I can't think his lordship or her ladyship has given permission to be out so late."

Sybil shook her hand as she reached for Tom's hand. It was all she had to go for Gwen to understand.

"My Lady – Branson, oh my word," she said as she tried to take it in.

The two of them were together, eloping? Well, she had known since the garden party that Branson had been sweet on Sybil, she just had no idea the feeling was mutual. And if she was honest, then it did seem mad to her. If not talking about the house was the first rule of service, then surely the second had to be that you were not to fall in love with any member of the family that you served.

And nor did you run away with them.

She did not know what to say or to think.

Playing with her hair which had been braided for the night, she dared to look back at the two of them.

"I do not mean to be so desperately disappointing to the two of you. But what do you want? Not to be rude – I am so glad to see you."

"We just need a bed for the night," said Sybil, understanding the reaction from her old friend. It was going to take some time for people to come round.

Tom gave a soft smile as he watched Gwen try to come round to what was going on.

"We had planned to try and get a little further on tonight but the car has broken down and we need some where to lay our heads. Gwen, please it is just one night."

"Well, of course you can stay, of course you can. You are my friends," she said as she turned to finish making the tea.

But her mind raced with the consequences. If they were caught Tom was going to go to jail. And Sybil – she did not know the earl and countess well but she did not think they were ever going to be able to forgive her.

As she out the pot on the table, she smiled. "I heard the countess had a baby boy?" she asked.

Sybil nodded. "Yes, Lord Robert arrived four months ago."

It was only then that Gwen realised she probably did not want to talk about the family that she was leaving.

"Where will you go?"

"York... London, Dublin, somewhere the two of us can get lost in the crowd for a while. There is a war on," Tom sighed. "Trying to find the third born daughter of any earl is not going to be the top of anyone priorities if we are lucky."

Gwen held her tongue. But in her head she knew that finding her was going to be the only priority in Robert Crawley's life.

XXX

As long as the two of them lived, neither Edith or Mary Crawley wanted to see their mother in the state she was in that night.

As she sat in the library with her hand over her mouth, Cora shook. She was struck again by what she had thought that night. She was a mother first and she was _always_ going to be a mother first.

"I want my baby," she sighed and for the first time in over four months when she used that word, she was not referring to her son.

"We will find her and we will bring her home, dearest," said Robert as he returned. He had been in the hall way talking with Carson and the police.

"It is not two hours since she has gone and she cannot have got far in the dark," the earl told himself as much as her as he cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead. "I need you to be strong for me as much as I need to be strong for you."

Cora nodded but she could not – she could not control herself.

She did not know this Tom Branson from Adam if the truth was known. He was a part of the staff and they rarely spoke about anything unless it was when she had wanted the car.

Which he had wantonly stolen along with her daughter.

But she did not care a fig for that.

All she wanted was her daughter back.

"My Lady, I am sure she is going to be back soon," O'Brien tried to comfort her. The lLadies maid was not going to be leaving her that night.

Cora nodded – the fact was it had to be. Sybil had been away for longer than she_ would_ be already.

"We do not know this man – Robert, what if this is a one way thing, what if he has hurt her?" she said as images flashed through her mind.

"Mama, she made it look as if she was asleep in her bed," Mary sighed. As much as she was as furious as the two of them, she did not think it was reasonable to blame Branson for all of this. Especially not when she had seen for herself that Sybil had very much been in league with him, if that was the way her parents wished to see it.

"How do we know he did not force her to do it?"

"Because one of us would have heard her scream mama, " said Mary as she tried to reason with her.

She could see it in her eyes that Cora did not want to believe that her daughter had done this to them – but she had too.

Mary looked down as she felt a pair of eyes upon her.

"You knew," Robert realised. So that was two people who he could not trust as he had thought he was able to. Carson first and now Mary.

Mary nodded. "I made her swear to talk to me before she did anything stupid."

"Oh Mary," Cora sighed in disbelief.

As much as she was angry with Mary for not coming to her, she knew her daughters were close. It was Mary's trust who had been betrayed as much as theirs. There was no point in fighting among themselves.

"Oh my lord," she said as she felt tears leek down on to her face.

Edith sat quietly on the sofa and Robert sat at his desk. The two of them caught each other's eyes but said nothing for there was nothing to say. Mary, however, was incapable of sitting down suddenly and paced as she occasionally threw a look at her distraught mother. She felt guilty. She was angry. And she wished Matthew was with her. She did not know what he could do the others couldn't but it would make her feel so much better if he was there with her.

All four of the Crawley's jumped as there was a knock on the door.

As they looked on the door the same thought was in all of their minds.

"My lady, I am so sorry to disturb you but Lord Robert needs feeding," Cora did not think she had ever been so disappointed to see Miss Burrows.

"Make a bottle and feed him yourself, please," she said as she looked back to the fire.

"No," Robert shook his head and his wife looked at him as if she wanted to throttle him. "Darling, you can do nothing for Sybil here and I will not allow our son to suffer because of this."

The two of them looked at one another waiting for the other to back down but it was something neither of them was in the mood to do. She knew he was right but it did not make it easier.

"I just want her home."

"We are going to bring her home. But our baby needs you **now**," he said as he moved to her side and cupped her cheek. "Please darling."

She looked as if she was going to protest further before she looked in to his eyes and nodded. He was right. Of course he was right. There was no reason for Robert to miss out.

"Edith, Mary will you go with mama please?" Robert asked not wanting Cora on her own and wanting to distract the girls at the same time. They both nodded, not wishing to agitate him further.

"Come on, mama," said Mary as she helped her to her feet and then with Edith, the two left the room.

Before the door shut though, Carson came in.

And the silence that hung between the lord and butler was terrible, the like of which Carson had never known.

When the police had arrived he had, of course, had to say what he knew.

And that had been how is lord had found out that he had very much been left out of the loop.

In a way, even then, when he felt as if he was angry with the very world in which he was living Robert, could see why Carson had kept his mouth shut. He did not know if he was able to say he would have done different if there situations had been reversed.

But it was very unlike Carson to keep anything from him. Especially something as big as this

"My lord, I know I did wrong – but I just did not want to alarm you. Not on your first day home."

"Well, I wish that you had - but you tried your best to get rid of Branson," He said as he sat back down and tried to curb his anger at the Irish man. "She is going to be home soon."

He had to keep saying that.

He had to believe it was true.

XXX

Gwen and Sybil sat on the formers bed with the second mug and cup of tea of the night in their hands. Tom had of course gallantly offered to take the sofa.

"When the two of us are together it is as if none of the other stuffs matters. It is just the two of us against the world," Sybil explained.

Gwen saw in her eyes how much she believed it – and it made her fear for her friend. She longed to feel the same way she did. And who knew? Perhaps she was going to one day.

But from where she was standing, she saw only the downsides to what they were doing.

If they were caught before they made it out of Yorkshire, she did not like to think life was going to hold for Tom Branson.

She liked him and he was a good man.

If something happened to him...

"You doubt us?" asked Sybil as she tried to read in Gwen's face.

The sectary shook her head.

"Not the two of you, but the rest of the world. I know it may seem as if the divide doesn't matter... but it does. Do you parents know where you are?" she asked again.

The young lady shook her head.

"Then you know it matters."

She nodded though she did not want to concede to what she was saying.

"Maybe in a few weeks when it has all calmed down a little..."

"Lady Sybil, this is going to take months to calm, down if not years. And that is only if the two of you do manage to make it out of the county. I am sorry for saying this to you. I do not mean to hurt you."

Sybil shook her head. She guessed she was a little sorry that she was not more caught up in the romance of it all. But she had known she was going to have to get an outside view of it all sometime or later and it was far better that she did get it from Gwen than anyone else.

She was saying what she felt she had to say to be a good friend, nothing more. Just like she was going with Tom because it was something she felt she simply had to do.

"I know you are not – and I know you are probably right – but we love each other too much to give up now."

XXX

Tom lay on the sofa tossing and turning for most of the night as he went through the way Gwen had reacted to the news. The situation between himself and Sybil was unusual and no one outside of the pair of them could have predicted it.

Even those who had known the two of them for the longest time were going to need convincing. He just hoped they were going to get the _chance_ they needed to convince people.

Why on earth had the car had brake down on them? They could have made it to Liverpool, or to York by now.

They would have been out of Downton's grasp.

Sybil could have written a letter to calm her parents and they could be beginning a new life.

But as it was, they were still not out of the Earl of Grantham's reach and Tom knew if he could take his daughter back then that was just what he was going to do. He saw Sybil as a child.

But she knew her own mind.

She really did. And Tom trusted her judgement – she knew her heart, the same way he knew his.

XXX

When they had begun the search for Lady Sybil that night, the one hope her mother had had was that by the time the morning came once more, her baby would have been found safe and well.

However, as the sun rose over the Abbey, Cora felt as if she was going to be sick. In just a few hours her baby would have been missing for twelve hours. And she hadn't been seen anywhere according to the police.

"O'Brien, what if we never find her?" she asked in a whisper that belied nothing of Cora's fear. With great tenderness, the ladies maid helped her lady change.

"She is going to be back in a shake of lamb's tale, just like she was before. Please try not to worry my lady. We'll find her."

Cora had to hold on to her hope.

She had too.

As it was, Sarah did not think she had ever seen her mistress so over wrought. In her mind, Lady Sybil had a lot to answer for.

XXX

"There are police all over Ripon," said Gwen quietly as she returned from running over the milk float to ask for another bottle.

The plan had been for Sybil and Tom to go at first light – yet it seemed as late as they had all stayed up talking, they had slept through sun rise.

Thus when Gwen got up to get ready to go to work, she had had to wake them both.

"You'll have to try and fix the car today Tom," the red head sighed as she tried to figure out how they went forward. "Lady Sybil, you are going to have stay inside. The two of you have got no chance of getting away today. Not now. You can go nowhere without the cover of darkness."

"Suppose the police are not here for me. Papa would not have called them out – not over this, surely?" Sybil sighed once they had seen Gwen off to work. She found it odd that she had to work so hard over the Christmas period – but then by the same token, if she was where she should be, she would be in the wards of the hospital.

And for that she did feel guilty. She believed in duty, to a degree. And she had not meant to live them short staffed. She hoped they were coping.

Tom's face said what he did not. That she should not be so naive. Of course, her father would send the police to fetch her home. He would do everything in his power to achieve his goal.

Reaching across the table, she took his hand and sighed. This was so not how they had planned it to go. But sometimes you had to deal with what you were given.

And as long as the two of them were together, Sybil had a feeling she could do that.

_Please review!_


	27. Terms

**Chapter 27**

"What more could you have done?" asked Mrs. Hughes with great sympathy for her friend as she walked into the butler's pantry to find that he was quite distraught. As if the last few days had not been enough for the down stairs staff to be going on with, Mrs. Hughes thought as she looked at him.

She alone of all of them knew that he had had some understanding of what Lady Sybil had been doing before she had gone with Branson and she knew how hard he had taken it.

"I watched her grow up," he sighed and she knew he felt he had failed her from those few words he had spoken.

She did not think he had the regard for Sybil which he did for Mary but she was a Crawley, so she knew to him he was scared. Mary had a special place in his heart but so did the other two girls.

She was sure of it.

"As long as you do remember that she is grown and has her own mind. Mr Carson, you tried to do what you thought was right and you did all you could without spoiling his lordship's home coming."

"But it was not enough."

"And yet it was the right thing to do. Don't beat yourself up. They have not been gone a day yet. They could still turn up."

XXX

"What are you doing?" asked Mary as she went into Sybil's rooms to find Edith sitting at their sister's desk with what she could only suppose to be there sister's private correspondence in front of her.

"Something productive I hope." Edith said with a grim look of determination on her face. "If Sybil did plan to do this then I am hoping she mentioned it in as letter to someone and they wrote a response – " said Edith as she scanned a letter and put it down.

Mary held her tongue. If she was honest, she felt as if this had been a spur of the moment thing between their sister and Branson but this was not the worse idea Edith had ever had. Mary was not going to say it was. The two of them wanted their sister back just as much as their mother and their father did.

"Would you like some help?" Mary asked.

Edith nodded. She had to say she had been preparing for a barbed comment to belittle what she had been doing. But it felt good for her elder sister to offer her a hand. And they were the only two people in the world who knew what the other was going through.

"I am yet to read those ones," Edith explained as she nodded to pile on the right hand side of the desk.

Mary picked up the top one and paused before she opened the letter. She did not like the idea of going in to Sybil's private letters. It felt as if she was betraying her trust. Well, that was something Sybil knew all about.

And then she reasoned that if she did not do it then Edith was going too. She clearly a women on a mission. And so Mary took the view that if someone was going to read the letter then it might as well be her.

"Have you seen Matthew yet today?"

"Yes – he has gone with papa out to some of the out buildings and the disused farms to search there," Mary told her. "I think the two of them would go anywhere as it is."

"Well, we all just want to be busy," Edith sighed.

"Yes. Yes we do," Mary paused. Part of her wondered if Edith had said that to imply that she did not want to be busy – she did not care do much. But as she looked into Edith's face she saw that was not the truth. It had been a genuine comment from an exhausted sister.

"Mama and papa thought she was going to be back by now," Edith commented and for the first time Mary heard the fear in her voice.

"She is not going to be back until she is ready, I have a feeling."

"I can't believe that she is doing this to mama and papa at the moment, if she has done this out of choice."

"She has. Believe me."

The two of them lapsed back into silence for a moment before Edith stopped looking at the words of the pages and just saw lots of _letters_.

She had grown up a lot since the war had begun, and she could see now the mistakes she had made before it had begun.

"I am sorry you know – very sorry."

"I know you are," Mary nodded. What the two of them were talking about did not need saying. "And so am I. Have you heard from Sir Anthony?"

"Yes – yes, I have. He has a bit of leave coming to him over the New Year."

"Is he coming home for it?"

Edith shook his head. "He is going to go to Strallan House in Eton Square."

"You must not allow this business with Sybil to keep you from going to him," Mary said as she saw that Edith eyes were wet.

"How on earth am I meant to go to his side now? How could I possible ask this of papa?" Edith sighed as she finally gave way to her tears.

Mary did not move, except to put a hand on her shoulder. If the two of them were different then she would have whispered comforting words to her sister.

But one apology, however heartfelt, did not make up for years of resentment on both sides.

"I just want them home. I want them _both _home."

XXX

Tom walked back to Gwen's flat with his head held high. He had decided the only way he was going to go unnoticed in Ripon was as if he looked like he was a man with nothing to hide. Which he was. Just not in the eyes of the law.

He hoped his beard which had now been growing near three days was going to put them off the scent a little. Anything to help him and Sybil get a little more time.

He had gone out only to try and get the motor running. That was idea. But it was not that easy. He knew which part had gone and he knew how he could fix it – if he had the tools. If he was back in the garage at Downton, he was sure he would have been able to get the car back on the road in twenty minutes flat.

As it was – he couldn't.

It was not as if he could even take it to another garage to try and fix it. It was the car _and_ Sybil they were trying to find, by what he and Gwen had picked up.

No, Sybil and he were going to have to have a rethink of how they were going to get out.

Getting back to the flat, he walked into it, rubbed his cold hands together and the first thing he heard were the two girls gossiping. He did not want to bring the two of them down as they renewed their friendship but as soon as the women he loved saw his face, she knew he had not managed to fix the car.

"It does look as if the two us need a plan B, love."

Sybil put her head in her hands as she took a deep breath.

She was not going to fall apart. Not over this, the two of them had come too far.

Gwen knew from the way the two of them looked that when they had left the Abbey they had not thought they were going to need one – and so had none.

"I suppose the two of us could – "

But it was then there was a knock on the door.

"Into the bed room, now, both of you," said Gwen. It was the secretary who was giving the orders now.

Once that she had shut the door behind, she smoothed down her clothes and took a deep breath. She did not know who was outside but she wished they were not there.

"Hello," she said as she opened the door. Oh god – the police. She felt sicker than she was able to say.

"Hello miss. I am sorry to disturb you over the Christmas period. You no doubt now why we have come."

"Sorry sir, I cannot say that I do," Gwen shook her head as she let her eyes fall on the floor. Gwen had never been much one for being demure and she did not think she was ever going to be. But she was not going to give any cause for them to think that she had two fugitives in her bedroom. Which she did.

"On Boxing Day night, a daughter of the Earl of Grantham was kidnapped by a member of the staff."

"My lord. What a dreadful thing to have happened. So close to Christmas too."

"Quite. We would ask that if you hear anything or know anything that you go to the police immediately."

"I will sir," she said with a nod. "But for now I cannot help you. For I know nothing."

"Very well miss. Go on with your day," the policemen nodded and went on his way.

As she shut the door, Gwen was still not very sure if she dared to breathe. She had never lied to the police before and she did not think she was ever going to again. She felt sick. It had not been on her to do list and it made her nervous. A million things went through her head and she did not know what was going to happen to her if someone found out that she had.

But she had been unable to give up Sybil and Tom to them. They were her friends and that did mean something. How much longer her flat was going to be a safe place for them was thrown into danger suddenly though.

Going back into the flat, she kept breathing steadily and went over to her bedroom to open the door back up.

It was clear she did not have to say anything to them for they had heard what had gone on. They had to come up with a plan which was going to get them of the situation and fast.

XXX

"You say you are back for ten days but you cannot go anywhere until she is home," Cora told Robert as she cradled their baby son in the library.

As much as she had not wanted to go to Robert when he had needed feeing the night before, she found her husband was right. He should not be mad to suffer – and having him in her arms soothed her.

He had no idea what was going on. He was the only member of the house who was oblivious. And he clung to his mother, for love and for warmth, as he ever had. And feeling needed by someone was what _she _needed.

"I'll write to the war office. I am hoping they are going to let me stay until we have her back for I am going to be good for nothing on the front line if we do not know where our daughter is. I have no intention of leaving you."

He had had a long disappointing morning so far. When he and Matthew had gone to the farm he had seen a motor from afar and he had thought – he did not know what he had thought.

Leaving his desk he went over to the sofa where he was able to put his arms around his wife and his son. Leaning forward, he smoothed down the baby's soft hair and kissed his forehead.

"I do not know how we got to this."

"And I am just scared we are not going to be able to find a way back from this."

"Cora, I know this is hard on all of us but I am not going to have you talk like that. Sybil is our daughter. I have a feeling she has been young and naive but she is a child still. She is going to come home – and if she did collude in this, then she is going to be punished. But this family will be as if was," he said as he put a kiss on her head.

"I just can't bear to think of her out there," Cora sighed as she looked at the window. Once more it has begun to snow.

"This whole nightmare is going to be at an end soon."

XXX

"So the two of us cannot get away by car. We cannot go to the train station for fear we are going to be picked up there. No one gets far on a bus and neither of us are going to suggest walking to London. Tom, this..."

Sybil did not finish the sentence she had begun because she knew neither of them wanted her to.

They both were going to have to face the facts soon enough, that to have a little while longer trying to dream a dream, was the least they owed to themselves.

And she was beginning to see that running away together was a dream.

The love that had sparked it, however, was as true as anything else in the world. It was a true as her love for her mother, her father, her sisters and her brother.

And her grandmother. She dreaded to think what _she _was going to say about all of this. Sybil begun to understood that she was going to have to face her soon.

"If the two us try to get out of Yorkshire together then I will be taken home kicking and screaming and you are going to be arrested."

They were the facts. As horrible as they were, they were going to be the reality if they tried to go on with their plan. She was not going to let that happen.

Not to the man she loved with a passion some only loved their gods with.

As she turned to him she saw there were tears in his eyes and she knew why – because of the same reason there were tears in hers.

She could not believe they had to do this. That it had all gone so very wrong so very soon.

Kneeling down in front of him, she cupped his face and kissed him, allowing him to throwing his arms about her and hold her closer to him than he had ever before.

"A little separation for a life time of loving is going to be worth it," she said, as she fought against the breakdown which she knew was inevitable. "I am not going to let them take you from me. We are going to do this on my terms, our terms: not theirs."

He shook his head. He did not see how he was just meant to let her go back there when the two of them had got this far. True it was not as far as they had wanted to get but it was quite a way.

And if she did go back then he did not see how the two of them were going to survive the separation. If he knew only one thing it was that it would break his heart.

She was so beautiful and so young – and she had so many opportunities his kind of people didn't. He did not doubt her. But somehow he did not think her mother and father would not present her with suitable young men when the time came. And if one of the was rich enough, and handsome enough and charming enough...

"On our terms," he said as he kissed her ear. She was right. He could see the wisdom in what she was saying. He just did not like it.

Pulling back the two of them cupped one another's face and caressed one another.

"You are going to get on a train," Sybil told him. "Tonight."

XXX

Mary was so relieved when Matthew said he was going to stay for dinner that night.

"You must be exhausted," she sighed as she gave Carson take his coat and put her hand through his arm. She knew even when her father had returned he had gone on to another farm to see if he was able to find his little cousin.

"It has been a very long day," he admitted to her. But he knew she had had it just as hard as he had emotionally. "How are you?"

Mary shrugged. She did not know how she felt. And so she said nothing. As he kissed her check, she leaned into him and it was not long until he had put his arms about her and was holding her close to him. He did not think there was a soul in the house who was going to begrudge the two of them indulging in one another just then.

God knew they needed the comfort.

XXX

Tom put on his coat at ten o'clock that night as he prepared to go out into the world on his own. To think he had left Downton so that he was going to be able to make a life and now he felt as if he was leaving his life behind him entirely...

He and Sybil had gone through a variety of options but the fact remained that the only viable one for their freedom was for the two of them to separate and find a way back to each other later when they could guarantee _his_ freedom. This was not the end.

Once that they had accepted the decision they had made together they had sat together holding hands but had said very little. Gwen, who had been so good to them, left the flat so that they were able to say their goodbyes in peace.

"You will let me know you're ok, wont you?" Sybil asked as she held on to Tom's hand more tightly than she ever had before.

"As soon as I can write, I will," he nodded.

"Send it to Crawley house. Matthew and Isobel are far more likely to be forgiving than mama and papa. I have more hope of getting letters from you if they receive them."

He nodded.

She hated to think of him going out into the winter cold but –

"Sometimes hard sacrifices must be made for a life that is worth living," he said as he looked at her. He had such hope in his eyes.

Bending down he kissed her passionately, thoroughly, running his hands through her hair which she had already let down for bed. She wished he was going to be going there with her.

But there was no hope. He had to go. He had to do this, and as if he had heard her thoughts, Tom kissed her forehead and turned.

Opened the door and ran.

And he did not look back.

Sybil watched until Tom had disappeared into the fog which had come down on Ripon before she finally accepted she had to shut the door on the dream which she had shared with him.

She went over to the sofa and collapsed as the task which she was now set dawned in on her.

She had to go home...

She had to face her parents.

Gwen found her there, twenty minutes later having returned from the pub where she had sat. Part of her had thought she was going to return to an empty flat – but she was glad that was not the case.

Sybil and Tom had not only done the hardest thing – they had done the right thing too.

All status differences forgotten, the red head went straight to her friend and put her arms around her. Sybil's tear stained faced was so bury in Gwen's shoulder.

"One more night. Can I stay just one more night? I know I have to face them all. But I can't tonight."

"Of course, you can," said Gwen without a second thought.

_Please review!_

Author Note: Sorry Sybil/Branson fans – I promise Tom will come back though!


	28. Homecoming

**Chapter 28**

The only thing in the world that Sybil wanted to do the next morning when she woke up was to go right back to sleep.

There were a number of reasons for this. Firstly, because she felt as if she had got no sleep at all as it was. She was sure she had just been up all night running things through her head and thinking about Tom. Tom. He was another reason she wanted to go back to sleep – because if she was asleep she was bound to see him in her dreams and then the two of them were going to be able to be together. And the third and final reason she wanted to go to sleep once more was that she was still not sure she had the energy she needed to face the day.

She knew there was going to be a lot of tears as well as a lot of shouting when she got back to the house.

As much as her father loved her, when she told him she had gone with Tom of her own free - well he was not going to go easy on her.

She hoped beyond anything she had ever hoped before that he had managed to get away. That their sacrifice had not been for nothing after all.

But there was not going to be any return to dreams for her that morning. She knew she had to be brave and she had to stand her ground.

Running away had been cowardly. She had not been brought up to be a coward. She had been brought up to do her duty.

And that was what she had to do now.

By eight o'clock, she was up and dressed. She did her hair as best she could with Gwen's help.

"If I had been a ladies maid then I would have been more use to you this morning," she said to her friend gently. But then the idea of running had been to get away from that world, thought Sybil. She did not want to have to rely on a ladies maid for everything. She was a very different creature to her mother and her grandmother. She wanted to be able to dress herself.

"I do not think that my father and my mother are going to much care what I look like when I get but I should like to be a little presentable," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. She did not know why it mattered now when it rarely before.

"I am sure it is not going to be as bad as you think it is going to be. Your mother and your father love you."

"I know – but they have no love of Tom Branson." _And he is the one I love most in the world._

"Let me get you a tea and some breakfast."

"You eat if you want too – I do not think I am going to be able to keep a single thing down. But yes please to the tea."

Gwen nodded. Her friend was looking very pale. It did not take a lot for her to release that she was frightened by what she had to do that day.

"After doing the tea, I am going to go next door. Peters a nice man and has a pony and trap that we are going to be able to borrow." Gwen had thought about it the night before. The last thing in the world Sybil was going to want to do was to be taken home by the police.

Better that the two of them go together. She had cleared the day off before. Mr Brummage had not been happy but she had asked for so little since he had taken her on that he had said yes.

She was not going to mind a trip to Downton at all actually. She missed her friends. She missed Daisy and Anna, she missed William. She was going to be glad to see the girls, though she supposed William was at the front line but now.

By ten o'clock, the two of them were on their way back and Sybil retraced the path she had taken to Tom to get to Ripon.

"Do you think he is going to be ok?" Sybil asked as she broke the silence.

She was sick of the silence and she was the sick of replaying what her reunion with her mother and father were going to be.

"Who, Tom? Of course he is. He is used to looking out for himself."

"Still, I do not think I am going to be very happy until I get a letter from him. He will write, won't he?"

"_Of course_, he is going to write to you. If there was one thing I found out while you were staying with me, it is that he is devoted to you."

"I hope so."

She did not know how likely it was, but if he found someone who was prettier and more in line with his views and more...

What if the two of them never found their way back to one another?

XXX

Sarah O'Brien had helped her lady wash her hair and change for the first time that day before Robert Crawley came into her ladies bed room.

"Is there any news?" asked Cora as she turned to him, her eyes searching his face.

"O'Brien, can you leave us?" Robert asked.

If that was not a yes then he did not know what was.

She nodded and then left the room, wished that for once she could refuse to do so.

There was not a person downstairs who did not want to know what was going on.

With a bob to her lord and lady, she left the room. As soon as the door shut, Robert sat down on the bed.

"I have just been told that there has been a suspected sighting of Tom Branson - he was getting on the train to London."

Cora hands went to her mouth. "Oh my god! Was Sybil with him?"

"They did not seem to think so."

"And was he picked up?"

"There was a slight indecision over what should be done and the train was allowed to pull away."

"Indecision? Oh, gods grant me mercy," she said as she put her head in her hands. "What – what if he has hurt her? What if he left her somewhere? What if we never get to see our daughter again?"

"This is not the time to go to pieces. I know it feels as if our darling has been gone for years, but it is only two nights."

Getting up, he went to her side and put his arms about her. "I love you so much. I love you so very much, you darling, darling women."

And he did. He loved her so much at that moment. For all her despair and the pain of the last few days, he did not think he had ever loved the women who had given him his children more.

"You are the very best of mothers. Have I ever told you that?"

But she shook her head. He might be blind to her faults due to the emotion of the situation but she knew she had many and if all three girls were together, then they were going to be able to list her many faults.

Especially Edith.

But they were not. And so all she was able to do was to cling to Robert as she had for the last few days. Even though her main concern was always going to be for her daughter at that moment, she savoured being in his arms.

For she knew he was not always going to be there.

XXX

As Sybil came down the drive of Downton Abbey, she felt the weight of what she had done on her shoulders. She had gone away – she had not given them a single sign that she was alright...

They were just going to kill her.

She turned to Gwen. The red head clearly was not feeling the same pressure that she was for she had a smile on her face.

It was not as if she felt she was going home but she was going to enjoy seeing her friends. And that was something.

"Are you ready for this?"

"I do not think I am ever going to be ready to see my mother and father after having run away for two nights."

XXX

Edith stood in the corridor by the windows, looking out. The day before had not been as bad as that one had been turning out to be for she had had something to do and that was what she needed. Her letter hunt not turned up anything but... she had been busy.

As long as she had nothing to do she was going to worry even more than she usually did.

"Never say die," she heard a smooth voice say behind her and turned to find her elder sister.

For once, she was glad Mary was there for her.

"I am not saying die, I am just saying I wish she was here," sighed Edith. "Already papa only has a week left at home."

"If she is not home soon, than that I think he is going to have to stay home longer."

"Well – oh my, Mary look!"

Pointing out the window, the two of them looked up the long drive that lead up to their house. At the top of it there was a pony trap.

"Is that?"

"She – it is Sybil," said Mary not quite believing what she was seeing.

It looked as if after all they had been through – her sister was just coming home – as easy at that.

"Do we go down ourselves or do we get mama and papa?"

If it was a normal circumstance then Mary would say the two of them should go down to try and get Sybil's story straight with her before she was confronted by their father and their mother. But as it was, Mary knew that the time had come to allow Sybil to take responsibility for what she had done. She hated it, but her sister was on her own in this one.

"Get mama and papa of course. The two of them have been in torment lately."

It was not long until the four Crawley's who had been united throughout the ordeal which had been Sybil's absence were running down the stairs. When Edith and Mary had told their mother and their father that they had seen their sister coming down, the drive the two of them had been in shock. Their mother, ever on the edge, had burst into tears when she had one to the window and agreed it was her third born daughter coming down there drive.

As for their father, Robert had let go a sigh of relief before he felt a rush of anger. If she had chosen to put her mother through...

Yet they were not the first out of the door to greet her back.

"Oh my lord, my lady," said Carson as he went out to greet her. "Gwen."

Sybil knew Carson was the reason was the reason Tom was gone – and she wanted more than anything to be angry with him. He was the reason their cover was blown. And yet she knew she could not blame anyone but herself for that.

And he looked as if he was so relieved. As if he had been afraid for her. He had been about the house as long as she was able to remember. She could not be angry with him.

He offered her a hand down off of the pony trap that she took, though she did not want to think what Tom would say if he saw her then.

He then turned his attention to Gwen.

"Hello Mr Carson," the old housemaid said with a bob of her head. She had a feeling she was going to be forgotten soon though.

"Lady Sybil, how are you?"

"I am well; you do not have to worry about me. Carson, how are my mother and father?" she said and the fear she felt was all over her face.

"They have been quite worried, my lady, but I am sure your return is going to cheer them up no end."

The two of them looked at one another and both of them knew he was not exactly telling the truth.

There was going to be repercussions for this. There just had to be.

The two of them looked awkwardly for a moment before out of the corner of her eye, Sybil saw her parents and sisters come out of the door to Downton Abbey.

It was only when she looked at the four of them she realised what had happened. What she had done to them.

All four of them looked at if they had not slept in nights – far longer than the two she had actually been gone. Mary and Edith were paler than they normally were. Her father's eye looked gaunter than when he had got back from the front line. As for her mother, her eyes were so red she could only wonder that she had any tears left.

"I am sorry."

The affect those three words had on her parents were quite different.

Her mother had stood as if rooted to the ground for a while when she had come out of the door. But as soon as she said those words, she came forward and threw her arms about her.

But her father looked as if he was ready to hit the roof. She had a feeling the only way he would have welcomed her home was if she was bloody and bruised. Only if she had not wanted to go in the first place. As it was, he was not going to be taking her into her arms.

"Oh my darling, I cannot believe it is really you," Cora sighed as she held on to her baby.

_Thank god, thank god, thank god..._

"Miss Dawson, thank you for bringing her home," Mary said as she noted the housemaid was beginning to look uncomfortable.

"It is fine, my lady."

"Carson, take Miss Dawson downstairs and get her some food," said Mary as she offered the butler a smile.

"Of course. Come along, Miss Dawson," said Carson as he lead her down stairs.

"And you might bring a tray of tea up for the family. We're having it is the library," Mary said as she tried to take control of the situation.

"Yes. We had better get her inside, come along Sybil," said Robert as he put a hand on her shoulder. He had been more than happy to let Cora had her moment with their daughter.

But now they had to get the story.

For the first time in her memory, Sybil felt the house was quite foreboding. It was not her home – not the place she had grown up. It was repressive to her suddenly. The gothic abbey was suddenly living up to its style.

She walked through the corridor and turned left into her father's favourite room in the house.

Edith had put her hand on her shoulder as she had passed. She had missed her sisters when she had gone but she had the feeling Mary was not going to come round as quickly as Edith had.

If she had at all.

"Papa, if you will only let me explain – "

"Answer me this first: did you go with Branson willingly? Was it was him who you were with?"

Sybil nodded.

"THEN NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU EXPLAIN."

"Robert, please," said Cora as she swallowed back the tears she had yet to cry. "She has been back with us for five minutes, can we not-"

"AFTER ALL SHE HAS PUT US THROUGH, NO CORA. I WILL NOT PERMIT HER TO GO TO HER ROOM BELIEVING EVERYTHING IS OK."

"Papa, I know things are not ok between us," said Sybil as she tried to calm him but she did not think it was going to work. She had known he was going to be angry with her, of course, he was – but it was something else. Actually seeing it.

"Oh, you know, I am angry with you do you? Shall I explain the torture you have put your sisters through, your mother through, me, through?" he said and that was when his voice broke.

Not even when he had lost James and Patrick had Robert Crawley allowed his daughters to see him weep. That was not the manly thing to do and he did see himself as a role model for the girls. At least, he had hoped he was. But at that moment he felt something wretched over come him. Whether it was the anger she had walked in without a scratch on her or the relief she had walked back in without a scratch on her he was not sure. But it brought him to tears.

"Oh my dear," he heard Cora sigh as she moved to take him in her arms.

He had not wanted his youngest to leave the room but as soon as Mary saw the state her father was getting himself in to, she put her hand on her sisters arm and signalled the fact it was time for them to leave their father to the tender care of his wife.

XXX

"Oh, I am so sorry said," Gwen as she sat down at the servants table. She knew it had hardly been at the front of their minds while they had been with her, but she wished Tom and Sybil had at least thought to tell her William had died so that she had had an idea of what she was going to be walking in too. She did not think she was able to say how sorry she was.

Daisy, Mrs. Patmore had explained to her, had come to realise how she felt for him in the last few months of their lives together at Downton. As such, she was mourning him as a widow might, even though they were not married.

Anna put her hand on her arm, in a most sisterly fashion as she drew her out her thoughts. "It is ok, we are all awfully sad. But my mum always said time was a great healer."

"Let's just hope she is right," Mrs. Hughes muttered over her tea.

She did not like to think what that poor girl was going to go through in her life if she did not. "How is life as a secretary treating you?" The house keeper changed the subject. She had to admit to admiring the girl for what she had done when she had left service. She had never had the courage or even the real desire to do so.

"Very well actually. I enjoy my life." If she had come back to Downton on any other day then she would have enthused so much more. But – "God, I am so sad. What is this war doing to us? To all of us?" she said as she took Anna's hand in her own.

"It is not going to go on forever."

"No," Mrs Hughes sighed. "It will not. And already, it can't."

XXX

Sybil changed with the help of her sisters rather than Anna. She understood that she was going to want to be with Gwen rather than her. The two of them had after all been sisters. And they were going to want to catch up.

And she had to do so with her own sisters.

"You are both angry with me, I know that," she said lowly as Mary helped her with a corset. It was strangely reminiscent of the conversation she had just had with her mother and father.

"Until you have seen the state mama has been in over the past couple of days, you have no idea," Mary muttered before looking Sybil in the eye. "Papa has been at war for months. All he has wanted ever since he left was to be back with us. And the one chance he gets to do that and –"

Mary feel silent.

"If it does make it any better – I did it because I love him. Because I cannot bear to be without you," Sybil shrugged. A single tear feel on to her face. If she had not loved him so very much then she would not have gone with him but she did. She was no able to think of what she had done to her family as a result of that.

It was then Edith got up and left the room. "You are not the only one in this house who has to live without the man she loves."

"What does she mean, Mary?"

"If she wants you to know then I am sure she will tell you. But for now, just let her be."

The two turned back to the mirror.

"Please be on my side."

"I_ was _on your side, darling. And then you left without telling me and put mama and papa through hell. For now, I am sorry, Sybil, but you're on your own."

_Please review!_

Author Note: God, I so wish I had got this chapter ready to post last month, last year... any time but this week because I know post Sunday, the last thing any of us need to read is people having a go at Sybil. However, the show (story) must go on and I need to get past this to get to the good stuff. I am sorry guys and am sending a big hug to all the Tom/Sybil shippers out there.


	29. Rights and Wrongs

**Chapter 29**

"Do you think papa is going to be ready to talk to me yet?"

Sybil had spent the majority of the afternoon in her room. She felt as if she was in exile from her family.

Ever since Mary had said what she did she had felt sick. The two of them had been through so much together – for her to say she was on her own made her release the extent of her sisters anger. She was sure it was going to blow over though – for it had too.

But it had hurt nevertheless.

Mary had left her not so long after. She had said to her that she had to go down to Crawley house to tell her fiancée and his mother to tell them she was alright. They had been afraid for her. She was beginning to understand that her behaviour had had far reaching consequences and she was sorry for them. But still – she knew if she had to then she would have done it again. And hoped she had got away.

But as it was she was in her baby brother's room with her mother.

Cora had gone to Robert to get some rest. She felt as if she was unable to lie down. She had wanted to be with some one who as not going to talk on and on at her. But her boy's sweet smiles were most welcome.

As ever (so it had seemed these days), baby Robert was her go to person. She did not think he was ever going to understand what a comfort he had been to her since the war had begun. How many times he had been the one who had soothed her.

"Your papa is beyond exhausted and has gone to his dressing room for a lie down. He will come to you when he is ready to talk to you and not before. I hope you are ready for the scolding of your life from him."

Sybil nodded. She was.

"Mama, I – I do love Tom."

"I know you do – I know," Cora found the strength to say from deep within her.

She knew it was going to be hard for her husband to accept but as long as her daughter was healthy and by her side she felt as if she was going to be able to take anything,

Even if it was her love for a chauffeur.

"Do you think he is ever going to be able to forgive me? Are you ever going to be able to forgive me?"

Cora's looked at Sybil. It was strange. She had always thought as the elder two who were going to give her and Robert the most trouble.

Until Sybil had discovered politics, she had been free spirited but she supposed she had always seen her youngest daughter as far too sweet and considerate to Cause either of her parents any real distress.

But she had been wrong.

Could she forgive her daughter? Yes. Yes, she was able to forgive her. She was her baby girl.

Of course she was able to but...

Cora nodded. "But it is going to take us all a little time and, my darling, you will have to allow for that. Papa has so _little_ time."

"I know – and I do regret spoiling his leave I do. But mama... the police won't continue to go after Tom will they? Papa will call them off now that I am home?"

"I cannot say."

"He has done nothing wrong!"

"That is not ever going to be the case in your father's eyes and I expressively forbid you from saying that in front of him. What time he has left, let him use it to rest. Have some pity, Sybil, for my sake if not for his."

It was not often that Sybil actually felt that her parents truly treated her as a child now – but she did then. She had been told she had to expect the scolding of her life but she felt as if she had had it already.

XXX

Mary Crawley took a very slow walk down to Crawley house that day. She was eager to get there but not so much to get back.

She did not think she was ever going to be able to say how grateful she was to Matthew for coming back when he had. She did not like to think how hard it would have been to get through the last few days had she not had the support of the man who she loved.

Arriving, her coat was taking by Beth and she was shown in to the living room.

"My darling," Matthew said as he got up from where he had been sitting in the arm chair.

"Hello. I bring good tidings for you and Cousin Isobel: Sybil is home, she returned with her tail between her legs this morning."

A look of utter and pure relief came over Matthew's features. "Oh thank god – mother!" he called as he stepped forward to embrace his wife to be.

"I do not know if this is quite appropriate for the two of you to be alone," Mrs Crawley said as she came in to the room. She was about to add that she would concede under the circumstances when she saw Mary's face.

"Sybil is home!" Matthew re-laid the happy news.

"Oh thank god," the nurse said as she rang for tea and sat down. "Is she alright?"

"I think that is an optimistic assessment – unhurt, but in disgrace with mama and papa, of course," Mary added as she stepped back and took the seat next to the women who would one day be her mother in law.

"Cousin Robert and Cousin Cora took it awfully hard. They are going to need time to recover their nerves."

"As are Mary and Edith."

"Yes– I think it has been harder one Edith than she has admitted. And now – "

"And now?" Matthew queried.

Mary held her tongue. She had not forgotten what Edith had told her about Strallan in their sister's bed room and she was loathed to think of the two of them allowing this opportunity to pass them by. Anthony and Edith should be at given the chance to resolve things at least. At the very least.

And after everything, she wanted to say sorry to him too. But she did not think that was something she could reasonably burden them with.

"And now you have to tell me something I do not know. Something which is going to take my mind off Sybil for the first time in days."

"Well, I am afraid I have news which is like to do that but I do not know how welcomed it is going to be."

"Oh, I do not like the sounds of this already."

"It is nothing too awful – except I am going to have to go to London next week."

"For long?"

"Just the week, two at the most."

"What is it about?"

"The army want the lawyers to go to some seminars to understand the issues we are going to come up against over the next few months – conscientious objectors, how prisoners should be used in the forces if at all, things like that."

"Well – that certainly puts our troubles he in perspective. When are you due to go?"

"New Years Day – I will not go any earlier." He wanted to spend the night with her.

He was sorry, however that he had said anything by the time the tea was served for she looked as if she was very pensive.

"It is really nothing to worry about, my darling."

"No – I know it is nothing to worry about Matthew – but I was just wondering how would you feel about a travelling companion? Possibly two?"

XXX

Robert Crawley did not remember the last time he had been sent to bed in the day for a nap and in spite of all he had been through of late, he could not say he was proud of the fact his wife had felt it was necessary for him to do so that day. Not only that, but it did feel as if it was a waste of time when he knew he was going to get so little over the coming year with his family. It seemed to those on the front line that things were becoming clearer. There was going to be no quick fix for what they were going through and they had to expect to be on the front line for some time to come.

And so he told himself, he had to get past the last forty right hours but he knew it was not going to be as easy as that. If he had had a boy sooner perhaps he would have been sterner but he had never liked telling off his daughters. They were his little ones – especially his youngest girl.

But she had to be punished – even if the last thing he wanted to do when he was home was to punish her.

But it could not now be avoided. She could not get away with it.

Having got into bed at just past eleven, he rose at three and rang for his valet to come to him. Bates was a good man and he knew his habits well. He knew when his master was up for a discussion and when he was there simply to do the job he was employed to do. That day it was the latter and he did not think John was able to reasonable blame him for that.

By the time that he was dressed again, he went downstairs into the library to find that afternoon tea had been laid up but her ladyship was not going to be present for it. Apparently Cora had taken the baby out for a stroll and they were not going to be back until gone four o'clock.

Mary, as far as he knew, had calmed Sybil or at least put her in her room before she had gone to give the news to Matthew. He had no idea where poor old Edith was.

He had been sitting the library when he heard a knock on the door. He had supposed it was one of the housemaids bringing the remainder of the tea in, but when he turned he found that was not the case.

And he was reminded that he was not the only one in his house with troubles at the moment.

"How are you, Daisy?" he asked the kitchenmaid. He had no idea why she was still allowed to work, let alone serve the tea. He would have thought she was going to take a few days for herself.

The young women looked at him and he saw her blush. She had had to ask Mr. Carson if she could just this once take the tea up. She had been told that she could not, gently, before she had explained to him and Mrs. Hughes why she had been so desperate to do the job. Once the housekeeper was on her side, the butler had soon had to relent.

"I am ok, my lord – I am so sorry to trouble you today. I know it is the last thing you need but I am so happy that Lady Sybil is home and she is ok," Daisy said it as if it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Robert's mind jumped to wondering what Daisy would do if she could say that about her William - but no – there was no comparison. _Not really._

"As am I," he said with a sad smile. For all his anger he had to be glad things had worked out the way that they had – things could be much, much worse than they were at that moment.

"I was just wondering – my lord, I was speaking to Mrs. Patmore about my Wil-" she swallowed as she tried and failed to say the name of the man she had held dearer than any other in the word.

"Go on, Daisy."

"You see, I know we are not going to get his body back. He is going to be buried where he fell but I was just wondering if you and Lady Grantham would mind very much if I brought a tree – could I plant it? It'd just be a few seeds to start with. I just – I need to do something, somewhere to remember my – my William – and this is the only home I have," she said as two tears streaked unbidden on to her cheeks for the first time that day.

"I think that is a lovely idea. Yes, of course – we should hold a type of memorial for William. And soon for I would like to attend," he had been a son of Downton and he deserved to be remembered with honours.

"Thank you my lord," the kitchen maid said before scurrying off back to the domain where she felt most comfortable.

Robert was not the only person in the house with a broken heart. And he had to remember that he thought as he looked to the ceiling before putting his heads in his hands.

When Cora had seen their daughter it had been so easy for her to throw her arms about her. It had been the most natural thing in the world. But he was not by natural overly affectionate. Yes, he would hold any of his family in private. He adored being close to his wife and he loved having his son in his arms.

But the elder his girls got, the harder it was for him, or so it had seemed that afternoon.

He had been about to get up and go when they was once more a knock upon his door.

Cowardly, he was glad of it.

"Come in!" he called as he poured his tea. There was no footman to do it for him now, he thought sadly as the door opened.

"You look better," he heard Mary say as he turned to look at his first born.

"I had a rest – I am much more gathered now. I am most sorry you had to see me get into a state. It was not what Edith or you needed after all you girls have been through. I am sorry."

"Not at all – I think after all we went through it is a surprise we are not still sobbing on the floor," she said with a shrug.

"Tea?"

"Yes please, papa," she said as she sat down and let him wait on her. Once she had removed her hat, gloves and coat, she looked back at him. "Papa, if you did wrong and had a way to fix it, you would take it wouldn't you?"

"Well, of course," he said with a nod.

"Can you help me put something I did wrong, right in that case?"

Robert's forehead furrowed. "I do not know if I can stand any more to hear of what you and your sisters have done wrong."

Mary gave an amused smile.

"What would I have to do to help you set your wrong to rights?"

"Nothing much. Just give Edith and I permission to travel to London New Year's Day with Matthew."

"But I myself don't leave till the forth."

"So then you are going to get a few days with mama and Sybil and Robert by yourself – but it is necessary I and Edith go. Truly, it is. Papa, do you remember the garden party?"

"What? On the day the war broke out? Yes, I think I can be relied upon to remember that, dear heart."

"Well, that was the day Sir Anthony told Edith he was going to propose – and then he did not. Not because he did not want to. But because I was angry and jealous of Edith and I put him off."

"Jealous of Edith with Strallan?"

"No – not of Sir Anthony – but for another reason which is not important. The point is papa I might have destroyed forever the happiness of my sister if I do not get the chance to set things right. Matthew has got go up to London for work, Anthony is there on leave. Please allow Edith and I to go. Please, papa. I would not ask if I did not feel I had too."

He looked at those brown eyes of his daughters and he knew he was going to be able to deny her nothing. Not when she had asked so sweetly.

And he knew Edith had mourned loss of Strallan. He was a good man – a brave man, and older man too but that did not impinge upon his honour. If Edith really wanted to go to his side, then he did not suppose he had a right to stop her.

"If I could wave a magic wand and have you all as small girls again, running around the place and terrorizing poor Carson every chance you got then, I would wave it in a heartbeat."

"I know you would," said Mary as she got up and put her arms around him in sympathy. "I know, Papa."

XXX

Robert walked into his youngest daughter's room slowly having knocked on the door. He found Sybil at her vanity, sitting quietly, a book in front of her.

She looked quite sorry for herself. Anna had clearly been up for her hair was tidy, she was in different clothes to the ones she had returned in and generally, she looked like his daughter once more.

Going over to the chair that sat by her vanity, he took it, seating himself in front of her away from the windows.

Silence. Looking at the book, he sighed. "'_A Little Princess_.' Mama loved reading that to the three of you when you were little."

"I know," she whispered.

"I was always more of a Beatrix Potter man myself," he mused. "Mary loved Peter Rabbit, but you always wanted me to read the Flopsy Bunny."

Sybil smiled at the memory as a tear leaked down her cheek.

"Why are you crying, child?"

"Because I feel so guilty when I – Papa, I know I went about everything the wrong way. I did not mean to distress mama, or you, or my sisters."

"Or your brother – don't think he did not feel the effect of what you did just because he is a baby. I assure you he did."

She nodded. "I know."

"I would be lying if I did not say how bitterly disappointed I am in you. I always thought you valued your family."

"I do."

"I thought you cared more than your sisters."

"Papa, I do! I just – " she shut her eyes. "I have broken so many rules lately that I do not suppose it matters if I break one more of mamas. I love Tom. I did not do what I did because I don't care. But_ because_ I care. Very much."

"And you have no love in your heart for me I suppose? He has utterly displaced me in your affections."

Sybil shook her head. "Papa you are not listening."

"I wish I was able to say that you were wrong but no, I do not suppose I am right now," he said as he got up. "I have spoken to Clarkson. He knows not to expect you for a while."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she looked at the back of his head.

"I do not think you can handle the responsibility of the task you set yourself. Not if you go running off. There is a war on and Clarkson needs to be able to trust his staff is going to be able to turn up in the mornings."

"Tom is gone, if that not enough? Not you take me job from me!"

"You can still do war work. You can knit and you can sew and you can help mama when she holds fund raisers. But until such a time your mama is able to trust you once more you will not be going to the hospital!"

Robert had been trying to think of what to do all morning. When he had thought of the idea of the hospital – it had made sense.

He and Cora had spoiled her. The mad clothes, the politics, the job. It was time she remembered who was in charge. It was a bloody business but there was nothing else for it.

This silly nonsense had to end. He was slightly saddened. He had felt such pride in his daughter.

"This ban is not going to last forever," he said to her. And indeed he had every confidence she was going to go back to the cottage hospital.

But Cora had to be allowed to recover first, and he wanted her to have the authority she needed over Sybil while he was gone.

But for his daughter it brought no comfort. Tears ran down her face. "I've lost everything."

Everything that had made her who she was over the past few months. All the things which had kept her sane when her father was so far away.

She could not wish he was back on the front line. But she wished he was not at Downton.

"No. The poor kitchen maid is the one who has lost everything."

XXX

"Can you give this note to Lady Sybil, Anna?" asked Gwen as she passed the envelope to her. She was glad Mrs. Hughes was generous enough to allow her to borrow some stationary. Somehow, she felt as if she should not just go without saying goodbye to her but there was no chance of her getting back upstairs.

"Of course, I will. I'll take it up with me when I go to get her changed tonight," Anna said with a smile.

"Thank you. You'll let me know how she is getting on as well?"

"Yes. Don't worry about her too much. This is all going to blow over soon enough now she is home and safe," the head housemaid smiled as the two of them walked towards the door of the servant's entrance.

"And what about you? How are you, Anna?" the two of them had spent so much of the day in sorrow that she had barely given a thought to how her best friend in the world was.

"Oh, I have nothing to complain about. Nothing at all. John and I are happy enough."

"John? You call him by his Christian name now?"

"As it befitting for fiancées," she gave a smile. "We are engaged to be married. And we will be married. Just as soon as we can find John's wife and get him divorced." Which so far they had not had a lot of luck with but it had to change in the end, she thought to herself, with a smile: for she was not going to give up till she had a ring on her finger.

"Well, that is good news. And I hope you manage too soon, my dearest, dearest Anna."

The two of them embraced before the head housemaid saw her old friend out in to the cold of the winter's nights.

What a day it had been.

XXX

"Pack for London," said Mary as she walked through Edith's bedroom door to see her sister reading by the window. Edith looked as tired as she felt but that was set to change now, thought Mary.

"Pardon?"

"I've squared it with papa, don't worry. We leave New Years Day and you can spend Anthony's leave with him. Me and Matthew will accompany you so there is going to be impropriety."

"I still don't understand."

"Just take a moment to do so then," the eldest Crawley sister stood before her

"No –_ why_, Mary? Why would you do that?"

"Because you are not the only one who feels guilty for their past behaviour. And it is time we put these things to right," Mary mused quietly, more to herself than to sibling. "We have been sisters for over twenty years, Edith. It's high time we started acting like it."

The two pairs of brown eyes matched and they shared a smile. If she had known it was going to feel this good to be kind to her sister, then she would have started doing it years ago thought Mary as she left the room as fast as she had come in to it.

She had to say she was quite looking forward to going to London. She always missed it when she was not there and she did miss her aunt Rosamond.

Until she had met Matthew, she always felt that she was going to end up quite like her. Well, that had changed now. But she still admired her.

She had been on her own room to begin thinking about what she was going to get Anna to pack for her when she heard sobbing. And softened as she was by her good deed for Edith, she was not able to just walk by when she could hear her baby sister was in distress.

Going into Sybil's room, she saw she was curled up in her bed looking as wretched as they had all felt when she had been gone. Mary softened further. She had heard something about her sister no longer being allowed down to the hospital until her mother said otherwise. And she knew that no matter what, she did love Tom. She had known that longer than anyone else in the house.

Sitting on the side of her sister's bed, Mary sighed. She so wanted to be angry with her for what she had done, but the two of them were not only sister's – they were friends.

And no matter what anyone said, she did have a heart. A rather big one actually.

Putting her arms about her sister as she laid down next to her, she sighed. She was home. She was safe.

"Oh Mary..."

"Shh, darling Sybil. Just try and get some sleep. Things will seem better in the morning," Mary heard Cora's voice come out of her mouth.

The two of them lay there together for a long while together, saying nothing. And Sybil realised she was not alone.

_Please review!_


	30. New Year

**Chapter 30**

"I cannot decide if I should wear skirts and blouses or dresses," Edith sighed to Anna as she helped her pack. Anna knew when she was a real ladies maid that she was going to be expected to do this on her own one day. But until then she had the help of the young ladies. And she knew she was never going to be allowed to pack for such an important event on her own for Lady Edith was going to want everything to be perfect.

"Sir Anthony is an old fashioned kind of man, is he not?"

"Not really, I don't think. He loves all the new farming equipment."

"My lady, I know but I do think that farming equipment is a little different to romance," Anna said as she offered Edith as smile. "If I may be so bold."

"Of course. No, you are right. You think I should meet him in a dress?" Edith said as she bit her lip.

"I think you should go in what you feel comfortable in. Where are you to meet him?"

"At the station on new year's day," She said. Since she had heard she was going to be going to met him the two of them had been writing to one another, and wiring – much more than she had when she had had such little hope of going to see him. But now she felt she was justified in doing so. "For the first time. He is coming to dinner. Of course, it is not going to be on the scale of a pre war dinner but it is as near as the two of us are going to get."

"I am sure after where he has been these past months he is going to appreciate it a great deal." She said as she scrapped back her hair in nervousness.

The truth was, selfishly perhaps, she did not much care what the thought of the food though she did hope he enjoyed it.

She was much more concerned of what he thought of the company.

Edith looked in the mirror. It was stupid – all of this was stupid and she knew it. Sir Anthony, no matter what else, was not a shallow man and she did not think there was a person in the world who was able to judge him to be so.

"Right – I will take the brown skirt and beige blouse to meet him in and the coral dress for our meal," she said with more decisiveness than she felt.

It struck her then that she envied Anna. When she had met Bates, all the time they were romancing one another they had had but one choice as to what to wear and that was there uniform.

Edith wondered if that was in fact a blessing.

"I think that is very wise," Anna put her hand on her ladies shoulder for a moment and squeezed it. Ever since she had known the three Crawley daughters she had always been closest with Mary. But if she said she did not feel a kind of kin ship with Edith then she knew she was a liar.

And that was the one thing Anna Smith was not.

X x x

"Cousin Violet said that we are still all going up to the Abbey for New Years drinks with the family this weekend," Isobel made conversation with her son as she got ready to go to work.

"Yes, I did not know if that was still going to be the case after everything, but it seems as if they want to get back to normal as fast as they can."

"No doubt they want to enjoy being with Robert as long as they can."

"He is going to be on his way back to the front far too soon," Matthew sighed. He felt guilty. He was a lot younger than his cousin and he felt as if he should be following his example. But as it was...

He enjoyed the work he was doing. And the last thing he wanted to do after everything was leave Mary.

She needed him. And he needed her.

"Any way they said they were going to want us to be there by no later than nine," said Matthew to her.

"And as ever we must jump to their beck and call."

"Mother."

"Well really, Matthew... and do not expect me to say that I agree with Cousin Robert's decision to keep Sybil from the hospital when I do not. She is a good nurse and we need all of them we can get our hands on at that moment."

"No, I do not expect you to say you agree with his decision, for I do not expect you to say anything about it. This is not our war." Said Matthew as he buried himself in his new paper. "Robert must discipline his children as he sees fit."

With a tut that told her son she did not agree with what he was saying in the least, Isobel left the room.

Matthew was not on his own for long though. There was a knock on the door.

"Sorry sir – I do not mean to intrude, not when I heard sounds of a disagreement."

"Ellen, if you did not come in to a room in this house whenever you heard a sounds of a disagreement then I fear you would never get in any room at all. Now what is it I can do for you?"

"There was a letter sir in the evening post – but it was addressed to the Lady Sybil."

"Well, I cannot think why any post for her should come here, let me see that," he said to the maid and she did as she was told.

He did not recognize the writing. But alarms bells rung none the less.

"I shall take it up to the house tonight." He said with a nod to dismiss her.

But who he would give it to, he did not know yet.

X x x

Mary did not need to ask who had written to Edith when she saw the look on her face in the drawing room. A contented smile settled on her features.

"Just think – this time tomorrow," she said as she put a hand on her shoulder.

"We shall be at Aunt Roasmund's. And then I shall be dining – with him." She said with a laugh. "Mary, I am so happy. Even in the midst of all of this I am desperately happy."

Desperate is right, a nasty voice said deep within Mary. But it didn't get out.

"I am glad for you," as Edith had been glad for her and Matthew.

The two of them were soon joined by Sybil. The wonderer had returned a couple of days ago and she seemed to have resigned, if not accepted her fate.

"Well, here it is – the end of the year," she said to the two of them to break the silence.

"I do not think any of us are going to be that sad say good bye to it," remarked Edith.

But that was wrong, though Mary. There had been some awful occurrences and, of course, the war topped the bill for that. None of them were going to look back on the time that Sybil had run away with pleasure, save for Sybil herself.

But she had got engaged to Matthew. Edith had fallen for Sir Anthony. And Sybil and Tom had had their... thing. Perhaps 1914 had been the years the Crawley girls had learnt to love. And they had gained a brother. Robert was a reason to be grateful.

"It has not been a complete write off."

She had a feeling both of them would disagree. Sybil because of the way it had ended, and Edith because she was looking forward to the end of it too much.

"Good evening, my dears," the three of them heard a voice from the door.

The three of them turned to see their grandmother.

Mary, in her high spirits, was the first to go to her side.

"Happy new year, granny," she said as she kissed her on the cheek. Edith followed suit.

"Well, it is not quite yet, is it?" Violet said as she raised her eye brows before turning to look at Sybil.

Not six months had passed since there world had been turned upside down and already...

Well, it was best not mentioned.

But Sybil found something in her grandmother's eye that she had not found in her parents. Was there a hit of pride there even?

There was anger and for reasons she knew well for every person in the family had individually told her why.

But not by her granny. And this was their first meeting since she had come home.

"Well, it is good to see you home without any visible scratches," said Violet to her. Sybil was surprised by the softness of her grandmother. She wasn't talking about scratches on her skin after all.

"Thank you granny. It is good to see you too."

Whereas the other two girls had kissed their grandmother, it was Violet who put her lips to Sybil's cheek.

"It's very good indeed."

There was a cough at the door.

"What is it Carson?"

"Her lady ship is ready for you to go through to dinner."

As ever it did not seem to Sybil as if it took very long for her mother's anger at her to die. Throughout the meal she was able to feel not only her grandmother as well as her mother gaze on with sympathy as well as love.

For the two of them it seemed as if her safety was all. She knew in her heart of heart, that it was as true for her father and sisters as it was for her mother and grandmother. They were just not as good at showing it.

It was not until much later when Matthew spoke to her. To what Sybil saw as her shame, she had to admit that she had felt a little jealous of Matthew and Mary that night. Not only of the way the two of them had been together but also of the way the family treated them. The way that their love seemed to breed love.

"How are you?" Matthew asked her stiffly but with a kind smile as he stood by her.

Sybil considered her answer.

"Not as well as Mary or Edith but better than papa, I think. And you? You must be looking forward to your trip to London."

"Oh very much."

"Mary and Edith are very grateful to you for the chance to go away right now, you know?"

"You must not think that – " he broke off. He hated to see her so down. It was not right. "Before you go to bed, you must come and see me. I have something for you."

What Robert did not know couldn't hurt him.

She always did go to say good night to the guests who were in the house – but he said it with such an expression on his face that she could not help but be quizzical.

"Come on you two, get over here," Cora called to them from not so very far away. "We are going to have play charades."

It was a Downton tradition after all.

Knowing that there was no point in protesting, the two of them did as they were told.

When twelve o'clock came, Sybil found it was Edith and her grandmother who took her in their arms first. Matthew and Mary of course saw in the New Year side by side. As soon as the clock struck twelve, the lawyer turned to the women who he hoped was going to be his wife before the next New Year and kissed her, lingering just a little longer than perhaps he should have in sight of the family. But as ever, no one seemed to mind noted Sybil. All of them had been waiting for this it seemed. Not just the two of them.

This match was much desired.

As for Robert and Cora, they too made sure they were in one another's arms and kissed one another first. It had been a trying year but they ended it together. Though, as they neared the end of his leave, the next did not promise to be any easier.

As for Isobel, once her son had been able to tear himself away from the women he was so clearly passionately in love with her son went to him and kissed her cheek.

"Happy new year, mother," he said to her gently.

Isobel nodded. Yes it was.

X x x

"Happy new year," the valet said as he kissed the women he loved. Anna nestled into him, the two of them were together and this was the last New Year he swore to himself, much as Matthew Crawley did, that she was going to see in as a single women.

By the time the next came, she was going to be Anna Bates.

And then the new year after that, perhaps the two of them would in fact be the three of them.

He turned to see that one daughter of the house was in her mother's embrace. Mrs Patmore had pulled Daisy into her embrace the strike of twelve. She was not her fiancée but at the same time the girl was not on her own.

Maybe it would help her feel a little less lonely.

The young hall boys and maids were all congratulating one another. Some stole a forbidden kiss.

And as ever the house keeper and the butler were together – as always united.

"Happy new year Mr. Carson," said the house keeper to her friend. It was high time that his own spirits were revived from the last few days. Yes, they had been awful but the fact was Lady Sybil was harm. Mrs Hughes could not help but think that at the end of the day there was no harm done.

Not really.

"Happy new year to you too," he said with a smile. He looked about the hall with a kind of peace in his face.

The New Year was going to renew the all.

And that was what they all needed.

X x x

Upstairs, the Crawley's stayed up until two o'clock, all of them with plans for the future in their head. For Edith, the day she had been waiting for months had come. The day she was going to be able to go to the side of her beloved man. She was the first to retire to bed for fear that she might look tired when she saw Anthony. She had to be his peace now.

Neither of them were fools. He was going to know why she was going to him.

As for Cora and Robert, the tension seemed to lessen as the clock struck twelve. Sybil had been a fool. But their fool she remained and the doting father kissed all three of his daughters with love and affection as he said goodnight.

As for Mary and Matthew the two of them were as wrapped up in one another as ever, but when Carson came up stairs and begun to talk with Mary, Matthew and Sybil saw their chance.

Sybil had been thinking all night on what Matthew could have for her – and she only drew one answer.

And then she hoped and prayed – was she was right? She had to be didn't she?

The two of them walked into the hall together.

"I did not know whether I should give you this and there are no doubt some people in this house who would be angry at me for doing so. But this is a letter for you," He said as he pulled out the envelope he had been given and passed it in to her hands.

He was not her parent, he was not her guardian. But more than her cousin, he _was_ her friend.

His suspicions were confirmed when he saw the smile on her face. He knew who it was from.

"Oh," Sybil was breathless with love and relief for a moment before she sighed. "Thank you so terribly much," she said as she kissed Matthew.

"You are most welcome."

She turned, ran up the stairs and no one saw her again that night.

X x x

_My darling,_

_Just a quick note to tell you I made it to London safely. I have left there now, and for reasons we both know only too well, cannot tell you where I am writing this from. Know only that wherever my body is, my heart remains in your keeping._

_Things have not turned out the way we wanted them too – yet. But they will._

_And I love you. I love you so very much. That will not change. That cannot change. _

_Not the war, not time, not distance – nothing will alter me._

_I am still,_

_Your own Tom._

Sybil read the letter over and over by candle light, tears on her cheeks but a smile on her face.

Everyone downstairs was right.

It was a happy new year.

_Please review!_

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone!


	31. To Have and To Hold

**Chapter 31**

"Do you think that he is going to be able to make her happy?" asked Cora as she put her hands on her husband's shoulders. She had risen from her bed even later than usual and as such she had missed the girls and Matthew entirely. She would see them now next week.

She did not need to tell him who she was talking about.

Robert sighed. "I am not going to lie to you. Anthony Strallan is not and never really was my first choice for any of our daughters. I think he is dull, you know that... But then I think of the look on Edith's face when she spoke about him. Truly, Cora, I do not think she is doing this for the wrong reasons. She loves him."

"It seems as if none of our daughters are very traditional when it comes to given their hearts," Robert commented with a sigh.

"You cannot say it as if the two of us were. We were no great love story," she said offhandedly and was quite surprised when he turned to her with a hurt expression on his face.

It was one that made her love him even more. But she still knew she had spoken nothing but the truth.

"Oh, I am not saying the two of us do not love one another as much as any match love could now – but it was not as if the two of us married for love. And I think that is all any of our girls want to do," she said with insight that she did not think any of them would expect from her.

"Including Sybil."

Cora nodded slowly. That was a whole different kettle of fish.

"This is Edith's day. There is going to be another to consider Sybil's future on. The point is, if it comes to it, will you be happy to call Sir Anthony your son in law? Because I will be." Cora realised. "Very happy to indeed."

Robert did not know what to say for a while - but he knew he had said all he had to when he had let Edith go to London to be at his side.

If he were to with hold his permission now it would - well, it would not be fair.

"As long as he is goods to her and he makes her happy, I do not see why we should not be glad to have him in this family."

"Nor do I."

X x x

Edith knew by the time she got back to Yorkshire she was going to be one very tired young women - for there was no time to be tired on New Year's Day. In spite of the fact she had been the first to climb the stairs up to bed the night before she had not got a lot of rest.

She felt as if her mind had been racing from dusk till dawn.

What if when she told him what had gone on that day at the garden party he did not believe her? What if he said he had already seen a girl in London who was more to his fancy than she was? She knew she did not have with the wit or the beautiful of her sisters.

But she had always felt she was able to match them in intelligence.

Until now.

The train left the station on time, for which Edith was grateful. She sat in the first class carriage with her sister and future brother in law while Anna and Molelsey, who was accompanying Matthew, sat in further back.

No doubt while they were away Anna was going to miss Mr. Bates. But it was only going to be for the week.

And she prayed that was all she was going to need.

Mary read on the train as she sat next to Matthew. As she watched Edith worried, she had to admit to her heart she was more grateful than ever that the two of them had settled things.

Never again did she want to feel that uncertainty that came with the beginning of a love story.

She only wanted to see the one she was living through.

"You know if she is not careful then she is going to send herself grey before we get to London," Mary whispered to Matthew. So lost in her own thoughts was her sister that she did not even flinch.

Matthew sighed with sympathy. "It is a big day for her. Even you are able to cut Edith some slack today I am sure."

"Darling, if it were not for me then she would not be on this train at all. I cannot believe she was going to allow today to pass her by, if I am honest with you," he said with a raised eye brow.

"Well, when we are confused we all do things we should not and miss opportunities we should take. What matters is that we see through the things we care about most in the end," he said as he looked at her.

"Now are we still talking about Edith?" she asked with a smile.

"What do you think?"

As the pair rumbled through the country side towards London, they took advantage of Edith being distracted and the two of them being alone. The nearer the two of them got to one another, the more Matthew found himself longing to married to her.

X x x

"We are going to have the ceremony to say goodbye to William tomorrow at eleven," said Robert as he went in to the sitting room at four to find what family was left in Yorkshire in the library.

Cora was sitting on the floor with their little son playing with him as he babbled on. It was not very lady like - but it was heart warming.

"I have not heard him do much of that since I have been home."

"No, I think her is just beginning to find his voice," his mother said as she smiled with devotion at him.

Sybil looked at the two of them fondly and also gave a smile. She too enjoyed seeing the changes and the developments in the little baby. Of course, she did. She had never got a chance to be the elder sister before. Then there was the novelty of have a brother.

It if she knew anything about that house it was that, that voice was going to be silenced as soon as he came up with an original thought though.

"Is it just the staff who is going to be there?" asked Sybil as she looked up from her book.

The conversations she had had with her father had been strained so far. But this was something the two of them were going to be able to be united on.

"Well, obviously Mr. Mason is going to come over from the farm. We could not have very well had a memorial for William and not invite his father. And I do think that Isobel said she wanted to be there as well, as well as some of his mothers friends from the village."

"It is going to be a sad day."

"It is always sad when young people die," he said to her as he sat down by Cora and looked down on his youngest children.

He did not think he had ever been as glad as he was in that moment that he had a baby in his house. Because for all the death and destruction outside of it, there was a sign of constant growth within it.

And that was what he needed.

"Well, we are just going to have to help them remember why he died - and that he did so bravely," said Sybil to her father with a gentle smile.

For she did not think she was able to conceive of the fact he died for nothing - she knew there were murmurs but there had to be a reason to it all at the end of the day. There just had to.

She was not entirely sure she did believe what she said - but her father gave her a smile.

"Yes - of course we must - and you must try to keep everyone at good spirits tomorrow. Even though I admit it is going to be a hard task."

"I do not think there is any one in the world who is going to be able to raise the spirits of the poor girl," sighed Cora as her thoughts turned to the girl who was of age with her daughters in the kitchens.

"No," Robert murmured as his mind turned back to his other two daughters.

It was not going to be long until the two of them got to London.

He was only able to pray that the two of them not sent Edith off to heart ache. As long as Sir Anthony was on the front line, they all had to accept this could end badly for the two of them.

But if she had not been given the chance... some regrets cut deeper than grief.

He could only suppose that he never would have been forgiven if she had not.

X x x

"Right, I am going to go to the station," said Edith as she pulled on her gloves.

When the three of them had got to her aunts she had not been very talkative. She knew Mary had made her excuse for her, but she also knew when she felt more herself she was going to have to say sorry to her aunt Ros.

But she had to focus on something that really mattered to her. Her future with the man she loved.

"You look lovely," said her sister to her where she sat on the sofa with the man she was going to marry at her side.

"Thank you. Right - I am not going to go and met Anthony," she repeated herself. May and Matthew shared an amused smile.

And with that a peace seemed to come over her. For so long she had been jittery because she had not known if she was going to get to see him again.

But as she held her head high and walked out into the cold - she felt calm. And she did not feel ashamed or afraid. The two of them were going to be together so very soon.

Climbing into the car she took a deep breath, but soon settled down into the back seat.

"St Pancras please," She was sure her aunt had told her driver where he was to take her - but she had to say it.

It had to be real all of this. What if she was going to wake up and find out she was at Downton? She did not think she was able to think of anything worse.

But she was awake. Both her sisters had found love. She did not know why she should not.

The drive was easy enough, a lack of traffic on the road. It was Tuesday after all, New Years Day and the men who were not out at the front she guessed were sleeping of the night before.

And then there were those on the way home to the women who loved them more than any in the world.

She did not know what was to come. But she knew there were going to be no what ifs.

They arrived.

She climbed out of the car, stepped out to the pavement and continued to take deep calming breathes.

Stepping out of the car the other side, she looked up at St Pancras and remembered to take a photograph of the moment in her mind. When she looked back, she was sure that was going to be the moment she saw her marriage as beginning.

Once she had located the platform that Anthony's train was going to pull in, she went to it and begun what she was sure going to be the longest part of the day.

She had no doubt. She had no doubt of her own heart. But she had to hope Anthony was as sure as she was when he stepped off of the train.

Her nerves held until the train was late. Twenty minutes had passed and yet he was not there. And then her mind began to run again. What if he was not even on the train? What if he had regrets and stayed in France?

Matters were not helped when the train eventually pulled in and the dress she had picked out so lovingly to wear for him was soon covered in soot.

She did not know why she had not thought about something which was so obvious. Something that would normally be so obvious to her. She was a practical woman.

And for the first time she thought about going back to the house and only seeing him at dinner, but by the time that thought was on her mind, she saw that people were coming off of the train.

And for better or worse that was when she saw him.

He was home. Anthony was in England.

And he was looking right at her.

He must have changed on the train for he was already in one of his suits which would not look out of place on one of his estates.

And he looked so handsome - thin, but so handsome with his gentle blue eyes which his smile reached when he saw her there. He was war worn but in some ways pristine.

And yet she was soot covered and shaken.

She spoke first. "Hello."

"Edith, thank you so very much... for coming!" he said to her as he took her in. "You look lovely."

If another man had said it to her then she would have assumed that they were teasing her or trying to make her feel better. Out of another mouth those words would be dripping with sarcasm.

But the way he said it with such sincerity filled her heart to the absolute brim.

Was it possible that he just did not see the soot? Or perhaps if he did, it didn't matter to him. The thought process underneath it was what mattered to him.

"Where else would I be?" she asked him with a smile to match his own.

There was such a light in her eyes that he almost felt his heart was going to burst. He had missed those eyes. Something had gone wrong at the garden party... he knew that.

But he did not for a moment believe it was possible that she mocked him.

Not when she had so much truth in her eyes then. "Happy New Year," she said to him as she shook her head at herself.

"It is now," he said as the two of them set off down the platform together, her hand in his arm.

When he had gone off to France, he had never in one million years thought he was going to have some one to met him off of the platform. Just the summer before, he would have been shocked to see any man kiss any women, asides from a peek on the cheek in public. But that day, the returning soldiers took their wives in their arms and kissed them as if they had never done so before. Which after all the time they had spent apart was probably how it felt.

He wished he could... how he wished...

"How are you?" she asked and he knew she had caught sight of the bags underneath his eyes. The extreme youth of the Lady Edith meant she was not as good at hiding her concern as other people might have been in her situation.

But the truth was, he did not want her to. Perhaps his ego needed to know that she was worried over him (even if the bigger part of him did not want her to be.)

There was so much unsaid and undone. But that could very well change over the next ten days.

"I am well. Are you?"

"I am now."

X x x

The butler at Strallan place was only to plainly thrilled to see his master returned in one piece, and Edith had the feeling she was a little resented at that house. The staff clearly thought the world of Anthony and would have loved him to himself.

But from the moment she had met him at the station, the only one he had eyes for was her.

"This way, my dear," he led her in to the parlour. It was a pretty room. She had not thought it was going to be after all the years he had spent as a widow, but there was a femininity to it.

"I do hope you don't feel I am pushing you in to this. No doubt you feel the need to rest and -"

"Edith, hush. There is nowhere else in the world I want to be but with you. And you are the best thing about coming home," he said and then turned from her.

He had not meant to be so very forward. But he had to say what was in his mind.

"I am so, so glad to hear that. But before we go any further, I need to tell you what really happened that day -please," she said to him.

He nodded. This was the part of seeing her, he supposed, he had been dreading. Their letters to one another had been so full of love and hope, yet there had been things held back.

It had had to be that way - he was still able to remember why that was the way it was. It had hurt so much when Mary had told him what she had.

But he had begun to understand that was the problem.

"What Mary said - it - I never said it. The two of us were in a fight that day and she wanted to get back at me and she did - in the worse way she could. Anthony, I do not even know everything she said but I do know not a word of it was the truth. I have never and would mock you. Even if I do not feel as I do now, I would never set out to hurt you. You're my dearest friend. I was so excited..."

_Because I thought you were going to propose to me. I thought our life together was going to begin. _

"Then I am the one who is sorry," he said from across the room. Ever since that first letter, something about the entire situation had not sat well with him. If she had felt the way Mary had told him she did then she never would have lifted her pen once - but she had done so again and again.

"Anthony - "

"I should have had more faith in you." That was the bottom line he supposed. No - he knew. "Darling, I-"

"You believe me?"

"Yes, sweet one, I do. I feel awfully ashamed of myself."

"And I still feel the same way about you I did when the two of us were going out for our drives. _That _is the bottom line," Edith interjected.

Crossing to his side, she took his hands in her own. "Whatever the two of us did, or did not do last summer, doesn't matter. The next week and a half are what matter." She did not think she had ever been as bold as she was then. Not once in her life.

But the time to hold back was over.

He looked down on her for a moment. She was so young and sweet and after the horror of France that made her quiet alien to him.

But at the same time, she was all he wanted. All he had dreamed of when he had been gone.

Unable to contain what he felt any more, he wrapped his arms around her and he did not let her go for a long time. Taking tea together was quite forgotten.

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	32. The Wishes of Hearts

**Chapter 32**

Miss O'Brien did Sybil's hair the next day. As much as there had been talk about a new maid training for her and Edith now that Anna was head house maid and looked to be climbing up the ladder, that had not yet happened. And she was not going to have a hair out of place when they were going to be saying goodbye to a man who had served their family so loyally.

The youngest Crawley daughter was reminding of 1912 when the Titanic had sunk. That was the first time they had had a memorial. She recalled how people had said they were less disheartening.

But when it was a memorial to a young man who they had all known and the majority of them had cared for...

She did not think the day had could be worse if it was a funeral.

X x x

Daisy did not say a lot to anyone as she got ready to go to the memorial. It struck her as she put on her grey dress, for she had and could afford no black, that this was the last act she was going to be able to do for her William in the living world.

After that day, she was going to have to wait until the day she met him again on the other side. That day was not going to be coming any day soon either.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, she held the locket he had given to her on the last day the two of them had...

The husband of her heart. That was what she had called him as she had bid him off to war. And he was always going to be.

She only wished she had his name to prove it. She did not think she had ever hated the fact the two of them had let so much time pass them by as she did then. How was it she had ever over looked the man she had come to love so dearly?

"Daisy, we are going to have to go now," said Mrs. Patmore as she came into the room.

All she wanted to do was go back to bed - it felt as if it was too much.

"But it is not right we should not have to do this. All I want is..."

Days had passed since she had got the news and she had thought it was going to get easier but it had not. Nor was it going to either. Rather, it was getting so much harder.

And it was definitely not going to change the fact that she had to be able to go out into the grounds of the house and be with all the others that day.

"Come on, my love," the cook had said as she pulled her up and on to her feet.

And so she did. She got up. And she went down the stairs.

At the bottom she saw Carson and Hughes were there with Mr Bates. And they were talking to her but Daisy did not know what they were trying to talk to her about. She could hear them, but at the same time she couldn't understand them.

It was all too much for her until they got out of the Abbey and into the grounds. It was the cold air which brought her back to life - to this new life which she knew had to be her reality from that day on.

She kept it together when she saw her lord and her lady. The two of them said to her once more how sorry they were that things had happened like this. She did not know why they were all being so kind to her. Unless it was for him as there was no need for them to be kind to her...

Daisy held on to Mrs Patmore's hand.

Many people had come up from the village and warmed her heart to see . There were faces she had not thought she was going to see there. She did not know why but she had under estimated how loved he had been. She had been a fool.

In the crowd, however there was at least one new face though. And it was an old one. It had been out in all weathers and it had seen many, many seasons. She did not think she had ever seen a pair of eyes which were so sad. Even though she did not recall ever having met him before, she knew him.

For the first time since she had left the room which she slept in, she let go of Mrs Patmore's arm.

She went over to him with the intention of saying sorry. She had said she was going to be his daughter-in-law and yet since his son had gone to war she had not been to see him once. That had been wrong of her she felt suddenly.

"Mr Mason, I can not say how sorry I am."

"No - I can see it in your eyes, lass. I know."

The two of them took one another's hand and were united from that moment on.

Mrs Patmore felt as if she was a little redundant after that.

Mr Carson and Mrs. Hughes had clearly decided that the way they were going to get through the day was to stay together. The cook felt as if she was on her own.

But no matter, she thought as she took her seat. That day was not about her.

"Life is awfully short, isn't it?" Sybil said to her grandma as the two of them sat together, across the way from the cook on the chairs which had been out to the lawn. She did not remember the last time she so longed for her sisters. She did not know why having them there would make it easier for her, but it would.

"It is, my dear, and it was even more so for poor William Mason."

As everything, it made Sybil think of Tom even more. She did not think the two of them should be apart from one another - not when they were not going to get the time they missed back.

"The day is going to come when the last week or so seem as if they were a hideous dream. You have to hold on to that."

It was as if the dowager knew what she had been thinking and the look in her eye said much, much more than her mouth did. She was right and Sybil did not think she had ever been so glad to have her grandmother at her side. It did not make up for the fact that Mary and Edith were not with her, but it did as a piece of consolation.

The service, the young daughter of the house thought was a beautiful thing. It was a simple with a few words from Mr Travis.

The whole gathered congregation said a pray for William and then Daisy and Mr. Mason planted the seed from which William's tree was going to grow. It was going to be strong, thought Daisy. Before she begun to bury it, she removed her chain he had given to her, tried to put it in the ground and then reversed the process.

The idea she had that day was it would help the tree grow. As it was however, she just was not ready to take it off and admit he was gone for good.

It was too final.

And she kept on seeing that telegram. He was _believed to be dead_... but she had no body to bury.

Somewhere in her heart... she could not believe it.

X x x

After all she had done to ensure the two of them got to see one another when he was home on leave, the Lady Mary Crawley was beginning to think it was quite cruel of her sister to keep her in the dark over what was going on with her and Sir Anthony Strallan as she was.

Edith had said she was going to be back on the time for dinner the night before, but instead she had rang from Sir Anthony's to say she had been asked to stay and eat with him, an offer she had of course accepted.

When she had eventually got home, she had gone straight to her room as it was late and she was tired after the day she had had. However, the look on her face said she was the cat who got the cream.

After her long day, it was no surprise to any of them that Edith had risen uncommonly late the following one. She had needed the sleep. And so, as if she was already a married woman, she had had a tray in her room that morning.

After that, she had got dressed and gone straight back to be with the man who she loved.

"I fear you are starved for a bit of company," her aunt said to her as she came into the sitting room.

"I do not think you can be on your own if you have a novel in your hands," she replied, nodded to the book in her lap.

"Well, all the same, I do not suppose you came all the way to London to read."

"No, I came to spend a little time with the man I am going to marry as well as my sister but I do not think I am wrong to say the two of them are a little busy for me today - and rightly so. Edith had a very different objective for coming than I did and I knew Matthew was going to be busy so I do not think I can reasonably complain. Besides, I am to meet Matthew later on and then we are all just going to have to wait and see if Anthony and Edith do indeed grace us with their presence at dinner."

"Well, I guess that it is for the best that the two of them get this time alone now," Rosamond had, just like her brother and sister in law, begun to worry about Edith and her chances for the future. But the last few days had changed everything.

Mary agreed. "I am glad it looks as if Sir Anthony has been delighted to return home to Edith - even if she has not said a great deal about the whole thing yet."

"Said much? She has said nothing at all. We are going to have to pin her down tomorrow morning," the mistress of the house declared as she rang for tea.

"If you think I am going to wait until then, Aunt, I do not think you know me at all." Mary fully intended to scold Edith for her silence when the two of them were getting ready for dinner that night while she collected all the details.

The two of them had tea together before Mary went to met Matthew so that the two of them were going to get some air together.

"How was the seminar?" she asked as they walked towards the gardens in Belgrave Square.

"It was full of questions I did not know the answers to as well as dilemmas which I felt was beyond my skill to make a judgement on."

Matthew sighed. He knew he was not a hard soul but for the life of him he did not know how on earth he was meant to be able to condemn men to prison for not going to the front, when he was hardly rushing to get there himself. He was not a hypocrite - least wise, he did not like to think of himself as one - but when it came to this matter, how could he not?

"I am sure you are going to be able to work it all out, my darling," Mary told him as she squeezed his arm affectionately. This woman of his had faith in him.

That was what he needed in himself.

"I just feel as if I am so inadequate."

"You are not in any definition of the word," she insisted.

"Let us hope that your belief in me is justified."

The two of them went spent a good hour together in the gardens, talking and sitting down on the beaches. The day was cold, but not unpleasantly so, and with the scarves and gloves the two could have stayed much longer than they did if they were not required back at Eaton Square.

Mary and Matthew arrived back at five o'clock and the first thing she did when they returned was to order a bath to be drawn for her.

"I do not suppose the answer to this is a yes, but is Edith here?" she asked as her aunt came into the hall.

"Then you suppose wrongly my dear, I am glad to say that she is. She came back about half an hour ago, full of apologies for missing last night and rushing out this morning."

Mary nodded, and was soon making her way up the stairs.

Matthew and Rosamond looked at one another with equally expressions.

"Poor Edith," sighed Matthew.

X x x

Edith Crawley sat in front of the vanity in the room which she was staying in while she was at her aunts with a smile on her face. When she was on her own she was usually quiet. But that day she hummed in tune with the song her heart was singing.

"I am glad to see you are alive," Mary told her as she knocked and entered the room. "We were beginning to think we were going to have to offer a reward for your return."

"Do not be so dramatic." The younger of the two sisters sighed as she turned to face the elder.

Silence. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Oh, Edith, I do not think the two of us are ever going to be mistaken for Lizzie and Jane Bennet, but you must confide some of the details of the past two days to me."

"What do you want to know?"

"Why everything, naturally."

"Anthony asked me to go over today so that I might help him with his letter and to try and get the house in some sort of order."

"As much as I am glad to be able to infer that nothing has happened which can be considered inappropriate, I was hoping to hear that the two of you have put the past where it belongs."

"We have. We resolved everything which had to be," the blonde said with a smile. "The two of us are courting I suppose and then when all this awful business with the war is over, then the two of us are going to be able to focus on our future."

"And so there is going to be a future for the two of you?"

"If I have my way. The one thing that is for sure is that between us there is going to be no more confusion. I do not think there could be after the last two days. Nothing _inappropriate_ has happened but we have been terribly open about the way we feel for one another. I think I can say with some degree of certainty I am going to be the next Lady Strallan."

"I cannot tell you how glad that makes me." The truth of that statment shone all over her face.

"I think it makes me happier than it does you."

"And he is still coming for dinner?"

"He is."

"I am even gladder. I can put the past wrongs to right as well then."

"I think that has already been done."

"Perhaps it has. But I still want to say sorry myself."

X x x

"Well, thank god that is over," said Robert as he and his wife sat down after afternoon tea. They had put on a spread for everyone who had come to the memorial, nothing too much - some sandwiches and such like. Mrs Patmore had said she was going to be happy to get up and see it got done even thought they had offered to ask someone from the village to do it.

"I think it was well done," said Cora as she took off her hat and put it on the sofa next to her.

"Oh yes - it was all well done. And now..."

What was he meant to say? That their kitchen maid was going to be able to look to the future? That it was done and dusted and they were all going to be able to move on and not think of the dear departed boy who was never going to see twenty five?

"And now you are going to have to begin thinking about going back, Robert," she said as she shut her eyes.

He knew that sentence had been hard for her to say. She did not approve of him going off to the war to fight - she had made that clear to him time and time again. But just for that moment he felt as if he had her support. It was ironic considering that they had just buried a fallen solider off of their estate.

But it made him feel more secure in her love - even more so.

"Yes - I suppose I am, but the four of us still have one more day together. We should make the most of it."

She nodded. "Yes, I agree. Do make friends with Sybil before you leave."

"Our daughter and I are the best of friends."

Cora chuckled. "I hate to break it to you, my darling, but that is not the way she sees it right now." She paused. "After today, I cannot put my head in the sand over this anymore, Robert. And as much as it scares me I know there is a real chance that tomorrow will be the last day of - of everything between us, I have to face it all the same. Everything good and sweet in my life comes back to you. Everything I value the most, you gave to me."

"Our babies."

"All four of them, as headstrong and pig headed and hopelessly romantic as they are. And I will not have them left wondering 'what if' if something does happen. So yes - Sybil is your main task for tomorrow."

"And my task for tonight?"

Cora looked at him, cupped his check before turning to drink her tea.

The two of them both knew what his task for that evening was.

X x x

"How honoured I am to have a real war hero around my table. This is not an everyday occurrence," said Rosamond from the head of the table. Anthony sat towards her right, and beside him Edith. Opposite the two of them sat Matthew and Mary.

"I do not know if I can be called a war hero."

"I do and he can," Edith chimed in. The last thing she was going to allow him to do was to run himself down.

"You must not be so hard on yourself. You have been to the front," Matthew agreed with his future sister in law. "That makes you a hero in all of our books."

"There are other types of honourable war work too," Mary said from his side with something desperate in her tone.

"I quite agree, Lady Mary," she was surprised to see it was the war hero himself who was backing her up. "I would not encourage any man, young or old to rush out there."

He had a feeling things were not as bad as they were going to be yet and that in itself scared him.

Did war heroes get scared? He supposed they did when they had something to lose. And now the stakes he was playing for were higher. He had a whole future to lose.

He glanced at his sweet one at his side for just a moment.

"Here, here," Mary nodded.

Silence.

"What do you plan on doing while you're here then?" asked Rosamond. "Is it ten days leave you have?"

"Yes - yes it is. Well, top of the list is spending time with Edith. She informs me she will not consider going back to Yorkshire until I am back in France to my delight. We will go to a few concerts, have some meals out... if you are in agreement, Lady Rosamond."

"I have no problems with you monopolizing my niece's time. I suspect she would not speak to me ever again if I did."

Mary was amazed he had spoken so freely of his affection for Edith. That night when he had arrived, it had seemed to her as if the war had made him as quiet as a church mouse, but he did seem to grow rather bold when he had her sister by his side.

Anthony smiled and ignored the pangs of guilt. Part of him knew he should not subject Edith to this, that he should make her wait and see if they were going to have a future before courting her. But he was a man and he had selfish needs. And she seemed to want to be with him more every day, if he was any judge of Edith.

When it came down to it, all the two of them might be doing was making some memories for her to smile back on, writing part of a story that she was going to be able to tell her grandchildren of years later when their grandfather had passed on, and her tragic wartime romance was revealed. But they would make his crossing to France so much more bearable.

He had something to fight for now.

Their eyes met and she blushed. And he dreamed of the day when he saw her as his blushing bride.

The rest of dinner past more easily. More natural topics of conversation came up and Anthony asked those about him for news of Yorkshire. How he longed for Loxley and the grounds he was master of. Even more so now that after four years of looking, he had found a mistress for the house.

With only Anthony and Matthew making up at the male contingent of the dinner party, they both agreed that there was no point in the ladies going through without them.

"We will not be robbed of yours unequalled charms for a moment," Matthew teased as he Rosamond and Edith headed to the parlour where after dinners drinks were going to be served.

It was only then he noted his fiancée was not moving that he turned back to her with curiosity.

"Go on without us. I need a quick word with Sir Anthony here," she explained.

Matthew left the room with more ease than Edith did, but it was not very, long until the knight was alone with the eldest daughter of Lord and Lady Grantham.

"I fear I am not very good at saying sorry so I am going to keep this as brief and painless for the two of us as I possibly can," she said with a light smile, hearing the door shut. Her face turned more serious though. "What I said to you on the day of the garden party, as Edith has no doubt informed you was of my creating... my sister never utterly anything of the sort. She only ever said how happy you made her. I was spiteful and angry and needlessly cruel to you that day after Edith and I had a fight, which should not have impacted you on the least. I am sorry for what happened, truly."

He nodded. "I have a sister," Sir Anthony begun, pausing before he continued. "I am rather ashamed to say that when we were children, I spoiled cooks meals and had an accident with a poor hamster who met a less than dignified end. When my mother and father learned of these two separate incidents and I was quizzed, both times I shrugged my shoulders and my poor sister each time had two lonely weeks of confinement while I went out and bathed in the sun. The point is, we all do things we regret when we are young, things that make us ashamed when we look back. And you are growing, Lady Mary, if you do not mind me saying."

"Not at all, I am relieved to hear you say so," she said. "So I am forgiven?"

"Entirely. Not all the affects of that day have been bad ones. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I never recall being as fond as your sister as I am right now."

She had utterly misjudges this charming man when she had cast him as a bore, Mary mused. "Sir Anthony, do be careful or you'll have me blushing the way you did my sister over dinner!"

X x x

John missed Anna. The truth was as simple as that. Sitting in the servant's hall, he knew he should go up. But his mind was racing and for all the heavy emotion of the day he did not think he would be able to sleep yet.

"Will you turn the lights off when you come up?" an exhausted Mrs Hughes requested of him as she came into the servants hall. "You and Mr Carson are the last."

"Of course. How is Daisy?"

"Meeting Mr Mason seems to have calmed her. She has gone to bed but I do not know if she is going to get to sleep tonight. Nor do I have a lot of hope for myself. Goodnight - and to you, Mr Carson," she said as the butler came in with a letter in his hand.

"Goodnight Mrs Hughes," the two men chorused before the butler turned to the valet. "In all sadness today I forgot to give this to you this. It arrived this morning. I am sorry."

"Not at all," Bates said as he took the letter and opened it. "I am sure it is nothing urgent."

Charles Carson looked about the room to check it was all ship shape, before turning back to see a rather pensive expression on the face of the valet. Whatever was in the letter, it was not what he expected.

"Mr Bates, is everything alright?"

"I cannot take this in."

"Good news or bad?" surely they all needed some good news.

The valet looked up. "Both."

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	33. Wedding Planning

**Chapter 33**

Anna was to say the least surprised the next morning when she got up to find out there was a telephone call waiting for her.

"It seemed as if it was quite important," the Lady Rosamond's valet said as he gave her the phone.

"Hello."

"Anna. Is that you?" a deep voice asked.

"Of course it is me, you silly begger," she said as her heart leaped at the sound of her John's voice. She was so glad to hear it. She knew it was silly considering the two of them had not even been apart a week, but until she had heard him at the end of the line, she had been unaware of how much she had been missing him.

"Is something the matter?" she asked as she registered the tone in his voice.

"I had a letter about Vera last night," he informed her.

"Well, what did it say?"

X x x

"Sybil, will you come for a walk with me?" Robert asked as the two of them finished their breakfast.

She looked at him with more than a littler trepidation. Since she had got back from her time away, the only time the two of them had been on there own was when he had been telling her off and banning her from doing a job that she loved.

"If you would like me to, papa."

"I would."

And so it was settled.

Not fifteen minutes later, the two of them made their way out into the air which was speckled with snowflakes. It looked as if it was only going to snow lightly but father and daughter silently agree they were not going to go very far from the house just in case.

Sybil took his arm when he offered it to her.

"Sybil, I have to go back to the front line tomorrow and when I do go - darling, I do not want to leave feeling that the two of us are not on speaking terms," he said as he looked at her. "What I said to you in anger was not entirely fair and - and I do love you very much. You just must understand how concerned I was for you safety and for the sanity of your dear mother. It is not so very long since she had your brother and she is vulnerable."

"I know that, papa. Please do not feel my main objective was to hurt the two of you when I went away, for that was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do. If I am to tell the truth then whenever I thought of what I put you and mama through, I felt sick. Truly, papa. I do love you both."

"As the two of us love you, as hard as it is for an English man to say the word," he said as he pulled her closer.

"Can I tell you why I did do it without you getting cross with me again?" she said as she looked up at him.

It was not as if a lot of time had passed. It was mere days. But time was not a luxury he had had and there was such a look of sincerity in her eye that he did not think he was able to deny her anything.

He nodded.

Sybil took her father's hand. In the time she had been back, she had not said to anyone how much she missed Tom and how much it hurt that the two of them could not be together. If she had been told that it would be her father who she would confide it first, she would have laughed.

But as it was, it felt as if he was all she had.

"I love him. There is no other way of putting it. I know you think I am a child, but I'm not. I am a woman grown or I am soon going to be and I knew the two of us were never going to be together if we stayed here - and it all happened so fast... papa, I went with him because he is the man I love. Mama would have done the same for you, and I bet if it meant they got to be with Matthew and Anthony, then Mary and Edith would have followed the same course of action. It just so happens that the three of you got lucky. You fell in love with nice respectable people," she said as she felt the weight of what she was saying fall down on her shoulders.

For a moment, she did not dare to look at her father for fear she would have made him angry again. Whatever the purpose of the two of them coming out for this walk was, it was not to push them further apart than they had been in the past days.

It was to bring them closer. And against the odds, that was what her speech had done for when she looked up in to his eyes she knew that he understood and that he was not angry with her.

Not for loving Tom.

It was her methods he disputed, not her over all choice. Not now that Tom was gone she thought to herself bitterly.

"Oh my sweet girl," her father said as he put his arms about her and held her, not so very differently from the way he had when he had got home.

That seemed so long ago now.

"Papa, I am sorry!"

"I know you are."

"Please don't be angry with me."

"I am not. Not anymore," he said as he kissed her forehead and shut his eyes.

The last thing in the world you wanted when you were a parent was to see one of your child in pain. And whether or not he agreed with how she had given her heart, the fact reminded that his youngest daughter - his little girl - was hurt.

And that hurt him.

From the window, Cora Crawley watched as her husband kept their baby in his arms for quite a long time and she felt some kind of peace with in herself. Even if the rest of them were not able to deal with what happened if the worst did come to pass, then her Sybil would.

"Please bring this war to an end," she sighed as she turned her eyes to the sky.

And then she retraced her steps to go to the room she shared with the man she loved.

His trunk was not going to pack itself and she was not letting him go until she knew he had everything he needed.

X x x

"You know if you want me to I can manage on my own today. Why don't you take a day off? I'll make sure you get your normal pay," said Mrs Patmore as she came into the kitchen to see she had been beaten there.

"No - no, I want to work," there was no anger in Daisy's voice. But there was a gratefulness there. "Thank you for the offer."

"Blimey, my pet, it looks as if you have a bit of colour in your cheeks again."

She had begun to think she was never going to get to see her as anything but a vampire ever again.

"I feel - well, I am not as - I can't put it to the words for I ain't got 'em, but I am more than able to work," she said as she took a breath in and gave a brave smile.

"Well, then my girl, you get going on to the veg."

She had done breakfast on her own but it did look rather as if she had done her last solo meal.

Daisy did as she was told, and worked quietly and steadily which was a nice change. Ever since Christmas she seemed as if she had been crazed.

But it was not so that day.

"You and Mr. Mason seemed to get along yesterday," Mrs. Patmore commented.

Daisy nodded. "We do. He was a sweet man. I can see where his son got all his goodness from. 'E said he might come and see me from time to time to see how I am getting on. Is that alright?"

"Oh, I dare say it is. The two of you are going to be good for one another."

"That was what he said too. He knows how this feels," Daisy agreed.

"Yes - yes he does, poor man."

"He said I should go to the farm as well," Daisy confided in her as she pealed the potatoes. "He said he wants me to see where William grew up."

"And are you going to go?"

"I think so. I want too."

"Well, then... your next day off then."

Daisy nodded. "Yeah... I'll go then," she said and Mrs Patmore was sure the smile which was on her face was not forced. "Mrs Patmore?"

"Yes?"

"The telegram... it only said he was believed to be dead. He still might..."

The cook looked at her young charge and Daisy saw there was no anger in her eyes but there was a pity. And she did not know why - but that made her angry.

"Best be getting on."

X x x

It was not a very common thing that Mary Crawley went church visiting, but when she had seen Matthew go into St Peters that day she had not been able to stop herself going in after him. He had been quiet ever since the two of them had had dinner with Anthony and ever since he had started the seminars.

She knew something was weighing on his shoulders and if she was able to stop that then she felt she should. But he had to work it out for himself and Mary knew that. It was not as if she had never had to work things out on her own before.

Yet, that did not mean she was not going to voice her own opinion. She always did.

"I hope it is not me you are avoiding," she said as she slipped into the pew at his side and gave him a smile.

She was concerned he was going to turn her away or say she was to let him be but he soon had her hand in his own.

"Of course, it is not you, my darling. I do not think I should ever want to avoid you."

"I shall remind you that you said that when the two of us are old and flabby and you hide day after day in the grounds of the abbey from your dragon of a wife."

"If you do not turn into a dragon then I am not going to have to hide from you," he said to her with a smile.

She nodded. "Well, as we age side by side, then I shall have to remind _myself_ of that," she said as she kissed his cheek. "If there was something the matter..."

"I am ashamed," he said to her without hesitation. And he did not have to say anymore for her to understand what he was ashamed of.

She knew.

"You are a good, tender, brave man," she begun as she cupped his cheek.

"But how do you know that? How do you know if I am brave? I do not."

"Darling, you got a letter from my father saying your whole life was going to change and you took the challenge on - you do not let things defeat you."

"I think moving to a village to live in splendour is something entirely different to going to war as a measure of bravery, Mary."

She did not know why but that made her angry: she didn't want to be. She was not and she did not think she was ever going to be the religious sort but she had always thought she knew better than to get angry in a house of God.

But then he had always known how to put her in a passion. And they both enjoyed a good argument.

"Well, I do not - it is a different kind of test but you uprooted from everything you knew, and you flourished, when faced with things you didn't know and did not wish to know," She told him. "I do not think you are a coward and nor will our children, you are a good honourable man who is serving his country. It is not the same way as Anthony is, but guess what? I do not want you to go to the front. I do not want to risk what the two of us have only just settled upon. I do not want the only person in the house who I can relate to at Downton Abbey to be the kitchen maid - "

"Mary - " he said as he saw she was not merely doing this because she was angry, but because the idea of losing him truly scared her.

"It may not be in the same way as other men are, but you are working for your country and for the army. And I am not going to be a widow before I am a wife," she said to him.

Mary knew she was being selfish in a way. But she had to keep him at her side. It was her extreme love for him that made her stand so firm on that conviction.

Pushing his lips to her forehead, he sighed. "No - no, you are not. All I want is to do my duty."

"Then go to the courts and do the work you are being trained for. But stay with me."

Her nodded. That was what he wanted - when the thought of the time he had spent in Manchester the year before, he knew he had been utterly miserable.

Was it only two weeks ago he had come back to her?

"You know if I was able to marry you now, then I would?" he said to her.

He had proposed so that the two of them were going to spend their whole life together. That was what the two of them wanted.

She was right... he was doing his duty. Someone had to stay home... England could not be empty of men entirely. And from the sound of it, there was going to be plenty of time to go to the front if the occasion did call for it. For now, he could give in, and stay with his sweetheart.

"Well, then... I do," she replied and once more their lips met before the turned to face the alter and sat in quiet contemplation.

It was as the two of them sat there quietly that Matthew took her hand.

"What if we_ were_ to marry today? Or at least before we go back to Downton?"

She looked at him with alarm.

"You're being serious aren't you? Matthew, we cannot marry without our mothers and my father there," she told him firmly. Out of the two of them, she had always been the pragmatist. What she would not admit to him was that deep down there was a girl who found that thought very appealing.

"No - no, of course we cannot - I do not suppose they would ever forgive us if we were but," he sighed. "The two of us, in this church - I just - I wish that you were my wife already."

And she knew that he wished in that moment that he was more articulate too. But it mattered not. For she knew what he meant.

X x x

Three days into the ten they were going to be allowed together, and Edith was not sure if they were able to believe there was a war on.

The day before she and Anthony had taken a walk around Richmond park, and that day they were going to an early matinee before they went on to the Savoy for dinner.

She had to say she felt more as if the two of them were on their honeymoon than anything else.

In the adjacent room to Anthony's in Strallan House, Edith sat before a vanity, preparing for their evening together.

She wore a coral gown set off by a necklace of pearls. Her aunt's maid had come over and arranged her hair into a bun for, of course, there had been no one in her knights house who was able to do it. She had to say she felt quite beautiful.

There was a knock on the door. It was gentle and she knew who it was.

"Come in," she called, as she turned to look at Anthony as he walked not the room. "It does seem ridiculous that you should have to wait for me to tell you to enter a room in your house."

"Well, I did not want to interrupt you if you were still - I was going to say making yourself beautiful but that is not something you are required to do," he said to her boldly as he crossed the room.

In the days before hand, he had been quite tongue tied. But that was not the case now.

Looking down, she blushed a little before she looked back at him.

There was a stillness to the room she did not think she had ever felt, not anywhere before.

"I've existed, Edith, since I lost Maud - days passed and I ate and I drank and I missed her and thought about her always."

She nodded. She had always known there was going to be three of them in the relationship and that he was never going to get over her. Not really. She felt her chest go tight and feared he was going to make her leave. She had pushed too hard and she had asked for too much and maybe... maybe he still did not trust her as she wished him too.

"But the last few days, weeks, months, ever since that night of the concert really - darling girl, it has not been like that."

When he had begun his speech she had not thought it was going to end like that. She looked up at him with very bright eyes.

"I do not know why you are looking at me surprised. Edith, you have given me back my life, but I cannot tell you how little that life would mean if you were not part of it."

It was only then that she started to smile and he let out a nervous laugh. "I told you once, that I had a question for you and that I hoped you'd day 'yes'. Even though I am at war, it turns out I am still selfish enough to ask it... I always want to come home to you - to my Edith," he told her quiet as he reached into his pocket. Moving towards her, he put the small jewellery pocket on the vanity. "I'd get down on one knee, but I fear I would not get back up..." he looked away for just a moment. "I crossed the channel to get away from hell... not knowing I was on my way to heaven. Edith Crawley..." his voice broke. Anthony blinked. "Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

It was with a shaking hand that Edith reached for the box. It was a small brown leather case that was well worn and it many ways reminded her of the man who had given it to her.

Yet when she opened it up, she found the most beautiful diamond ring she had ever seen. It wasn't very big and its chief quality was its simplicity but she loved it the moment she saw it.

Looking back at him, she nodded. "I would gladly - this is - Anthony, I love you."

Standing up, she put her hands on his shoulders, leaned up and let her lips linger on his.

It was their first kissed as an engaged couple...

X x x

"With the war going on , perhaps we might be able to persuade my mother and father to let the two of us have a small wedding," Mary said as she went back in to her aunt's house with Matthew.

"I do not want to rob you of your moment," he said. Mary should have a big wedding. Everyone in Downton, the house and the village was going to want to celebrate it.

But there was the selfish urge in him to make her his wife. Once which she was not going to die easily.

And for the two of them to begin their life as one.

"The two of us should have the big day, I agree - but it is more about what comes after for me," She said to him as she begun to remove her gloves. "_That _was why I said yes too."

He gave her a smile that told her he had never loved her more.

It was at that moment that the two of them were interrupted though.

Ever since she had got the call from John- well, Anna had not known what she was feeling or thinking. It was the sort of news you did not want to smile about for fear it turned you into an awful person.

But when it was in some ways the news you had been waiting for all along, how could you not smile?

When she had been down in the servants hall she had been looking around for someone to share it with but, of course, there had been no one for she barely knew anyone beyond what their surname was. And so Anna had to wait for her own lady to return before she had been able to share the news.

"My lady, is it ok if I borrow you for a moment?" It was not so much that Matthew could not hear that the two of them were the ones who had grown up together. There was a short had between the two of them. There had been ever since the two of them had been young.

"Of course," Mary nodded without a second though. "Let's go up to my room," she said as she nodded good bye to Matthew,

The two of them looked at one another with curiosity, but they both knew Anna would not ask unless it was important.

The two young women hurried along together.

"Well, what is it, Anna?" asked Mary as she shut the door.

The lady's maid put her hands to her mouth and then she shook her head. "By rights, I do not know where to begin and - oh, my lady, Mrs Bates had a heart attack. She was a drinker apparently and had fallen on hard times. She was on a train to Downton, I supposed to talk to John but now - now he is a free man and I feel like such a terrible person but with her death it means..."

"You can become Mrs Bates," Mary said with a smile on her face. She did not care if she was a good or a bad person.

"John spoke about dates this morning for the first time. Dates, my lady, for my wedding day!" even though she had not been running she was clearly breathless. Mary took her hand.

"I can't tell you how happy I am for you."

"Our life is no longer on pause. We can really be together now."

As if the two of them were still girls, they threw their arms about one another. They had grown together. And they would continue to do so.

X x x

"I am glad the two of you had a chance to talk things out," Cora told her husband the next morning as she and her husband stood face to face. Whereas before the whole household had turned out to see him off to war, this time he had all but slipped out the back door.

After all, the house had already lost it would not have been right for him to call every one out.

He had said goodbye to his son and to his daughter and his valet and his butler. All those he had needed to say goodbye to...

He had, however, had the pleasure of Cora's company all the way to the train station and for that he had been grateful.

He did not know why, but it seemed as if she was particularly beautiful. Her new dresses were not as expensive as the ones she had had before the war, but the gowns she had got for Christmas gave him a good view of her figure which she had regained since she had had their little Robert. The private breakfast they had would live in his memory for years to come.

"Sybil is a darling. She is just rather passionate too. How long are you going to keep her home?"

"I do not feel I keep her from the hospital for too long, as she is a good nurse. Perhaps I might send her back on Valentine's Day to sweeten the blow."

"I think that would be best," he nodded before stepping closer to her and kissing her. The fingers which brushed against his cheeks were cold, but he did not care. The way that she touched him filled him with love, with hope and desire.

He loved her so terribly much.

"I will miss you, darling. Everyday. So come home to me soon," she asked as much with her eyes as her mouth.

He nodded. "I shall endure a week for every day, a year for every week, a decade -"

She put her fingers to her mouth. "If you dare to stay away from me for a year, I will hunt you down. I'm American, I have a gun and I will do it."

He laughed, kissed her once more, turned and got on the train.

He did not look back.

_Please review!_

Author Note: Ok guys, just to let you know there is going to be a time jump now to 1918. Thats when the drama gets good again.

Ps - an alternative title for this chapter: everyone gets married and have sex and babies (or do they?)


	34. 1918

**Chapter 24**

**1918**

Tom did not on himself some days. Not anymore. Who was he? How did he end up where he was at that moment? Where was the young Irish mick who had fallen so very much in love with the daughter of an Earl at Downton Abbey?

He did not think he was on the front lines. Not real Tom Branson.

For the life of him he did not know how he had even got there.

It was not as if he even believed in the war he was fighting. If he was fighting a war he did believe in, then he would have been in Dublin but his heart and his mind were at war with one another. His mind told him that he had to fight for his land and for his mother and his father and for his brothers and sisters...

But the trouble was his heart still ran on the young girl he had met in Yorkshire. He knew it was always going to. He still had hope he might get back to her too.

It felt as if it was in another life time - the months the two of them had been together.

When he had been with her it had seemed as if anything was possible.

But the one thing in the world which had not felt possible was for him to end up on the front line or for him to feel so very far from her. And when he thought of how he had promised her he was not going to go to war...

But it had been four years since the two of them had been with one another. Yet it felt four life times...Some days he felt as if he was not quite able to quite make himself believe that. And then there were the others...

And they were much worse. On those days he had to think to remember the sound of her voice and the curve of her nose.

He had to get back to her.

But he did not know how likely that was.

He looked about him. He saw mud... and even though he had not been in a battle for a week, he saw blood.

Disenchantment and a longing for home was everywhere too.

Surely the war had to end sometime, didn't it?

X x x

"Rosie, leave papa alone so he can have a rest."

"Hush - the last thing papa wants is for his Rosie to leave him be," the proud father said as he cupped his little girl's cheek with the arm that still worked.

Cora gave Sir Anthony an indulgent look as her two year old granddaughter continued to flirt around her father, her little golden ringlets bobbing up and down as she grab her father's arm and hide behind it.

Bending down, he kissed her forehead.

"She is the very best tonic for me," sighed the old solider.

He had been at the front for three whole years before he had been forced home due to his wounded arm. He could not say that he was sorry for it.

Those three years had been filled with moments. Happier moments than he had ever known. Moments of sadness when he felt he should be with his wife. And then there were the moments he had missed. When his Rosie had come into the world. When she had smiled at her mother for the first time. When she had rolled over for the first time.

At least she had had the generosity to wait for him to be home to walk for the first time.

"How do you feel today, Anthony?" asked Cora as she sat embroidering in the small part of the abbey which still belonged to her family. They were able to hear the soldiers playing in the room next door over the partition.

The rest of it belonged to the army now and she was never allowed to forget it.

"Brighter," he replied. But he knew he was never going to get his arm back. Or at least that was how it felt.

They told him to hope...

But the fact was he only needed one arm to get his darling down the aisle.

"Mama, I am going to have to go in to the village to post a few letters for the soldiers," Edith said as she came in to the room.

Her husband was never more attracted to her than when she was a woman on a mission and that was what she was when it came to the soldiers who were under her pastoral care.

That day she had a green shirt and a brown skirt on, her hair tied back... as well as a look of absolute love in her face when she saw her husband and their child together. He admired her from where he sat.

"Would you like to come with me?" she asked her daughter.

Rosie coyly shook her head as she hide behind her father once more. Anthony grimaced. "I know I am an invalid but I can watch our daughter."

"I know that. But you are meant to be resting."

"And I am."

"He is, mama!"

"The cheek of her," Edith shook her head as she looked Rosie with a raised eyebrow but also an amused smile.

"Be polite to mama," Anthony said gentle but firmly to his daughter.

Rose nodded solemnly.

"Is there anything I can get for you while I am there?" she asked as she crossed to him and took his hand.

"No," he said as he kissed the hand which he held.

"Just be back in time for dinner," he told her. "I will find a book to read to this one while you are out," Anthony tapped his daughters nose, making her laugh.

"Perfect," Edith replied.

After she kissed her husband and her daughter, she said good bye to her mother.

"Do you want to take the car?"

Edith shook her head.

She would be grateful for the walk.

It was a cool day when she went out into the open air and she felt as if she was able to enjoy it.

Really enjoy it. She was safe. Her daughter was safe. Anthony was safe.

The three of them were a fair way from going back to Loxley yet. Her husband was still not as well as he told those he loved the best he was, but he was going to be well. And he was not going to die at the front.

The two of them would raise their child side by side. And with any luck, they may have another child.

Ever since her husband had given her engagement ring she had lived in a constant state of fear she was not going to get to live with him as man and wife.

And yet now she knew she was. Anthony was in his fifties. The two of them still had well over a decade, maybe two or more together.

Now she was able to enjoy them without worrying there time together was going to be cut short.

And she was enjoying the time they were spending at Downton. Anthony had been moved up from the hospital five weeks ago and the two of them had been installed in her old room right away. They had slept side by side peacefully in spite of his arm for the first time since the two of them were married.

As for their daughter, she had been put straight into the nursery Edith herself had grown up in. She hoped Rosie was going to have happier memories there than she had.

So for now, all Anthony had to focus on was getting better, all Rosie had to focus was growing up in to a big healthy girl for the two of them.

She had a little more to focus on than the two of them. Not that she minded.

Once she got into the village, she went straight to the hospital. That was where her two sisters spent the majority of their time and Edith had long since learnt if she wanted to see the two of them she had to go to them.

As she went in to the hospital, the first one she saw was Mary.

She had felt as if she had to do something useful, and as Edith seem to have the non medical needs of the soldiers covered at the Abbey, she had taken on the administration at the hospital.

"How is our solider today?" she asked her sister saw her.

"Enjoying the tender care of his nurse."

Neither of them needed to clarify who they were talking about.

"Can I go up to the two of them?"

"Well, I do not think she is going to mind but I cannot speak for him."

Going up in to the ward, she saw her sister standing by the side of the bed of their childhood friend.

Larry Gray had been sent back from the front eight weeks previously. He had been in quite a state when he had come back... it had looked grim for a while...

The Crawley girls had all been concerned about him. The four of them and his brothers had played together as children and they had all already lost boys who they had grown up with in the war.

None of them had wanted to see another die.

And so Sybil had tended him as diligently as she could. And now he was on the mend.

And had regained his old charm.

"Edith, thank god you are here," He said as she approached them.

"I do not know why my coming here should be a cause for rejoicing," she smiled.

"I am hoping you are going to have more luck convincing Sybil to come to a concert with me when I am well again than I am having."

"I do not see why she should not have a little play time too."

Sybil looked at her sister. That was not the answer she had been hoping she was going to give and did not think her sister was much help to her.

However, she did not know why she had expected any different. When she did go home all she got told was that she worked too hard.

"Well then," said the injured solider as he looked at the dark haired beauty.

"She'll check her diary. I do think my work here has been done now I see that you are much recovered. I will see you soon," the blonde said as she turned on her heal and left the room.

She was not surprised that she heard footsteps behind her soon enough.

"Edith, why?" Sybil asked. "Why did you stick up for him instead of me?"

"Oh my dear, there are so many reasons why."

Sybil gave her a hard look that told her she was waiting for her to list them. "You are always here and no matter what you say you do deserve a night off."

"I can assure you that the nurses in St. Thomas work a lot harder than I do. Next."

"Because he is an old friend and you are always telling us how important it is for the recovery of the soldiers to keep their spirits up."

"So you think to do that by offering me out," she asked with a riotousness in her voice which almost amused her sister.

"Not in every case, but in the case of Larry Gray, certainly. He has always been sweet in you," Edith mused.

Her younger sister sighed as if she was setting a very heavy burden of her shoulders.

"And as if I need to give you another reason, it has been near four years since you last seemed to even look at a boy, my darling," Edith put a sisterly hand on her shoulders. "Larry is kind, good looking, and rich. Do you not think it time you forgot, Sybil?"

The girl's eyes went wide. The two of them did not have to refer to the incident to know what they were talking about.

Nevertheless, it frustrated Sybil, the way that her grandmother and her parents and even her sisters tried to eradicate Tom from her history as if the time the two of them had had together meant nothing at all.

But deep down she did not know if she was right. It had been six months she had got a letter from Tom. In it, he had said once more how devoted he was to her.

Yet it did not change the fact she had never had to go so long without a letter from him before... and she was beginning to feel a little insecure about the two of them.

As glad as Sybil was that her sisters were happy... it was not easy to watch them with the men they loved while she had no idea where her own man was. If he even counted himself as hers now...

She sat down on one of the chairs in the corridor.

"He is a good man and he could love you."

And in another life, she might have been able to love him in return.

But she just did not know if that was possible. Not anymore.

"But I think I am getting ahead of myself," Edith sighed and her sister looked up at her. "Just go and have some fun, go and smile, do not think about love. Live a little, my dear. That is all I am, saying."

And with that she turned and made for the exit of the hospital.

She had letters to post.

X x x

"Well then, I suppose we all knew this day was coming. It was only a matter of time."

When he had gone to France, he had done so he was going to be able to lead his men into battle, and he had done so time and time again. But this time it felt different. The fighting that year - well, it did not compare to the some.

However, there had been a change in his heart. When he had left, he had not thought he was going to be gone as long as he had been. It was nearing half a decade before he had spent an entire year in Yorkshire. Not one month in those four years had he had pleasure of dining with his entirely beloved Cora every evening without interruption.

The girls he had left were now well and truly women, one married with a daughter, another with full time job and a final one changed in every way from before the war.

And his son. The son he had prayed for, for so many years, barely knew him. Every time he went home, the two of them had to get to know one another again.

And then he left. And he knew it broke his Robbie's heart. Last time, his three year old darling had stood on the drive sobbing for his papa until he was out of sight.

By the time he returned, the two of them were perfect strangers again.

He wanted it over with and he wanted to go home.

Yet the only way home was to fight this war to the end.

His men all nodded to him as he came out of the headquarters where he awaited orders. He had tried to be a good captain and a good man.

And he knew to give them courage, he had to have some himself.

"Not long to go now, men," he said as he looked about at the young faces. "I could not do this if I did not know I was doing this with all of you. Never has a man had a finer battalion - and I pray that the day when I can lead you all home is soon to come."

X x x

How the hell they were meant to see anything, let alone fight, was beyond Tom Branson.

He had been out in the field for an hour and he knew the battle was a long way from over. The men he had lived with for over six months lay dead around him, their souls being washed away by the unforgiving rain that fell.

All he had to do was to get through that battle. And the next. And then the one after that too, because there was no alternative route back to her.

And his route had to lead back to her.

As ever, when they were on the battlefield, it was not long until he lost sight of his own commander. The strategies which they had been taught when they were waiting behind the lines seemed to go out the window.

The only strategy he had was to survive, and even that was not so easy when he was faced with canon and bullets.

He had to get out of there. He had to survive.

When he looked back on that day, Tom could not decide if it was luck, or if it was fate, or if it was just sheer dumb luck to be standing where he was that day when he saw what he did.

To think that destiny had brought him to the same battle field as Robert Crawley when he was not even surviving under him... to think that he had been the one to see that the Earl was in the firing line.

It all happened so fast. Later he did not even try to explain it, for he could not.

He could only say that he had nearly watched the Earl die - but had been close enough to take the bullet himself - and did so.

There was no question over his motivation. It could be summed up in one word.

Love.

_Please review!_

Author Note: Tom at the front line? Ugh. I know. This goes against everything his character is and believes in, but this was just the way it sort of turned out in my head when I first came up with it a few years back. I meant no disrespect to Tom and his politics, but I just needed him to be the one to save Robert's life for the story to work. I hope none of you mind too much :/


	35. Right Choices and Wrong Decisions

**Chapter 35**

In the field hospital, the Earl of Grantham came face to face with the man who had once driven him to Ripon and all over London during the season. He had been in the garden with him that day when he had announced to his house hold that there was a war.

And he had been the one who had all but stolen his daughter from him.

He had thought if he and Tom Branson had ever been in the same room again, then he would want to kill him.

As it was, Branson had saved his life. All he wanted to do was to thank him.

He owed Tom Branson everything. He owed him the next sight of his wife's face. He owed him the next time he got to hold one of his beautiful daughters in his arms. It was to him he owed the fact he was going to get to bring up his baby boy when he got back to Yorkshire.

He **had** to thank him.

But that might not be possible. Branson might die, that was what they were saying. The bullet which had gone into his right sidehad been removed but there was still a chance he could die from his wounds.

"Where will he go?"

"To London, sir."

"No - no, I want him sent to my village, Downton. He saved my life, and there is one there who would want to tend him through this," he said as he looked down on the body.

To think, that he would be the one who sent Tom back to Sybil. The only thing he **was** able to think was it was beyond a joke.

But he had to do this. For if he did not and Sybil ever discovered that - well, he full well knew he would lose the love of his youngest daughter forever, and that was something he was not able to bear.

"Can it be arranged?"

Robert nodded. If it was the last thing he ever did he would arrange it.

X x x

"Robbie, Rosie, stop running! One of you is going to have an accident," said Edith as she watched her brother and her daughter run out into the garden together.

At her side, her husband chuckled.

"Oh to be young again, my dear," he said as he put his hands on shoulders.

"I am young, darling," she turned with a smiled. He put his arms about her. "Do you ever wonder what the future is going to hold for the two of them?"

"Happiness. As long as there is happiness for our girl, I do not care what else there is," she said as the door opened and Mary came through.

The eldest Crawley daughter looked tired and held a letter in her hands.

"Is everything ok?" Edith asked.

Marry nodded. "Just a letter from Matthew to say he is going to be home from London for the weekend," she told them. "He has been put under a great deal of stress lately and he is going to be glad to rest. He'll catch the four o'clock train on Friday."

"There have been more trials of late, from what the papers have been saying," Anthony nodded.

"It has rather been taking it out of him."

Still, when he got back to her, she was going to be able to make it right for him - maybe. If nothing else, she was going to be able to distract him.

"Shall I ring for a little tea or do you have to get back to the hospital?"

"No, I can stay for a while," she said as she went over to the desk and pulled out some paper to write straight back to the man she loved.

Halfway through tea they were joined by Cora, who was in a white dress that day. Summer was in full swing and it was rather humid. She greeted her family with a smile.

"Are the children out side?" she asked as she sat down.

"Yes, the little monsters ran out about twenty minutes ago," Anthony told her.

"And Robbie seemed well?"

"Should he not?" Edith asked.

"He is just missing his papa," sighed Cora as she sat down. The night before had been a trying one for her. Her son had come into her bedroom around two o'clock, sobbing he had had a bad dream and asking for his father.

"It is not going to be too long before he comes home for another visit."

Cora could only pray it was going to be so. She felt more like a pen friend than a wife from time to time. She had let him go on the understanding he was not going to be away as long as he had been.

It went hard with her.

X x x

"So what am I going to have to do to get you to agree to come out with me?"

"Nothing. I agree."

Sybil swallowed back the dirty taste in her mouth. The last week had been one of a struggle for her. She had mulled over what Edith had said to her again and again and tried to find a reason why she was so very wrong. But as more days without a letter, without any sign of Tom's once fervent devotion to her, she was running out of them.

If a note had come then Isobel would have given it to her. She or Matthew always had in the past. And every day when she was waiting she was able to feel her faith in Tom wan. Four years was a long time. More than enough time for a heart to change.

What was to say he had not lost interest in coming back for her at last? Perhaps he had never really forgiving her for turning back in the first place.

Either way, Edith was right.

She could not live like a nun on what was the very slim chance he was going to come back for her...

And so she would say yes to Larry.

She had no reason not to.

Seeing that she had at last stunned him into silence, she took advantage.

"I have just been told that you are going to be moving up to the house tomorrow. So as soon as you are well perhaps the two of us can go for a walk about the grounds," Sybil told him.

"I would like that very much," he told her.

She nodded and took her leave not understanding why she felt so guilty for what she had done. Knowing she had to take a moment to compose herself she went to the staff room to take five minutes.

She was sorry to find it was not empty.

Isobel was in there with a couple of tea. She knew Matthew's mother had been at the hospital long before she had arrived that day and she looked exhausted. But then they all were. And the only way they were going to stop being so tired all the time was if this damn war came to an end.

She looked up at her as she came into the room and gave her a smile, but somehow Sybil found she was unable to return it.

She felt as if she had proved all the others right. That the truth was she and Tom had been nothing at all. That the two of them had not ever been in love.

And that was an unbearable thought.

And to think she was letting him down.

That was even worse.

"Sybil my dear, what is it?" asked Isobel as she got up from where she had been sitting.

She arrived at the side of the young girl just in time to take her into her arms.

"I miss him so much it hurts... its hurts, Cousin Isobel."

Isobel was a great comfort to her that day. She was not like any of the others. She did not pretend she did not know who was she was referring to or where it hurt. She knew she missed Tom and that it was her heart which she was breaking all over again.

Instead, she begun to rock her back and forth and held her till her eyes were dry.

X x x

Robert sat at his desk and sighed. He had been discharged from the hospital already. Thanks to Tom Branson, he had been able to get back to his duties soon enough with just a couple of cracked ribs to show for that god forsaken battle.

In his hand, his pen was silent, even though there was a piece of paper on front of him.

He did not know how he was ever going to write this letter. Who was he even to write to? Was it best to write to Sybil or to Cora?

He did not know.

There were so many situations he knew how he would handle but this was not one of them.

If he wrote to Cora, then he did not know how she was going to react. When Branson had last been at Downton he had made it quite clear he was no longer welcome. No doubt Cora would be hesitant about letting Sybil know without the two of them speaking.

If he wrote to Sybil then she was going to be upset, with no one to talk to. His wife and her sisters would support her but -

It did not feel enough.

When he had been at the hospital that day, he had said he was well enough to go straight back to the front line. As he had looked at the faces of all the young men, all but dying in their beds, he had felt rather a fraud to be there with a couple of broken ribs.

But he had rather changed his mind. The only way he was going to be able to convey this new was by face. He had a bit of leave owing to him.

It may be time to take it, he thought to himself.

X x x

"You will sleep in here. Talk to Edith if you have any pastoral needs, letters posting, or books to read," said Sybil as she helped Larry into bed.

She felt for him when he held his side. He was still in quite a bit of pain and had a rough day being moved up to Downton. She found that the move often tired the patients, even if they seemed quite well when they had been at the hospital.

"And you will continue to care for my medical needs?" he asked as he lay down.

"I care for those at the hospital, not here. But I am sure something can be arranged," she said as he sighed and shut his eyes.

"You need to rest now you are here. You may not be at the hospital but you are still not altogether well," she reminded him, not that she thought he was like to forget.

He nodded and seemed to relax.

"I'll let you sleep," she turned her heals and took the opportunity to escape.

She had just got out the room as she put her head in her hands. She was not either of her sisters and she did not like to go against the voice of her heart. She had been told once that the voice of your heart, the voice of your conscience, was the voice of God.

She did not know if it was the truth. She did not know if she believed it. But if it was the truth then she was not pleasing her God at that moment.

He was railing against her.

She had been about to go and take a break for a moment when she saw Cousin Isobel looking at her.

"How are you, my dear? Not too tired?" it was clear she was in a rush.

"No - not at all. Is there something I can do for you?

"Well, if you are up for it, I wondered if you wanted to try your hand at midwifery now you have got nursing under your belt."

Larry and any pangs of conscience forgotten, Sybil smiled widely.

"Anna - has her time come?"

"Yes, it has and Doctor Clarkson is caught up at the hospital so he has sent me to go down to her. I have delivered one or two in my time and as long as it all goes smoothly, then we are going to be fine. Would you like to come with me?"

She nodded. Yes, she would very much like that. Suddenly she was not so tired anymore.

X x x

"Breathe through it, Anna!" said Elsie Hughes as she sat by the side of her bed.

Poor Mr Bates had not lasted five minutes after Mrs Hughes had arrived. There were plenty of places in Downton when men ruled, but the birthing chamber of any woman was no place for any man.

Thus, as long as his wife was in labour, John was not allowed in his own bedroom.

"More hot water," said Sybil as she came carrying a bucket, to smile at the blonde. "How is it going?"

"It is going wonderfully," said Isobel as she looked at Anna. "As well as it can, anyway."

"She is being very brave," Elsie praised her.

The blonde nodded. "I am still not going to want John to go near me for another year or so though," she said as she felt another contraction come on.

Isobel nodded. She remembered that feeling.

"You say that now, my dear, but wait until he is sitting by your side and you have a brand new child in your arms," she said, comforting her.

The coming child was the first one born on the estate since Rosie had come along. Of course, the hope had been for Edith that she was going to be able to deliver at Loxley with her husband pacing up and down outside but that had not been to be.

And she had needed to be with someone.

Her mother had been her partner of choice. Cora alone had been in the room with Edith when she had her own daughter.

Sybil and Mary had been the one doing the pacing in the corridor.

Anna's face became distorted in pain as another contraction came on, a rather stronger one than before it if she was any judge.

Sybil crossed to the top of the bed and took her hand in her own.

"Just breathe through it, Anna, breathe through it," she said as she rubbed her arm.

"Oh my lady," Anna moaned as she shut her eyes.

X x x

All in all, Anna was thrilled to have Mrs Hughes and Sybil with her when she was giving birth. She was closer in age to Mary and Edith but the two of them had grown up together. If all she had was Mrs Crawley and Doctor Clarkson, she did not think she would have been half as comfortable as she had been.

The birth over all went well. Though she was exhausted by the end of the nine hours (as was Sybil) she was delighted. Her baby girl had arrived.

And she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"We said we were going to call her Emily,_ if_ she was a girl. I think she looks like an Emily," Anna sighed as Sybil got her cleaned up. Said child lay in basinet which had been ready and waiting for a week or so.

"Well then, Emily it is," Mrs Crawley told her. "Do you want me to go and get Mr Bates?"

Anna nodded as she lay back in bed.

"You know, there was a time I did not think I was ever going to finally get to marry Mr Bates, let alone have his child. And now I have done both."

"It must be a wonderful feeling." Sybil nodded.

Anna could not even put it into words.

"I am married to the man I love with all my soul and mother to a baby we made. I have all the riches in the world," the housemaid told her mistress.

Sybil nodded. But it felt as if it stabbed by what Anna said. She had no idea if she was ever going to get to feel like that. If she had Tom with her still, then she knew she could look forward to that in her future - but she was not so sure any more. She wanted that. It might just not be possible for though .

It was then that John came into the room. He looked as if he had not slept for a week, his hair was swept over to one side of his face and he had bigger bags than his young wife did.

Sybil did not think she had ever seen her father's valet such. She did not think she was ever going to again. He had this look on his face which was not so very different to the one on Anna's. He did not even notice her.

Yet it seemed to Sybil as if their world was over flowing and neither of them ever wanted it to stop.

"Anna, are you ok?" he said as he almost collapsed by her side. He did not need to say how worried he had been.

"I am. We are," she nodded as she looked into the face of her daughter. "Emily. It was Emily, not William inside of me for all these months," she said as she leant over to kiss him.

"Emily... our daughter," he sighed as he put one of his fingers into her little hand which had been left unwrapped for fear she was going to overheat.

It was a warm day outside.

The little but perfect family were so wrapped in one another that Sybil and Mrs Hughes slipped out the door unnoticed.

"She is so, so perfect, Anna," he said as he looked at her. "And so are you."

The two of them kissed one another gently as he put his arm about her.

They were not just Anna and John anymore. They were the Bates.

X x x

"Darling," said Mary as she stepped forward to greet Matthew off of the train.

She would normally wait for him up at the house but his last letters had been so miserable that she had wanted to be with him as soon as she was able to be.

He looked relieved to see her and soon had her in his arms.

The truth was after so many years of engagement, they already treated one another as man and wife in all but one way. That had been being the second daughter and second wife had worked in Edith's favour. She had been able to argue for a small wedding in a way the two of them had just not.

As the two of them embraced, the truth was he felt as if he had no right to be there. He was working for the army. He was doing a bit for his nation. But that week alone, he had helped send six meant to jail because they conscientiously objected to a war he did not know if **he **believed it.

"I am so glad to see this face," he said as her drew back and looked at her.

"And I am glad to see yours. I do not know if I am glad to see the anxiety on it, but I am glad to see it."

Smiling at her understanding, he kissed her. "The one good thing about all of this is it cannot go on much longer."

He had read on the train up how the German's had already been forced back to the Hindenburg line.

God only knew they were not going to be able to counter attack now. The end was nearing. It had to be.

That night, the dinner table for once felt full.

Sybil was home for the night, taking time for herself for once. Mary and Matthew were there, along with all three Strallans. Violet and Isobel had both come to big house, and next to his mother, Robbie too sat at the adult dinner table.

None of her daughters had sat with the adults for dinner when they were two and three. Both nothing was as if had been when they were young and the truth was, Cora loved being with her son and granddaughter, perhaps more than she did the others.

Her grown up daughters had their own lives and secrets now.

The babies had none of that.

"So if the war is really coming to an end, does that mean you are going to begin planning the wedding soon?" asked Anthony.

Mary and Matthew looked at one another. "I think we can begin to look at dates in spring," Mattes replied, and his bride to be nodded.

"I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to that day. It has been a long time in the coming."

No one could contradict that.

"Hasn't it just?" said Isobel. Four years throughout the war and then the time before hand as well.

"Spring weddings are the prettiest of all," Edith told Mary supportively.

The sisters shared a smile.

"And I know who is going to be the prettiest bridesmaid of them all," said Mary as she looked at her niece.

Edith reached out and touched her daughter's hair before she looked at her plate. "More greens please, Rosie."

The curly haired two year old looked imploringly at her father. When no support came, she surrendered and began to eat her broccoli, looking at it with distain all the while.

"Robbie is doing well with his tonight," Isobel praised the three year old who then nodded at his mother. Cora's looked at her darling indulgently.

"Did any one go and see Anna today?" asked the countess as she changed the subject.

Mary nodded. "I did so this morning, though I do not think that even she or Mr Bates registered the fact that I was there. The two of them are so very besotted," she sighed.

"Emily is a very lovely little thing," Sybil chipped in.

Cora had been about to reply when they heard a knock.

They all looked to the door, as Carson headed out of the dining room.

"A visitor at this time of night," wondered Violet. No one would have dared do such a thing as interrupt the family when they were at dinner when she had been countess. But even then, she was able to hear the convalescing soldiers. Things were very different now.

"Well, I am sure it is nothing of any great importance," said Cora as she turned back to her family.

"So what are we all doing tomorrow?"

"I have a shift," Sybil told her mother.

"Well, as you have taken the night off tonight I do not suppose I can complain."

Sybil smiled, and wondered if she ought to mention that she might be having more nights off in the future. But one look at Isobel and the feeling of guilt in her stomach meant she was more than happy to hold her tongue and keep her counsel.

"Well, I'm in as well, I'm afraid," Isobel sighed.

She had put her name down before she had known Matthew was going to come for the weekend. And she knew he was going to want to spend the day with his Mary anyhow.

"Well, we can at least all have dinner in the evening together again," Cora suggested and everyone nodded.

That, at least, was a plan.

X x x

"My lord," said Carson as he let the Earl of Grantham into his own home.

Whoever he had thought was going to be at the door he did not think it was going to be his lord.

"Is my family eating?" he said as he walked in to the hall. His eyes went toward the dining room. The thought of being with them again filled his heart with joy.

But he was not home just for pleasure.

There was no doubt going to be time for that once the following few days were done. The next morning, he was going to spend at the hospital with his daughter and Branson, who was due in at ten.

"They are, my lord. Can I get you a plate?"

"Yes, please," he said as he headed towards the room with his family in.

He paused for a moment. There was going to be as misery in this visit as there was happiness. But perhaps he could steal some time for himself.

And there might yet be a happy ending.

"I hope I am not interrupting you all too much," he said as he entered.

For a moment there was a perfect stillness in the room.

And there, lots of chairs were pushed back, and there were warm arms about him.

"Oh, Robert, another surprise visit?" asked his wife as the two of them embraced.

"I am afraid so. Do forgive me," he said as he pulled back a little. The ribs he had cracked were the only parts of him which protested against being back with his family.

He grimaced.

"You're hurt?" Sybil picked up instinctively, her trained eye understanding in a moment.

"No - no, not very much," he said as he embraced Mary and then Edith in turn.

"How is married life, sweetheart?"

"Very good."

"And Anthony looks well," he said as he nodded to his son in law. It still felt peculiar he had a son in law who was the same age as he was. But if he had made his daughter happy then he did not suppose it mattered.

"I am getting there, Robert," he nodded.

"It's good to see you," he nodded to Matthew as he looked back at his three girls. He wanted to drink all of them in.

He did not want to forget any of them for a moment.

And that was when he felt a pull on his trousers.

"Here's my boy," he sighed as he sat down on the nearest chair and pulled his son into his arms. "How I have missed you. And you," he smiled as his granddaughter climbed on to his other knee.

He shut his eyes. And he thought of the front lines in France and he thought of Tom Branson lying near death and he held his babies just a little tighter than he had before.

"Grandpapa!" Rosie protested and drew him out of his thoughts as he squashed her.

"Sorry, darling girl," he kissed her forehead.

But he looked at his little son who had not complained with pride. He did not know how one so young had understood.

But he had.

X x x

"You must not think I am not glad that you have come home," said Cora that night as she lay with her head carefully placed on her husband's chest. "But it is just the broken ribs which have brought you back to me?"

The clock has passed midnight and on any other night the two of them would have been done with their love making and already asleep.

But that night she had understood he needed rest. The two of them simply held hands, both remaining wide awake.

"No," he said with a slight chuckle. Was he that obvious or did she simply know him that well?

"Then why?"

"In the battle in which I got hurt - I should have died..."

She sat up. "Don't talk like that..."

"You don't understand. There was a bullet and it was come straight towards me," he supped her check as she shut her eyes. "But another man took it. He saved me. And now he lies near death."

She got out of bed and begun to pace. "Another wife, a widow."

"No, no, he has no wife. The woman who loves him... she doesn't have to know. She can just assume he stopped..." he shook his head and paused. He had made his choice when he had come home for it was the right choice. "The woman who loves him sleeps under our roof. A beautiful young woman wife more spirit than near any other I have ever met."

She stopped in her tracks. She could decipher what he was not saying it seemed. "Branson? Branson took a bullet for you."

Robert nodded. Reaching over the bed, he grimaced, but took her hand and kissed it. "You understand? I cannot lie to her, I cannot say nothing, I cannot keep them apart... and if it comes to it, I will not deny her... if they want to marry, I'll walk her down the aisle myself."

There was nothing else she could add to a speech like that. "You are a good man, Robert Crawley."

"I am a grateful man... and a humbled one."

_Please review!_


	36. The Ten O'Clock Arrival

**Chapter 36**

When she got up the next day, Sybil felt sure that the only other members of the house who were up were the servants.

She rose at six thirty and rang her bell for tea but she dressed herself into her grey nurse's uniform. Her apron and cap remained at the hospital and would be put on when she was there.

Sitting down in front of the mirror, she begun to brush her hair as well as rub the sleep out of her eyes. She would go down to the bathroom once she had eaten and woken up a little.

There was a knock on the door and she expected to see one of the maids come in with her cereal so the shock was great for her when she saw her father walk in.

"Papa," she asked. "Why aren't you resting?"

He needed it. She had seen that when he had come in the night before. She did not think she had ever seen him so weary or with such big bags about his eyes. If any of them should be asleep, then it was him.

"I had to talk to you before you went to work, darling," he said as he sat on the edge of her bed and squinted as the early morning sun light came through.

She nodded. It was only then she saw he seemed as if he was nervous.

She did not think her papa had ever been nervous of her before.

That was the last thing he was.

"What's wrong?"

She moved from her desk to his side, taking his hand in hers as she did so. She had dealt with enough soldiers from the front to know to handle them carefully when they had just got back. But he was not just any solider. How could he be?

He was her father. He was the man who had brought her up. The two of them did not see eye to eye on everything - but when he had walked through the door the night before, she did not think she had even been able to put into words how much she loved him.

"I have something to tell you. And I think you are going to be upset but, darling - I want you to know that whatever you want from here on in you have the support of your father."

She nodded and he saw there was a fear in her eyes.

That had not been his intention. But then you did fear for those you loved.

"What is it?"

"The battle in which I cracked my ribs - darling, I was saved from a bullet by a foot soldier. Not in my own battalion but he saved me."

"He sounds as if he was wonderful. I should like to thank him."

She shut her eyes. "Darling - the soldier who save my life was Tom Branson."

He had not meant to say it so plainly but he had felt as if he had no choice. Had he not then he would never have got it out. And some things had to be said plainly.

He put his hands on her shoulders as she retched. "I'll be sick," she said as tears immediately begun to pour from her eyes. "Is he dead? Papa, where is he?"

"He lives and his on his way to Downton even as we speak," he told her.

The shock on her face would live in his mind until the day he died.

"He is not an officer and he is not from our village originally," she mused through her tears. She knew what he had done. And she had thought she had not been able to say how much she loved him the night before...

"Branson saved my life. And I know you would be with him now. I am not going to get in your way anymore," he whispered the last sentence.

A time would come when she would through her arms about him. But for that moment, she had to get to the hospital. She could not be sick and she could not fall apart. The one thing in the world she could not do was to fail him now.

"I have to get to the hospital," she said as she got up and left the room.

If there had ever been a day when she simply had to be there long before time then it was then.

X x x

"My dear, if you are going to be any good to Tom when he comes in, then we both know you have to get a grip on your emotions."

Isobel had not meant to sound cruel. That was the last thing in the world she ever wanted to sound. She was closer to Sybil than she was to any of the other young girls, even more so than she was to Mary. It seemed to her that even though the two of them had been brought up in very different worlds at very different times, they still held very similar ideas.

Sybil nodded as she wiped her eyes. She knew that. She could not be crying the whole time when he came in.

She had to be strong for him.

"It is so hard," she said as she shook her head.

"I know it is," she said as she put her hands on her shoulders and tried to calm, her as much as she was able to. "I know."

She nodded. "Is it nearly ten o'clock yet?"

"Quarter past nine."

Was that it? She felt as if she had already been up that day for a life time already.

"I have to go and do my rounds."

As strange as it might seem to some, Isobel knew that was going to calm her - if she did what was not normal to her.

The elder of the two kinswomen kept an eye on her son's cousin as she took herself to task. Sybil was not one to complain. She was one to work hard and crack on with the job at hand.

Yet, it was as she was preparing the bandages and the water bowls for the ten o'clock arrivals, that Isobel saw she was not the only Crawley girl who was going to be rolling her sleeves up that day.

"Mary," said Sybil with relief as she saw her elder sister, Isobel observing them from across the room.

"Mama told me what has happened. I wanted to see you're ok," she said as she stood beside her sister.

"I think that is an over optimistic assessment."

Mary nodded. She was well able to see that.

"What time is he due to get here?"

"Not until ten. I cannot tell you how long this morning has been already. But we're all ready for him; I have set aside a bed where I can tend him personally."

"Is that such a good idea?" Mary questioned and one look from Sybil silenced her.

"I am not going to let anyone else do it."

X x x

Breakfast was a very quiet and male affair that day. Sitting round the table with his son in law, Matthew and Robbie, the Earl of Grantham struggled to keep his composure. Yawns kept on breaking through.

He had had a bad night's sleep as he had tossed and turned all night, wondering how on earth he was ever going to break the news to his youngest daughter. Cora had told him if he wanted her to, she would be the one to sit Sybil down. Once the two of them had agreed that there was nothing the two of them could now do to keep her and Branson apart, it seemed of little matter to Cora who said the words.

But when he thought of the time the two of them had gone out for a walk in the garden side by side, he knew he had to be the one to tell her.

And he owed it to Tom as well.

"Papa?" a gentle tug on his sleeve pulled him out of his thoughts.

"What can I do for you, Robbie?" he asked his boy.

"Can we play a game today? Last time Matthew was here, we played cricket!" he told him.

Robert smiled across at the man who he had once thought was going to be his heir. He was glad he had been there to help with Robbie whilst he had been away.

He hoped the day when he was going to be around for his son all the time was not so far off now. It seemed cruel that when he and Cora had waited so long for him, that they had not had the pleasure of raising him side by side.

But the day he longed for had not yet come. And it was not that day either...

"Perhaps later in the afternoon, Matthew, Rosie, Edith and you can play. But I have to go and see Sybil and shall be a little too tired and sore to play this afternoon. I maybe albe score for you all though."

To Robbie, that was an agreeable concession. His disappointment was not too great. Mama had told him his papa was not well. "Sybil is going to be working though, Papa. Mama says we cannot go and see Sybil when she is working."

Robert could not help but smile at the innocence of his own dear heart.

"Today is a special day, I am afraid."

"But that is a good thing then. Mama always says Christmas and my birthday are special days. Are we going to get presents?" he said as his eyes lit up.

Robbie was the only one at the table who did not gently chuckle.

"Not today son, but you birthday is not long of so presents can't be far away."

"So why is today special then?" asked the perplexed little boy.

X x x

In the end, the newly returned wondered solders did not arrive at the hospital until nearer eleven then ten.

There was something about a herd getting in their way, Sybil seemed to recall but the truth was she had not been listening. From the moment she saw the green army ambulances pull up, she had but a one track mind.

The soldiers came out one by one and every face that she did not recognise put the fear of god into her.

What if he had died on the way? What if his condition was so critical it had been thought prudent to keep him in London?

She replayed there goodbye in her mind time and time again. What if that was the last time she was ever going to see him?

"Private Branson," was announced at last. Mary had been with her waiting for Tom, but as soon as she heard he was there... that for the first time in four years the two of them were together, she left her sisters side.

In some ways, this was all she had ever wanted. And in others, this was her worst nightmare. How on earth could hell and heaven be mixed into such a dreadful reality, she wondered.

Looking down on the stretcher, she looked at Tom. She knew that face, she thought to herself. Her love for him told her that he was soon going to be better and that they were going to be together once more. That they would love in the open as she had always dreamed they would. But the more practical side of her knew he was in a very bad way and need tending to immediately.

Covering his hand with her own for just a moment, she smiled. For all the horror of the situation, he was back with her.

She had cause to give thanks.

"We have to get him inside, darling," she heard Mary say to her softly and she nodded.

They better had.

Along with the stretcher bearers who were carrying him, the two of them went into the hospital with Tom. As much as she knew they were good at their jobs, Sybil had a sudden urge to tell them to be careful.

They were carrying something more precious than the entire world to her.

"We have to get him cleaned up," she said to her sister once they were back on the ward. Before they were able to tend any of his wounds, he had to be cleaned.

"What can I do?" Mary asked her.

"You don't have to stay. This is likely to be grim," She said.

Mary saw Sybil them had truly got a hold of herself. Whereas that morning she had been in hell and terrified, she knew what she was doing now.

And as long as she was able to help Tom and make a change, then she was not afraid. The reality was rarely harder than the imagined...

Not only that, but Sybil was brave.

Mary's expression told Sybil she was going nowhere. The younger of the two sisters' gave the elder a grateful smile for the support that she was giving to her. "We need warm water."

"How warm?"

"More warm than hot," Sybil said as she begun to unbutton Tom's pyjama top.

She had always imagined that the first time when she did it, the two of them would be feeling rather passionate. She had had no idea that he was going to be...

Her eyes had dried until she saw the state of him. Though for the most part there was only the one big wound, he had fallen he had grazed himself quite bad. The bullet, which had now been remove**d**, entered on his right side and had been tended well already she was glad to say. The hospital at the front line had done their best for him. She was able to see that and she was grateful.

Holding him up with the surprising upper body strength she had developed since she had been nursing, she removed the top completely and looked down on his bare upper body. His arms were not as badly damaged as his torso, with just some cuts and bruises, but his poor hands she registered, were red raw from the cold and mud and wind and the rain.

Placing her hand on his forehead and then his cheek, she gave a sad smile. "It's ok. We're together now," she whispered. She was not going to let anything else happen to him.

Not on her watch.

"Sybil," Mary had returned with the water. "What now?"

"More water," she said as she looked about the room. It was not only Tom who needed to be cleaned, and selfishly perhaps, Sybil was not going to allow her sister to aid her in that task.

It was too intimate, and Tom was too precious. And she wanted him to be hers alone again.

Going about the bed, she put a soft cloth in the bowl her sister had brought for her and then proceeded with her job.

She bathed Tom's clammy face first, wiping his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his mouth, cleansing him of the front lines, and cherishing him all at once.

She then moved down his body, cleaning one arm after the other. The right, then the left, she used disinfectant on his cuts, removed the last trances of mud before she washed his hands and rubbed some cream into them gently. She took more time than she would normally, rubbing the balm into each finger, massaging the hands which had once held her... which had once held a gun...

It was as she was about to wash his gun wound then she heard him moan out loud. Ever since he had got there he had been moving involuntarily, breathing deeply and showing other positive signs.

But it was only then he opened his eyes.

They were blurry and had no focus, she noted first, but they still retained the old Irish twinkle, or so it seemed to her.

"Tom? Tom, it's me," she said softly, knowing how important it was that he had something familiar to recognise. She just wished her voice wasn't breaking. "It's your Sybil. You've come home to me, my darling," she beamed as tears leaked down her face.

He raised his arm, which shook beyond his control. Taking his hand, she smiled through her own pain. He clearly had the use of his right arm.

Kissing his hand, she held on to it, pushing his palm to her cheek, savouring his touch. His fingers timidly caressed her face.

It was a supreme effort for him to be awake, she could see that. His eyes seemed to focus for just a moment, with wonder in them, and a look of bliss rushed over him.

"Dreaming," he told her before he was one more lost to unconsciousness.

X x x

"I am convinced that the disciples washed Jesus with less care than what she has Tom Branson," Mary told her father later that morning as she met him in the hospital lobby.

"How is he?"

"In a bad way, but stable from what they are saying. He came to for a moment and there have been other positive signs."

"All is not lost?"

She shook her head. "Not even nearly."

Robert Crawley gave his daughter a smile that warmed her heart.

She was reminded Tom was not the only injured solider they all had to care for. "How are you, Papa?"

"Getting there," he replied, giving her forehead a kiss before he went upstairs, following the route to the ward where Mary had told him Sybil and Tom were.

Arriving, he observed the two. Tom lay on the bed, his face tilted so that from where he stood Robert could not see, if it showed any sign of discomfort. Sybil stood at the end of his bed, pen in hand, doing his observations. She looked exhausted beyond anything and he was glad he had given her the extra night's sleep. It would not have done to tell her the night before. It would have been a cruelty.

Not until he was by her side was Sybil aware he had come into the room.

She turned to him, and he was saddened to see there was a member of his family with bag under their eyes to rival his. Normally, she was consummate professional when she was at the hospital. That day, she set down the pen and folder to throw her arms about her father.

"Thank you, thank you," she whispered in his ears. For just a moment they stood, silence engulfing them.

Robert nodded as the two of them drew back. "He'll be fine. You'll both survive this."

She nodded. Both Crawley's had to believe that.

Looking at Tom on the bed, Robert suddenly had an image of their roles being reversed. If fate had had her way, he'd be lying in that bed... or worse.

Walking up the bed, so he was able to sit at the side of the Irishman, Robert wondered what to do.

Did he whisper words of comfort? Did he call this man 'son'? Did he hold his hand? No. No, none of those seemed quite appropriate.

But joining Sybil in her quiet vigil. Yes. Yes, he could do that.

X x x

Four o'clock rolled around, and it was Sir Anthony Strallan who found himself keeping score on the cricket game with just three players. With such horrendous cheats as his daughter and young master Robbie playing, he had to say he was amazed that Matthew continued on... or he would have, had it not been so blindingly obvious he was enjoying the game quite as much as the little ones. He looked years younger than he had the night before as he laughed at the children's antics. Naturally, after half an hour's play he had not yet had a turn at batting, and had bowled only when he was lucky.

Which was only fair in the children's opinion - he had longer legs to run after the ball, after all.

It was just as Robbie had a good hit, that he felt someone sit on the arm of his chair. Wrapping his arm about his wife, his eyes squinted in the sunlight as he looked up at her.

Their lips met.

"I thought you were coming out to play at three."

Edith laughed. Coming out to play indeed..."I was. But I had a call from Mary."

"What did she want?"

"For me to arrange a transfer for Larry Grey to Farley Hall."

The two of looked at one another, neither sure it was quite fair on the young solider to be moved just because Sybil's true beau had returned.

"Did you do it?"

"Yes. He leaves tonight," she told him with an uncomfortable sigh. "I feel quite responsible for him."

"How so?"

"I may have given my little sister some bad advice," she admitted to her husband as she played with the ends of his hair.

"I am sure you had her best interests at heart, Edie."

"I did," she nodded. But it didn't make it right...

Reaching up, he gave her another kiss.

"Mama! Come play!" Rosie squealed in excitement as she took the bat which was obviously too big for her into her hands once more.

"Got to go," Edith sighed as she left her husband and ran over to their daughter. Placing her much bigger hands over her child's, she smiled at Matthew.

"Right, Crawley! Do your worse!" she challenged him, setting Rosie off into another peal of laughter.

Matthew bowled, and well too, for it curve gently towards the two Strallan women. With more luck than skill, it bounced off at the bat at just the right moment, and Robbie was set off running after the ball, which flew some distance threw the air.

"We won, mama!" the ecstatic two year old cried, not quite understanding the rules of the game.

"We certainly did, my darling."

_Please review!_


	37. The Beginning of the Road

**Chapter 37**

"Did she come home at all last night?" asked Cora as she came into the morning room.

Her husband did not need to be told who she was referring to.

The Earl of Grantham shook his head.

"I know she loves him and I know she wants to tend to him while he is unwell, we have all made our peace with that. But I am not going to have her make herself sick in the process," She insisted.

Sybil was her daughter and if she was not going to look out for her own welfare, then her mother had no problem doing it for her. She had been all her life long after all.

"Mary and Edith both went to implore her to come home last night, but until Tom wakes properly, I don't see how we are going to make her leave him," he said to her.

She just wished Robert was willing to try. Neither of them were talking about separating their daughter from the Irish man for good now. But she thought bringing her home for a little sleep was a reasonable request.

It was then that she looked at her husband. Really looked at him. And she saw he was tired and he felt old. And that he was blaming himself for things that he should not.

"She is no good to him half alive," she told him gently and her nodded. He knew that. And he saw where she was coming from.

"I'll go and talk to her today."

X x x

Sybil had only gone in to the staff room to get a cup of tea. She had only meant to sit down for five minutes, but when she opened her eyes once more she saw that someone had seen fit to put a blanket over her. It had been a little longer than five minutes then...

Well, she did not think it had been the first time that a weary nurse had tried to get a sleep in the staff room and she did not think it was going to be the last.

But for now she had to focus on what was important. And that was Tom.

Straighten her cap, she walked out the door and all but flew in to cousin Isobel.

"Sorry!" she said to her, and the moment she opened her mouth a yawn escaped.

"Did you have a good sleep?" she asked as she looked at her knowingly. So it had been Isobel who had covered her up. She might have known.

"It was what I needed."

"I hope it was. I would hate to see Branson suffer because his nurse is too tired to care for him as he needs to be cared for."

Sybil did not know what anger her most. The idea she would not give tom the care he needed or that Isobel was right.

"I am not too tired to care for him - and I can't go home until I know he is going to still be here when I return," she said as she sighed. "I cannot leave him," she told him quietly and sincerely as she left the room.

Sybil went straight to his bed to see another nurse had been doing his observations when he had been asleep. It was all that it took too make her feel guilty.

"Sorry," she whispered as she looked at his handsome face. Taking his hand, she smiled. As long as he was breathing then there was every reason to hope in the world.

"Nurse Crawley," Doctor Clarkson came to his side. "If you will not rest properly then I insist you go and have something to eat at the very least. Or I will not have you working on one of my wards."

X x x

"You are going to be back in time for Robbie's birthday, aren't you?" Mary said as she stood in the living room of Crawley house.

Matthew was soon to be off to London, and she had come to say goodbye once more - yet both of them were tired of goodbyes, she knew. She did not think she could say how much. "You know he is so very fond of you," she reminded him.

"I love _my_ little brother dearly and I would not dare miss his birthday. When Robert came back from the hospital a few days ago he immediately asked your father if he might have a toy train track for his birthday."

Mary smiled knowingly. "I can't decide if you, papa or Robbie would enjoy it more." She clearly thought he had a very good chance getting it.

Matthew laughed, but did not contradict her. But already the thought of going back to London had undone the work of the weekend and he looked rather worried.

"It is not going to be very long until you are back here in Yorkshire with all of us for good, not now, you said it yourself," she reminded Matthew as she gave him a kiss.

He did so enjoy her kisses.

"Speaking of the hospital, do we know how Tom Branson is?"

She sighed. "He is the best tended solider in the whole of Yorkshire and if Sybil's loving, tender care cannot bring him through this, then there is no hope for him," she sighed.

"You will telegraph me, wont you and keep me updated on how he is?"

Mary nodded and the two of them kissed once more.

X x x

When he began to come to, Tom wished he had not. He did not know a lot, but he knew his time at the front had come to an end. His stomach felt as if it was on fire. And he did not think his head had ever been so heavy.

Moaning out loud, he wished for nothing else to go back to sleep. For to sleep was to dream...

Instead he had to open his eyes and wake up to his reality.

Above him, he saw a wooden ceiling. So a hospital somewhere. He supposed he had known that even when he had had his eyes shut.

He looked to his side and he saw other men just like him. Men who had gone to fight for a war they had not begun and wished had not started.

It was a sight he wished he could forget, but never would.

"Tom?"

So after all he had not woken up... He turned to the other side of his bed and there was a sight he never wanted to forget. A smile graced his face and his heart leaped.

A very pretty dream she was too... but it felt real... it felt different to all the other times. She was so vivid, in all her beauty... but she was not in her evening gown, but her nurse's uniform

"Sybil, is this - what's going on?" he asked.

She took his hand. And once more he could only think that it felt very, very real. As real as it had used to be when the two of them had gone into Ripon and kissed behind corners...

She was so warm. He had forgotten that about her hands. They were always so warm.

"You got shot, my darling. But you're back at Downton and quite safe now," she said to him gently.

"Is this a dream?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid not. I'd pinch you, but you've been hurt enough."

He shut his eyes. She had been too real for it to be a dream. He had imagined being back with her so many times... but she had never been before his eyes so clearly. As he opened his eyes, he felt a tear fall down his cheek.

"I'm sorry, my love."

"What on earth can you ever be sorry for?" she said to him as she thought of Larry.

That had been a mistake. That was the biggest mistake she had ever made. That would have to be sorted. But the truth remained she was the one who had something to be sorry for.

"For going to the front, for not writing. I did not want you to caught up in all of that. That was hell - and you're my heaven."

And now it was her who was crying, she had not thought she was ever going to get to see him again. And now the two of them were exchanging sweet nothings... a pair of sweet hearts once more.

But the two of them were a long way from ok... he had to be patched up still.

"Well actually, we are very much in the in between. You're a long way from being fit, but we are going to be together. You can rest now."

His eyes went wide - "your father, he was on the battlefield with me and saw him - "

"You saved him. That was what you did. And he is so very grateful, as am I. I do not think I can put it into words."

"Is that the reason you can be here with me like this?" he asked her.

She nodded. "There is no one in this village who can keep us apart now, my love. You'll stay here until your well, and then if agreeable, you'll come to Downton Abbey to convalesce."

"And then when I am well?" he asked, as he held her hand tighter than ever before.

"We will be together," she said simply as she bent down and kissed his forehead. "As long as that is what you still want?"

"It's all I have ever wanted, Sybil," he told her as he shut his eyes and went back to sleep.

The rest of the afternoon was spent accessing Tom and how he was. He was conscious and he seemed to be able to make sense of everything that was going on about him. His memory seemed in perfect condition. Not only was he able to recall that he had been with Robert Crawley in the field of action but he was also able to remember that he had been in love with Sybil. Both his long and his short term memory seemed in perfect tact.

His stomach was the main problem, but as far as Doctor Clarkson was able to see that would heal itself in time. The cells needed time to rebuild themselves where he had been wounded and he was going to be on beige food for some time.

But by the end of the afternoon, they had established he was going to be well again.

This was the good news that Sybil was able to tell his father when he came to the hospital that afternoon while Tom slept.

"Well, that is something. How do you feel?" he said as the two of them had a cup of tea together.

She shook her head. "As if every moment since the war begun was leading to this one for me. This is the reason why I went to York, Papa... this is the reason I went into nursing and..." she shook her head.

"They say the war is going to end any day now," she said to him with hope in her eyes. "We have all come through it,"

What went without saying that would be the case as long as he did not go back. It would be too cruel if he was to lose his life now. After Tom had all but sacrificed himself too.

"Save poor William."

The memory of the day they had had the ceremony was going to live in his mind for a long time to come he had no doubts over that.

And nothing could recall him.

But yes... the family had come through. Tom and Matthew and Anthony and he...

They** had** all come through...

"Yes, darling, and I -"

"Nurse Crawley, Private Branson is awake," one of her fellow nurse said to her from the door. She had only said she was going to go to tea with her father if she was fetched at the slightest change in Tom.

Both father and daughter got to their feet and headed down the hospital corridor and into the ward.

It was only when they got there that Robert hung back.

And he took the moment to observe the man who had saved his life and his daughter together.

As soon as she got to his side, she took his hand in her own. When Sybil looked down on Tom, her whole face came alight as if she knew.

She knew everything and was perfectly placed... he did not remember the last time he had felt that. Perhaps it had been the night his son had come into the world.

"How do feel, darling?" she asked.

"Less tired, but in pain still," he admitted.

It was then that her father arrived at his side.

Tom did not even register him for a moment, but when he did there was a silence that Sybil was not sure she liked. The fact remained or so it seemed to her, that whatever had gone on in the battle field between these two men they both had more than enough reasons to dislike one another on a personal level.

Tom disliked her father for what he stood for and for chasing him away when the only thing he had ever done to Sybil was love her. As for her father, she knew Tom represented to him all the things he did not like about the modern world.

Saying that he was going to forgive Tom his past sins, or what he saw them as, was something quite different to doing it.

And for a moment Sybil feared it was all going to come crashing down, the world she had been trying to build over the past few hours - was it really only hours she had been back with it?  
>The sixteen year old part of her knew that no matter what she would go with tom this time if they did have to leave... she would not be parted from him again.<p>

But it did seem as if her mind was racing ahead of her, for just as she was having all these thoughts, her father gave his hand to Tom and she felt her heart swell.

She came back down to earth.

Neither of them were going anywhere.

"How are you, sir?" Tom asked.

"Well, thanks to you," Robert said as he sat down.

The two of them may be very different, mused Sybil, but the two of them had the experience of the war to bind them together now.

They were different from how they had been in 1914.

"Thank you for allowing me to come back - to be with Sybil, it's more than I -"

"It is no less or more than I should have done a long time ago I can see that now. She has told you I assume that you'll return to the house to convalesce."

Tom nodded.

"Good," Robert sighed as he looked up at his daughter and saw the gratitude in her eyes.

She mouthed her thanks as she went to tend a patient not so far away.

Since Tom had returned she had been neglecting her other duties.

Why that short conversation he had had with her father gave her the confidence to go on with her rounds and believe he was going to come through this she didn't know.

But it did.

X x x

Cora had been sitting watching the children play, doing some embroidery when she felt a hand on her shoulder. The moment's peace had been bliss. She had let her mind drift away as she watched her son and granddaughter.

For the first time in her life, the war had taught her what it was to be busy, ever since they had become a convalescent home back in 1916. It had not been long until she had wished her biggest problems had been finding the girls good husbands. She found she had hardly a minute to spare.

But it had been the best thing that could have happened to her, she knew that too. It limited the time she had been able to spend worrying about Robert to the absolute limit.

Unfortunately, it had limited the time she had had for her children as well, and occasionally put her at logger heads with Isobel, but that was the way these things went she supposed.

The one thing life was never going to be was perfect.

Covering the hand on her shoulder with her own she smiled.

"How was she?"

Robert sat at her side. "Not too concerned now, he has woken up."

"And how is he?"

"Alert. It is going to be a couple of weeks until he can be up here, but the day is coming."

"And Sybil will come home tonight?"

"Oh yes, Clarkson won't allow her to stay another. And the situation with Tom is no longer bad enough to warrant it."

"Good," she said as her eyes turned back to her granddaughter and son. The natural end in the conversation seemed to herald a change of subject. "It was a blessing in disguise, Edith marrying Anthony and having Rose so soon. I couldn't see it at the time, completely, I must admit. When we sent her off to London, I had no ideas things were going to move so fast, even though I knew eventually those was where it was going to led... but a wartime marriage and baby? I remember looking down on Rose when she was a newborn thinking she would never know her father..." she remembered sadly. "But I was wrong - and our son has someone to grow up with."

"No doubt he wishes it was a boy though - he has three sisters after all," Robert mused.

"Who are more like aunts..." Cora's pointed out. "If it wasn't for Rose he'd be all but an only child."

"It'll be a big adjustment for the two of them when the Strallens head back to Loxley."

"I know..." she sighed. That was a day she did not want to dwell on. A day among others... "So how long, Robert? How long do we have the pleasure of living together this time?"

"Cora..."

"Do not take that tone with me, Robert. You've had your sweet, now take your sour," she told him, making him laugh.

"I have fourteen days leave."

"At least you'll be here for Robbie's birthday."

"Yes. I might go up to London, see if I can find him that train track tomorrow."

"Already done it," she told him as she returned to her embroidery.

He raised his eye brows in surprised. "I thought this was a new phase."

"Oh no, ever since we went to see your sister in the spring, he has adored trains. I got it last month, when I went to town."

"So, for two weeks at least we have one another, one very excited birthday boy, and all - eight chicks safely in their nest?" he said well satisfied, but something about that comment made his wife burst out laughing. "What?"

"Dear Sir Anthony... just having trouble counting a man your age as one of our chicks, but I suppose that is just what he is."

The two of them looked at one for a moment before he took her embroidery, set it down next to him and took her in his arms.

X x x

"Are you still awake?" asked Sybil gently as she knocked on Mary's door.

"Of course,"

Mary had waited up for her sister. When her father had told her Sybil was going to come home that evening, she had felt as if she had had to.

Sybil walked into her sister's room to see her in bed with her hair platted already.

She would attempt to do her own. It was eleven, and she did not feel it was quite right to disturb Anna now.

"How he is?"

"I can finally say that he is going to survive," Sybil said as she sat down by Mary. Her sister took her hand. "I am so tired."

"Of course you are, my darling sister. What a trying few days it has been for you. But it is going to have a happy ending, and that is the main thing. We must be grateful for that. All of us."

She did not think she would be able to enjoy her own happiness if Sybil was so cruelly denied her own.

"I am glad to hear you say that. It's so funny. Since he has returned, you have been so kind._ All _of you," she said with a smile.

"Perhaps we should have been much sooner."

"Well, that is done now," she brushed the past aside. "I may need your help on another matter."

"Whatever you need..." Mary shrugged.

"I feel so awful - but we both know Larry can't be here when Tom arrives, and I know I can't -"

"Please don't worry. Edith and I dealt with that yesterday."

"You did?"

"He is already at Farley Hall." Mary told her sister.

Sybil shut her eyes with a sigh. "What a relief. I know it is cruel when he has been the front too but - "

"You do not have to explain yourself to me."

The nurse nodded as she yawned.

"To bed," Mary ordered as she kissed her sister on the cheek.

"Thank you, Mary."

"You are welcome."

_Please review!_


	38. The Birthday Boy

**Chapter 38**

"You're much brighter today," said Sybil as she took the opportunity to sit down by her soldier.

They had had no new patients at the hospital for a week now, though the next batch was going to be coming in at the end of the following week. She had been grateful for the time that allowed her to focus on Tom.

By the time they did arrive, some of the recovering soldiers would be going up to the big house. She did not think the day was going to be long in coming when Tom was going to be well enough to go up to the abbey as well.

He looked up at her. He did not know if that was true. Was he any brighter? He was still sore, and more than anything he felt exhausted and tired. Nor did not think he was going to be bright until he was able to forget what he had seen.

But he did not want to burden her with that. And looking at her did make him feel better.

"A little perhaps."

"Mama has set aside the Armanda bedroom for you. No one else will be put in there, so everything is ready when you are."

"I would not mind going back to my little cottage."

"I am afraid it would be rather cramped with the new chauffer and his wife there." He sighed as he took her hand. "Besides, how would I look after you if you were not in the house. I know it is not going to lie easy with you sleeping in Downton Abbey and being treated as if you were an earl, but you shall have to lump it for a while," Sybil explained.

It was then that she looked about them, searching with her eyes. Finding a screen in the corner, she got up and within two minutes she has hidden the two of them from the view of the other.

"I am not due for another examination, am I?" he asked.

"Not quite," Sybil replied as she turned around and walked back over to him. "I thought I might try a different kind of treatment to help you feel more like your old self."

"And that would be?"

Leaning towards him, she placed her lips up his and lingered there a while.

She felt his lips curl into a true, not a forced smile.

It did not make up or everything. But it was everything he had wanted for years.

And he would savour every moment of affection she bestowed on him.

"How does that feel?" she whispered as the two of them broke apart.

"Better - a little more perhaps..."

X x x

Five days later...

Tom Branson slowly moved from the wheelchair into the van. He was glad he had Sybil there to support him through the move, but he wished he was with his friends from the front or his brothers. He could only explain what he was feeling through some rather explicit language and he did not know if he was ever going to be able to use about her.

"It is going to be ok, Tom," she said.

He had paled since he had hot in the van. He had not thought it was going to be such hard work.

"_I know, love," he said as he thought about getting to a nice big comfortable bed at the big house._

_Which was easy to do when he had Sybil at his side._

_The ride all in all took about fifteen minutes and it felt odd to Tom to see country side that was not unturned or damaged where sheep grazed. _It was as if the war had not happened. It was as if he had never been apart from Sybil. As if it had all been a rather awful dream.

But he had. And he was never going to get the time he had lost with her back.

Downton Abbey came into view when they were still ten minutes away from the house and he was surprised by the feeling he got when he saw it.

The time he had spent there... It had been peaceful. He had had a roof over his head and he knew he was going to be warm at night. He had had a woman he loved and a good job.

He might not have approved of the system he had been a part of and he still didn't. But he was glad to be back. If it was just because he was with Sybil or even something to do the house as well he did not know. But he was glad. So very glad...

"I need to go to sleep," he said quietly as the begun to go up the drive.

"Twenty minutes, darling, and you'll be tucked up," Sybil said into his ear and kissed his forehead. She was not sure that was something the driver was going to approve of but it had been a long time since she had cared about anything like that.

Nothing in the world was going to make her stop kissing him now.

X x x

"It looks as if it is not going to be very long until the majority of soldiers are going to be able to go home soon," said Cora as she went into the library.

For the first time in four years, she was able to look forward to reading the newspapers when she got up. The mornings did not hold a lot of fear for her any more.

"I am going to be glad when this is just our family home once more," Robert said to her in response.

Even if he had not had to live with it the house had not been the same as it had been when he was there during the war. He was proud that it meant they were all able to serve in their own way, but the time for that was almost at any end.

"With a few additions, of course. And a few less... Anthony and Edith have been rumbling - they say it is time for them to go back to Loxley. We are going to be able to hold them off for a lot longer."

"As long as they stay until after the party..." he said with a smile.

She nodded. It felt odd for her for them to be planning a party. They had had parties for Robbie before to keep things normal for him while he was a child, though the girls had not cared to celebrate their birthdays there past four years.

But this could be an occasion for real joy.

The two of them turned towards the door as Mary entered the library.

"They are back. Sybil says to give Tom a little time to settle in and then we can go and see them."

Cora nodded.

"How did the two of them seem?"

"Sybil appears less worried than she has been, but poor Tom is exhausted."

Behind Mary, Carson came in to the room.

Ever since he had heard that Branson was coming back to Downton, he had been to say the least uncomfortable about the way he had once treated him. If the two of them were going to be living under the safe roof once more then he knew he had to make amends.

"Lady Mary, can the servants go up?"

"In time, Carson, but it is not going to be today I do not think." The solider had to be welcomed by those who were going to be his family that day.

He nodded. He had expected as much.

"In that case, Carson, can you tell Mrs. Patmore I am going to come down to the kitchens in a while in order to talk about the young master birthday tea?" Cora ordered the butler.

"Very well, my lady."

Robert smiled as Carson left the room. It really did feel as if his home was _his _home in that moment. As if nothing had changed.

X x x

"How was Loxley?" asked Mary as she saw Edith come back into the gothic abbey which had been their childhood home.

"Well, it is not as bad as I thought it was going to be considering that it has been shut up for the past two years. I am looking forward to taking Rosie home, though I do not know if she saw it is as home. She was quiet while we were there - most unlike herself."

"She has been brought up as a Downton child."

"Just like her mother was."

"And her aunts," she said as Edith gave her coat to one of the hall boys.

"What a change the end of this war is going to bring to us - to us all," Edith sighed. "I always thought that when it did come to an end all I was going to feel was joy and complete, perfect joy at that. But it is a strange feeling, isn't it?"

Mary nodded. She could relate to what her sister was saying. Of course they were all looking forward to the end of the war. Of course they wanted peace and the knowledge that each member of their family was safe when they got in to bed that night. But it was not as if they were able to talk about going back to normal when the war itself had become their normality.

And they were going to disperse. Before Anthony came home, the war had been a bonding experience. All girls together, save Robbie.

Mary realised in that moment she was going to miss her sister when she did go at last to become the mistress of her own house. But that was something the two of them had been waiting and training for a very long time.

The two shared a smile as Edith chased after her daughter.

Time to move on, thought Mary as she looked about the entrance hall. It felt odd to _really_ look at the house she had been raised in... She walked through it every day without giving it a second thought and yet... she knew, even when she married Matthew, it would never be theirs... never hers, not now.

When she had been young, she had dreamed of the day she was going to be countess of Grantham... but that dream had been squashed four years back, and she had got over that now.

Perhaps Matthew would do very well for himself. She certainly intended him too. They would have their own country estate and her brother and his wife when he found her were going to come to see the two of them.

And perhaps, just perhaps, not too long from now... They would all be happy.

X x x

Tom did not think he would be able to live the life he was then for long, but even an Irish mick like he could not deny to his own heart that there was something pleasant about waking up in a big house in a room that over looked a lake.

He saw that someone - Daisy no doubt - had built a fire for him, not that there was much need for it for it was bound to be another warm day, and mail had been left on his bed side cabinet.

His mother's hand writing adorned one of the envelopes and one of his sisters the other.

Perhaps he was going to get to go and see them before long he thought as he tentatively learned over to take the envelopes.

Sitting up, he coughed awkwardly and winced as he breathed through the pain. It was not quite easing off yet... but in the end it was going to. That was what was important.

He knew the way that day was going to go - as every other day had since he had got to the abbey.

First of all, he was going to have one of the kitchen staff bring up his breakfast and not long after that Sybil was going to put in her first appearance of the day. She did still had to work at the hospital, but somehow everyone knew who her first priority was.

She would sit with him until he was fully awake and then give him a kiss before she headed off to work. Or perhaps two, if his luck was in.

During the day he could have any number of visitors. Edith and Mary clearly felt obliged to their sister to come and see him and keep him in good cheer.

One who he did not think came to him out of anything less that true friendship was Matthew. There was something in his eyes when he looked at him... admiration there, which he had not thought he was going to find in the eye of Matthew Crawley.

What surprised him even more was that the two of them got on well, very well in fact. That was one class barrier which was not going to be going back up after the war, he thought to himself. The two of them were going to be able to wonder in to the village for a drink at the end of the day, just as soon as he was well enough too.

Asides from them, during the day he was inevitably going to have a visit darling's mother and father during the day.

And then there were his friends from the day when he had been a servant... Anna and Bates came up with their little baby more than once. Emily seemed quite a dear little baby, having inherited the natural quietness which characterised her parents. Mrs Hughes was also a regular. Even though he had never been under her jurisdiction, she seemed to take all the young members of staff under her wing. That was her way and now he was home, in her own way, wanted to take care of him too. He looked forward to her appearances, as in inevitably meant the arrival of whatever delicious treat Mrs Patmore had made that day as well.

As for Mr. Carson, he had come back and congratulated him on his service to his king and his country - as well as to give him what passed for some kind of apology. It was clear he felt bad for the way the two of them parted.

He did not think the two of them would ever exactly get on, but he knew Mr Carson was a good man. Even when he had been nothing but a chauffeur, he was not sure the butler had ever truly approved of him. He just had his standards. After Carson had welcomed him back, he stayed out of the way most of the time.

Which suited Tom fine.

Inevitably at one part of the day, he would hear a giggle from outside and then Rosie or Robbie would come in. Apparently the Armanda bed room was wonderful for playing hide and seek. He missed his young brothers and sisters, and if anything, the war meant he was able to appreciate them more than when he had been living with them in Ireland.

They were so unspoiled. So innocent. The word 'Somme' meant nothing to them.

He found himself envious of the pair as they climbed in amongst the clothes in the wardrobe, trusting him not to give them away.

While the days were as close to blissful as he was going to get at that moment, the nights really were beginning to get worse. The less tired and the better he got the more he was able to dream when he shut his eyes. Only they dreams he was having... they were nightmares...

"I have the weekend off," Sybil announced the first Friday after he had arrived. "Would you like to go outside? We can go for some walks. Clarkson seemed to think you were ready for it."

"That sounds lovely. Are there any other plans?"

"No. Granny wants to go to church this Sunday so I said I'd go down with her, but that's all. Do you want to come with us?"

He shook his head. As much as he had missed going to church when he had been in the front line, he was home now and he had not waited so long to worship in a church which was not his own.

"Don't worry."

"I can ask papa if a priest can come here."

"Really, Sybil, please do not worry over any of it," he told her as he lay back on the bed. He could wait a big longer.

"I just - I just want to make you happy and safe."

"I know - you have," he said as he reached out to touch her cheek and caress it.

She bit her lip as she shut her eyes. "There are still days when I can still not quite believe that the two of us have come through all right."

"Well we have to believe it," he told her as he let go of her cheek but took her hand. It seemed like it was a crime to be in the same room and not to be touching one another.

"And then of course we have the party of the year next Monday," she reminded him.

"How could I forget? Sweet little man your brother," he told her. "Rosie and he have been looking forward to it for days."

"Of course they have. You know when Mary, Edith and I were their ages, we were told off if we so much as skipped down the alley by our governess. And yet the two of them are allowed to run a mock."

Tom could not help but laugh. He remembered feeling much the same about his young sisters.

"Missing being the baby of the family?"

"I do not know what you mean," she replied.

X x x

Cora beamed. "It is so beautiful. He is going to be balled over when he sees it."

In the middle of the parlour at Downton Abbey, Robert had spent the night setting up his sons train track so that when he got up the next day it was going to be there for him to play with.

"Well, even if Robbie isn't, Matthew was!

Cora laughed. "Where is he?"

"He has gone straight back to Crawley house. He was tired when he got here today."

"What's new?" Cora expression softened as her eye turned back to the toy. "I cannot believe that our little baby is going to be four years old."

Turning away from his project he looked at her. Four years?

Four years since he had broken her heart quite unintentionally. Four years since he had heard the words he had been waited for his entire life.

And four years since the two of them had lived together properly.

Crossing the room, he kissed her deeply.

"If that is what I get for saying Robert is four, I do feel the need to point out Mary is twenty five now."

"Well in that case," Robert purred as he pulled his wife closer. "I do love you, Cora. Thank you, for the children, for bringing them up. I am so sorry - "

"Robert - we have had the conversation so many times. What matters is it is only going to be a matter of months, maybe weeks, until we are bringing up our baby together. The three of us can be a proper family and the girls can marry who they liked," she sighed softly.

"I really will be home for good by Christmas."

"In that case that will be my favourite present."

X x x

The look on their sons face when he saw the train track was going to be a treasured memory for the rest of their lives.

"Papa, I love it!" said Robbie as he rushed towards Robert and put his arms about him.

The old weary soldier sighed as he ruffled his son's hair.

"It is mama who got it so it is her who you should be thanking, my dear boy," he said as he tenderly kissed his forehead.

But it was quite clear as much as the boy did love and was grateful to his mother for giving him his gift, it was having his father home with him on his birthday which was making the day special for him.

"I love you."

"I love you too, my darling," sighed Robert as he looked at his wife who was looking with great pride and pleasure at her two wonderful boys.

Somehow she had a feeling this was going to be the best birthday her boy had ever had.

X x x

"Are you sure they do not mind me coming in?" asked Tom. In spite of the fact that the Crawley's had given him a very warm welcome to the house, he was not sure they were going to want him at one of their birthday parties.

"Well, if they do then it is there problem and not yours. Besides, you need to stop thinking like that. Whether you like it or not, you're part of the family now," Sybil said as she led him in to the parlour.

"I like it very much."

He was able to see the party had got under way.

The adults all acknowledged his entrance with a nod, which as polite as it was, made him feel a little self conscious. He could not help but be grateful for the kids who were so oblivious to all that was going on apart from their fun. There was not only Rosie and Robbie, but also some of the kids from the estate and village.

All in all, there had to be around fifteen of them.

"How do you feel, Tom?" asked Matthew as he came over to greet them.

"Not too bad today," he nodded. He smiled as he picked out the Downton children from the village kids. They all seemed to be having a wonderful time. "How is the birthday boy?"

"Delighted with his train station," Mary said to him.

It felt odd, though he had to say a very nice odd, to be with the family as he was. To see Sybil at her most relaxed, surrounded by those she loved. It made him feel less out of place, as did the presence of Mr and Mrs Bates with baby Emily, who stood with her ladyship. Cora stood doting over the little one with a smile. Tom was sure each of the Crawley's had done so at various points that day.

The man who was to be his father in law gave him a nod as their eyes met, but was clearly too caught up playing with the children to say hello, which, again, was fine by him. And quite understandable.

"I am going to go and get us both some lemonade," said Sybil as she took his hand and headed over to where Carson stood giving drinks out with Lady Strallan.

"He looks well," Edith commented to her sister.

"Yes..." Sybil nodded. "He is getting there now, he really is."

"I am so glad for you."

Sybil felt a real kinship with her sister at that moment. She knew what it had been the same for Edith when Anthony had come home. And she knew the relief that came after.

"Get back to him then," the elder of the sisters said knowingly.

As she crossed the room, a maid crossed Sybil's path and made a bee line for her father.

"A telegram, my lord,"

Robert took it with a smile, but it changed as he looked at the envelope.

"I am going to be back in a moment," he said to his wife and his daughters. They all watched him as he left the room. He could not say he was surprised. The look on his face... he could not think that he had been able to keep his concern hidden.

"Is anything wrong, mama?" Robbie asked.

"Don't be silly, darling."

Cora waited for as long as she could to follow Robert, which turned out to be all of about five minutes. It was not long until she was heading over to the library.

Knocking on the door, she went in.

"Darling, nothings the matter is it?"

Robert looked up at her and she could see that he had been deeply affected by whatever was in that telegram. She had never seen that look on his face before.

"I can't believe it."

"Robert, tell me," order Cora as she begun to panic.

He passed the letter from his own shaking hands to her own. She could barely take in what it said... but there was one word she did understand.

_Discharged..._

The two of them stood for a moment, as still as stone.

"Tell me you're ours once more."

Robert nodded dumbly. "It seems they believed that the war will be over before I am fit for duty once more. I have done my bit, and now honourably, I can remain in England."

Covering her mouth with her hand, Cora laughed gently for a while before she burst into tears.

Very, very grateful tears.

_Please review!_


	39. The Best of Both Worlds

**Chapter 39**

"So the armistice is to be next week?" asked Mary's she walked down to the church on her father's arm.

Robert nodded.

"It does not seem as if it is real after everything that has gone on, does it?" she asked him. After all the pictures in the newspapers of the poor soldiers in the hospitals and the rationing and ... and the house being all but invaded. The beds were soon to go. And so were her sister, brother in law and niece. That was going to be a sad day.

It was all at an end. Just like that.

As fast as it had begun, the war was going to end.

"No - no, it does not. I can't quite make myself believe it," he admitted.

There seemed to be a lot of that going around.

That particular day, however was going to be spent quite pleasantly. After all they had been through, if there was one thing their community needed, it was a bit of joy. And the christening of a little baby like Emily was a lot to celebrate.

Especially for the two of them.

Given the fact that the two of them had grown up side by side, Mary had been touched but not quite surprised when she had been asked by Anna to stand as godmother to the little one, a position she felt honoured to accept. It was a duty she would share with Gwen Dawson.

But she did not think her father had expected he was going to be asked to stand as godfather. It made sense when he thought about it. After all Bates and he had been through, all the way from the Boer War, to the day Bates had turned up in Downton... the two of them were close.

Logically, it was no great surprise.

"It is as relief for it to be at an end."

Robert agreed. "Yes, yes it is."

At the font, it was with great pride that Anna and Bates looked at their little one. Mary found she was unable to blame them for that, as she her father and Gwen prepared to take their vows to guide the child spiritually and protect her.

Emily was a dear little baby and all the way through the service she conducted herself well. Before she was taken to the font she lay in her arms of her mother quietly and then when it was done, she did the same but in her fathers. With joy, Anna watched John with their child. It was as if it had always been just the three of them.

If it had not been, then it should have been.

"I'm glad to see you so happy, Bates," Roberts said to him.

"I can't remember the last time I was as happy as am I am now," he said as he proudly cradled his daughter and smoothed out the christening gown Anna's mother had worked tirelessly to make for her.

When he thought of all the time he had spent in misery: when he had been at war, when he had been in jail and when he had been with Vera.

It had seemed beyond the realms of possibility that he was ever going to met someone like Anna and go to on to have a child who was as lovely, in his eyes, as Emily.

"That seems to be a rather common theme at the moment," he said as he put his hand carefully on the baby's head. "And this happiness has been a long time coming."

For all of them.

X x x

Robbie stood silently by the side of his father. The war was at an end.

That was what they were all saying. His mother, his father, his sisters and his brother in laws. Even his grandmother was smiling more than she usually did. Carson and Mrs. Hughes were in the best of moods as well.

He did not quite understand what the war ending meant, except that his father was going to come home and the soldiers were going to go away.

The former mad him beam with joy while the latter saddened him. If there was one thing that was for sure it was that while he had been growing up in the war, he had never gone short of a play mate.

And he was going to miss that. But having his father home was going to be the best thing ever.

He made a suitably solemn face as the clock in the hall struck eleven.

The eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, on the eleventh month.

His eyes went around the room.

In Robbie's view was everyone he had ever loved and everyone who had helped bring him up.

All his family as well as all the staff at the abbey. All together, to commemorate this moment.

He looked first at his mother who was looking down at the floor with a look on her face he did not know how to describe. She was rigid and different to the women he knew.

She looked stiff and tired all at once.

Next to her stood Mary and Matthew. Whilst there was a look of sheer relief of the face of his eldest sister, the man by her side looked both haunted and guilty. There was something about him which did not seem comfortable with even being there in a room with the rest of them.

Next to them were Anthony and Edith, both of them looking as if they had every much earned the right to be there with the rest of the soldiers. Anthony's arm was not going to come back any time soon.

Robbie did not remember a lot, but he did think his sister looked as old as she did then when the war had begun. She had changed, even in his short memory span. She had become a practical woman as well as mother. He wondered what she was going to do when she went back to Loxley and if she was going to miss them all.

The only one who met his eyes when he was looking around was Rosie, standing between her parents in the pretty white dress that she was only usually allowed to wear to church. As soon as their eyes met, she looked down at the floor.

The two of them had been told they were to behave and to be some when the clock struck. And that was what she was going to do.

A small squeal distracted him from looking at Tom and Sybil who clasped hands. Tom looked forward but he did not seem to be seeing what was in front of him. Where ever he was he was very, very far away. And Sybil was there with him.

All the way through the war, she had tended the soldiers who were on the way back to the front. She had seen things he knew his parents hoped he was never going to have to see.

Across the way, the source of the noise was Emily Bates who was in her mother's arms. Anna looked tired, but for a whole other reason that his family did. She had to do the three o'clock feeds and as long as she was nursing her daughter then, there was no way even her devoted John could help her.

Still she did not mind. Emily was worth it.

To the left of them stood Miss O'Brien. She was as unreadable as ever to the young master.

To the right of the Bates,' stood Mr Carson and Mrs. Hughes. The two of them seemed to be a pair to him. Where ever one of them went, the other stood by their side. The two of the looked equally sad as the other.

On the very end of the line stood the people he did not see much of, apart from when he went to the kitchen in search of a snack.

Daisy appeared strong but broken at the same time. He knew she had had a bad war. And it was written all over her face that day. She put her hand up to the necklace which even after all of this time she wore.

Because if she wore it, part of William was alive. Even though she knew he wasn't. They had had the telegraph and then they had had no word...

Not in four years.

As soon as the vigil was over, she went straight back to the kitchen and as she trod the well known route she breathed steadily. For the past two years she had coped pretty well. She had even made eyes at a solider one day when in the village the week before..

He had been handsome, even if he had been no William.

But that day, the wound felt as green as it had ever been to her. All she wanted was to get to work.

The end of the war was a relief. But it could not fill the hole in her heart.

X x x

**January 15****th****, 1919**

"Darling, if you are not feeling so well then you can stay home."

"It is my sisters wedding. I am not going to miss it because I was sick."

Edith turned round from the vanity to look at her husband.

The two of them had only been living back at Loxley for two months. She was still enjoying waking up in her own house and seeing her husband in the room the two of them should have been living in for the past four years. It was a pleasure she had feared was going to be denied to her forever once upon a time.

Crossing the room, he pushed his lips to her forehead.

"But if you are unwell..."

Edith shook her head. "I have condition I suspect. However, darling, I do not think it is the plague."

Glancing back in the mirror, she checked her hair, nodded to her lady's maid and touched the string of pearls which adorned her neck.

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

"It is not the day for it, darling," She said as she got up. "I am going to go and see that Rosie is ready. She has been so looking forward to spending the whole day with the family."

"I guess she does find the nursery a little lonely."

Edith gave him a smile before she left the room. Poor dear. He was a wonderful man. But she got the distinct feeling he was being more than a little dense that day.

In a little over fifteen minutes, the three Strallans were on their way to Ripon for the happiest of days.

She did not think that days nuptials was the wedding day her mother and her father had pictured for any of their daughters. But as their car pulled up in front of the Catholic Church, she saw her mother looking beautiful in blue and she knew her father was going to be in his very best morning suit.

"We are not late, are we?" she asked as she kissed her mother.

"No, your father and Sybil are not here yet - Tom is inside with Matthew and Mary and he is as pale as a sheet."

X x x

"Is it a little selfish of me to be a little bitter that the two of them came out after me and both of them are going to be married before me?" Mary had asked as she and the man she would _eventually _marry walked down the aisle arm in arm.

"The thought had crossed my mind."

He had proposed before Tom and even Anthony. Mary had said she was going to marry him before either of her sisters had even had a proposal.

Yet they were the ones who were still waiting.

"This time next year, the two of us are going to be married by hook or by crook," said Mary as the two of them set eyes on the groom.

He looked as if he was going to be sick.

"How are you doing?" asked Matthew as he left the side of the woman he loved to be at the side of the once wounded soldier.

The Irish man nodded. "Not too bad... but she is going to come, isn't she?" he asked as he looked at Mary.

"Believe me there is nothing in the world that is going to stop her coming to your side today," said the eldest Crawley sister.

If she had to then Mary was sure Sybil would walk on water to get there if she had too.

Thankfully, it was not required.

X x x

Robert breathed in sharply.

He did not know whether it made him very happy or very sad to see his youngest daughter in a wedding gown. She was his baby and now she was going to get married.

The gown she wore she had chosen was quite modern and rather different to the one her mother had worn. He could not quite get used to the fact that the girls were showing their ankles.

Apparently that was all the rage in London. The girls had got used to it during the war but it was going to take him a little time. When he had been in France, it was as if time had stopped in many ways. Now he saw it was marching on.

She was smiling brightly at him.

It was all over her face that this was the day she had been waiting for, ever since she had first fallen in love. This was the moment she had dreamt of.

"I cannot believe I did not trust you to follow your own heart."

That had been his biggest regret. Now when he looked back he saw he should have trusted her.

She had always been a strong girl. She had been so positive in her beliefs.

Whereas Mary had always had to think through every decision and Edith was impulsive, Sybil was sure of herself and who she was.

He admired that. More than he was able to say.

Sybil sighed, let out a little chuckle and felt her eyes dampened.

Up until recently, she had always thought she was going to have to choose. She was going to get married to Tom or she was going to have her father walk her down the aisle. But she had not thought she was ever going to get to have both.

"How do I look?"

"Beautiful," Robert confirmed with a nod. He would have been rendered speechless. But this was Sybil. And he wanted her to have a memory of the last time the two of them were together, before she became a wife and he was utterly replaced as the most important man in her life.

"I cannot believe how grown up you are - I should be able to after all the work you did in the war and the way that you proved yourself... in 1914, when I announced the war, you were my little girl. And now you are a woman."

She did not know if that were true. It was going to be by the time they got to the church. And it was going to be that night when she and Tom went to bed. And when they went to Ireland.

But just at that moment - she still very much felt she was her father's child.

And she wanted to be his little one... one last time.

"I love you, papa... so much... and I am so proud you are my father."

"Out of all of you, so far... you are the one who has taught me the most... you know that, don't you, my darling?"

When she thought of all they had all been through, that was a compliment to her. And one she was going to treasure.

"Thank you... for agreeing to this. I am so happy. I get to marry Tom and stay a Crawley in some ways. And for giving me away..."

"And I am walking you down the isle of a catholic church no less..." said Robert with a heavy sigh. "but if the two of us are going to have to leave now then we are going to panic Tom so much he is going to have to go back to bed for another two months," he said to her with a smile.

Then, quite out of the blue, the young bride threw her arms about her father.

Shutting his eyes, Robert rocked his daughter back and forth. She had always and she was always going to be one of the most precious people in his life, along with her sisters and little brother.

He kissed her cheek. As the two of them drew back, tears adorned both of their face and a slight chuckle escaped both of them.

"Let's get you to the church, Sybil..."

X x x

"Beautiful does not quite sum up how you look today," the groom said to the bride as she arrived at his side.

Sybil smiled from the heart. She was going to get to hear that soft Irish voice every day from now on. There was no one in the world who was going to stop that happening. Not now. It was going to be the first voice she heard every single morning. And the last one at night. And that seemed more than miraculous. Her thoughts turned suddenly to the thousands of sweethearts who after the past four years, were not going to get to do this.

Taking Tom's hand, she knew it was premature, but she leant towards him and she kissed him on the cheek, savouring the moment. She knew it might not be the way it was done in most wedding but this was her big day. And the only people who mattered were the two of them.

The kiss left an invisible imprint on the cheek of Tom Branson. It did not matter how many times that he washed it; it was never going to come off. The last kiss she was ever going to give him as Sybil Crawley.

He looked at her and he saw so many things. He saw the young girl who had made him question his beliefs. He saw the young girl who was more than able to think outside of the box in which she had been raised.

She was so different to every other girl of her age and her class.

He saw the women who had dared to take a chance on love and she had been the one who had nursed him back to health.

But there was no debt between the two of them. There was no guilt, no blame for the aborted mission to get out of Downton. The two of them could have gone, but Sybil realised now just how right it had been for her to go home.

All there was between the two of them was love and equality. Ahead of them was an entire life time to love one another. It was not going to be very long until the past four years of separation were not going to hurt very much.

"Sybil looks very pretty," Robbie said to his mother from where he stood between her and his father.

Cora nodded and blinked away her hot eyes. "Yes. Yes, she does." She did not like to think of how she was going to be when the two of them were exchanging vows.

It had been hard enough to see her walk down the aisle on the arm of her father.

She was still her baby daughter. And she was always going to be her youngest girl.

After that day, she was only going to have Mary left... and then not for long, for she knew as soon as that day was over, Matthew and Mary were going to want to go full steam ahead with their own wedding plans.

Then, the only one she and Robert were going to have was Robbie... and for that she was glad.

He was still really just a baby. Four years old was still a baby, she thought to herself. The two of them had plenty of time...

But had Sybil not been four yesterday?

X x x

"I am so glad that the two of us waited to do it this way," said Sybil as she sat on the four posted bed in Downton Abbey.

Her mother and her father had given her and Tom use of one of the guest room that night. Sybil was grateful. It would not feel right, for the two of them to do what they were going to in the room she had she had spent her childhood. They were going to get to be man and wife...in every possible way.

"It is a bit better than a room above a pub in Gretna Green," he admitted as he approached the bed, in his pyjama bottoms but without his top on.

She nodded.

"Sybil, if you do not want us to," he muttered. "You know the two of us do not have to yet," sitting by her side, he stroked her bare arm.

It was as they were sitting on the bed in there night clothes, that it struck Sybil this was the most intimate the two of them had ever been. Of course she had tended him when he had been unwell, but it was not the same.

That night was different to every single other they had ever spent.

"I do, I do want this," she nodded her head. "I did not become your wife not too... Tom, I love you and I trust you and nothing has changed... I want you so much," she admitted as she moved towards him... reaching out, she ran her fingers down his scar. "Did I ever thank you? For saving my father's life."

He nodded. "With every glance, every smile... every day,"

"And I'll carry on doing that... for the rest of our lives. I meant what I said at the church, this is it... till death do us part."

He shook his head. "I am far more interested in life tonight, love."

And with that, he kissed her. Not as he had done when the two of them had been in the church, gently but firmly as to appease her family, but deeply and passionate.

Before he even knew what was happening, she had her hand on his chest, pushing him down on to the duvet.

"Mrs Branson..." he mumbled between kisses as he reached to take her night gown off of her.

Four years of waiting was very much at an end.

_Please review!_


	40. Mrs Crawley and the Soldier

**Chapter 40**

16th June 1919

Edith put her hand on her once more swelling stomach and smiled. Six months in to her second pregnancy, she was glowing.

Looking to her side, she saw her little sister, two and a half months into her own first pregnancy. Sybil seemed to be coping pretty well - perhaps she was a little tired. But it did not matter.

Only one of them was centre stage that day.

And that was the woman who stood in the front of the altar who had just become Mrs Matthew Crawley.

"And you may now, kiss the bride," The prince of the church announced as Mary and Matthew turned to one another.

The bride was no longer on the brink of heaven. She was in heaven.

For so, so long the two of them had been looking forward, fantasying what this day was going to be like. It was a cliché for Mary to say that it had exceeded all expectations... but it had.

As Matthew put his arms about her, she felt the kind of perfect contentment she had not thought existed. For so long she had thought she was not going to happy.

And now she was. Their lips meet. It felt to her as if they were two pieces of a jigsaw finally sliding into place together, that day more than any other.

As if their lips had always been meant to be touching.

Looking down as the two of them drew apart, she laughed a little. The relief she felt that they were at last married was indescribable.

"Finally," Matthew mattered as the two of them turned to the cheering congregation. "For a moment there, I thought we were never going to make it."

"The moment you asked me to, I was always going to be your wife," she said to him.

Yet it had been even before that. From the moment he got to Downton she had been going to be his wife eventually. The two of them had taken their time... but she supposed, deep down, she believed in some kind of inevitability.

Mary felt such pride as she held on to him. That night they were going to go to sleep in the same bed... and she was going to become his wife in every way.

And she was looking forward to that immensely.

It may have been her jealousy affecting the way she saw things but she thought since her sisters had - _married _- they had become far more confident. And the two of them were so much happier. But then that was no great surprise when Edith and Sybil woke up every morning to the face they loved most in the world every day. Starting the next morning, she too would.

Her mother looked happier than she had seen her for the past four years. At the wedding of Sybil and Tom, the strain of the war was still showing on the face of Cora Crawley. She had still been getting used to the fact she had her husband back and the house had only just been cleared out.

All in all, she had been done in by it all.

But that was not the case anymore.

The last six months had changed things for her. She had got used to the fact that Robert was home for good. She had got used to the fact that Edith and Anthony were no longer living at Downton Abbey. She had even become acclimatised to some of the changes in society: that the pre war years were not going to return. That was fine by her.

As a result, she looked a lot younger than she did the year before. She was more relaxed, able to believe that they were all safe at last.

So where as Edith's wedding had been a rushed affair in London and Sybil's had been a quiet and simple ceremony, Mary's wedding had been able to be everything that Cora and Robert had always dreamt it was going to be for them.

It was not as big as it may have been if it had been celebrated in 1912. And of course they had had to be a little sober. There were so many mothers and fathers on the estate who were still grieving for their sons. Too many.

But it was just enough for Mary Crawley.

She smiled at her family as she and Matthew walked down the aisle. This was it. This was the start of the rest of their lives together.

Mr and Mrs Matthew Crawley, though he knew just as well as she did that from time to time, he was going to be Mr Mary Crawley. The two of them were going to get to fight one another for the rest of their lives. And that was what the two of them liked. The challenge - the way that they challenged one another.

Mary felt very excited for the life which was coming.

As she passed Carson, she smiled. All her lifelong, he had been her defender and her champion.

And his protection had paid off. He had seen her to the altar... now; perhaps, she thought as she passed him, it was time for him to think of his own happiness.

The two of them were always together but she did not think he had ever seen him and Mrs. Hughes as close as the two of them were that day. The war had brought the two of them together. She did not think peace was going to pull them apart.

As Anna met her eyes, they shared a smile. The two of them were grown women at last. They were wives and if Mary had her way then by the time her and Matthew's first anniversary came about they were _both_ going to be, or soon to be, mothers.

Arm in arm, Mary and Matthew walked out of the church as Mr. and Mrs. Crawley. The two of them were going to stay that way until death, come hell or high water.

X x x

"It is nice that we all have this afternoon together," Isobel said to Sybil as they sat under an umbrella together.

The Crawley's had taken a risk when they had decided to have a garden party to celebrate the wedding, the way the weather had been but it paid off. It was a beautiful day.

It was not so very different to the day that the war had been declared on.

That seemed a life time ago now, and it was not the day for such thoughts, Isobel mused.

Her heart swelled as she looked at her son. He had grown so much and her pride in him was immeasurable. Matthew was a kind, good hearted young man who was going to be able to help steer the estate through the coming years. He might not be the heir but he was very much part of the Grantham family and now that he had married Mary he was always going to be.

She was not much of a gusher but as she looked at the two of them she could not help but think that they were going to be happy for the rest of their lives. The two of them had waited so long for it to begin, their life as man and wife.

She was just glad that it finally had.

X x x

Isobel was not the person out in the garden who was remembering the last time they had all been out there as they were that day. Daisy could not help but think of the last garden party they had at Downton Abbey as well.

She was not Lady Sybil, Lady Edith or now even Lady Mary. She had not got lucky. She was not bitter and she hoped that was something no one was going to be able to accuse her of. She was a girl who feared her God and knew even though she was just a servant; he would expect more of her.

He would want her to be happy for those who had come through the war unscathed. And she was.

The three ladies were high above her but at the end of the day all of them had grown up in the same house. In her heart of hearts, Daisy knew it could have gone a different way.

She and William had just got unlucky.

"It is good to see his lordship so happy," she said to Mrs Patmore as the two of them looked at one another over the plates of nibbles which some of the maids were soon to distribute.

"Yes," the cook nodded. Daisy had never forgotten the way his lordship had shared in her grief when William had died. He had not had to be so kind to her. "Yes, it is."

They watched as the father of the bride once more held court as the earl had done in another life, speaking to his friends and the tenants who had been invited as he had done before the war.

"It is as if none of it ever happened," Daisy realised. There was a flat mournful tone to her voice.

And suddenly she wanted to cry.

"My love, it could never be like that," she said as she put her hand on her arm. Oblivious to their conversation, the young miss of Loxley and the young master of Downton ran right by them.

But it was. The two of them were still servants. The Crawley's were still at the top of the food chain.

And as long as things went along as they were at that moment it was never going to change either. Daisy turned away.

She had a lot to do that day and she was not going to get it done as long as she just stood there treating the party as if it were a spectator sport.

If she had stayed there for just a little longer she would have seen Mrs. Hughes run out into the garden with a tear stained face.

X x x

"So the two of you are going to go to France when?" asked Violet.

Mary smiled. "Friday but we are going to be back for August."

"I am not surprised. It would be too hot for you otherwise."

The Crawley women sat inside of a gazebo out of the sun. The only one of them who was not there was Rosie who was out running around. Sybil and Edith sat with the new bride, their brother in laws mother, their own mother and their grandmother.

"Slow down please, darlings!" Cora called as the little ones passed them giggling.

"So energetic," Violet exclaimed as they ran passed. Whet a thing it was to be young.

That was the point they were all agreeing on when the hall boy came out to join the search for Mr. Carson. They did not see the look of worry crease his face for the first time that day or the utter look of shock and hope that followed.

Nor did they hear the order to retrieve Daisy from the kitchens.

X x x

Daisy had been about to start on the dessert when she heard the footsteps behind her.

"Mr. Carson wants you up stairs," she was told in no uncertain voice by one of the hall boys.

As the assistant cook in the house she had a feeling she was entitled to a little more respect than she got but was in no mood to argue the point. She took pity on the poor boy.

Climbing up the stairs, she cursed the fact she still had eight whole hours before she was able to go up to bed. Any day in the house was a long one but when it was a special event that felt as if it was doubled.

Emerging in to the hall way, she took a deep breath of the fresher air.

She heard Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes before she saw them, and even before that she knew that the two of them were not on their own.

She heard a third voice. And she knew it; for ever since the two of them had planted the tree together, she had been close to Mr. Mason. He had been like the father she had never had and to him; she was the only child he had left.

She had not known he was there for she had not seen him when she had been in the garden.

"It is a miracle," she heard him say.

She knew he was crying. Something which she did not think she had ever known him to do.

His voice was broken.

Daisy paused. She was not one to defy orders. Mr Carson trusted her to do as she was told. But it felt as if her feet were stuck in the ground. If it was the _miracle _she hoped it was.

No. Not that was the dream she had a long time ago and she had to let it go, it was not going to be... it couldn't be.

"Four ... five years!" she heard Mrs Hughes sob.

And Mrs. Hughes never sobbed.

_Five years ago... five years ago..._

"Where is Daisy? We sent for her at least ten minutes ago!"

"Should one of you go and tell her I am here? It is going to be quite a shock for her."

And it was. She knew that voice. It had been the music of her heart.

It was** his** voice.

She had known he was not dead. In her heart she had always known he was going to come back to her. He was a man of his word. And they were in love.

But her feet were stuck to the ground. How was she going to get to him?

Sinking to the floor, she felt her heart race and was only vaguely aware of the noise she had made when she had fallen, her knees weak. She was not going to get to him. She couldn't.

Had she given up hope? She had known he was not dead, but she had begun to fear...

But perhaps none of that mattered any more. She had heard his voice for the first time in five years.

He was home. That was what mattered.

X x x

It had been a very tiring journey home for William Mason. For the soldiers who had not been captured in the first years of the war, the journey back had been long enough. For those who had it had seemed an eternity.

They had had to wait a lot longer - it had taken months for them to even begin to move out of the camps. In the time which they had been waiting, Private Mason had written letters home to his wife to be and to his father. It was only when he had got back to the farm that he leant not only had those letters not managed to find their way home - but neither had any of the others he had written to try and reassure them that he was alright - or as well as he could be. He had been writing to his father as regularly as he could - but it was only that day he had learnt his efforts had been in vain. The poor man had all but collapsed when he saw the face of his son. When he saw that his boy was very much alive...

The two of them had spent - well, William was not sure how long - sobbing into one another's arms, the like of which they had not done since they had lost his dear departed mother. Since the day she had died they were all the other had, save for Daisy. And both in the past year, both had been tormented by the thought they were never going to see one another again.

As far as the farmer had been concerned, there was no worse fate.

Not in the whole of the world.

The only one which had never been able to equal that for William was the thought that just as he was never going to get back to his dad, nor was he going to get back to Daisy. The two of them had wasted so much time.

As soon as he heard a crash from the hall he knew she _knew_. He left Mr Carson and his father's side to walk through the hall and he felt as if he was a ghost, as he walked the path which he had once known so very well.

He had to look a bit like a ghost as well or so it felt. His captivity had not been as hard as some, but he was no longer the very image of the healthy young country boy he had been once upon a time.

His hair was matted. His skin was sallow. His teeth ached with pain.

But he was still her William... or at least that was what her eyes said when they landed on him.

They just looked at one another for a moment, after he had turned the corner. There were no eyes watching them. No one else in the whole world at that moment. So much had changed. They both had changed.

But their hearts had not.

Tentatively, William bent down to Daisy. She had tears rolling down her cheeks - and he knew he did too.

He reached out for her. Leaning into the hand that cupped her cheek, Daisy sighed. "You came home to me."

"I said that I would, didn't I?" he asked gently.

She nodded - and then threw herself forward into him.

Daisy wasn't sure if it was minutes or hours which passed before they moved. Then again, she wasn't sure it mattered.

He was home. He was home. He was home.

"You're here," she sighed as she clung to him and they rock back and forth.

"I love you so much, I love you," William cried as he ran a hand through her hair.

He was home. He was with her. He was safe.

_Please review!_

Author Note: Hey guys! Just to let you know, as some of you have sussed out already, I am wrapping up WH now. In fact, all I have left to post is my epilogue, which will be titled 'A Father Muses'.

I can't voice for the historical accuracy of this chapter (with William in the camp), and hope it wasn't too predictable, though I know I have hinted to it more than once along the way. I just suppose I wanted to give this story a 'happily ever after' end, for everyone, upstairs and down. Hope you liked it : )


	41. Epilogue: A Father Muses

**Epilogue: A Father Muses**

"And they all lived in peace and tranquillity - till the end of their days."

Before Robert could ever finish reading his son a story, Robbie had fallen asleep, tucked up as he was in the crook of his father's arm. When the girls had been small, the earl had not made enough time for them - he had not tucked them in to bed often enough, or so he saw it now. He was not going to miss any more time with his boy and so had taken over night time duties from Cora.

That year, Cora and Robert stayed in the country side at Downton, from January through to December. They'd chosen to skip the season all together. It was not how it had been before the war. Mary and Matthew were having fun in London, but the Strallans and the Branson's were not there with them. Edith due to her tiny son Philip demanding her attention and Sybil and Tom because... well, neither felt it was very 'them'. Sybil had enjoyed it while she had been young but Tom had never been part of that scene.

Nor would he ever be. He may be accepted at Downton, but he did not think society as a whole was going to take to him too well.

Besides, it was not going to be very long now until they had a tiny child of their own to care for.

Robert felt a smile play on his lips as he looked down at the boy in the crook of his arm. He might be his heir but he was first and foremost his son and, for now, at least, he was still his baby too.

Somehow, the war had not robbed him of his childhood which Robert thought was quite remarkable. He had been surrounded by convalescing soldiers throughout, and yet he had treated them as if they were part of the furniture. From what he had been told, they had found his son a rather comical little fellow, not an annoyance.

He was sure Robbie had had his moments. But he was proud of him.

Robert kissed his head as he slide off the bed and made sure the duvet was wrapped tightly about his son so he'd be warm enough. Robert ruffled the boy's hair gently before leaving him to his dreams. With a finally affectionate glance at his son, he left the room and closed the door quietly as to not wake him.

Walking down the corridor, the earl turned into his dressing room, glad to find Bates was there already.

"Her ladyship and I are going to be having an early night."

"Yes, milord," said John with a big smile on his face.

Robert questioned him silently.

"Emily walked for the first time today. Anna and I were both there... it was... a very proud moment. My little girl is growing up."

"That is something to smile about, that's wonderful news Bates!"

"It really is."

"The new generation is manifesting itself," said Robert twenty minutes later as he walked into the room he and his wife shared. She greeted him with a smile.

"It certainly is."

"How were the Strallans today?"

"Edith is a little tired and Philip is a darling. Poor Anthony is running himself ragged over the two of them, but Rosie is being a dear - she absolutely dotes on her baby brother. But she misses Robbie still," Cora added sympathetically.

"The two of them were raised together."

A silence fell between them as they wrapped their arms about one another after he had climbed into bed, a perfect peace and quiet between them.

"Do you think Mary and Matthew are having a good time in London?"

"The letter which arrived today said they were. Oh, and Sybil wrote too. She and Tom will arrive back from Ireland next week. I think our in laws might be coming too." It was high time they met Tom's mother and father.

"She won't be able to travel again before she has the child."

"I know," Cora grinned like the cat who got the cream. That was exactly what she wanted, she mused as he squeezed her. "That was a big sigh," she commented having both heard and felt the vibration through her husband.

Looking up at him, she smiled, a smile that only got bigger when stroked her cheek with his thumb. Hers was the dearest face in the entire world. "I'm just so happy. Our girls are safe and loved. Our son is growing into a fine child... and I have never been as in love with you as I am right now."

Leaning up, she brushed her lips to his. "I love you too."

The same moonlight that flooded their room in that moment also smiled down on the Bates' cottage, where Anna lay in bed with her daughter sleeping in her arms, waiting for John to return. Curtains however kept it out of the Mason's cottage, allowing Daisy and William the privacy they had been denied for the past five years. However, if one stood outside, giggles could be heard.

Ten miles away, Loxley was peaceful, the master of the house asleep in a chair by the fire with his adored daughter in his arms and his cherished son in the Moses basket by his side. His wife stood in the doorway in her nightgown, just smiling loving at her family. Her perfect world.

In Eaton Square, Mr and Mrs Crawley shut their bedroom door and begun to take one another's clothes off eagerly, still very much the newlyweds having returned from a wonderful night out, while in a little room in Dublin, the Branson's smiled at one another every now again as they begun packing to return to England.

"All is well that ends well," Mrs Hughes sighed as she turned the lights off in the hallways downstairs in Downton Abbey. The day and dinner had been a success. It had been a quiet affair, with only three Crawleys residing at Downton now, but it was a small kind of achievement nevertheless.

Reaching out, she intertwined her fingers with those of Charles Carson as he took her hand.

He pressed his lips to her forehead confidently, knowing the hall boys were all in bed already.

"It certainly is, my dear." Stroking the arm of the hand she was holding, she curled into Charles as he headed to his room... and she went with him.

_The End_

**Author Note:** You guys did order a Happily Ever After with a big side of fluff right?

Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story and am kinda sad it's over. It was my first Downton plot (I started writing this for Nano 2010!) which makes it my DA baby; I've made some great friends while I've been writing it and you guys have been so supportive! Thank you so much.

I really hope you liked the end!

**Headcanons for the future**: Tom and Sybil had a baby girl, Rosie was a WAF during the war and aged sixteen, Emily Bates fell in love with Robert Crawley the younger. She would die in 1997, with the full honour owed to her station as Dowager Countess of Grantham.


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